up down all around
been running high octane since the NY gang arrived on Christmas eve. I can barely believe that it was only four days ago.
so much activity.& i've pushed myself into half of it! even when I didn't have to.
things have been extremely bipolar.i've been drinking like mad since they arrived. frequency,not alcohol content thank you very much. & the only difference is that I babble a little less after that second glass of wine is gone.but not less babble by much,even.
it's all good,exept for having broken my promise to Zach,about no substances. but that happened on my birthday,& i've kinda continued it.(not just a one time fluke) & if he reads this,there's the high possibility that despite everything he WON'T come & see me when he's in Los Angeles anyways.
He's leaving San Jose today. he says he'll call once he arrives in the city,anyways.
I just pray he stays the hell away from Bakersfield.Between Basque food,the Red Dragon of the KKK's residence,& it being middle of nowhere;I'm a bit scared for him. Even though he's tough. outnumbered is outnumbered. especially in the middle of nowhere.
been exhausted,& fed very well,given decent amounts of alcohol.
WEnt to the amusement park on the pier for Romeo's birthday yesterday,went to the beach.I took lots of photos & didn't do so bad. I think I had more fun than all of the kids on the rides,too.
I giggled,& laughed,played.Made a big sand angel on the beach,took cute photos of Romey on his 6th birthday.
ate too much of mom-made chocolate on chocolate cake.
bratty kids makming me kinda spaz out,& Steph is 13 days with no smoking.We women are greatly outnumbered,& losing our minds a bit. but we have wine,champagne
Ricky has bronchitis now,of all things! So he's sick,& we really have to shove him back into bed & made him rest.
my bones have been throwing a bitch lately.stress,little sleep,odd eating habits,& even more odd sleeping hours. IT's mostly focused on my ribs & chest,now.it's usually not so bad that I can't hide it.I can still bear to talk,breathe,while it happens.so that's quite mild,comparitively.
I am a big attention whore,I fish for compliments & approval constantly. that makes me a tough person to deal with,often.but I am also very easily appeased,to be honest.hee hee. & you know how to appease me,you lot do.
Romeo is getting so big!I can still carry him,for a short bit.But he's a foot taller than when saw him tow years ago! it scares me just a litle bit,this passage of time that goes completely without us.
Steph has told me that I realy DO need to go out & live my own life,& I know that.But I am still very scared to,honestly.I've been used to making the house work,& doing & moving for everyone else's welfare,sacrificing myself & not giving a damn.That's part of what being a mother is,you know? some part of me can't help myself. & I drive my friends nuts with the degree I try to take care of them. & I notice now that I am generally all too glad to project the fixes for my problems out onto them. I've been trying to stop it,but I can't constantly watch myself & controll my subconcious behavior.
I do it out of insecurity,& love.I'm trying to do what's best. but often I fall kinda short.
much love. physchotic moving must be done.
we girls spoil eachother.
& so we shall continue to,at this rate.Mothering is hectic. but what few cute moments there are,that makes it all worth it.& so,I continue to.
*points finger up in air as to declare an epifany,falls down dead*
so much activity.& i've pushed myself into half of it! even when I didn't have to.
things have been extremely bipolar.i've been drinking like mad since they arrived. frequency,not alcohol content thank you very much. & the only difference is that I babble a little less after that second glass of wine is gone.but not less babble by much,even.
it's all good,exept for having broken my promise to Zach,about no substances. but that happened on my birthday,& i've kinda continued it.(not just a one time fluke) & if he reads this,there's the high possibility that despite everything he WON'T come & see me when he's in Los Angeles anyways.
He's leaving San Jose today. he says he'll call once he arrives in the city,anyways.
I just pray he stays the hell away from Bakersfield.Between Basque food,the Red Dragon of the KKK's residence,& it being middle of nowhere;I'm a bit scared for him. Even though he's tough. outnumbered is outnumbered. especially in the middle of nowhere.
been exhausted,& fed very well,given decent amounts of alcohol.
WEnt to the amusement park on the pier for Romeo's birthday yesterday,went to the beach.I took lots of photos & didn't do so bad. I think I had more fun than all of the kids on the rides,too.
I giggled,& laughed,played.Made a big sand angel on the beach,took cute photos of Romey on his 6th birthday.
ate too much of mom-made chocolate on chocolate cake.
bratty kids makming me kinda spaz out,& Steph is 13 days with no smoking.We women are greatly outnumbered,& losing our minds a bit. but we have wine,champagne
Ricky has bronchitis now,of all things! So he's sick,& we really have to shove him back into bed & made him rest.
my bones have been throwing a bitch lately.stress,little sleep,odd eating habits,& even more odd sleeping hours. IT's mostly focused on my ribs & chest,now.it's usually not so bad that I can't hide it.I can still bear to talk,breathe,while it happens.so that's quite mild,comparitively.
I am a big attention whore,I fish for compliments & approval constantly. that makes me a tough person to deal with,often.but I am also very easily appeased,to be honest.hee hee. & you know how to appease me,you lot do.
Romeo is getting so big!I can still carry him,for a short bit.But he's a foot taller than when saw him tow years ago! it scares me just a litle bit,this passage of time that goes completely without us.
Steph has told me that I realy DO need to go out & live my own life,& I know that.But I am still very scared to,honestly.I've been used to making the house work,& doing & moving for everyone else's welfare,sacrificing myself & not giving a damn.That's part of what being a mother is,you know? some part of me can't help myself. & I drive my friends nuts with the degree I try to take care of them. & I notice now that I am generally all too glad to project the fixes for my problems out onto them. I've been trying to stop it,but I can't constantly watch myself & controll my subconcious behavior.
I do it out of insecurity,& love.I'm trying to do what's best. but often I fall kinda short.
much love. physchotic moving must be done.
we girls spoil eachother.
& so we shall continue to,at this rate.Mothering is hectic. but what few cute moments there are,that makes it all worth it.& so,I continue to.
*points finger up in air as to declare an epifany,falls down dead*