(no subject)
“You should have told us. You should have told me,” she pauses for a moment and you rub your eyes, trying hard to focus on what is happening right in front of you. She seems agitated but in your fatigued state, you are unable to figure out what you have done. “What were you thinking, keeping it to yourself for so long?”
“I…uh…” you mumble, suppressing a yawn. Then you pull her inside, “Come on, you can yell at me in here. No need to wake up my neighbors, too.”
She looks up at you, incredulity settling on her face. “How can you possibly sleep?” she asks, her voice rising with each word.
Before you can stop yourself, you utter, “Easy, you close your eyes and count to ten.”
That earns you a slap on the arm and you could swear she can hardly restrain herself from hitting you again. You step away, putting some distance between you. “You want something to drink?” you ask, trying to change the subject to get her to calm down.
“No,” she shakes her head furiously. She takes a few steps closer to you and before you know it, she’s shoving you backwards until your back hits the door. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“It’s no big deal, really,” you say, immediately regretting your choice of words when you see anger flickering in her eyes.
“No big deal?” she growls, her voice dangerously low and you know you’re in trouble now. “That psychopath is threatening you and it’s not a big deal?”
“Jill,” you try only to be hit again; this time more forcefully quickly followed by a ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’. Anticipating another blow, you grab her wrists and hold her captive. “Would you calm down?” Your shoulder is hurting now and you really want to rub the place where she hit you, maybe soothing it, but you know better than to release her now.
“No,” she replies, her face one of stern resolve, almost like a petulant child waiting to get their way.
“I didn’t want you to worry, okay?” You look at her, just a bit impatient, while you wait for her to see your point of view. She doesn’t falter and only struggles to free herself. Tightening your grip, you ask, “Could you please stop?”
“We might have worried, but we still would like to know such things, you know,” she snaps at you and it’s clear you haven’t won any points so far.
“Last time you didn’t,” you reply harsher than you intended, knowing just where it would hurt. But if you’re going to get shouted at, it’s only fair that she gets her share as well.
Her jaw clenches and if looks could kill, you’d be in a really bad position now. “This,” she grinds out, “is so not the same thing. That guy is practically threatening your life and you don’t have enough courtesy to let us know.”
You swallow hard, feeling her rapid pulse just beneath your fingertips and you can tell just how worked up she is. “I’m sorry,” you say, surprised by how easy the words come out.
“You should have told me,” she repeats, this time quieter and when you mumble ‘I know’ the fight leaves her. She looks at you, defeat written all over her face. “You don’t trust me anymore.” It may have been meant as a question, but it sounds more like a statement. She turns away, her focus being on anything and everything that isn’t you, refusing to make eye contact again.
You let go of her wrists, tentatively at first to be certain she has calmed down, and then gently turn her head to make her look at you. “I do trust you,” you say, brushing away some stray hair from over her eyes.
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is hoarse and raspy and you can tell she’s close to crying.
“To protect you,” you reply softly. “I swear, all I wanted was for you not to worry.”
When tears start to well up in her eyes, you know you failed with that. She quickly wipes her eyes, not wanting you to see but it’s futile and only makes the tears run more freely down her cheeks. “I don’t want anything happening to you,” she mumbles quietly and you don’t know how to console her.
The best thing you can think of, is pulling her closer, wrapping your arms around her tightly. You can feel her shiver against you, feel your shirt getting wet from her tears and hear the muffled sobs. Pressing her even closer into you, you start rubbing circles on her back, hoping to have at least a somewhat soothing effect. In the end, you can only hold her and wait for her to tire herself out.
After what feels like forever, she pulls away slightly. “Promise me to be careful?” She’s leaning into your embrace again before you can answer.
You press a soft kiss to her temple, then whisper, “I will.”
“If something happens…” she breaks off, unable to finish and she’s close to getting all worked up again. “I…”
“Shh,” you hush her. You push against her shoulders lightly until she looks at you. “Let’s get you some sleep, okay?”
She nods. “You better not even think about making me sleep on the couch, though,” she grumbles and you laugh.
“You’ve got yourself a deal there,” you grin and she shoves you playfully.
Then she grows more serious. “We still have to talk.”
“In the morning,” you promise.