(no subject)
I wish I could just hide from the world some days. I wish I didn’t have to worry about food and the way it makes me look after I eat anything even if its just a salad. I hate the fact that I am discussed with the way I look but I am fixed on purging and working out two times a day. Its only 3:30 and I have already purged 3 times today but only ate about 400 calories. Some days are better than others but every day includes purging. My desire to fight my ED just dies and pulls all of my energy out of me. The appeal of starving myself is almost irresistible, to be light and empty feels so great. The blissful state of starvation...pointed hip bones and a concave stomach... Frail little arms and bird legs... In that state...the only thing that matters is my weight. No food tastes as good as it feels to be thin. This is not the person I am meant to be, I have the potentional to be beautiful and sadly it involves my ED. I go through everyday wondering “who is going to figure out that I have an ED” and “what will their reaction be.” I am very quiet about what I do…so quiet in fact that I have never told my BF of 4 months that I purge every day about 5 times a day and not think twice about it…today is just another day…