Gravity [2A]
Title: Gravity
Beta: atriums
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama
Summary: One of his rules was that he didn’t sleep with military men, but this man was different.
It felt like an eternity had passed before Yunho opened his mouth and said something.
“Minah, this is my friend Jaejoong,” he spoke calmly before he turned his eyes away from Jaejoong and looked down at his daughter. “Didn’t you and your auntie bake some cookies earlier? Why don’t you put them on the dining table?”
“Okay Daddy!”
In a flash, the little girl had gone away, leaving the two men alone together. Jaejoong looked at Yunho worriedly, his heart thumping in his chest. He hadn’t known the other man had a daughter but that knowledge wasn’t what was worrying him. Although Yunho had told his daughter to set out cookies, that didn’t mean that he would be allowed to come in.
For all he knew, Yunho would take the package from him then shut the door in his face.
“How did you…how did you know I lived here?”
Jaejoong bit his lip, considered telling the truth, but then quickly decided to keep his silence. He handed the package over to Yunho mutely, and the military man took it out of his hands to look at it. Jaejoong waited anxiously for Yunho to say something, and as soon as the latter had finished examining the package, he looked up at Jaejoong.
“Are you going home now?” Yunho asked softly, his eyes not really betraying any expression.
The pianist was silent for a few seconds, unsure of what kind of answer Yunho expected him to give. After deciding that he had no place to intrude any further in Yunho’s personal life, Jaejoong nodded. “I’ll go -“
There was a sound of footsteps approaching that stopped him mid-sentence, and Jaejoong watched as Minah ran back to them. When she paused and snuggled close to her father, Jaejoong observed her features. Aside from her eyes and small face, she didn’t carry much of her father’s features. While her father’s face and body were embodiments of masculine sharpness and ruggedness, Minah was physically soft and delicate. She was a very pretty young girl, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched in his chest as he realized that she probably took after her beauty queen mother.
“The cookies are on the table,” Minah said softly, her brown eyes focused on Jaejoong as she spoke. Jaejoong watched as the young girl directed her eyes up to her father and tugged at his pants. “Daddy, he should come inside.”
“I should go,” Jaejoong spoke gently, although he was a tumultuous mess of emotions on the inside. He wanted to come in, but his heart was twisting in his chest. If Yunho had not bothered to reveal such an important part of his life to him, then there must’ve been a reason behind it. Surely there was a reason as to why Yunho had kept him at an arm’s length, and Jaejoong could only think of one.
Yunho didn’t want him to become a larger part in his life. He was content to have Jaejoong as an occasional comfort, something to be enjoyed and used before it was eventually discarded or left behind. The thought made Jaejoong’s heart twist in pain, but he refused to let his professional aura slip away, so he said nothing about the thought that was plaguing his mind.
A tense minute passed, and Yunho didn’t bother to ask him to stay, so Jaejoong assumed that the answer he’d thought of didn’t lie far from the truth of the whole situation. He shot a sad smile at the young girl that was staring at him curiously and squatted so that they would more or less be at the same eye level. “Hello there, Minah.”
The young girl inched a little closer to her father for his warmth and protection, but nonetheless, she replied to him in a polite manner.
“Hello.”
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a small smile. “I can’t stay to taste your cookies. I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes holding her wary gaze. “Maybe…” He trailed off and stopped there, not bothering to speak out an expectation that would only hurt him and Minah in the future. He slowly straightened himself out and looked at Yunho, who was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I’ll go now. Good night.”
The pianist turned around, his heart aching terribly in his chest as each step took him farther and farther away from where he wanted to be. His hopefulness could not be denied, but when Yunho didn’t call out and ask him to stay, Jaejoong shut it back up in some distant corner to be forgotten. As he walked back home, he felt a tear slip down his cheeks and quickly wiped it away.
The night was cold and unfriendly, the harsh winter wind nipping at his exposed skin as he made his way home. The walk back to his apartment seemed like an eternity, a painful odyssey that only served to remind him of how alone he truly was in the big city he was in. As each step took him farther and farther from Yunho, Jaejoong could feel his heart twist in his chest.
When he got home, he unlocked the door with unsteady hands and stared at the darkness of his apartment. Everything was exactly as it was. Nothing had been moved or touched since the last time he’d been inside, and as usual, not a single soul was waiting to greet him and welcome his return. Jaejoong took a step inside, shut the door quietly behind him and fell down to the floor as he started to sob.
The overwhelming feelings of loneliness and rejection had taken over, and he succumbed to them easily. He had no strength to fight the negativity tonight - not when he had just been reminded of the fact his friends were out fighting in the war, and not when Yunho had just made it clear that he wanted nothing more from him than sex and a warm place to stay for a few hours. The lights remained off as he sobbed quietly, his face buried in his hands and his knees drawn close to his body. After an unknown amount of time had passed, Jaejoong stumbled through the darkness and stepped into his room.
Not bothering to take his clothes off and change into something else, he collapsed into bed and shut his eyes, praying desperately that sleep would take him away from the suffocating world that he lived in.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked up to the bar a little earlier than usual, after he’d decided that staying alone in his apartment would only lead to further pain. He walked quickly and wrapped his coat tightly around his body. The air was still cold, but at least he now had something to protect him from it. Jaejoong pushed open the bar doors, and he was glad to see that not so many people were around to help open up.
He smiled a couple of the waiters and waitresses that had come early and made his way over to Yoochun’s office. Without bothering to knock at the door, he opened it up and looked over at Yoochun, who was reading a letter. Jaejoong stopped and waited for Yoochun to acknowledge him, but the other man was still staring at the piece of paper that he was clutching tightly in his hands.
“What’s that?” Jaejoong asked softly as he took a step forward into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. He walked over slowly to Yoochun’s desk and sat down at the chair beside it and waited for his best friend to answer.
The bar owner let out a long sigh and shook his head before he set the paper back down onto the desk. Jaejoong reached out for it, but he took hold of the pianist’s hand and set it away from the paper. They sat in silence, and Jaejoong placed both of his hands back onto his lap, unsure of what he was supposed to say. He glanced at the paper on Yoochun’s desk, but when he saw the top of the letter, he immediately knew what the letter was about.
“Did you…”
Yoochun shut his eyes and leaned back into his seat. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, his eyes still shut. “I did.”
“But…but why?” Jaejoong asked softly, his voice tight with emotion. He held back the frustration that was threatening to spill out and took a few seconds to calm down before he spoke again. “Yoochun…”
“Yoohwan sent me a letter a few weeks ago,” Yoochun whispered, and Jaejoong felt his heart clench in pity for the other man. “He…he was supposed to go to university you know? I had everything set. I helped my parents set money aside for it, and…and…”
“He enlisted, didn’t he?” Jaejoong concluded as his hands balled up into fists. He stared at Yoochun sympathetically, “But Yoochun -“
Yoochun shook his head and let his face fall into his hands. “I tried so hard to protect him Jaejoong. I tried so…I tried so fucking hard to get him out of the war, and he practically threw himself straight into the fire.” He sobbed, “How can I protect him now? What else could I have done aside from try to enlist -“
“But your breathing problems -“
“Fuck that!” Yoochun hissed, as he raised his eyes from his hands to stare at Jaejoong, his eyes filled with fear and frustration. “What do these fucking doctors know? They tell me…they tell me I can’t enlist, and…”
His voice cracked, and Jaejoong watched as Yoochun shook his head in despair. When he lifted his eyes up to meet his, Jaejoong felt himself lose all the words of comfort that he’d thought of saying. There was nothing in the world that he could say to console Yoochun, and he realized that.
“Do you know what it’ll be like for me if he dies in this war? Do you? Do you know what’s going to happen to me? Why Jaejoong, why couldn’t he have just fucking listened to me? I told him not to! I begged, and I pleaded with him to not to go, but he didn’t listen! He told me…he told me that he was sick of doing nothing, and seeing people he knew die in the war.”
Jaejoong’s heart clenched tightly in his chest, and he shook his head slowly. He could feel his emotions from the previous night begin to resurface, but he didn’t want to cry in front of his dearest friend, so he did his best to restrain them. “Yoochun, I don’t know what’s going to happen -“
The younger man looked away from Jaejoong and shook his head. He reached over and grasped the letter tightly, crushing it in his fist. He threw it away, and Jaejoong watched as the paper hit the wall and fell to the ground.
“What kind of future is he going to have now?” Yoochun whispered as he stared at his desk hopelessly. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, “What…what am I going to do knowing that my baby brother is going to be fighting in a war that doesn’t seem to have any end in sight?”
“Yoochun -“
Jaejoong watched as Yoochun took a newspaper out and smacked it down onto the center of his desk, sending several things flying off. He pointed at the headline, and at the sight of the words printed out in large, bolded text, Jaejoong immediately averted his eyes and looked at the wall instead.
“Accident during military training exercise, two deaths and five injured.” Yoochun said slowly, his voice shaking. He stared at the headline, “If they can’t even protect these young men before they head out to war, how are they going to keep my baby brother alive Jaejoong?”
He flipped through the newspaper’s pages and read out the deaths, the accidents, the conflicts, and Jaejoong could feel a coldness grip his heart. He couldn’t handle hearing about anything any longer, and before he broke down in front of Yoochun, he decided to speak so that he could just escape everything.
“Stop, just stop.”
The bar owner shook his head, and he looked at Jaejoong with an expression that was filled with sadness. “I’m sorry...just, I’m so sorry. Jaejoong, please…just…leave me alone for a bit.” He forced a smile, and Jaejoong felt himself become even sadder at the sight of Yoochun trying to be strong for him. “I’ll be back out in time for opening, don’t worry.”
Well aware that there was nothing he could say to comfort his friend, Jaejoong merely nodded mutely and exited the office quietly. As soon as he was outside, he breathed in deeply and tried to calm himself down. The war was clawing into everything he loved in the world, and was destroying the future of peace that he so desperately longed for. He could hardly even remember what peaceful times were like anymore.
“Jaejoong?”
He was torn out of his thoughts by a gentle voice, and he looked in the direction from where it’d come from. Chaeyi, one of the new waitresses, shot him a small reassuring smile, and he forced a smile onto his own face as to not to worry her.
“Yes?”
“There’s someone outside to see you.” Chaeyi said, “I couldn’t let him inside. It’s not…it’s not opening time yet, so…”
Jaejoong nodded, “It’s okay. I understand. You did the right thing.” He widened his smile a little, and she smiled back at him. As he turned to leave, he suddenly thought of something and called out her name.
Chaeyi turned around and looked back at him, “Yes?”
“The man outside, who is he?”
The young girl thought for a bit before she shook her head and shrugged. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t that familiar with him…but he was a military man. He told me that he had something important to talk to you about.”
Jaejoong could feel his heart pound in his chest, and he stared at Chaeyi, his eyes filled with fear. It took him a few seconds, but he calmed himself down in order to ask the young girl another question. “Did he say what about?”
“No…he didn’t.” Chaeyi began to realize the reason behind his questions, and her face immediately took on a more serious expression. “Jaejoong, do -“
Before she could finish her sentence, Jaejoong quickly slipped past her and made his way for the front door. After hearing the news of all the deaths in the past days, his heart clenched in fear knowing that Changmin or Seunghyun had been one of them. He pushed the bar doors open, and he froze when he saw who was standing out on the street.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered, barely able to conjure any strength as he stared at the other man in shock.
The other man nodded, “Can we talk?”
“About what?” Jaejoong asked. He couldn’t even bring to mind what had occurred in the previous night. He was more worried about what could’ve possibly happened to Seunghyun or to Changmin. Although he didn’t know if Yunho was a regular deliverer of bad news, he wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility that Yunho had only come to see him to tell him that something bad had happened.
It took a while for Yunho to say something, but a few seconds before Jaejoong was about to repeat his question, Yunho spoke up.
“About…about us.”
Jaejoong calmed down significantly, but he still wasn’t entirely at peace. He stared at the other man, trying to find some kind of answer in his expression, but as usual, he could find nothing from him. He bit his lip and looked down, not sure of what kind of answer he ought to give. Perhaps it would be easier for him to simply back out of things now, when his love was still new and not as developed. Maybe he would soon realize that what he felt for Yunho was only a simple infatuation and nothing more, thus saving him from more pain and hurt in a world that had already given him so much to cry and agonize over.
“Please.”
The pianist’s eyes darted upwards at the sound of the word escaping the other man’s lips, and he stared at Yunho in shock. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, and at that moment, Jaejoong knew that his feelings for Yunho were still lingering strongly. The hope that he’d tried so hard to bury the previous night refused to dwindle and die out.
Deep down, he knew he still hoped that felt as much as he felt for him.
“Where?” Jaejoong questioned softly, still trying to tame his raging emotions.
“You can come back…to my place, if you want,” Yunho said slowly, his eyes more open now and obviously searching Jaejoong’s face for any kind of reaction. “We can talk there in private.”
“What about your daughter?”
“She’s with my sister,” Yunho answered. He licked his lips, and he stared at Jaejoong, waiting for him to reply. “I leave the choice entirely up to you. If you don’t want to come over, I understand.”
Jaejoong stared at him and let out a sigh. He wrapped his coat around him a little tighter and bit his lip. “Okay, I’ll go with you,” he whispered.
His hopes had once again been reignited by the man in front of him, and Jaejoong wished desperately that Yunho would not disappoint him because he honestly did not know how much more disappointment he could take.
o-o-o
Yunho opened the door to his apartment, and Jaejoong stepped in hesitantly. He spotted a light red skirt strewn across the sofa, and a smile lighted his face when he realized that it was probably Minah’s. Just as he was about to reach forward and pick it up, Yunho came over and folded it quickly.
“I always tell her not to leave her stuff lying around,” he mumbled as he walked away from Jaejoong and entered a room. When he came out, Jaejoong felt his eyes upon him and stiffened. He took a step back from Yunho and looked away, unsure of what to say.
The other man’s eyes raked over his body, and Jaejoong felt slightly suspicious and unnerved by the action. It was as if Yunho had observed something, and Jaejoong had no clue as to what it was.
“You look good,” Yunho said softly, and Jaejoong bit his lip and looked down.
“Thank you,” Jaejoong replied timidly. He looked at Yunho and shot him a weak and forced smile. “You look good as well.”
Yunho stared at him and then gestured to the dining table. “Do you want to sit down? I’ll get you something to drink, and maybe something to eat too.”
“Oh, okay.”
Jaejoong let Yunho lead him over to the table, and his heart fluttered when Yunho’s hand brushed against his. He sat down upon the chair and looked down at the mahogany table as he waited for Yunho to come back. He didn’t want to eat, and he didn’t feel thirsty either, but he figured that having Yunho away from him would provide him with more time to think about whatever it is that he wanted.
He watched as Yunho set down a glass of milk in front of him, and when he placed down a plate of chocolate chip cookies beside it, Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it. He lifted his head to look up at Yunho, and the other man avoided his gaze until he was seated down at the chair across from him. They stared at each other, the awkward silence highly evident, and Jaejoong bit his lip. He was usually such a talkative person, but he was rendered speechless by what was going on.
He’d already put out so much there for Yunho, wasn’t it only fair that the other man eased his fears away? Jaejoong was fairly sure that Yunho could read him like an open book. He deserved the truth, and he deserved something from the other man.
“I…I was married before,” Yunho started slowly, he looked at Jaejoong carefully, and Jaejoong felt slightly uneasy from the way Yunho was looking at him. “I have this feeling that you already know that.”
He shook his head and laughed lightly when Jaejoong didn’t say anything to protest his last words. Jaejoong wasn’t sure if he was supposed to apologize or not, but before he could stammer out an embarrassed apology, Yunho spoke again.
“You seemed interested, and I could see you talking to your friends. I wasn’t sure if you asked about me, but the news about my separation isn’t exactly classified information, and you never once asked me about my previous lovers whenever you chattered at night, so I presumed it was a topic that you avoided out of respect for my feelings on the matter.”
“I didn’t know about your daughter,” Jaejoong said softly, still treading carefully on the subject matter they were discussing. He grasped his glass tightly, the condensation from the cold milk wetting his palms. He licked his lips then looked at Yunho, “Does no one really know about her?”
“I don’t like bringing her to the military bases,” Yunho explained. “I don’t think that she should be exposed to those kinds of things. I would prefer to keep her away from the horrors of war as much as possible…to bring her to a military base would only make her ask questions and -“
“I understand,” the pianist cut in, saving Yunho from having to explain further for him. He could understand Yunho’s reasons easily. After all, Yoochun had tried to do the same for Yoohwan. No one wanted their loved ones to be exposed to the destruction or ruthlessness of war. In such times of difficulty, it was one feeling that could be understood almost universally.
Yunho let out a soft sigh and looked at Jaejoong. “Why did you leave last night? Did…did you not like the fact that I have a daughter?” he asked, his gaze searching and intense as he looked at Jaejoong for an answer. “Or…”
“I was hurt,” Jaejoong replied. “I…I’ve opened up so much to you in these past few months, and you’ve hardly told me anything.” He looked down at his glass and ignored Yunho’s gaze. “When I saw Minah…when I saw that you hadn’t mentioned her to me at all…I assumed that it was because you didn’t…you didn’t have any intentions of bringing me any further into your life.”
“Jaejoong -“
“And I understand,” the pianist choked out, although it was something he didn’t want to say. Even though Yunho had taken a step in the right direction, Jaejoong could still feel that gripped at his heart. Yes, Yunho was explaining things to him, but that didn’t mean much at all to him. The things Yunho was speaking to him, they weren’t things that he really needed to hear.
He didn’t care if Yunho had a daughter, and he didn’t care that Yunho used to have a wife. Yunho’s wife was something entirely in the past, and as for his daughter, Jaejoong had always loved children. What he cared about most was to know if Yunho loved him or not, because if he did, then his fears would be put to rest. He could stop worrying in the middle of the night that one day, Yunho would tell him that he didn’t want to see him anymore, or that one day, Yunho would just suddenly disappear on him.
If Yunho told him that he loved him, then that would be something Jaejoong could truly hold onto. It would be their foundation to a steadier relationship, and it would be a foundation for their future together. If Yunho did not love him, then there was really nothing that could hold them together. The other man would be able to leave him just as easily as their relationship had started, and Jaejoong would be left alone to pick up the broken pieces of his fragile heart.
What he needed was a reassurance of love from Yunho, but his emotions were too conflicted. While he wanted so much for Yunho to confess his love, he was also scared by what that would entail for them. With a war raging so close to home and with Yunho in his position in the military, there was a high chance that Yunho would one day be required to leave for the war.
If Yunho left for the war and took his heart with him, what could he do then? He was scared of Yunho’s full on rejection as much as he was scared of what it’d be like to have a future with the soldier. He could be considered a coward in numerous ways and times, and Jaejoong realized that now was one of those times.
He was so filled with fear - of love, of war, of heartbreak, and he didn’t know what to do with it all.
“You…you don’t owe me anything,” Jaejoong said slowly as he struggled to keep his voice calm and steady. He took a deep breath and met Yunho’s eyes. “I understand that I’m asking too much of you right now. You have a daughter to take care of, a war raging at your doorstep, and I…I’m no one to you.”
He stood up, “Yunho, I was wrong to leave so quickly last night, and I was wrong to…to force any kind of unnecessary pressure on your shoulders. You didn’t deserve that. There was really not much of a need for you to bring me here.”
Jaejoong swallowed hard and forced a smile at Yunho. “There’s no need for you to apologize to me.” He glanced down at the wall clock that was nearby, and although it wasn’t close to the bar’s opening time, Jaejoong decided to lie to escape everything. “I should go now. I’m sure that Yoochun will need me back at the bar.”
The pianist quickly headed for the door, but Yunho stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor and took hold of Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong stopped as soon as he felt Yunho’s hand around his waist, and he bit down on his lip hard, unsure of what to do next. He waited, his heart pounding in his chest, and he wondered if Yunho would be able to do what he hadn’t done the previous night.
“Why are you leaving?” Yunho whispered, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. “Why are you running away from me, just like you did last night? Have I mistaken your…your feelings for these past few months?”
“What do you know about my feelings?” Jaejoong questioned weakly as he clenched his eyes shut. “If you knew my feelings, then…”
“Have you ever been in love before?”
Jaejoong didn’t respond - after all, he couldn’t really give Yunho a proper answer. He’d fallen into numerous romances before, and they’d all been flashes of passion that had died out with the wind. Never before had he loved anyone as much as he believed he loved Yunho, so if he were to be honest, his answer would’ve been a no. However, he was muted by fear into silence, and couldn’t voice out what it was that he wanted to say.
“I assume that’s a no,” Yunho said slowly, and Jaejoong could hear his voice shaking slightly. “You don’t know what it’s like…to be so in love with someone, only to see that person leave you for reasons…for reasons that you will understand, and for reasons that are so unbelievable that it’d only break your heart over and over again to remember.”
He breathed in deeply, and Jaejoong could imagine that the other man was hurting terribly and possibly on the verge of crying. “You’re so new to this. You…you don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that there won’t be anyone beside you anymore…to realize that the person you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with never really loved you as much as you loved her.”
Jaejoong turned around, and when he saw Yunho, tears in his eyes, his heart broke for the other man. He’d always seen Yunho as a man of strength and a man who’d overcome all his obstacles in life. But now, Jaejoong could see the man underneath his façade of strength - a man who feared and got hurt just like he did.
“I told you one night that I try to get rid of whatever makes me afraid, but the truth is Jaejoong, one can’t get rid of love, can they?” Yunho smiled sadly at Jaejoong, “I can’t get rid of my daughter can I? After all, she’s been the only grace after my marriage had fallen apart…and, I…I can’t get rid of you too, can I?”
The soldier shook his head, and Jaejoong could feel his grip on his wrist tighten slightly, as if Yunho was drawing strength from him. “Don’t you see what I’m trying to say to you right now, why I hid my daughter from you, why I hid so much of myself from you? You said you were afraid of cages, and here I am…a man with baggage - both emotional and personal - a cage that would trap you into staying with me.”
Yunho shook his head once more. “I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to fool myself into believing once again that someone was staying with me out of choice rather than duty when that was actually not the case. I’m afraid…afraid to fall in love again, as cliché as it may seem, because what will happen to me when I realize once again that the person I love is not as in love with me as I thought? Do you know how painful it is to have the bubble of perfection shatter, only to reveal the true harshness and despair that waits outside?”
Jaejoong felt Yunho let go of his wrist, and before Yunho could say a single word, he crushed their bodies together. He held Yunho tightly in his arms, breathing him in deeply as he cried against his neck. They were both so afraid and so in love that it hurt his heart to think that he’d almost allowed his fear to let go of the other man that was currently in his arms.
“I love you,” Jaejoong whispered softly as he pulled away from Yunho to look at him, their eyes meeting as he cupped Yunho’s face between his hands. He pressed their lips together desperately, kissing him with all of the love that he felt in his heart. He parted his lips willing for the other man, and he cherished the way that Yunho embraced him tightly in his strong arms.
In Yunho’s embrace, he felt protected, needed, loved, and wanted. There had been no one else that’d made him feel such a way, and Jaejoong melted into Yunho’s embraces and kisses as they eased away one another’s fears of love, life and hurt.
o-o-o
The bar was closing, and after Jaejoong had gone back to Yoochun’s office to make sure he was feeling better, he quickly left and headed for the street light where he’d meet Yunho. His heart fluttered in his chest when he saw the other man, and he smiled shyly as soon as he was close to him. Yunho turned to look at him, and Jaejoong’s smile widened a little more before he stopped in front of him.
“Hi.”
Yunho smiled, “Hey.”
They stood still for a few seconds, simply watching one another and basking in the newfound status of their relationship. It was as if the barriers between them had disappeared completely, and Jaejoong simply felt lighter when he was around the other man.
“Where will we go?” Jaejoong asked as he wrapped his coat around his frame a little tighter. The air was chilly, and he regretted not bringing a scarf with him because of how easily he felt the cold. His eyes widened in realization before Yunho could answer and he quickly blurted out the thought that had come to mind. “What about Minah? Do you have to get back to her -“
“My sister puts her to bed,” Yunho answered. “After Minah and I have dinner together, I usually…I leave her with my sister.” He frowned slightly, “It’s not something that I like doing, but my sister…she thinks I should go out more.”
“I see.”
Jaejoong wondered if Yunho’s sister knew of the nature of their relationship, or if she knew Yunho was seeing anyone at all, but he held back on asking that question. They’d already gone through so much in just one day, and Jaejoong decided he’d leave that question unasked and unanswered for now.
So caught up in his thoughts, Jaejoong was only jolted out of them when Yunho reached out to squeeze his hand gently, taking back all of Jaejoong’s attention before he slowly let go. “Where would you like to go?”
“We can just…” Jaejoong looked around at the empty streets then turned back to look at Yunho. “I’m tired,” he said softly, speaking the truth. He felt exhausted from all the emotions he’d felt that day, and he wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep.
“I can walk you home,” Yunho murmured, and he tugged Jaejoong in the direction of the latter’s apartment gently. Jaejoong smiled to himself as Yunho took the lead, and he walked close to the other man, their arms brushing against one another as they walked to where Jaejoong lived.
Neither of them said anything, but the silence was different from usual. While before their silences had a subtle tension of words unspoken, this one was simply a comfortable silence. They were simply enjoying one another’s company, and Jaejoong’s only regret was that he couldn’t express as much as he wanted at that one moment. When they reached Jaejoong’s apartment building, Jaejoong turned around, expecting Yunho to go home but instead, he bumped into Yunho.
“Oh -“
“I thought -“
Jaejoong blushed darkly, and he looked around before he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Yunho’s. He pulled the man inside and led him up the stairs until they reached his floor. He let go of Yunho’s hand briefly to unlock his apartment door, and as soon as it was opened, he pulled the other man inside.
He kissed Yunho chastely and smiled to step away, but Jaejoong let out a small yelp when he stumbled on a bottle on his floor. The pianist impulsively reached out and gripped onto Yunho’s arms for support but ended up pulling Yunho down with him. Jaejoong’s back hit the floor with a thud, and Yunho fell on top of him, knocking all the wind out of his lungs.
“Shit, Jaejoong -“
The pianist started laughing, and Yunho looked down at him in concern. He pressed his hand against Jaejoong’s face, and the pianist reached up to grasp Yunho’s hand tightly. He stared up at him and smiled.
“My back hurts,” he whispered. “Help me up?”
Yunho quickly pulled Jaejoong up, and the latter hooked his arms around Yunho’s neck as he got lifted off the ground. Jaejoong laughed as Yunho carried him bridal style, but when Yunho paused, he stopped laughing.
“Did you have company?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong realized that Yunho had noticed the one or two beer bottles that he’d finished earlier in the day. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “No…but it’s not your fault, alright?” He kissed the other man’s jaw, “I was just stressed this morning. Come on, it’s only two bottles…”
With a sigh, Yunho continued on his way. As soon as they were inside of Jaejoong’s bedroom, he set Jaejoong down onto the bed. They stared at each other, wondering what to do next - whether they would proceed to the usual sex, or if nothing else would happen that night. After deciding that too much had already gone on that day, Jaejoong made his decision and pulled Yunho into bed with him.
“You’re still wearing your coat,” Yunho whispered as he sat up, and Jaejoong grudgingly got up. Yunho got off the bed, and he slowly and tenderly undressed Jaejoong, pulling off all his layers of clothes. His touches were gentle and loving, and Jaejoong almost felt as if Yunho was putting him to bed. As soon as he was down to his boxers, Yunho took off his own coat, folded it, and set it down upon a chair.
Jaejoong looked at him, “You won’t undress?” he whispered, well aware of how much skin he was revealing in front of the other man.
“I have to get back in a while,” Yunho answered as he climbed back into bed to hold Jaejoong tightly. He wrapped his arm around Jaejoong’s waist and pulled him close to his body. “I’ll leave after you’ve gone to sleep.”
“And what if I don’t go to sleep?” Jaejoong whispered as he pulled Yunho’s arm and made him embrace him tighter. Yunho’s head rested on his shoulder, and he breathed in deeply, appreciating the warm the other man provided him with. “What if I stay up the whole night? Will you stay then?”
“No,” Yunho murmured as he kissed Jaejoong’s shoulder. “Because I have a baby girl to get back to, and I don’t want her to wake up alone.”
Jaejoong fell silent for a few seconds, and he sighed softly. He intertwined his fingers with Yunho’s and squeezed. “She’s a beautiful girl,” Jaejoong commented. “Although, I don’t think she’s a baby anymore Yunho…”
“You don’t have any right to tell me that,” Yunho whispered, and Jaejoong knew it was in jest, so he didn’t bother to feel hurt by it. He smiled, and Yunho held him closer to him. “But yes, she’s beautiful. I’ve always thought she was beautiful…from the first moment I saw her until now.”
“She looks like you,” Jaejoong murmured as it became a bit more difficult for him to keep his eyes open. The combination of Yunho’s warmth and the soft whispers into his ear was like a lullaby to him, and the longer they stayed in such a comfortable position, the more difficult it became for Jaejoong to stay awake. “The longer…the longer I looked at her, the more I was reminded of you.” “Are you saying she started to look like a man?”
Jaejoong chuckled but kept his eyes shut. He was enjoying Yunho’s warmth far too much to try moving out of the position they were currently in. “No, I was saying that…” the pianist let out an irritated noise, “You know what I mean.”
Yunho chuckled softly, “Alright then.”
“But…she is beautiful you know,” Jaejoong whispered softly as he relaxed further into Yunho’s warm and strong embrace. “Such…such a beautiful little girl, like her father…”
Yunho’s breath ghosted against Jaejoong’s ear as he laughed, and although he wasn’t completely conscious anymore, Jaejoong could feel his lips quirk into a small smile.
He could feel himself slipping further into unconsciousness, and the longer they stayed in such a position, Jaejoong knew he would fall into a deep sleep soon. Although it was a little cold because of how undressed he was, Yunho kept him warm. The other man’s hand ran up and down his skin in a gentle fashion, slowly easing him deeper into sleep.
In a few minutes, he was stuck in the odd phase between being partially awake and being asleep. Although he could still vaguely register the sounds of Yunho rustling beside him, and the warm touches running along his skin, his body felt too heavy to move.
“Are you asleep?”
Just as the rest of his body felt too heavy to move, Jaejoong couldn’t move his tongue to reply. He could vaguely hear Yunho whisper something else, but it didn’t register as he felt the claim of sleep pull him away from regaining consciousness. However, before he completely lost into the tempting grip of slumber, he vaguely heard Yunho whisper into his ear.
“You’re beautiful too…”
o-o-o
As soon as Jaejoong caught sight of Yunho standing near the bar entrance, he quickened the tempo of the song he’d been playing and eased it into an unusually speedy finish. He ignored the glare that Yoochun shot him from the bar and crossed from his spot to over where Yunho was standing. He smiled up at the taller man, but his smile faltered slightly when Yunho didn’t smile back at him immediately.
“Is…”
“I can’t see you for a few nights,” Yunho explained quickly, his voice low so that no one would overhear. “I…” Jaejoong looked at the other man worriedly. “What happened?” Immediately his thoughts about the war came to mind, and he could feel his heartbeat quicken in his chest. “Is -“
“Minah’s not sleeping well,” Yunho said softly, his facial expression turning gentler and calming Jaejoong’s fears. “When I came home last night, Jihye was still at home and she told me that Minah didn’t want to go to bed without me around anymore.”
“Oh.”
“So, you understand, right?” Yunho questioned. “It’ll be hard for me to leave her, and I don’t want to leave her if my absence affects her in such a way. The, the only way that…”
“What is it?”
The soldier took a deep breath. “The only way I can see you in the evening is if you…is if you come over.”
o-o-o
Jaejoong stood nervously outside of the apartment, his index finger close to the doorbell. If he moved it just a little closer, his finger would press against it and alert Yunho to his arrival. He took a deep breath and breathed in, clutching his present a little closer to his chest before he rang the doorbell.
He heard quick footsteps approach the door, and when it swung open to reveal Minah, he wasn’t surprised. The little girl’s eyes widened slightly, and she bit her lip slightly before she looked back for her dad, who was still making his way over to the door with kitchen mitts covering his hands.
“Hi,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes lingering on Yunho before he looked down at Minah, who was watching him with beautiful brown eyes. He crouched down, and the little girl smiled shyly at him before she took a step back and accidentally bumped against her father.
Yunho set his hand behind his daughter’s back at pushed her slightly forward in the other man’s direction. He smiled at his daughter, “Don’t you remember him Minah? He came by a few days ago.”
“Oh,” Minah said slowly as she examined Jaejoong carefully. “I think…I don’t remember him daddy.”
Jaejoong smiled and Yunho laughed at his daughter. “I’m Jaejoong.” He said slowly as he held out his hand for Minah to shake. “I’m your daddy’s friend. I told you that before, but I guess you were too sleepy to remember me.”
Minah pouted then clung to her dad. “No I wasn’t.”
Yunho laughed at his daughter’s stubborn behavior and moved so that Jaejoong would be able to come inside. The pianist stepped carefully inside the home, and he noticed that everything was a bit messier than it the last time he’d been inside. There were some crayons on the floor, and once again, there was clothing on the sofa.
He looked at Yunho, and Yunho looked apologetic.
“I told Minah that someone was coming over and…”
The little girl ran up to Jaejoong and held out her drawing. “This is for you,” she said with a bright smile, deciding to let go of Jaejoong’s earlier accusation. She smiled up at him, “My daddy said to make a gift.”
Jaejoong took hold of the crayon drawing and smiled when he saw the hurriedly drawn flowers and scenery. “Thank you.” He motioned to fold it, but the young girl quickly shouted.
“Stop!” Her lips turned into a frown, “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I was just -“
“Don’t fold it!” Minah muttered before she snatched the piece of paper back out of his hands. She quickly ran off into a room, which Jaejoong presumed to be her bedroom, and while she was away, he looked at Yunho. The soldier looked back at him with a smile filled with amusement.
“It’s not that funny,” Jaejoong hissed. “My sisters’ children, they all love me you know.”
“She’s -“
Minah came back with a folder in her hands, and she handed it over to Jaejoong with a smile back on her face. The folder was pink, but Jaejoong didn’t bother to comment on that and accepted it with a smile.
“Daddy told me to take care of gifts.” She said, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but notice that it seemed like the little girl was glaring at him. “So, you shouldn’t fold mine.”
“Oh…” Jaejoong glanced at Yunho, and it looked like he was about to burst into laughter. He forced a smile onto his face and nodded, “Your daddy’s absolutely right. I’m sorry Minah.”
“It’s okay,” the girl said, although it seemed almost like she didn’t care much about what Jaejoong had to say to her. She went up to her father, “Daddy, let’s eat.” Yunho took her into his arms, and she laughed as she wrapped her hands around his neck.
Yunho smiled at Jaejoong, “Hold on, you can sit. I’ll just grab the food from inside the kitchen, okay?” He looked at his daughter, “Minah, don’t you want to keep Jaejoong company? He might -“
“No daddy, I wanna stay with you.” She hugged her father tighter and buried her face into his neck, making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Jaejooong. Yunho shot Jaejoong a sympathetic smile before he disappeared into the kitchen, and Jaejoong walked over to the dining table and sat down.
As he waited, he looked at the way everything was set. There was no distinct sign that told him where anyone was supposed to be, so Jaejoong hoped that he wouldn’t end up making Minah dislike him any further. The young girl wasn’t warming up to him, and Jaejoong could only assume that was because she was used to monopolizing Yunho’s affection. He wasn’t sure what Yunho had told the girl before his arrival, but he was fairly sure that it was something that she hadn’t ended up liking.
He let out a sigh and set the gift he’d been holding down onto the table. Yunho had told him that Minah liked to draw, so he’d gone through the effort of buying her crayons and a painting set. The longer he stared at the wrapped box, Jaejoong began to feel nervous that the young girl would tell him that she didn’t want anything to do with his gift and would end up chucking it at his face.
“Daddy, you’re so slow!”
The pianist turned his head, and he smiled at the sight of Yunho following behind his daughter with a big pot filled with something incredibly aromatic. Minah was carrying a plastic pitcher filled with iced tea, but she stopped as soon as she saw Jaejoong. Yunho nearly bumped into her, and he looked down at his daughter before he turned his eyes to look at what she was staring at.
Jaejoong felt incredibly embarrassed and worried with two similar pairs of eyes staring at him, but before he could stand up and try to get out of his seat, Yunho spoke first.
“Minah, you can sit down on my left. Haven’t you always said that you don’t like the view from your seat?” Yunho’s tone made it clear that there was no room for arguments, and the young girl slowly set the pitcher down and walked over to the seat that was across from Jaejoong.
“Is this present for me?” Minah asked as she took Jaejoong’s gift off the table. She shook it excitedly, and Jaejoong nodded. The young girl smiled at him brightly and held the gift close to her chest. “Thank you!”
She darted away from the table, and Yunho chuckled at his daughter’s behavior. Jaejoong helped move the things on the table, and as soon as there was a big enough clearing, Yunho set the pot down at the center of the table. Minah came back and climbed into her seat, and she looked at her father expectantly.
“Well, this is dinner. Oh wait, I’ll go get the rice.” He walked away, leaving both Minah and Jaejoong at the table to stare at each other. It took less than a minute for Yunho to get the rice, but as soon as he came, the doorbell rang.
He set the rice down onto the table and then left to see who was at the door. Jaejoong stared awkwardly at his plate, admiring the blue patterning on its edges, and hoped that Yunho would be back as soon as possible. He looked up and smiled when the other man came in, but his smile dimmed when he realized that Yunho had a slight frown on his face.
“What’s wrong daddy?” Minah asked first, her lips turned downwards into a frown that mirrored her father’s.
Yunho shot her a small smile, “Don’t worry honey.” He looked at the two of them and his smile turned apologetic. “Ms. Kwon next door just asked me to help her fix some of her things. Apparently she has some new furniture which is heavy so…”
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong said, “we’ll be fine.”
“I’ll be back in a bit. If you two get hungry, you can just eat without me -“
Minah pouted, “Daddy, I don’t want to eat without you.”
Yunho walked over to his daughter and smoothened out her hair before he kissed her forehead. “Well then honey, you’ll just have to wait.” He smiled at her sweetly and kissed her once again. “I have to help Ms. Kwon, and as soon as I’m done, I promise we’ll eat together.”
Minah looked unhappy, but she nodded anyway. “Okay, Daddy.”
When Yunho pulled away from her, he looked at Jaejoong. “I’m really sorry about this Jaejoong -“
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong cut in. “Don’t worry about Minah and I, we’ll be fine.” He smiled at Yunho, and the other man returned his smile before he walked out and headed for the front door. As soon as the front door had shut, Jaejoong could feel the level of awkwardness between him and Yunho’s daughter increase.
Jaejoong swallowed hard, unsure of what to say, but he decided that it was best to try rather than to not try at all. He took another smell of the appetizing stew then looked at Minah with a smile on his face, trying to make it seem that he wasn’t as worried about the young girl’s opinion as he truly was.
“Did you help your daddy with the food?”
Minah shook her head and tapped her fork onto her plate. “Nope.” She smiled and giggled, “Daddy can’t cook.”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened, “What?”
“Auntie Jihye cooked that.” Minah said, her smile growing wider as she talked about her father. “Daddy can’t cook anything…except for rice, pancakes, and eggs. In our old home, there was a fire in the kitchen because daddy did something wrong with the stove.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Really?”
The little girl nodded happily. “Daddy can’t cook well, so Auntie Jihye cooks and prepares everything in advance on Sunday, and he just has to heat it. Though, daddy asked her to come over today because of you.”
“Me?”
Minah nodded and tapped her fork on her plate again. “He told her that he had a special guest coming for dinner, so he asked her for a favor.”
Jaejoong could feel a slight blush come across his cheeks. “Really?”
“He also left work early today and picked me up from school, then when we got home, we had to clean the house,” Minah continued to explain. “Daddy also let me choose whatever clothes I wanted to wear, and he complained that I took too long to choose what I wanted to wear.”
Jaejoong smiled at the young girl. “Is that so?”
“Daddy just dresses too quickly,” Minah said with a sigh as she looked down at her plate. She raised her eyes to look at Jaejoong. “Daddy takes good care of me, and he always listens to me when I talk…even though he says I talk too much.”
“I can imagine.”
“Also…” Minah’s eyes raked over his body and then she spoke. “You’re wearing my daddy’s coat! I only noticed now….do you like it? Why did he give it to you? Did you forget to bring your own coat?”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened at her realization, and he glanced down at his clothes, completely unaware that he’d forgotten Yunho’s coat. After a few seconds of staring, he immediately spoke up in order to answer her and in order to prevent her from asking anymore questions. “Well yes, I forgot my coat, and your father let me borrow this one for as long as I liked.”
The young girl smiled, obviously pleased with his answer because of how positively Jaejoong had talked about her father. “Daddy is really nice. He does so many wonderful things for so many people…” Minah sighed again, and her brows furrowed. “Sometimes I don’t like that daddy helps so many people.”
Jaejoong tilted his head. “Why not? Shouldn’t you be proud that your daddy goes around helping people?”
Minah frowned. “I don’t like all the people daddy helps. I don’t think he should help some of them.”
“Like who?”
“Like…Ms. Kwon,” Minah replied thoughtfully before she added, “I don’t like Ms. Kwon. I don’t think my daddy should help her all the time. She’s a bother.”
Jaejoong resisted the urge to chuckle at the young girl, her frustrated yet cute expression making him wish he could reach across the table and hug her tightly. He settled for smiling at her kindly and asked, “Why don’t you like her?”
“Can you keep a secret?” Minah asked, as she got up onto her knees and leaned across the table.
“Yes, I can -“
“I think she likes my daddy,” the young girl whispered before she looked around to make sure no one was listening. Her lips immediately turned into a deep frown. “She always comes over to ask for sugar. Why does she even need so much sugar? She never bakes. I would know because she never gives daddy or me cookies.”
It was getting harder to resist the urge to laugh, but Jaejoong did his best as the little girl continued to rant.
“She wears too much perfume - even Auntie Jihye complains about her. She always asks my daddy if he needs someone to watch me, but thankfully daddy always says no!” Minah shook her head, “Whenever she comes over, she always says that the house needs a…woman’s touch!”
The young girl wrinkled her nose in such an adorable manner that Jaejoong was full on grinning at her. “I don’t like her. I don’t need her touches. I don’t want her stupid -“ Minah’s eyes widened, “Don’t tell daddy I said that word!”
Jaejoong couldn’t hold himself back any longer, so he nodded and laughed. “I promise I won’t.”
Minah smiled, “Thank you.” Her beautiful smile lingered for a little longer before it got replaced with a frown. “I called Ms. Kwon stupid once, and daddy got mad at me.” Her frown deepened. “He told me that it was rude to call her stupid, but Auntie Jihye calls her stupid all the time! He just doesn’t know!”
“Is Ms. Kwon pretty?”
Minah wrinkled her nose. “I think you’re prettier.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Me?”
“Yes!” Minah said happily before she got out of her seat. She quickly ran over to where Jaejoong was seated and tugged at his wrist, “Come on! Daddy’s taking too long! Ms. Kwon is just trying to steal him away from me again!”
Jaejoong quickly got out of his seat, but before he and Minah could make it out of the room, Yunho appeared at the doorway. He raised an eyebrow at them, but before Jaejoong could say anything, Minah spoke first.
“Daddy, I think Ms. Kwon is trying to steal you away again.”
Yunho chuckled and took his daughter into his arms. “No one’s going to steal me away from you, Minah,” he murmured as Minah hugged him tightly. Jaejoong watched them, and Yunho’s eyes met his.
The soldier smiled and spoke, his eyes still purposefully holding Jaejoong’s gaze. “You know I love you, right?”
Jaejoong felt his heart flutter, and even though Minah’s reply came soon after, there was still a strong feeling in his chest that Yunho’s words had also been meant for him.
Part B →
Author’s Note: Ugh, LJ was misbehaving the whole time I tried to update this morning. T__T It’s so annoying, I swear. I wanted to update since I fell asleep and was unable to do so last night, and yeah, this update is kind of late because I keep falling asleep instead of taking the time to update. OTL If any of you cried… *hands out tissues* because I sure did cry while writing this, haha. XD I’m too emotional, I swear. :P Thank you for reading and commenting as usual! ♥
Beta: atriums
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama
Summary: One of his rules was that he didn’t sleep with military men, but this man was different.
It felt like an eternity had passed before Yunho opened his mouth and said something.
“Minah, this is my friend Jaejoong,” he spoke calmly before he turned his eyes away from Jaejoong and looked down at his daughter. “Didn’t you and your auntie bake some cookies earlier? Why don’t you put them on the dining table?”
“Okay Daddy!”
In a flash, the little girl had gone away, leaving the two men alone together. Jaejoong looked at Yunho worriedly, his heart thumping in his chest. He hadn’t known the other man had a daughter but that knowledge wasn’t what was worrying him. Although Yunho had told his daughter to set out cookies, that didn’t mean that he would be allowed to come in.
For all he knew, Yunho would take the package from him then shut the door in his face.
“How did you…how did you know I lived here?”
Jaejoong bit his lip, considered telling the truth, but then quickly decided to keep his silence. He handed the package over to Yunho mutely, and the military man took it out of his hands to look at it. Jaejoong waited anxiously for Yunho to say something, and as soon as the latter had finished examining the package, he looked up at Jaejoong.
“Are you going home now?” Yunho asked softly, his eyes not really betraying any expression.
The pianist was silent for a few seconds, unsure of what kind of answer Yunho expected him to give. After deciding that he had no place to intrude any further in Yunho’s personal life, Jaejoong nodded. “I’ll go -“
There was a sound of footsteps approaching that stopped him mid-sentence, and Jaejoong watched as Minah ran back to them. When she paused and snuggled close to her father, Jaejoong observed her features. Aside from her eyes and small face, she didn’t carry much of her father’s features. While her father’s face and body were embodiments of masculine sharpness and ruggedness, Minah was physically soft and delicate. She was a very pretty young girl, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched in his chest as he realized that she probably took after her beauty queen mother.
“The cookies are on the table,” Minah said softly, her brown eyes focused on Jaejoong as she spoke. Jaejoong watched as the young girl directed her eyes up to her father and tugged at his pants. “Daddy, he should come inside.”
“I should go,” Jaejoong spoke gently, although he was a tumultuous mess of emotions on the inside. He wanted to come in, but his heart was twisting in his chest. If Yunho had not bothered to reveal such an important part of his life to him, then there must’ve been a reason behind it. Surely there was a reason as to why Yunho had kept him at an arm’s length, and Jaejoong could only think of one.
Yunho didn’t want him to become a larger part in his life. He was content to have Jaejoong as an occasional comfort, something to be enjoyed and used before it was eventually discarded or left behind. The thought made Jaejoong’s heart twist in pain, but he refused to let his professional aura slip away, so he said nothing about the thought that was plaguing his mind.
A tense minute passed, and Yunho didn’t bother to ask him to stay, so Jaejoong assumed that the answer he’d thought of didn’t lie far from the truth of the whole situation. He shot a sad smile at the young girl that was staring at him curiously and squatted so that they would more or less be at the same eye level. “Hello there, Minah.”
The young girl inched a little closer to her father for his warmth and protection, but nonetheless, she replied to him in a polite manner.
“Hello.”
Jaejoong’s lips curved into a small smile. “I can’t stay to taste your cookies. I’m sorry,” he whispered, his eyes holding her wary gaze. “Maybe…” He trailed off and stopped there, not bothering to speak out an expectation that would only hurt him and Minah in the future. He slowly straightened himself out and looked at Yunho, who was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.
“I’ll go now. Good night.”
The pianist turned around, his heart aching terribly in his chest as each step took him farther and farther away from where he wanted to be. His hopefulness could not be denied, but when Yunho didn’t call out and ask him to stay, Jaejoong shut it back up in some distant corner to be forgotten. As he walked back home, he felt a tear slip down his cheeks and quickly wiped it away.
The night was cold and unfriendly, the harsh winter wind nipping at his exposed skin as he made his way home. The walk back to his apartment seemed like an eternity, a painful odyssey that only served to remind him of how alone he truly was in the big city he was in. As each step took him farther and farther from Yunho, Jaejoong could feel his heart twist in his chest.
When he got home, he unlocked the door with unsteady hands and stared at the darkness of his apartment. Everything was exactly as it was. Nothing had been moved or touched since the last time he’d been inside, and as usual, not a single soul was waiting to greet him and welcome his return. Jaejoong took a step inside, shut the door quietly behind him and fell down to the floor as he started to sob.
The overwhelming feelings of loneliness and rejection had taken over, and he succumbed to them easily. He had no strength to fight the negativity tonight - not when he had just been reminded of the fact his friends were out fighting in the war, and not when Yunho had just made it clear that he wanted nothing more from him than sex and a warm place to stay for a few hours. The lights remained off as he sobbed quietly, his face buried in his hands and his knees drawn close to his body. After an unknown amount of time had passed, Jaejoong stumbled through the darkness and stepped into his room.
Not bothering to take his clothes off and change into something else, he collapsed into bed and shut his eyes, praying desperately that sleep would take him away from the suffocating world that he lived in.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked up to the bar a little earlier than usual, after he’d decided that staying alone in his apartment would only lead to further pain. He walked quickly and wrapped his coat tightly around his body. The air was still cold, but at least he now had something to protect him from it. Jaejoong pushed open the bar doors, and he was glad to see that not so many people were around to help open up.
He smiled a couple of the waiters and waitresses that had come early and made his way over to Yoochun’s office. Without bothering to knock at the door, he opened it up and looked over at Yoochun, who was reading a letter. Jaejoong stopped and waited for Yoochun to acknowledge him, but the other man was still staring at the piece of paper that he was clutching tightly in his hands.
“What’s that?” Jaejoong asked softly as he took a step forward into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. He walked over slowly to Yoochun’s desk and sat down at the chair beside it and waited for his best friend to answer.
The bar owner let out a long sigh and shook his head before he set the paper back down onto the desk. Jaejoong reached out for it, but he took hold of the pianist’s hand and set it away from the paper. They sat in silence, and Jaejoong placed both of his hands back onto his lap, unsure of what he was supposed to say. He glanced at the paper on Yoochun’s desk, but when he saw the top of the letter, he immediately knew what the letter was about.
“Did you…”
Yoochun shut his eyes and leaned back into his seat. He took a deep breath and nodded slowly, his eyes still shut. “I did.”
“But…but why?” Jaejoong asked softly, his voice tight with emotion. He held back the frustration that was threatening to spill out and took a few seconds to calm down before he spoke again. “Yoochun…”
“Yoohwan sent me a letter a few weeks ago,” Yoochun whispered, and Jaejoong felt his heart clench in pity for the other man. “He…he was supposed to go to university you know? I had everything set. I helped my parents set money aside for it, and…and…”
“He enlisted, didn’t he?” Jaejoong concluded as his hands balled up into fists. He stared at Yoochun sympathetically, “But Yoochun -“
Yoochun shook his head and let his face fall into his hands. “I tried so hard to protect him Jaejoong. I tried so…I tried so fucking hard to get him out of the war, and he practically threw himself straight into the fire.” He sobbed, “How can I protect him now? What else could I have done aside from try to enlist -“
“But your breathing problems -“
“Fuck that!” Yoochun hissed, as he raised his eyes from his hands to stare at Jaejoong, his eyes filled with fear and frustration. “What do these fucking doctors know? They tell me…they tell me I can’t enlist, and…”
His voice cracked, and Jaejoong watched as Yoochun shook his head in despair. When he lifted his eyes up to meet his, Jaejoong felt himself lose all the words of comfort that he’d thought of saying. There was nothing in the world that he could say to console Yoochun, and he realized that.
“Do you know what it’ll be like for me if he dies in this war? Do you? Do you know what’s going to happen to me? Why Jaejoong, why couldn’t he have just fucking listened to me? I told him not to! I begged, and I pleaded with him to not to go, but he didn’t listen! He told me…he told me that he was sick of doing nothing, and seeing people he knew die in the war.”
Jaejoong’s heart clenched tightly in his chest, and he shook his head slowly. He could feel his emotions from the previous night begin to resurface, but he didn’t want to cry in front of his dearest friend, so he did his best to restrain them. “Yoochun, I don’t know what’s going to happen -“
The younger man looked away from Jaejoong and shook his head. He reached over and grasped the letter tightly, crushing it in his fist. He threw it away, and Jaejoong watched as the paper hit the wall and fell to the ground.
“What kind of future is he going to have now?” Yoochun whispered as he stared at his desk hopelessly. He shook his head and wiped his eyes, “What…what am I going to do knowing that my baby brother is going to be fighting in a war that doesn’t seem to have any end in sight?”
“Yoochun -“
Jaejoong watched as Yoochun took a newspaper out and smacked it down onto the center of his desk, sending several things flying off. He pointed at the headline, and at the sight of the words printed out in large, bolded text, Jaejoong immediately averted his eyes and looked at the wall instead.
“Accident during military training exercise, two deaths and five injured.” Yoochun said slowly, his voice shaking. He stared at the headline, “If they can’t even protect these young men before they head out to war, how are they going to keep my baby brother alive Jaejoong?”
He flipped through the newspaper’s pages and read out the deaths, the accidents, the conflicts, and Jaejoong could feel a coldness grip his heart. He couldn’t handle hearing about anything any longer, and before he broke down in front of Yoochun, he decided to speak so that he could just escape everything.
“Stop, just stop.”
The bar owner shook his head, and he looked at Jaejoong with an expression that was filled with sadness. “I’m sorry...just, I’m so sorry. Jaejoong, please…just…leave me alone for a bit.” He forced a smile, and Jaejoong felt himself become even sadder at the sight of Yoochun trying to be strong for him. “I’ll be back out in time for opening, don’t worry.”
Well aware that there was nothing he could say to comfort his friend, Jaejoong merely nodded mutely and exited the office quietly. As soon as he was outside, he breathed in deeply and tried to calm himself down. The war was clawing into everything he loved in the world, and was destroying the future of peace that he so desperately longed for. He could hardly even remember what peaceful times were like anymore.
“Jaejoong?”
He was torn out of his thoughts by a gentle voice, and he looked in the direction from where it’d come from. Chaeyi, one of the new waitresses, shot him a small reassuring smile, and he forced a smile onto his own face as to not to worry her.
“Yes?”
“There’s someone outside to see you.” Chaeyi said, “I couldn’t let him inside. It’s not…it’s not opening time yet, so…”
Jaejoong nodded, “It’s okay. I understand. You did the right thing.” He widened his smile a little, and she smiled back at him. As he turned to leave, he suddenly thought of something and called out her name.
Chaeyi turned around and looked back at him, “Yes?”
“The man outside, who is he?”
The young girl thought for a bit before she shook her head and shrugged. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t that familiar with him…but he was a military man. He told me that he had something important to talk to you about.”
Jaejoong could feel his heart pound in his chest, and he stared at Chaeyi, his eyes filled with fear. It took him a few seconds, but he calmed himself down in order to ask the young girl another question. “Did he say what about?”
“No…he didn’t.” Chaeyi began to realize the reason behind his questions, and her face immediately took on a more serious expression. “Jaejoong, do -“
Before she could finish her sentence, Jaejoong quickly slipped past her and made his way for the front door. After hearing the news of all the deaths in the past days, his heart clenched in fear knowing that Changmin or Seunghyun had been one of them. He pushed the bar doors open, and he froze when he saw who was standing out on the street.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong whispered, barely able to conjure any strength as he stared at the other man in shock.
The other man nodded, “Can we talk?”
“About what?” Jaejoong asked. He couldn’t even bring to mind what had occurred in the previous night. He was more worried about what could’ve possibly happened to Seunghyun or to Changmin. Although he didn’t know if Yunho was a regular deliverer of bad news, he wouldn’t put it out of the realm of possibility that Yunho had only come to see him to tell him that something bad had happened.
It took a while for Yunho to say something, but a few seconds before Jaejoong was about to repeat his question, Yunho spoke up.
“About…about us.”
Jaejoong calmed down significantly, but he still wasn’t entirely at peace. He stared at the other man, trying to find some kind of answer in his expression, but as usual, he could find nothing from him. He bit his lip and looked down, not sure of what kind of answer he ought to give. Perhaps it would be easier for him to simply back out of things now, when his love was still new and not as developed. Maybe he would soon realize that what he felt for Yunho was only a simple infatuation and nothing more, thus saving him from more pain and hurt in a world that had already given him so much to cry and agonize over.
“Please.”
The pianist’s eyes darted upwards at the sound of the word escaping the other man’s lips, and he stared at Yunho in shock. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, and at that moment, Jaejoong knew that his feelings for Yunho were still lingering strongly. The hope that he’d tried so hard to bury the previous night refused to dwindle and die out.
Deep down, he knew he still hoped that felt as much as he felt for him.
“Where?” Jaejoong questioned softly, still trying to tame his raging emotions.
“You can come back…to my place, if you want,” Yunho said slowly, his eyes more open now and obviously searching Jaejoong’s face for any kind of reaction. “We can talk there in private.”
“What about your daughter?”
“She’s with my sister,” Yunho answered. He licked his lips, and he stared at Jaejoong, waiting for him to reply. “I leave the choice entirely up to you. If you don’t want to come over, I understand.”
Jaejoong stared at him and let out a sigh. He wrapped his coat around him a little tighter and bit his lip. “Okay, I’ll go with you,” he whispered.
His hopes had once again been reignited by the man in front of him, and Jaejoong wished desperately that Yunho would not disappoint him because he honestly did not know how much more disappointment he could take.
o-o-o
Yunho opened the door to his apartment, and Jaejoong stepped in hesitantly. He spotted a light red skirt strewn across the sofa, and a smile lighted his face when he realized that it was probably Minah’s. Just as he was about to reach forward and pick it up, Yunho came over and folded it quickly.
“I always tell her not to leave her stuff lying around,” he mumbled as he walked away from Jaejoong and entered a room. When he came out, Jaejoong felt his eyes upon him and stiffened. He took a step back from Yunho and looked away, unsure of what to say.
The other man’s eyes raked over his body, and Jaejoong felt slightly suspicious and unnerved by the action. It was as if Yunho had observed something, and Jaejoong had no clue as to what it was.
“You look good,” Yunho said softly, and Jaejoong bit his lip and looked down.
“Thank you,” Jaejoong replied timidly. He looked at Yunho and shot him a weak and forced smile. “You look good as well.”
Yunho stared at him and then gestured to the dining table. “Do you want to sit down? I’ll get you something to drink, and maybe something to eat too.”
“Oh, okay.”
Jaejoong let Yunho lead him over to the table, and his heart fluttered when Yunho’s hand brushed against his. He sat down upon the chair and looked down at the mahogany table as he waited for Yunho to come back. He didn’t want to eat, and he didn’t feel thirsty either, but he figured that having Yunho away from him would provide him with more time to think about whatever it is that he wanted.
He watched as Yunho set down a glass of milk in front of him, and when he placed down a plate of chocolate chip cookies beside it, Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it. He lifted his head to look up at Yunho, and the other man avoided his gaze until he was seated down at the chair across from him. They stared at each other, the awkward silence highly evident, and Jaejoong bit his lip. He was usually such a talkative person, but he was rendered speechless by what was going on.
He’d already put out so much there for Yunho, wasn’t it only fair that the other man eased his fears away? Jaejoong was fairly sure that Yunho could read him like an open book. He deserved the truth, and he deserved something from the other man.
“I…I was married before,” Yunho started slowly, he looked at Jaejoong carefully, and Jaejoong felt slightly uneasy from the way Yunho was looking at him. “I have this feeling that you already know that.”
He shook his head and laughed lightly when Jaejoong didn’t say anything to protest his last words. Jaejoong wasn’t sure if he was supposed to apologize or not, but before he could stammer out an embarrassed apology, Yunho spoke again.
“You seemed interested, and I could see you talking to your friends. I wasn’t sure if you asked about me, but the news about my separation isn’t exactly classified information, and you never once asked me about my previous lovers whenever you chattered at night, so I presumed it was a topic that you avoided out of respect for my feelings on the matter.”
“I didn’t know about your daughter,” Jaejoong said softly, still treading carefully on the subject matter they were discussing. He grasped his glass tightly, the condensation from the cold milk wetting his palms. He licked his lips then looked at Yunho, “Does no one really know about her?”
“I don’t like bringing her to the military bases,” Yunho explained. “I don’t think that she should be exposed to those kinds of things. I would prefer to keep her away from the horrors of war as much as possible…to bring her to a military base would only make her ask questions and -“
“I understand,” the pianist cut in, saving Yunho from having to explain further for him. He could understand Yunho’s reasons easily. After all, Yoochun had tried to do the same for Yoohwan. No one wanted their loved ones to be exposed to the destruction or ruthlessness of war. In such times of difficulty, it was one feeling that could be understood almost universally.
Yunho let out a soft sigh and looked at Jaejoong. “Why did you leave last night? Did…did you not like the fact that I have a daughter?” he asked, his gaze searching and intense as he looked at Jaejoong for an answer. “Or…”
“I was hurt,” Jaejoong replied. “I…I’ve opened up so much to you in these past few months, and you’ve hardly told me anything.” He looked down at his glass and ignored Yunho’s gaze. “When I saw Minah…when I saw that you hadn’t mentioned her to me at all…I assumed that it was because you didn’t…you didn’t have any intentions of bringing me any further into your life.”
“Jaejoong -“
“And I understand,” the pianist choked out, although it was something he didn’t want to say. Even though Yunho had taken a step in the right direction, Jaejoong could still feel that gripped at his heart. Yes, Yunho was explaining things to him, but that didn’t mean much at all to him. The things Yunho was speaking to him, they weren’t things that he really needed to hear.
He didn’t care if Yunho had a daughter, and he didn’t care that Yunho used to have a wife. Yunho’s wife was something entirely in the past, and as for his daughter, Jaejoong had always loved children. What he cared about most was to know if Yunho loved him or not, because if he did, then his fears would be put to rest. He could stop worrying in the middle of the night that one day, Yunho would tell him that he didn’t want to see him anymore, or that one day, Yunho would just suddenly disappear on him.
If Yunho told him that he loved him, then that would be something Jaejoong could truly hold onto. It would be their foundation to a steadier relationship, and it would be a foundation for their future together. If Yunho did not love him, then there was really nothing that could hold them together. The other man would be able to leave him just as easily as their relationship had started, and Jaejoong would be left alone to pick up the broken pieces of his fragile heart.
What he needed was a reassurance of love from Yunho, but his emotions were too conflicted. While he wanted so much for Yunho to confess his love, he was also scared by what that would entail for them. With a war raging so close to home and with Yunho in his position in the military, there was a high chance that Yunho would one day be required to leave for the war.
If Yunho left for the war and took his heart with him, what could he do then? He was scared of Yunho’s full on rejection as much as he was scared of what it’d be like to have a future with the soldier. He could be considered a coward in numerous ways and times, and Jaejoong realized that now was one of those times.
He was so filled with fear - of love, of war, of heartbreak, and he didn’t know what to do with it all.
“You…you don’t owe me anything,” Jaejoong said slowly as he struggled to keep his voice calm and steady. He took a deep breath and met Yunho’s eyes. “I understand that I’m asking too much of you right now. You have a daughter to take care of, a war raging at your doorstep, and I…I’m no one to you.”
He stood up, “Yunho, I was wrong to leave so quickly last night, and I was wrong to…to force any kind of unnecessary pressure on your shoulders. You didn’t deserve that. There was really not much of a need for you to bring me here.”
Jaejoong swallowed hard and forced a smile at Yunho. “There’s no need for you to apologize to me.” He glanced down at the wall clock that was nearby, and although it wasn’t close to the bar’s opening time, Jaejoong decided to lie to escape everything. “I should go now. I’m sure that Yoochun will need me back at the bar.”
The pianist quickly headed for the door, but Yunho stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the floor and took hold of Jaejoong’s hand. Jaejoong stopped as soon as he felt Yunho’s hand around his waist, and he bit down on his lip hard, unsure of what to do next. He waited, his heart pounding in his chest, and he wondered if Yunho would be able to do what he hadn’t done the previous night.
“Why are you leaving?” Yunho whispered, and Jaejoong’s heart clenched tightly in his chest. “Why are you running away from me, just like you did last night? Have I mistaken your…your feelings for these past few months?”
“What do you know about my feelings?” Jaejoong questioned weakly as he clenched his eyes shut. “If you knew my feelings, then…”
“Have you ever been in love before?”
Jaejoong didn’t respond - after all, he couldn’t really give Yunho a proper answer. He’d fallen into numerous romances before, and they’d all been flashes of passion that had died out with the wind. Never before had he loved anyone as much as he believed he loved Yunho, so if he were to be honest, his answer would’ve been a no. However, he was muted by fear into silence, and couldn’t voice out what it was that he wanted to say.
“I assume that’s a no,” Yunho said slowly, and Jaejoong could hear his voice shaking slightly. “You don’t know what it’s like…to be so in love with someone, only to see that person leave you for reasons…for reasons that you will understand, and for reasons that are so unbelievable that it’d only break your heart over and over again to remember.”
He breathed in deeply, and Jaejoong could imagine that the other man was hurting terribly and possibly on the verge of crying. “You’re so new to this. You…you don’t know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that there won’t be anyone beside you anymore…to realize that the person you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with never really loved you as much as you loved her.”
Jaejoong turned around, and when he saw Yunho, tears in his eyes, his heart broke for the other man. He’d always seen Yunho as a man of strength and a man who’d overcome all his obstacles in life. But now, Jaejoong could see the man underneath his façade of strength - a man who feared and got hurt just like he did.
“I told you one night that I try to get rid of whatever makes me afraid, but the truth is Jaejoong, one can’t get rid of love, can they?” Yunho smiled sadly at Jaejoong, “I can’t get rid of my daughter can I? After all, she’s been the only grace after my marriage had fallen apart…and, I…I can’t get rid of you too, can I?”
The soldier shook his head, and Jaejoong could feel his grip on his wrist tighten slightly, as if Yunho was drawing strength from him. “Don’t you see what I’m trying to say to you right now, why I hid my daughter from you, why I hid so much of myself from you? You said you were afraid of cages, and here I am…a man with baggage - both emotional and personal - a cage that would trap you into staying with me.”
Yunho shook his head once more. “I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to fool myself into believing once again that someone was staying with me out of choice rather than duty when that was actually not the case. I’m afraid…afraid to fall in love again, as cliché as it may seem, because what will happen to me when I realize once again that the person I love is not as in love with me as I thought? Do you know how painful it is to have the bubble of perfection shatter, only to reveal the true harshness and despair that waits outside?”
Jaejoong felt Yunho let go of his wrist, and before Yunho could say a single word, he crushed their bodies together. He held Yunho tightly in his arms, breathing him in deeply as he cried against his neck. They were both so afraid and so in love that it hurt his heart to think that he’d almost allowed his fear to let go of the other man that was currently in his arms.
“I love you,” Jaejoong whispered softly as he pulled away from Yunho to look at him, their eyes meeting as he cupped Yunho’s face between his hands. He pressed their lips together desperately, kissing him with all of the love that he felt in his heart. He parted his lips willing for the other man, and he cherished the way that Yunho embraced him tightly in his strong arms.
In Yunho’s embrace, he felt protected, needed, loved, and wanted. There had been no one else that’d made him feel such a way, and Jaejoong melted into Yunho’s embraces and kisses as they eased away one another’s fears of love, life and hurt.
o-o-o
The bar was closing, and after Jaejoong had gone back to Yoochun’s office to make sure he was feeling better, he quickly left and headed for the street light where he’d meet Yunho. His heart fluttered in his chest when he saw the other man, and he smiled shyly as soon as he was close to him. Yunho turned to look at him, and Jaejoong’s smile widened a little more before he stopped in front of him.
“Hi.”
Yunho smiled, “Hey.”
They stood still for a few seconds, simply watching one another and basking in the newfound status of their relationship. It was as if the barriers between them had disappeared completely, and Jaejoong simply felt lighter when he was around the other man.
“Where will we go?” Jaejoong asked as he wrapped his coat around his frame a little tighter. The air was chilly, and he regretted not bringing a scarf with him because of how easily he felt the cold. His eyes widened in realization before Yunho could answer and he quickly blurted out the thought that had come to mind. “What about Minah? Do you have to get back to her -“
“My sister puts her to bed,” Yunho answered. “After Minah and I have dinner together, I usually…I leave her with my sister.” He frowned slightly, “It’s not something that I like doing, but my sister…she thinks I should go out more.”
“I see.”
Jaejoong wondered if Yunho’s sister knew of the nature of their relationship, or if she knew Yunho was seeing anyone at all, but he held back on asking that question. They’d already gone through so much in just one day, and Jaejoong decided he’d leave that question unasked and unanswered for now.
So caught up in his thoughts, Jaejoong was only jolted out of them when Yunho reached out to squeeze his hand gently, taking back all of Jaejoong’s attention before he slowly let go. “Where would you like to go?”
“We can just…” Jaejoong looked around at the empty streets then turned back to look at Yunho. “I’m tired,” he said softly, speaking the truth. He felt exhausted from all the emotions he’d felt that day, and he wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep.
“I can walk you home,” Yunho murmured, and he tugged Jaejoong in the direction of the latter’s apartment gently. Jaejoong smiled to himself as Yunho took the lead, and he walked close to the other man, their arms brushing against one another as they walked to where Jaejoong lived.
Neither of them said anything, but the silence was different from usual. While before their silences had a subtle tension of words unspoken, this one was simply a comfortable silence. They were simply enjoying one another’s company, and Jaejoong’s only regret was that he couldn’t express as much as he wanted at that one moment. When they reached Jaejoong’s apartment building, Jaejoong turned around, expecting Yunho to go home but instead, he bumped into Yunho.
“Oh -“
“I thought -“
Jaejoong blushed darkly, and he looked around before he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Yunho’s. He pulled the man inside and led him up the stairs until they reached his floor. He let go of Yunho’s hand briefly to unlock his apartment door, and as soon as it was opened, he pulled the other man inside.
He kissed Yunho chastely and smiled to step away, but Jaejoong let out a small yelp when he stumbled on a bottle on his floor. The pianist impulsively reached out and gripped onto Yunho’s arms for support but ended up pulling Yunho down with him. Jaejoong’s back hit the floor with a thud, and Yunho fell on top of him, knocking all the wind out of his lungs.
“Shit, Jaejoong -“
The pianist started laughing, and Yunho looked down at him in concern. He pressed his hand against Jaejoong’s face, and the pianist reached up to grasp Yunho’s hand tightly. He stared up at him and smiled.
“My back hurts,” he whispered. “Help me up?”
Yunho quickly pulled Jaejoong up, and the latter hooked his arms around Yunho’s neck as he got lifted off the ground. Jaejoong laughed as Yunho carried him bridal style, but when Yunho paused, he stopped laughing.
“Did you have company?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong realized that Yunho had noticed the one or two beer bottles that he’d finished earlier in the day. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “No…but it’s not your fault, alright?” He kissed the other man’s jaw, “I was just stressed this morning. Come on, it’s only two bottles…”
With a sigh, Yunho continued on his way. As soon as they were inside of Jaejoong’s bedroom, he set Jaejoong down onto the bed. They stared at each other, wondering what to do next - whether they would proceed to the usual sex, or if nothing else would happen that night. After deciding that too much had already gone on that day, Jaejoong made his decision and pulled Yunho into bed with him.
“You’re still wearing your coat,” Yunho whispered as he sat up, and Jaejoong grudgingly got up. Yunho got off the bed, and he slowly and tenderly undressed Jaejoong, pulling off all his layers of clothes. His touches were gentle and loving, and Jaejoong almost felt as if Yunho was putting him to bed. As soon as he was down to his boxers, Yunho took off his own coat, folded it, and set it down upon a chair.
Jaejoong looked at him, “You won’t undress?” he whispered, well aware of how much skin he was revealing in front of the other man.
“I have to get back in a while,” Yunho answered as he climbed back into bed to hold Jaejoong tightly. He wrapped his arm around Jaejoong’s waist and pulled him close to his body. “I’ll leave after you’ve gone to sleep.”
“And what if I don’t go to sleep?” Jaejoong whispered as he pulled Yunho’s arm and made him embrace him tighter. Yunho’s head rested on his shoulder, and he breathed in deeply, appreciating the warm the other man provided him with. “What if I stay up the whole night? Will you stay then?”
“No,” Yunho murmured as he kissed Jaejoong’s shoulder. “Because I have a baby girl to get back to, and I don’t want her to wake up alone.”
Jaejoong fell silent for a few seconds, and he sighed softly. He intertwined his fingers with Yunho’s and squeezed. “She’s a beautiful girl,” Jaejoong commented. “Although, I don’t think she’s a baby anymore Yunho…”
“You don’t have any right to tell me that,” Yunho whispered, and Jaejoong knew it was in jest, so he didn’t bother to feel hurt by it. He smiled, and Yunho held him closer to him. “But yes, she’s beautiful. I’ve always thought she was beautiful…from the first moment I saw her until now.”
“She looks like you,” Jaejoong murmured as it became a bit more difficult for him to keep his eyes open. The combination of Yunho’s warmth and the soft whispers into his ear was like a lullaby to him, and the longer they stayed in such a comfortable position, the more difficult it became for Jaejoong to stay awake. “The longer…the longer I looked at her, the more I was reminded of you.” “Are you saying she started to look like a man?”
Jaejoong chuckled but kept his eyes shut. He was enjoying Yunho’s warmth far too much to try moving out of the position they were currently in. “No, I was saying that…” the pianist let out an irritated noise, “You know what I mean.”
Yunho chuckled softly, “Alright then.”
“But…she is beautiful you know,” Jaejoong whispered softly as he relaxed further into Yunho’s warm and strong embrace. “Such…such a beautiful little girl, like her father…”
Yunho’s breath ghosted against Jaejoong’s ear as he laughed, and although he wasn’t completely conscious anymore, Jaejoong could feel his lips quirk into a small smile.
He could feel himself slipping further into unconsciousness, and the longer they stayed in such a position, Jaejoong knew he would fall into a deep sleep soon. Although it was a little cold because of how undressed he was, Yunho kept him warm. The other man’s hand ran up and down his skin in a gentle fashion, slowly easing him deeper into sleep.
In a few minutes, he was stuck in the odd phase between being partially awake and being asleep. Although he could still vaguely register the sounds of Yunho rustling beside him, and the warm touches running along his skin, his body felt too heavy to move.
“Are you asleep?”
Just as the rest of his body felt too heavy to move, Jaejoong couldn’t move his tongue to reply. He could vaguely hear Yunho whisper something else, but it didn’t register as he felt the claim of sleep pull him away from regaining consciousness. However, before he completely lost into the tempting grip of slumber, he vaguely heard Yunho whisper into his ear.
“You’re beautiful too…”
o-o-o
As soon as Jaejoong caught sight of Yunho standing near the bar entrance, he quickened the tempo of the song he’d been playing and eased it into an unusually speedy finish. He ignored the glare that Yoochun shot him from the bar and crossed from his spot to over where Yunho was standing. He smiled up at the taller man, but his smile faltered slightly when Yunho didn’t smile back at him immediately.
“Is…”
“I can’t see you for a few nights,” Yunho explained quickly, his voice low so that no one would overhear. “I…” Jaejoong looked at the other man worriedly. “What happened?” Immediately his thoughts about the war came to mind, and he could feel his heartbeat quicken in his chest. “Is -“
“Minah’s not sleeping well,” Yunho said softly, his facial expression turning gentler and calming Jaejoong’s fears. “When I came home last night, Jihye was still at home and she told me that Minah didn’t want to go to bed without me around anymore.”
“Oh.”
“So, you understand, right?” Yunho questioned. “It’ll be hard for me to leave her, and I don’t want to leave her if my absence affects her in such a way. The, the only way that…”
“What is it?”
The soldier took a deep breath. “The only way I can see you in the evening is if you…is if you come over.”
o-o-o
Jaejoong stood nervously outside of the apartment, his index finger close to the doorbell. If he moved it just a little closer, his finger would press against it and alert Yunho to his arrival. He took a deep breath and breathed in, clutching his present a little closer to his chest before he rang the doorbell.
He heard quick footsteps approach the door, and when it swung open to reveal Minah, he wasn’t surprised. The little girl’s eyes widened slightly, and she bit her lip slightly before she looked back for her dad, who was still making his way over to the door with kitchen mitts covering his hands.
“Hi,” Jaejoong said slowly, his eyes lingering on Yunho before he looked down at Minah, who was watching him with beautiful brown eyes. He crouched down, and the little girl smiled shyly at him before she took a step back and accidentally bumped against her father.
Yunho set his hand behind his daughter’s back at pushed her slightly forward in the other man’s direction. He smiled at his daughter, “Don’t you remember him Minah? He came by a few days ago.”
“Oh,” Minah said slowly as she examined Jaejoong carefully. “I think…I don’t remember him daddy.”
Jaejoong smiled and Yunho laughed at his daughter. “I’m Jaejoong.” He said slowly as he held out his hand for Minah to shake. “I’m your daddy’s friend. I told you that before, but I guess you were too sleepy to remember me.”
Minah pouted then clung to her dad. “No I wasn’t.”
Yunho laughed at his daughter’s stubborn behavior and moved so that Jaejoong would be able to come inside. The pianist stepped carefully inside the home, and he noticed that everything was a bit messier than it the last time he’d been inside. There were some crayons on the floor, and once again, there was clothing on the sofa.
He looked at Yunho, and Yunho looked apologetic.
“I told Minah that someone was coming over and…”
The little girl ran up to Jaejoong and held out her drawing. “This is for you,” she said with a bright smile, deciding to let go of Jaejoong’s earlier accusation. She smiled up at him, “My daddy said to make a gift.”
Jaejoong took hold of the crayon drawing and smiled when he saw the hurriedly drawn flowers and scenery. “Thank you.” He motioned to fold it, but the young girl quickly shouted.
“Stop!” Her lips turned into a frown, “What are you doing?”
“Oh, I was just -“
“Don’t fold it!” Minah muttered before she snatched the piece of paper back out of his hands. She quickly ran off into a room, which Jaejoong presumed to be her bedroom, and while she was away, he looked at Yunho. The soldier looked back at him with a smile filled with amusement.
“It’s not that funny,” Jaejoong hissed. “My sisters’ children, they all love me you know.”
“She’s -“
Minah came back with a folder in her hands, and she handed it over to Jaejoong with a smile back on her face. The folder was pink, but Jaejoong didn’t bother to comment on that and accepted it with a smile.
“Daddy told me to take care of gifts.” She said, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but notice that it seemed like the little girl was glaring at him. “So, you shouldn’t fold mine.”
“Oh…” Jaejoong glanced at Yunho, and it looked like he was about to burst into laughter. He forced a smile onto his face and nodded, “Your daddy’s absolutely right. I’m sorry Minah.”
“It’s okay,” the girl said, although it seemed almost like she didn’t care much about what Jaejoong had to say to her. She went up to her father, “Daddy, let’s eat.” Yunho took her into his arms, and she laughed as she wrapped her hands around his neck.
Yunho smiled at Jaejoong, “Hold on, you can sit. I’ll just grab the food from inside the kitchen, okay?” He looked at his daughter, “Minah, don’t you want to keep Jaejoong company? He might -“
“No daddy, I wanna stay with you.” She hugged her father tighter and buried her face into his neck, making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with Jaejooong. Yunho shot Jaejoong a sympathetic smile before he disappeared into the kitchen, and Jaejoong walked over to the dining table and sat down.
As he waited, he looked at the way everything was set. There was no distinct sign that told him where anyone was supposed to be, so Jaejoong hoped that he wouldn’t end up making Minah dislike him any further. The young girl wasn’t warming up to him, and Jaejoong could only assume that was because she was used to monopolizing Yunho’s affection. He wasn’t sure what Yunho had told the girl before his arrival, but he was fairly sure that it was something that she hadn’t ended up liking.
He let out a sigh and set the gift he’d been holding down onto the table. Yunho had told him that Minah liked to draw, so he’d gone through the effort of buying her crayons and a painting set. The longer he stared at the wrapped box, Jaejoong began to feel nervous that the young girl would tell him that she didn’t want anything to do with his gift and would end up chucking it at his face.
“Daddy, you’re so slow!”
The pianist turned his head, and he smiled at the sight of Yunho following behind his daughter with a big pot filled with something incredibly aromatic. Minah was carrying a plastic pitcher filled with iced tea, but she stopped as soon as she saw Jaejoong. Yunho nearly bumped into her, and he looked down at his daughter before he turned his eyes to look at what she was staring at.
Jaejoong felt incredibly embarrassed and worried with two similar pairs of eyes staring at him, but before he could stand up and try to get out of his seat, Yunho spoke first.
“Minah, you can sit down on my left. Haven’t you always said that you don’t like the view from your seat?” Yunho’s tone made it clear that there was no room for arguments, and the young girl slowly set the pitcher down and walked over to the seat that was across from Jaejoong.
“Is this present for me?” Minah asked as she took Jaejoong’s gift off the table. She shook it excitedly, and Jaejoong nodded. The young girl smiled at him brightly and held the gift close to her chest. “Thank you!”
She darted away from the table, and Yunho chuckled at his daughter’s behavior. Jaejoong helped move the things on the table, and as soon as there was a big enough clearing, Yunho set the pot down at the center of the table. Minah came back and climbed into her seat, and she looked at her father expectantly.
“Well, this is dinner. Oh wait, I’ll go get the rice.” He walked away, leaving both Minah and Jaejoong at the table to stare at each other. It took less than a minute for Yunho to get the rice, but as soon as he came, the doorbell rang.
He set the rice down onto the table and then left to see who was at the door. Jaejoong stared awkwardly at his plate, admiring the blue patterning on its edges, and hoped that Yunho would be back as soon as possible. He looked up and smiled when the other man came in, but his smile dimmed when he realized that Yunho had a slight frown on his face.
“What’s wrong daddy?” Minah asked first, her lips turned downwards into a frown that mirrored her father’s.
Yunho shot her a small smile, “Don’t worry honey.” He looked at the two of them and his smile turned apologetic. “Ms. Kwon next door just asked me to help her fix some of her things. Apparently she has some new furniture which is heavy so…”
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong said, “we’ll be fine.”
“I’ll be back in a bit. If you two get hungry, you can just eat without me -“
Minah pouted, “Daddy, I don’t want to eat without you.”
Yunho walked over to his daughter and smoothened out her hair before he kissed her forehead. “Well then honey, you’ll just have to wait.” He smiled at her sweetly and kissed her once again. “I have to help Ms. Kwon, and as soon as I’m done, I promise we’ll eat together.”
Minah looked unhappy, but she nodded anyway. “Okay, Daddy.”
When Yunho pulled away from her, he looked at Jaejoong. “I’m really sorry about this Jaejoong -“
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong cut in. “Don’t worry about Minah and I, we’ll be fine.” He smiled at Yunho, and the other man returned his smile before he walked out and headed for the front door. As soon as the front door had shut, Jaejoong could feel the level of awkwardness between him and Yunho’s daughter increase.
Jaejoong swallowed hard, unsure of what to say, but he decided that it was best to try rather than to not try at all. He took another smell of the appetizing stew then looked at Minah with a smile on his face, trying to make it seem that he wasn’t as worried about the young girl’s opinion as he truly was.
“Did you help your daddy with the food?”
Minah shook her head and tapped her fork onto her plate. “Nope.” She smiled and giggled, “Daddy can’t cook.”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened, “What?”
“Auntie Jihye cooked that.” Minah said, her smile growing wider as she talked about her father. “Daddy can’t cook anything…except for rice, pancakes, and eggs. In our old home, there was a fire in the kitchen because daddy did something wrong with the stove.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Really?”
The little girl nodded happily. “Daddy can’t cook well, so Auntie Jihye cooks and prepares everything in advance on Sunday, and he just has to heat it. Though, daddy asked her to come over today because of you.”
“Me?”
Minah nodded and tapped her fork on her plate again. “He told her that he had a special guest coming for dinner, so he asked her for a favor.”
Jaejoong could feel a slight blush come across his cheeks. “Really?”
“He also left work early today and picked me up from school, then when we got home, we had to clean the house,” Minah continued to explain. “Daddy also let me choose whatever clothes I wanted to wear, and he complained that I took too long to choose what I wanted to wear.”
Jaejoong smiled at the young girl. “Is that so?”
“Daddy just dresses too quickly,” Minah said with a sigh as she looked down at her plate. She raised her eyes to look at Jaejoong. “Daddy takes good care of me, and he always listens to me when I talk…even though he says I talk too much.”
“I can imagine.”
“Also…” Minah’s eyes raked over his body and then she spoke. “You’re wearing my daddy’s coat! I only noticed now….do you like it? Why did he give it to you? Did you forget to bring your own coat?”
Jaejoong’s eyes widened at her realization, and he glanced down at his clothes, completely unaware that he’d forgotten Yunho’s coat. After a few seconds of staring, he immediately spoke up in order to answer her and in order to prevent her from asking anymore questions. “Well yes, I forgot my coat, and your father let me borrow this one for as long as I liked.”
The young girl smiled, obviously pleased with his answer because of how positively Jaejoong had talked about her father. “Daddy is really nice. He does so many wonderful things for so many people…” Minah sighed again, and her brows furrowed. “Sometimes I don’t like that daddy helps so many people.”
Jaejoong tilted his head. “Why not? Shouldn’t you be proud that your daddy goes around helping people?”
Minah frowned. “I don’t like all the people daddy helps. I don’t think he should help some of them.”
“Like who?”
“Like…Ms. Kwon,” Minah replied thoughtfully before she added, “I don’t like Ms. Kwon. I don’t think my daddy should help her all the time. She’s a bother.”
Jaejoong resisted the urge to chuckle at the young girl, her frustrated yet cute expression making him wish he could reach across the table and hug her tightly. He settled for smiling at her kindly and asked, “Why don’t you like her?”
“Can you keep a secret?” Minah asked, as she got up onto her knees and leaned across the table.
“Yes, I can -“
“I think she likes my daddy,” the young girl whispered before she looked around to make sure no one was listening. Her lips immediately turned into a deep frown. “She always comes over to ask for sugar. Why does she even need so much sugar? She never bakes. I would know because she never gives daddy or me cookies.”
It was getting harder to resist the urge to laugh, but Jaejoong did his best as the little girl continued to rant.
“She wears too much perfume - even Auntie Jihye complains about her. She always asks my daddy if he needs someone to watch me, but thankfully daddy always says no!” Minah shook her head, “Whenever she comes over, she always says that the house needs a…woman’s touch!”
The young girl wrinkled her nose in such an adorable manner that Jaejoong was full on grinning at her. “I don’t like her. I don’t need her touches. I don’t want her stupid -“ Minah’s eyes widened, “Don’t tell daddy I said that word!”
Jaejoong couldn’t hold himself back any longer, so he nodded and laughed. “I promise I won’t.”
Minah smiled, “Thank you.” Her beautiful smile lingered for a little longer before it got replaced with a frown. “I called Ms. Kwon stupid once, and daddy got mad at me.” Her frown deepened. “He told me that it was rude to call her stupid, but Auntie Jihye calls her stupid all the time! He just doesn’t know!”
“Is Ms. Kwon pretty?”
Minah wrinkled her nose. “I think you’re prettier.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Me?”
“Yes!” Minah said happily before she got out of her seat. She quickly ran over to where Jaejoong was seated and tugged at his wrist, “Come on! Daddy’s taking too long! Ms. Kwon is just trying to steal him away from me again!”
Jaejoong quickly got out of his seat, but before he and Minah could make it out of the room, Yunho appeared at the doorway. He raised an eyebrow at them, but before Jaejoong could say anything, Minah spoke first.
“Daddy, I think Ms. Kwon is trying to steal you away again.”
Yunho chuckled and took his daughter into his arms. “No one’s going to steal me away from you, Minah,” he murmured as Minah hugged him tightly. Jaejoong watched them, and Yunho’s eyes met his.
The soldier smiled and spoke, his eyes still purposefully holding Jaejoong’s gaze. “You know I love you, right?”
Jaejoong felt his heart flutter, and even though Minah’s reply came soon after, there was still a strong feeling in his chest that Yunho’s words had also been meant for him.
Part B →
Author’s Note: Ugh, LJ was misbehaving the whole time I tried to update this morning. T__T It’s so annoying, I swear. I wanted to update since I fell asleep and was unable to do so last night, and yeah, this update is kind of late because I keep falling asleep instead of taking the time to update. OTL If any of you cried… *hands out tissues* because I sure did cry while writing this, haha. XD I’m too emotional, I swear. :P Thank you for reading and commenting as usual! ♥