(no subject)
Title: Black
Summary: I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, as usual. The pups belong to JK.
A/N: This is written for the wonderful just_heidi and her Sirius, who have been keeping me and my Remus rather sane over the last months. *huggles*
When Sirius had been young, he had been taught that the Black family was an old respected family and that people usually followed what they told them to do. It was all that Sirius believed in until he got into Hogwarts and got sorted into Gryffindor. That small sorting turned his whole life around and suddenly it felt like that all that he had learned was simply a lie and that he had to learn everything a new. It was James who showed him that having fun on the weekends wasn’t forbidden, Remus that werewolves could be good friends too and even Peter that friends stuck together no matter who they were. It showed however how different his parents were to him, and how quickly he was growing apart from them.
At first everything still seemed to be alright, and when Sirius returned home after the first year with a broad grin on his face, feeling still so excited that he was babbling for hours to no end until his father had cursed him silent. From there on everything had turned downhill. Sirius was forbidden to stay in contact with any of his friends, and if it hadn’t been for Dumbledore he would have been transferred right into Durmstrang. His parents stopped paying attention to him, calling him the black sheep and if they ever talked to him, they were trying to tell Sirius how wrong he was and that he should finally learn how to make his parents proud.
Sirius, having been born stubborn as he was, didn’t follow his parents’ wishes. He had seen how wrong they were, and he never wanted to end up being the same. Until his fifth year he had thought that he was doing quite a good job, which was until Severus Snape had riled him up so much that he had told him Remus’s secret. He could still remember the night clearly as if it had been yesterday, and while he had never had nightmares before in his life, that night plagued his mind more then just once. His parents were glad, sending him one owl after another; praising him for finally choosing the right side and that during the next summer they would introduce him to someone who would lead him to even more greatness.
He couldn’t feel happy however, how could he after doing such a fatal mistake. It took a month before James started talking to him again, and as the fifth year came to an end Remus still wasn’t talking to him and Sirius didn’t know what was worst, losing his family or losing his best friend because of a stupid mistake he had done. It was then, on the train ride home, that Sirius wondered if the Black blood had finally caught up with him, if he wasn’t really the one he tried to be and that if he maybe should follow his parent’s wishes after all. But the longer he thought about that option the more it scared him, knowing that he would lose all his friends in process, and maybe one day would end up having to fight against them, something that he never wanted to.
So without unpacking his trunk, he told his parents on his first night home that he was going to leave and that they would never have to see him again. It of course had ended up into a fight, and Sirius couldn’t remember feeling such a lot of pain before, but he had then somehow managed to get himself on to his broom and flew for the rest of the night over to James’s place. Sirius couldn’t remember the next two days that followed, he only knew that when he woke up a new life had started for him and that he was going to try anything to get Remus’s friendship back again.
It took Sirius the rest of the summer holidays, and a lot of grovelling during the first week of school until Remus talked to him again. Once Sirius had gotten Remus’s friendship back, he tried his best to keep it like that. He tried his hardest not to prank people that much, help Remus in transfigurations when he needed it, and simply sit with him in the evenings when everyone else had already gone to bed. And while Sirius did those things he noticed something about himself, namely that he was falling in love with Remus Lupin. And while that thought was rather scary, not that Remus was a guy and werewolf, but that it was his best friends, and best friends shouldn’t be looked at like the next possible shagging partner, Sirius felt like he had found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and he never wanted to lose that feeling again.
So halfway through their sixth year, Sirius attempted to start flirting with Remus. At first the werewolf didn’t seem to notice, and after a while when Sirius was ready of giving up on it Remus responded. It was only a little response, but it was enough to keep Sirius going. They kissed the first time the consistent rain had stopped in early spring, and he promised Remus the world telling himself over and over again that he wasn’t a Black, and that he would show his parents how happy he could be without them.
And that was where it brought him now, in bed with Remus in his arms fast sleep, looking like an angel that had fallen from earth. The Black name still haunted him with every step he took, but he learned to deal with it and how it could also be used to his advantage. And he knew that as long as Remus was there with him, the world would never be entirely Black.
Summary: I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, as usual. The pups belong to JK.
A/N: This is written for the wonderful just_heidi and her Sirius, who have been keeping me and my Remus rather sane over the last months. *huggles*
When Sirius had been young, he had been taught that the Black family was an old respected family and that people usually followed what they told them to do. It was all that Sirius believed in until he got into Hogwarts and got sorted into Gryffindor. That small sorting turned his whole life around and suddenly it felt like that all that he had learned was simply a lie and that he had to learn everything a new. It was James who showed him that having fun on the weekends wasn’t forbidden, Remus that werewolves could be good friends too and even Peter that friends stuck together no matter who they were. It showed however how different his parents were to him, and how quickly he was growing apart from them.
At first everything still seemed to be alright, and when Sirius returned home after the first year with a broad grin on his face, feeling still so excited that he was babbling for hours to no end until his father had cursed him silent. From there on everything had turned downhill. Sirius was forbidden to stay in contact with any of his friends, and if it hadn’t been for Dumbledore he would have been transferred right into Durmstrang. His parents stopped paying attention to him, calling him the black sheep and if they ever talked to him, they were trying to tell Sirius how wrong he was and that he should finally learn how to make his parents proud.
Sirius, having been born stubborn as he was, didn’t follow his parents’ wishes. He had seen how wrong they were, and he never wanted to end up being the same. Until his fifth year he had thought that he was doing quite a good job, which was until Severus Snape had riled him up so much that he had told him Remus’s secret. He could still remember the night clearly as if it had been yesterday, and while he had never had nightmares before in his life, that night plagued his mind more then just once. His parents were glad, sending him one owl after another; praising him for finally choosing the right side and that during the next summer they would introduce him to someone who would lead him to even more greatness.
He couldn’t feel happy however, how could he after doing such a fatal mistake. It took a month before James started talking to him again, and as the fifth year came to an end Remus still wasn’t talking to him and Sirius didn’t know what was worst, losing his family or losing his best friend because of a stupid mistake he had done. It was then, on the train ride home, that Sirius wondered if the Black blood had finally caught up with him, if he wasn’t really the one he tried to be and that if he maybe should follow his parent’s wishes after all. But the longer he thought about that option the more it scared him, knowing that he would lose all his friends in process, and maybe one day would end up having to fight against them, something that he never wanted to.
So without unpacking his trunk, he told his parents on his first night home that he was going to leave and that they would never have to see him again. It of course had ended up into a fight, and Sirius couldn’t remember feeling such a lot of pain before, but he had then somehow managed to get himself on to his broom and flew for the rest of the night over to James’s place. Sirius couldn’t remember the next two days that followed, he only knew that when he woke up a new life had started for him and that he was going to try anything to get Remus’s friendship back again.
It took Sirius the rest of the summer holidays, and a lot of grovelling during the first week of school until Remus talked to him again. Once Sirius had gotten Remus’s friendship back, he tried his best to keep it like that. He tried his hardest not to prank people that much, help Remus in transfigurations when he needed it, and simply sit with him in the evenings when everyone else had already gone to bed. And while Sirius did those things he noticed something about himself, namely that he was falling in love with Remus Lupin. And while that thought was rather scary, not that Remus was a guy and werewolf, but that it was his best friends, and best friends shouldn’t be looked at like the next possible shagging partner, Sirius felt like he had found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and he never wanted to lose that feeling again.
So halfway through their sixth year, Sirius attempted to start flirting with Remus. At first the werewolf didn’t seem to notice, and after a while when Sirius was ready of giving up on it Remus responded. It was only a little response, but it was enough to keep Sirius going. They kissed the first time the consistent rain had stopped in early spring, and he promised Remus the world telling himself over and over again that he wasn’t a Black, and that he would show his parents how happy he could be without them.
And that was where it brought him now, in bed with Remus in his arms fast sleep, looking like an angel that had fallen from earth. The Black name still haunted him with every step he took, but he learned to deal with it and how it could also be used to his advantage. And he knew that as long as Remus was there with him, the world would never be entirely Black.