014. Drunken Images.
For the past few weeks without my camera it's been insanely difficult to just do what I really would like to. My eyes have been seeing the most disturbing objects lately, & just when my mind starts to realize that what it sees in simply astonishing, I remember my camera is in the shop, & all I have is my eyes to capture them. I feel like I've been letting a lot of people down lately. Just when I feel like I've made a good effort to try & present myself differently, I get weird vibes. I hate being alone, but the thought of self freedom sounds so pleasing right now. My true colors are afraid to come out in front of others, & even if they were courageous for a day, it wouldn't matter because no one would seem to care. Yesterday I felt like I was on another planet or dimension by myself. I really felt like I had lost all of my mind, & thoughts on life. Walking into that place never seemed more frightening. I told myself to turn back, sit in the grass, & smoke a cigarette, but for some reason my legs wouldn't stop scuffling over the cold concrete floor. My brain was forced to take in all of the knowledge & all of the stories that were told there, no matter if I wanted to hear them or not. After leaving, I felt like no one really understood the way I felt. I, myself didn't even really understand what I was feeling. All I know is that I've never felt that way before in my entire life. I suppose the substances that I devoured yesterday might of had a large effect on the experience as well.