(no subject)
(sorry if the pic's a bit cheesy; it's the best way I could think of illustrating it ;P )
Ever feel like this? Anyone?
I know this is something I've written about from time to time, and for sure I'm not the only person in the world in a similar situation, but really, it's such a big part of me. I guess I didn't realize it as much until I went down to Chile this year to spend the holidays with my in-laws.
To fill you in: my in-laws are currently living in Chile for work reasons since this past summer. Admirably, they've taken it upon themselves to learn Spanish so they can better be integrated into the country while they're there (I say "admirably" because I know a lot of people in their place would probably not bother. But they do...so they're awesome). But of course, any Chilean can tell they're not from around ;)
So, Alex and I come down for a few weeks, and while we're there I find myself involved in a very funny and strange dynamic: I'm originally Venezuelan (meaning of course that I speak Spanish), but I'm with my husband and in-laws who are Canadian through and through. In many situations when my in-laws' Spanish wasn't enough to carry them through, I'd step in and help out. Many of the locals thought at first I was a hired interpreter or something (not uncommon), but when they'd find out we were actually together, then I'd get questions like "how come your Spanish is so good?"
Uh, what?
So I almost always felt compelled to tell my whole little story: "born and raised in Venezuela til I was 16, moved to the US, then to Canada for school, and later again after getting married. Oh yeah, and I'm married to a Canadian."
I just don't have a short answer to that one...if you can come up with one let me know =/
So, what's the big deal, you may say? If I was born in Venezuela, why don't I just answer "I'm from Venezuela" and leave it at that? That's how I started, actually, and I don't mean just when I was down in Chile. Actually, things became a bit more complicated when I moved to Canada: If I said I was from the States, they'd think I was born and raised there; if I said I was from Venezuela, they'd assume I had just come from there. Add to that another country I was visiting that shares my native tongue while I'm hanging out with English-speaking relatives, and yeah...the answer to "where are you from" just got less and less straightforward.
What I find the funniest of all is that my Spanish speaking was put into question, not my English. It's my first language; seriously! It actually reminds me of a time when I went to visit Venezuela (2001, I think?) and a friend of my cousin complimented my Spanish. I felt very offended at the time (this happened at my own country of birth, darnit!!), but now I can look back and laugh it off.
And thinking along those lines, it recently dawned on me that at this point I've been almost half of my life living away from my homeland: the last bit of my teenage years plus whatever I've got going on with my adulthood has been spent in North America. If I were to go back to Venezuela, the land where I come from, I'd be pretty useless trying to run my life as a grown-up down there, honestly. I wouldn't have the first clue as to how to do it. So even if my roots started up there, I don't feel like I really truly belong there anymore.
And yet, as I live the rest of my life in the US and/or Canada, I'm bound to be regarded at as a foreigner for the rest of my life. Figure that one out. It's like I'm a foreigner no matter what I do or where I go at this point.
I don't mean any of this as a complaint, by the way...just something that's been on my mind. I feel extremely fortunate with all the opportunities my family and I have had in life so far: the places we've seen and lived in, the people we've met...
I just really wish I had a short answer to that question "where are you from?"!
Maybe I'll just come up with my own country name; my own anthem and flag too.
That should do it. ;)