Reflecting (Or Fuck, I just found out that I made 'alternate')
The cast list is up for my final UIL one act play. What part did I get? Under study. Has it hit me yet? No. Am I going to be ok? Of course you moron what do you think? This is show biz. these things happen. I was set up to take disappointment and I will make it. I guess I'm glad it's me and not someone else, I'm strong. I can handle this, not everyone can.
All this year I've been terrified of this play. I've been terrified because this is my last chance. My last shot if you will. And I always considered this to be the last play I was going to be in because it's hard to get cast in major productions. Actually have cried over it a little in the past month because of this. It fuckin' depresses me.
Many of our members have said that I'm the best female in the group. I've never fully believed this. However I've always been one of the ones who worked the hardest, I'm also one of the ones who have gotten the littlest credit. Last year I worked my ass off as the Duenna in Cyrano, and I only got one sentence from the judge. 'Great characterization Duenna.' But actually, I'm not even sure if he said that. I kinda remeber him saying even less.
In the end though, it was really the plays that keep me going. When things get rough I normally say 'well hey, at least I have the play.' I guess I still have the play in someway or another....
I look at the cast list once more, the way he caste it, I'm worried about. I would be worried about it even if I got a part. None of the leads have that sisterly connection (we're doing Little Women by the way) that the show needs. It's bad! They're going to need a lot of work if they're going to advance. And even then the play is going to need more than that.
UIL one act is about exactly what it shouldn't be. It's always about the costumes, the set, and sometimes even the dialogue in the play. In short, the richest schools always advance to the next round.
Even the awards for best actor/actress, all star cast, etc are all superficial. It's based on stage time and how many lines you have, not acting ability at all. The whole contest is a sham, something run my the corporates and paper work, just dressed up to look like a fine arts competition.
Yet, still, every year this is my highlight. And since the day I first started doing this play competition freshman year, I would look at everyone on the stage when they are announcing rewards. I would never get sad, not in the least, because every time I watched my fellow cast members walk up for their reward I would always think that someday that would be me. Hope is what kept me going, hope that someday I would be up there on that stage. Even though now I know that will never happen, at least for UIL one act, I still believe that it's better to think 'someday' rather than 'never'.
Maybe this is a sign.
I'm not going to let it end this way. I won't. I'm going to show up to every damn rehearsal. I'm going to go to that theater camp I was considering going to. I'm going to try out for the theater program at the university of houston. I'm going to start to take voice lessons. I'm going to start trying out for more shows in general.
This is life, and this is one of the many disappointments it has with it. But I'm not going to let this keep me down.
All this year I've been terrified of this play. I've been terrified because this is my last chance. My last shot if you will. And I always considered this to be the last play I was going to be in because it's hard to get cast in major productions. Actually have cried over it a little in the past month because of this. It fuckin' depresses me.
Many of our members have said that I'm the best female in the group. I've never fully believed this. However I've always been one of the ones who worked the hardest, I'm also one of the ones who have gotten the littlest credit. Last year I worked my ass off as the Duenna in Cyrano, and I only got one sentence from the judge. 'Great characterization Duenna.' But actually, I'm not even sure if he said that. I kinda remeber him saying even less.
In the end though, it was really the plays that keep me going. When things get rough I normally say 'well hey, at least I have the play.' I guess I still have the play in someway or another....
I look at the cast list once more, the way he caste it, I'm worried about. I would be worried about it even if I got a part. None of the leads have that sisterly connection (we're doing Little Women by the way) that the show needs. It's bad! They're going to need a lot of work if they're going to advance. And even then the play is going to need more than that.
UIL one act is about exactly what it shouldn't be. It's always about the costumes, the set, and sometimes even the dialogue in the play. In short, the richest schools always advance to the next round.
Even the awards for best actor/actress, all star cast, etc are all superficial. It's based on stage time and how many lines you have, not acting ability at all. The whole contest is a sham, something run my the corporates and paper work, just dressed up to look like a fine arts competition.
Yet, still, every year this is my highlight. And since the day I first started doing this play competition freshman year, I would look at everyone on the stage when they are announcing rewards. I would never get sad, not in the least, because every time I watched my fellow cast members walk up for their reward I would always think that someday that would be me. Hope is what kept me going, hope that someday I would be up there on that stage. Even though now I know that will never happen, at least for UIL one act, I still believe that it's better to think 'someday' rather than 'never'.
Maybe this is a sign.
I'm not going to let it end this way. I won't. I'm going to show up to every damn rehearsal. I'm going to go to that theater camp I was considering going to. I'm going to try out for the theater program at the university of houston. I'm going to start to take voice lessons. I'm going to start trying out for more shows in general.
This is life, and this is one of the many disappointments it has with it. But I'm not going to let this keep me down.