L.P.H. LATEST NEWS.
Well latest news...
I've not had much time lately to update in this so I will do it now.
I went to Pennsylvania a little while ago and it was a good trip up until the end.
Amber's mom and Amber got into an arguement and then came the bickering of Jena is taking you
away by asking you to get emancipated. I didn't ask Amber to get emancipated. I want Amber to do what
makes her happy. Not what makes me happy or her mom. Amber's mom went on and on of saying no more Ashley, dee dee or Tammy. I'm sorry but NO!!
FUCK NO!!
All my life I've had my friends taken away from me, the people I care about most. Not this time I'm sorry but it's just not going to happen.
I'm afraid...If I were to move in with Tammy and Dee that leaving Amber behind might not be a good thing.
Yeah, it would give her family time to adjust to what they've never had a chance to have before. But I don't want something to happen to Amber and me not be there for her.
Then there's the thing that if I moved out with Tammy then there's the thought of what's going to happen to me and Matt. I don't want to do to Matt what Trevor did to me. I lost contact with Trevor for an awful long time and when I got contact with him again everything was over. I don't want this with me and Matt. But it is hard because when I move in with Tammy I wouldn't have money right away to buy a cell phone. I could call on Dee's cell but I dunno. I have a pride about using other people's stuff and asking for money. I'm not going to have a choice but to call my brother ricky and ask for some money. I don't know when but my Mom and Dad both have to pay some child support money to whomever I'm living with but I dunno when that will happen. I don't really want their money I want to fucking make it on my own..All on my own like I've always done it...right along with my friends. Fuck man, I dunno. There's just so many little things flying in the air and you can only land one at a time.. *sigh*
I want my friends...(Amber, Ash, Dee, Anthony, Amanda, Brittany, Adam, Kyler, Tammy, Darrell, Robert,and even Trevor).. I want to keep them all, and most of all I don't want to lose what I have with Matt...not again...I swear by my heart that if this love dies then there is no love. Only love between friends, that's the only love that exists. I just don't know what to do. DCF doesn't give me much of a choice. It's like as long as they know where I am then it's fine. But when something happens and I just can't deal and I need to leave then they say no... I know I runaway from things...You know why? Cuz I'm tired of dealing with the same old shit over and over again. It's like a rollercoaster you have your ups and downs...and like the ride begins it also ends. Like life. Everything is just a peice of life's great puzzle that no one, even the wise men do not figure out. You can try and try and there's never really a solution to the greatest problem. Just back doors that lead to a smaller problem.
Whatever I'm done rambling..
Dee Dee and Ash came over tonight while amber's mom was at work.
I missed them so much... We peirced dee's lip it was great. I gauged my left ear to a 2 to match my other one, then Amber gauged Ash's ear to a 14 or something. It was fun. I missed them so much...Fuck I miss everyone dude. Everyone I had...I don't get to see hardly at all. I miss Matt an awful lot... My friends and him are the only things that keep this broken heart beating... I'm ready to disappear sanity has fled far from here.... (note to self I miss you terribly, this is what we call a tragedy come back to me, to me) ::sigh:: The questions remains will I ever belong in someone's heart, in a home...anywhere...
Beautifully broken,
L.P.H.
I've not had much time lately to update in this so I will do it now.
I went to Pennsylvania a little while ago and it was a good trip up until the end.
Amber's mom and Amber got into an arguement and then came the bickering of Jena is taking you
away by asking you to get emancipated. I didn't ask Amber to get emancipated. I want Amber to do what
makes her happy. Not what makes me happy or her mom. Amber's mom went on and on of saying no more Ashley, dee dee or Tammy. I'm sorry but NO!!
FUCK NO!!
All my life I've had my friends taken away from me, the people I care about most. Not this time I'm sorry but it's just not going to happen.
I'm afraid...If I were to move in with Tammy and Dee that leaving Amber behind might not be a good thing.
Yeah, it would give her family time to adjust to what they've never had a chance to have before. But I don't want something to happen to Amber and me not be there for her.
Then there's the thing that if I moved out with Tammy then there's the thought of what's going to happen to me and Matt. I don't want to do to Matt what Trevor did to me. I lost contact with Trevor for an awful long time and when I got contact with him again everything was over. I don't want this with me and Matt. But it is hard because when I move in with Tammy I wouldn't have money right away to buy a cell phone. I could call on Dee's cell but I dunno. I have a pride about using other people's stuff and asking for money. I'm not going to have a choice but to call my brother ricky and ask for some money. I don't know when but my Mom and Dad both have to pay some child support money to whomever I'm living with but I dunno when that will happen. I don't really want their money I want to fucking make it on my own..All on my own like I've always done it...right along with my friends. Fuck man, I dunno. There's just so many little things flying in the air and you can only land one at a time.. *sigh*
I want my friends...(Amber, Ash, Dee, Anthony, Amanda, Brittany, Adam, Kyler, Tammy, Darrell, Robert,and even Trevor).. I want to keep them all, and most of all I don't want to lose what I have with Matt...not again...I swear by my heart that if this love dies then there is no love. Only love between friends, that's the only love that exists. I just don't know what to do. DCF doesn't give me much of a choice. It's like as long as they know where I am then it's fine. But when something happens and I just can't deal and I need to leave then they say no... I know I runaway from things...You know why? Cuz I'm tired of dealing with the same old shit over and over again. It's like a rollercoaster you have your ups and downs...and like the ride begins it also ends. Like life. Everything is just a peice of life's great puzzle that no one, even the wise men do not figure out. You can try and try and there's never really a solution to the greatest problem. Just back doors that lead to a smaller problem.
Whatever I'm done rambling..
Dee Dee and Ash came over tonight while amber's mom was at work.
I missed them so much... We peirced dee's lip it was great. I gauged my left ear to a 2 to match my other one, then Amber gauged Ash's ear to a 14 or something. It was fun. I missed them so much...Fuck I miss everyone dude. Everyone I had...I don't get to see hardly at all. I miss Matt an awful lot... My friends and him are the only things that keep this broken heart beating... I'm ready to disappear sanity has fled far from here.... (note to self I miss you terribly, this is what we call a tragedy come back to me, to me) ::sigh:: The questions remains will I ever belong in someone's heart, in a home...anywhere...
Beautifully broken,
L.P.H.