Don't you realize (5/?)
Title: Don't you realize? (5/?)
Author: littleangelmary
Pairing: Izzie/Addison
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: Sometimes it takes a little longer...
Comments are much appreciated :)
Chapter 5
Each day, the list of people to avoid seemed to grow longer. First George, and though he had started avoiding her, the need became mutual. Then Addison. And two days ago, Alex. She really had no idea how to keep up with that. It was exhausting to say the least. And she desperately wanted someone to talk about this.
That was when she realized that she pretty much was alone in this. The one person she would go to was the person with whom all this mess had started. She missed George, but more importantly, she missed her best friend. The one she could always talk to, the one she could tell about what happened with Addison. But no, she had to go and sleep with him. Which consequently left her alone.
She could tell no one about the thing with George. Even less about the thing with Addison. She couldn’t tell Meredith for obvious reason, she couldn’t tell Cristina , well, because she was Cristina and neither Alex since it was more than weird to talk to an ex-boyfriend about such things. Though, maybe one second thought, Alex was not that bad of a choice.
Izzie shook her head, clearing it from all the thoughts which considered telling Alex. That would only lead to one more bad choice on her part. Now, she only needed to find a way to keep him from annoying her with questions about her behavior. When he had driven her home, he had asked what had happened between her and Addison. When she had denied that anything had happened, he had only laughed and told her to stop lying as it was more than obvious. She had only shaken her head in response, saying ‘whatever’ and had left the car. He hadn’t stopped asking her since.
All of this resulted in having now three people she didn’t want to cross paths with. Not quite an easy task to manage. It was also the first day that she wasn’t able to work in the clinic with made it even harder. At least she had been lucky to get chosen to work with Dr. Shepard and not Addison. But she knew, soon she would run out of luck.
Sighing lightly, she went back to prep the patient for his surgery later. Maybe being in surgery would stop her from thinking about anything else except medicine. And she really felt she needed this now. The longer, the better.
“Dr. Stevens?” She heard Dr. Shepard call her name and the slight irritation in his voice indicated that he must have been talking to her before.
“I’m sorry,” She said, giving him an apologetic look.
“I asked you to get me some charts I left on the counter,” He repeated and added with a light frown, “Are you okay? You seem a bit off?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” She nodded and left the room to get the charts. Hopefully, he wouldn’t continue asking questions, especially questions she couldn’t answer.
When she arrived at the counter, she saw Addison coming her way, and she clearly had seen her, too. Quickly, she took the charts and turned to leave but Addison was already next to her, grabbed her arm and pulled her into the nearest storage room and shut the door. She remained standing in front of it so that it was impossible for Izzie to leave.
Izzie needed a minute to get over the first shock and then looked at Addison incredulously, “What the hell?”
“We need to talk,” Addison stated matter-of-factly.
“I really don’t have time for that now,” Izzie left out an huff of air, angry staring at Addison. Though she wasn’t so much as angry at Addison as at her self for letting Addison drag her into this room.
“You’re always busy with something,” Addison replied. She was staring at her, her lips tightly pressed together and Izzie could see that this was bothering her. She wished she could care, she really wished, but she simply didn’t have the strength anymore. Too much had happened and she just wanted a little rest, being free from her own feelings, mostly guilt ridden, and free of caring about other people’s feelings.
“Well, that should give you some kind of clue,” Izzie said nastily and regretted her words as soon as she saw hurt register on Addison’s face. But only a moment later it was gone, replaced by a hard look.
“It does, and I couldn’t care less,” Addison snapped, “I want to talk about what happened.”
“I really need to get this chart to Dr. Shepard,” Izzie said in a now almost pleading voice, hoping this would convince Addison to let her leave. She should have known better.
“I’m sure he survives without them a couple of minutes longer, and if he asks, you can tell him I had to talk to you,” Addison told her and Izzie knew she had lost that battle but she would be damned if she lost the war. Certainly not without fighting.
“You want me to tell him what about?” Izzie asked and tried to put on some kind of smug look.
Addison just smiled lightly and shrugged, “If you want to,” knowing it was more than unlikely that Izzie would truly do that.
When Izzie didn’t reply to that and just kept staring to the wall next to Addison as if there was something really fascinating happening, Addison asked more softly, “Can we talk now?”
“I don’t really know what there’s to talk about,” Izzie said flatly, her eyes finding everything but Addison. She just wanted to leave this room, not thinking about what it might have meant or what it could mean. If it had been more than sex. Whatever it was, Izzie didn’t want to explore it, find it out. She wanted to forget, move on.
She was sick of talking. Sick of being told things with her were a mistake, or being cheated on. Which opened another interesting question. Was it worse being cheated on or being the cheater? And where did Addison fit in all this? Drunken one-night-stand or was there actually something more? Though, did it really matter? She didn’t want any relationship at this point, there was too much baggage to jump right into something that probably would only prove to be another one of her many mistakes. But then, she was getting far ahead of herself, she didn’t even know what Addison was thinking about that.
“Well, I do,” Addison started but was cut of by Izzie.
“It was sex, nothing more. I was drunk, needed comfort and you were there. It’s as easy as that,” Izzie managed to say with as much coldness as she could. Some part of her wanted to hurt Addison just so she would stop running after her, she needed to push her away for her own good.
“That’s it?” Addison asked, the hurt Izzie had cause more than evident in her voice.
“Yep,” Izzie nodded, keeping her eyes fixated on the floor.
“I don’t believe you,” Addison said, slightly shaking. Izzie didn’t know whether it was from pain or anger, but she hoped for the second. She hated hurting people and maybe, Addison’s anger would be easer to take.
“Well, that’s not my problem, is it?” Izzie was able to look in her eyes for the first time and she could see tears glittering. Struck by even more guilt, Izzie mumbled a soft ‘I’m sorry’ and then pushed Addison gently away from the door, leaving the moment she could open it. Hiding in the next empty room she found, she let her tears run down her face.