(no subject)
Today I bumped myself into yet another instance of a very important lesson I need to learn: letting go.
It was through an instance at work; I was doing a task that involved creative effort, and I was having a hard time allowing myself to receive help. I didn't think I needed it (well, perhaps not right off the bat), and I was anxious to get this thing going...but it did make me realize that darnit, this is a team effort; I gotta let others in.
Then I realized how incredibly individualistic all my assignments at college had been anyway...with the couple of group projects not being all that successful in helping us learn to work as a team. And whatdoyouknow, animation is all about team effort.
So I gotta learn to unclench my fists and allow stuff to be shared and delegated and trusted to other people. Yikes. And it's not that I think I'm better than others; I just...I dunno, can't help to have some sort of attachment.
My boss referred to me as an "overachiever." He mentioned it with a casual tone, but in all seriousness he told me I had to learn to let go. IknowIknowIknowIknowIknow. Argh. I never thought it'd be so darn hard.
And again, this "letting go" business has come up repeatedly in different aspects of my life...it's an insanely recurring thing. During voice lessons at community college, I wouldn't let my throat relax and let myself sing naturally because I was too afraid of failure...so my instructor adviced me to learn to let go. During the bit of Aikido lessons that I took back in high school, all my movements were clumsy and stiff due to the same fear of messing up, and my sensei adviced me to learn to let go. During life drawing at Sheridan, Gerry (my teacher) told me to just relax and let go.
But just...argh, how to actually do it? I care too much about being successful...I hate failing. I feel that failing will earn me tons of people pointing at me and laughing, snickering, calling me names (whoa did that last sentence bring back childhood memories or what!).
Still...I can't let these silly insecurities get the best of me. I wanna be a good team player. I wanna be able to let go...to take that leap of faith.
Well, in my work's current situation it looks like it'll be something I'll just have to learn. Gulp. Here goes...
It was through an instance at work; I was doing a task that involved creative effort, and I was having a hard time allowing myself to receive help. I didn't think I needed it (well, perhaps not right off the bat), and I was anxious to get this thing going...but it did make me realize that darnit, this is a team effort; I gotta let others in.
Then I realized how incredibly individualistic all my assignments at college had been anyway...with the couple of group projects not being all that successful in helping us learn to work as a team. And whatdoyouknow, animation is all about team effort.
So I gotta learn to unclench my fists and allow stuff to be shared and delegated and trusted to other people. Yikes. And it's not that I think I'm better than others; I just...I dunno, can't help to have some sort of attachment.
My boss referred to me as an "overachiever." He mentioned it with a casual tone, but in all seriousness he told me I had to learn to let go. IknowIknowIknowIknowIknow. Argh. I never thought it'd be so darn hard.
And again, this "letting go" business has come up repeatedly in different aspects of my life...it's an insanely recurring thing. During voice lessons at community college, I wouldn't let my throat relax and let myself sing naturally because I was too afraid of failure...so my instructor adviced me to learn to let go. During the bit of Aikido lessons that I took back in high school, all my movements were clumsy and stiff due to the same fear of messing up, and my sensei adviced me to learn to let go. During life drawing at Sheridan, Gerry (my teacher) told me to just relax and let go.
But just...argh, how to actually do it? I care too much about being successful...I hate failing. I feel that failing will earn me tons of people pointing at me and laughing, snickering, calling me names (whoa did that last sentence bring back childhood memories or what!).
Still...I can't let these silly insecurities get the best of me. I wanna be a good team player. I wanna be able to let go...to take that leap of faith.
Well, in my work's current situation it looks like it'll be something I'll just have to learn. Gulp. Here goes...