Eyes On You
Title: Eyes On You
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Fluff, slight Angst
Summary: People deal with their crushes in different ways.
Yunho leaned back into his seat and noticed the other boy out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to get a better view of him and observed him from his seat. It was obvious he wasn’t the only person whose attention was stolen by the handsome commuter. He was however, the only male in the train who seemed to be paying attention to his presence.
He glanced at the giggling girls who were farther away, and when they noticed him looking at them, they blushed even redder.
The man next to him was too busy snapping furiously at the person he was talking to on his phone, and the old woman next to him seemed to be dozing off, so he was sure they weren’t as entranced as he was.
The other boy was in high school as well which was made obvious by his uniform, but by what Yunho could see on his uniform, he went to a different school. His hair was dyed a dark reddish violet color, and his eyes were narrowed in concentration as he read a manhwa in the moving train.
Yunho bit his lip and glanced out the train window, wondering if the other male was someone worth talking to or if he was one of those pretty boys that flaunted his looks and had casual flings. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and wondered if anyone was paying attention to him in the same way he was paying attention to the handsome commuter.
He looked down at the floor and decided that he probably wasn’t worth much of anyone’s attention. He was taller than most, but no one could tell since he was usually seated whenever he got on the train, and he supposed he was decent looking, but not nearly close enough to the level of attractiveness of the other student.
The doors of the train opened and some people left, some people stayed while some people entered. Yunho was glad to note that the handsome commuter had stayed. He noticed an elderly woman standing, and he immediately offered her his seat.
“Thank you,” She said gratefully, taking hold of his hand as she moved across the station to sit down. “One can’t find many young men like you nowadays,” She added with a kind smile as soon as she was settled in her seat.
Yunho blushed at her words, “It’s no problem.” He mumbled before bowing slightly and moving so that he could better his grip on the train’s handle bars. He turned his head away and noticed the student he’d been staring at previously was now looking at him.
He smiled at him, a brief flash of straight white teeth, before turning away and Yunho felt his heart flutter.
When the train reached his stop, he turned his head to see if the other student would watch him leave. He didn’t look away from his manhwa, and as Yunho stepped out onto the platform, he felt a bizarre weight of disappointment in his chest, but he pushed it away and began to walk, wondering if he would see the student the next day.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked into the train and wondered why it was emptier than usual. He sat down and looked around the train for the guy he’d seen two days before. He hid his smile behind his bag when he saw him glaring at the floor.
He looked adorable, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about. He was dressed in a football uniform, and Jaejoong bit his lip.
He’d always had a weakness for men in football uniforms.
The doors opened and a flood of people came in, immediately blocking his view of the athlete. Jaejoong sighed and turned away. A girl approached him, her hands holding onto her books tightly as she got closer and the blush on her cheeks increased.
“I...” she trailed off and took the seat next to him, “I think you’re very handsome.” She stuttered, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but feel bad for her. He looked at her kindly and realized that he recognized her from somewhere.
“You might not know me, but I’m -“
“You’re my classmate,” Jaejoong said aloud as soon as he realized why he recognized her. He paled when he realized he didn’t remember her name, and he opened his mouth as he tried to think of something nice to say, but he ended up blurting out what he was thinking instead, “I don’t remember your name.”
She looked visibly upset by that, and he could feel people’s eyes on the two of them. He could only hope that the athlete’s eyes weren’t of one of the pairs focused on them.
“It’s okay.” She said quietly, her eyes focused on the floor. “I’m sorry.” She muttered before she practically ran out the moment the train’s doors opened.
Due to her haste, she bumped into someone. Jaejoong followed after her and helped her with her things while the person she had bumped into did the same. He looked up and noticed that it was the athlete.
They both paused, their hands both holding onto the same book, and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Jaejoong realized that he had his classmate to worry about. He snatched the book and ran after the girl, catching up to her easily.
She was crying, and he felt terrible. He led her to a bench, and she sat down, confessing about how she’d wanted to tell him about her feelings since the beginning of the school year and how she’d liked him since the previous school year.
He bit his lip awkwardly and listened to her, wringing his hands uncomfortably in his lap.
“I’m sorry.” He said finally, after she’d stopped crying and he’d given her back her things. “I don’t...I don’t like you that way.” He explained, “I’m...” the image of the athlete flashed in his mind, “I kind of like someone else.”
The girl dabbed at her eyes with Jaejoong’s handkerchief, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She nodded and smiled at him sadly, “I’m so sorry for embarrassing you like that.”
“It’s okay.” Jaejoong said as he pat her back, “I’m sorry for forgetting your name.”
“It’s Yejin.” The girl said quietly as she handed Jaejoong his handkerchief. She looked at him, “Who is the girl you like? Is she our classmate?”
He hesitated and smiled instead of answering her, “It’s not important. Let’s take the next train together, okay Yejin?”
Her eyes watered again, and he paled, wondering if he’d done something wrong. He handed her his handkerchief and she took it to wipe her eyes, “You’re so nice. The girl you like is so lucky to have someone like you as an admirer.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Is that so?” he smiled and offered her his hand, “The train’s here, let’s go.”
o-o-o
Yunho sighed onto his desk and leaned forward, he’d zoned out of his last subject and they had a quiz about the subject matter the next day. He rested his head on his arms and stared down at his desk.
The girl who’d bumped into him and the handsome guy had begun commuting together every day, and it made him feel lonely.
It made him realize that there’d be more people in the future that he would like and that one day he’d have to face the fact that they most probably liked women and not men. While he wasn’t in the closet to his parents and close friends, hardly anyone else knew, and he supposed it would stay that way for much longer.
A hand came upon his shoulder, “Yunho, you’re still here?”
Yunho sat up, “Yeah, I’m just tired.” He said softly as he got out of his seat to gather his things. “There’s a big match on Saturday, and practice the other day was -“
Changmin stared at him, “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” he asked, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’ll commute home with you today. You look like you need someone to talk to.”
“It’s fine -“
“I’m not taking no for an answer, let’s go.”
As usual, Yunho was forced to buy food for Changmin on the way to the train station. They waited for the train together, and Changmin ate while waiting for Yunho to say something.
“You’re not going to feel any better by saying nothing.” Changmin said after he’d finished the red bean bun Yunho had bought for him, “I already know most things about you, so it’s better if you just talk about how you’re feeling rather than forcing me to deal with you in a poor mood.”
Yunho stared blankly ahead and sighed. “It’s personal.”
“Obviously.”
He glanced at Changmin, “Do you really want to know? I’m just going to make you uncomfortable, I’m sure.”
Changmin looked a little surprised, and then a little worried. He frowned and thought for a minute before asking, “How personal is it? If has to do with something down there...” he glanced southward at Yunho’s crotch pointedly for effect, “Then I’m not sure -“
Yunho punched him on the shoulder. “It’s just...it’s about this guy...in a way.”
“Oh.” Changmin let out a relieved breath, “Good. Well, what about him?”
“You’ll see soon enough.” Yunho replied as the train came into the station. They walked in together and because the train was rather full, they were both forced to stand up with other passengers.
His height was an advantage, and Yunho scanned the carriage for the handsome commuter. He found him instantly, and his girlfriend was sitting next to him too. They were laughing together, and he looked away instantly, only to catch Changmin looking at him with a displeased expression.
“Thank you for ignoring what I just said.” Changmin muttered as he inched closer to Yunho so that they could hear each other better. “So, what’s up with the guy?”
Yunho looked down, slightly embarrassed that he was going to talk about his non-existent love life with the younger guy. “I like him…kind of?” He whispered so that other people wouldn’t hear - he didn’t need judgmental looks - and he lowered his voice when he added, “He has a girlfriend now though.”
“Oh.” Changmin looked around the train before he paused, “Who is he? Do I know him? Is he one of our friends?”
“The guy with the dyed hair who’s next to the girl with glasses, he’s sitting somewhere behind me.” Yunho said, and in little time, Changmin was looking over his shoulder and for the guy.
When he’d found him, he studied him carefully before looking back at Yunho.
“You’re so sure she’s his girlfriend?” Changmin asked. “She might just be his friend or something. She might even be his sister.”
“I’m fairly sure. She bumped into me one time, crying, and he ran right after her. The next day, they started commuting together. It’s -“
“Well...you don’t really know him anyway. It’s not a big loss since you barely know him anyway.” Changmin said as he patted Yunho’s shoulder. “He could be a complete asshole…or a bitch.”
“I guess.”
The train stopped, and people got out of the train. Yunho noticed that the handsome student and his girlfriend were one of them. He shifted to make way for them, but the guy bumped into him.
“I’m sorry!” The guy said instantly but due to the stream of people, he had to keep going, so there was no time for Yunho to say anything in reply.
They locked eyes for a brief second, the student on the platform and Yunho still in the train, before the train began to move again. Yunho stared in that direction for a few seconds until Changmin waved his hand in front of his face.
“You’ve got it bad...don’t you?” Changmin asked, shaking his head disbelievingly.
Yunho kept quiet as he thought about Changmin’s words. “Yeah…which is weird, I’m not usually like this. Maybe Jihye’s bizarre romance dramas or rubbing off on or me or something. It’s affecting me a lot,” he said lightly, trying to alleviate the mood but failing to do so due to the unsure expression on his face.
“Don’t let things like this get you down Yunho. I don’t mind -“
He sighed and smiled, trying to look happier. “It doesn’t matter now though. I’ll get over it.” He said as he looked away. “I’ll get over it.” He repeated quietly, the words more of a reassurance for himself than Changmin.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked into the train station alone, and it was the first time in several weeks. He and Yejin had become friends easily, but she’d opted out of the train ride in order to hang out with her other friends who’d become envious of her hanging out with him all the time after school.
He looked around and caught sight of the tall student, who was also alone and once again in his football uniform. Jaejoong bit his lip apprehensively, wondering if it would be alright for him to approach him.
“Jaejoong!”
Yoochun came up to him and swung his arm around his shoulder, “I was wondering why you’d left school so early. I felt hurt. I told you to wait for me during last period.”
“I’m sorry, I forgot.” Jaejoong said half-heartedly as he glanced across the station at the athlete who was entirely unaware of his existence. He turned and looked back at Yoochun, who was eying him oddly. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Really? Could you do my art project then?” he asked. “I really don’t know how I’m going to make a self-portrait of myself without it ending up ridiculously ugly.”
“It’s not going to be a self-portrait if I make it.” Jaejoong replied as they began to walk to the train that had just come into the station, “But I’ll do it anyway since I haven’t been hanging out with you lately.”
“Alright then!” Yoochun said happily. He patted Jaejoong on the back and leaned in closer, to whisper in his ear. “He’s cute. Do you like him?’
Jaejoong jerked back in surprise, knocking into the person behind him. He apologized profusely before he followed Yoochun to two free seats. “Shut up.” He muttered, blushing deeply.
“Ever so easy to read Joongie.” Yoochun commented as he slung his arm over Jaejoong’s shoulder. “I saw you staring at him since I sincerely doubt you were looking at the old lady whose hair was still in curlers.”
Jaejoong covered his face with his hand, “You’re talking too loud.” He muttered before sneaking a glance at the athlete who was sitting away from them. “He might hear you.”
“Is he why you haven’t been hanging out with me after school?”
“No.” Jaejoong muttered, “I told you, one of my sisters is getting married so I have to help her out with preparing things.”
“...he’s just a bonus, isn’t he?” Yoochun asked as he reached for Jaejoong’s bag and took out one of his notebooks. He flipped through the notebook, “Did you doodle him yet?”
“And risk someone seeing? No.” Jaejoong replied. “I don’t think I could live with the embarrassment.”
“Everyone kind of knows you like guys anyway...well, aside from that girl who confessed to you. I really don’t know how she didn’t know. You practically sparkle -“
“You’re not a friend, at all.” Jaejoong muttered as he shoved Yoochun and turned away, only to see the athlete looking at him. His heart fluttered in his chest and he smiled, hoping he looked charming and handsome rather than nervous.
When he smiled back, Jaejoong resisted the urge to giggle and turned back to Yoochun with a deliriously happy look on his face. “He smiled at me!” he said as quietly as possible, the happiness radiating off him obviously.
“That’s nice.” Yoochun replied, sounding uninterested as he continued to flip through Jaejoong’s notebook. “Why don’t you go talk to him?”
“It’d be weird.” Jaejoong answered. “I’m already sitting with you, why would I go up and talk to him? People are just going to give us weird looks, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Also...” he dropped off to a whisper, “He might not be gay.”
“You never know until you ask.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” Jaejoong argued before he turned away from Yoochun and noticed that the train was nearing Yoochun’s stop. “Are you getting off now? I’ll go with you.”
“It’s my stop?” Yoochun laughed, embarrassed for not noticing, and placed the notebook down next to him on the seat so that he could open his bag and look for his wallet. “Why are you getting off here?” he asked as they both stood up to leave. “It’s still far from your stop.”
“I have to pick up a few things for the wedding.” Jaejoong replied as they neared the doors. “My sister asked me to do it.”
“Oh, I see.”
They exited the train and when they were out of the station, Jaejoong turned abruptly to Yoochun. “Hey, can I have my notebook back?” he asked, holding his hand out expectantly.
Yoochun’s mouth fell open, “Oh shit.”
“You left it in the train?” Jaejoong asked, “Which notebook did you get? Yoochun, you have to tell me the truth. You were looking at it too long for it to be - did you get my sketching -“
“I’ll get you a new one?” Yoochun offered, holding his hands up in a sign of peace as Jaejoong got madder by the second. “Come on, it can’t be that bad. All you did there was doodle things you liked and make fun of things you hated.”
“It’s still really embarrassing!” Jaejoong yelled as he began to punch Yoochun repeatedly, earning them odd looks from the people passing by. “You’re so stupid! Asshole! I hate you!”
“Will you hate me less if I tell you something about that guy you like to stare at?” Yoochun asked as Jaejoong continued to punch him.
Jaejoong stopped, fist stuck in mid-air, and asked, “What is it?”
“If you’ve been paying attention to school announcements, you’d know that their school is having a football match with our football team this Saturday at our school’s football field. I’ll go with you to their game, just so you’ll have an excuse to ogle him.”
A smile appeared on Jaejoong’s face, “Really?”
“Yeah.” Yoochun muttered as he massaged the part of his body where Jaejoong had been repeatedly hitting him. “As long as you don’t start drooling in public -“
Jaejoong hit him again.
o-o-o
Yunho sighed.
It had been a good idea, and he’d thought of it immediately after the game had ended and he’d caught sight of Jaejoong leaving the bleachers. His heart had soared with confidence, and his plan was set for Monday.
His plan was to return the sketchbook - which he’d seen Jaejoong’s friend leave behind on the train seat, strike up a conversation and look like some charming hero and eventually he would’ve won Jaejoong over.
Unfortunately, things hadn’t gone to plan.
After he’d finished the game, and he’d found out what the handsome commuter’s name was, an underclassmen had asked him to meet her at the school gate - and he had done so, with every intention of rejecting her feelings because he was too obsessed with Jaejoong and didn’t like her in the way she wanted him to. However, he hadn’t planned on her bursting out into tears and running straight across the road, with a car headed in her direction. Before he could even think, he had already sprinted across the road to push her out of the way. He’d pushed her out of the car’s way and had gotten hit as a result.
He was then subsequently hospitalized and would not be expected to leave the hospital for at least two weeks due to his injuries, despite the fact that they were minor.
Yunho sighed again and leaned back further into his bed. He glanced at the bag that was next to his bed, and he reached out for it. He’d had no intention previously of looking through the sketchbook, but being as bored and restless as he was, his curiosity had won over his morals.
He opened it, flipping through pages of drawings and doodles. He smiled at the adorable complaints scrawled on the pages and the scribbling of boredom fuelled rambling that decorated the pages.
I hate weddings. Why does everyone say I look like a bridesmaid? :<
I want cupcakes.
u___u When will I get to ride an elephant?
I want to go to Thailand. I need money. D:
As he continued to go through the pages, he found himself smiling and liking the person he had barely even talked to even more. He was learning small things about the commuter, and it made his heart flutter.
“Kim Jaejoong,” he said for no reason aside from the fact that he wanted to try out the name on his tongue. He smiled giddily to himself and quickly placed the sketchbook back inside his bag. As he stared blankly at the white ceiling, he realized something.
It was important that he return the sketchbook. It’d look weird if held onto it too long. Yunho sighed and turned onto his side - he’d let Changmin give it to him. Yunho bit his lip and took out a sheet of paper and scribbled some things onto it, deciding to leave Jaejoong a message in his notebook so that it could hopefully move things into a better direction for the two of them.
After he’d finished the note, he stared at it and sighed. It was a bad idea - leaving a note for Jaejoong was stupid. Yunho irritably followed his common sense and crumpled the note before placing it onto his bedside table.
Less than ten seconds after he’d made the decision, the younger boy came in. He had his bag slung over his shoulder and winced when he saw Yunho.
“You look beat up.” He said as he sat down on the chair next to Yunho’s bed. “You’re getting discharged soon though, right?”
“Yeah.” Yunho said, wincing as he sat up. “I have something to ask of you.”
“What is it?” Changmin asked.
He reached for the bag and pulled the sketchbook out, “Could you return this to the boy on the train - the one I pointed out? He left it last Friday, and I want you to return it for me. I wanted to return it myself, but it’d look weird if I held onto it too long, so please give it back to him.”
Changmin took the sketchbook, “What am I supposed to say when I return it?”
“Tell him that you saw his friend leave it on a train seat.” Yunho explained, “Don’t say I found it or anything. I doubt he’s going to care about how you got it anyway. He’ll probably just be happy to have it returned.”
Changmin glanced at the bedside table and as soon as Yunho noticed him staring at the crumpled piece of paper, he spoke, “It’s just a note I tried to write, don’t get it. I’ll have a nurse throw it -“
“Are you trying to play bizarre white knight or something? Why don’t you want him to know that you found it?”
“He doesn’t know me anyway, it won’t matter.”
“Are you sure -“
“Yes, I’m sure.” Yunho interrupted, his tone final. “I don’t want him to know I found it. Just say you were on the train when he left it.”
“Fine.” Changmin placed it inside his bag and stared at the chocolate pudding that was on Yunho’s other side. He pointed at it, “Can I have that?”
Yunho turned around to see what he was talking about and handed him the pudding without question, all the while unaware that Changmin stole the crumpled note off the bedside table and slipped it into Jaejoong’s sketchbook.
o-o-o
Jaejoong frowned when he noticed that Yunho, he finally knew his name after hearing several girls mention it at the game, was once again not in the train. He sat down by himself and sighed, wondering what had happened to him.
He noticed though that Yunho’s friend was present and was rather obviously staring at him. It made him feel uncomfortable, so he just pretended like he didn’t notice. However, the moment the other student began to walk up to him, he found himself becoming even more uncomfortable.
It could just be coincidence, he assured himself, but his gaze kept drifting to the student who was finally in front of him.
“This is yours.” He said, holding the sketchbook in front of Jaejoong’s face. “You left it last Friday -”
Jaejoong stared at the sketchbook for several seconds in shock before he took it from him. He noticed that the other boy was about to leave, so he blurted out the words that were in his mind. “You weren’t here last Friday. I didn’t see you riding the train, or at least, not the carriage I was in.” He said finally as he looked the boy straight in the eyes, waiting for an answer.
With silent triumph, Jaejoong noticed the boy hadn’t been expecting him to say something like that. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and Jaejoong knew he’d been right in voicing out his thoughts.
“You’re right.” The boy said finally. “My friend just asked me to give it back to you.”
“Why didn’t he give it back himself?” Jaejoong asked, feeling bolder after hearing the boy’s admission of the truth.
“He can’t do it himself.” The student replied bluntly, before he looked away, “This is my stop.” He made his way to leave, but Jaejoong reached out and held onto his sleeve.
“Did something happen to him?”
The student looked at him, and Jaejoong didn’t like the scrutinizing look so he quickly let go of his sleeve. “I mean - I just see him on the train a lot, so -“
“He got into an accident.” The student noticed Jaejoong’s worried look and hastily added, “He’ll be fine though. I’m sorry, I have to go.” He walked away and was out of the train before Jaejoong could say thank you.
Jaejoong looked down at his sketchbook and opened it, flipping through it to see if anything had changed. He blushed at the thought of Yunho seeing the contents and hoped that he hadn’t looked through it.
As he flipped through, a crumpled sheet of paper fell through.
I’m sorry, I looked through the pages.
I just think that since I’ve learned things about you from looking through these pages, I should let you learn something about me as well.
First, I can’t cook.
Second, I think I’m too tall to be playing football. Whenever people see me, I have a feeling they think I should be playing basketball.
Third, I got hit by a car, so I’m in the hospital. I won’t be riding the train for a while. It’s a long story about how that happened, so I’ll spare you from hearing it.
Fourth, I have a sister...okay, that wasn’t really interesting, but I’m running out of interesting things to say since I’m not really interesting in the first place.
Fifth, I want to get to know you better.
I’m sorry if this is weird. I mean, it’s not every day that a stranger wants to get to know you - if it is common for you, then...I guess it’s because you’re very good looking. Anyway, if it’s okay with you...I’d like to get to know you better.
If it’s okay, approach me the next time I ride the train (which will be soon, I promise!). If it’s not, then don’t.
P.S. Again, I’m sorry if this is weird.
Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day as he hoped Yunho would get better soon and ride the train as soon as possible.
o-o-o
Yunho swallowed hard as he made his way towards the train station, walking slower than usual due to the slight pain he still felt in his leg. His heart beat quickly in his chest, and he was scared about what would happen during the train ride.
He paused and noticed Jaejoong was walking in the opposite direction, with an older woman holding onto his arm. He froze and stared at them before realizing he’d easily be seen. Yunho moved away and concealed himself behind a large sign, where he’d still be able to see them.
They looked close, and his heart clenched in his chest as he noticed that the woman was leaning her head against him comfortably. Their arms were intertwined, and Yunho noticed that he was carrying her bags too.
They went down to the station, and Yunho followed, making sure there were several people behind him. He was behind a group of girls, and their conversation didn’t make him feel any less uneasy.
“Is that his girlfriend?”
“She looks much older than him.”
“Why do guys always like older women? It’s so discouraging. I can’t wait until I’m older so I can snatch good looking younger men.”
Yunho shook his head and walked away from the girls, there was still a chance that the woman could be his sister - it didn’t mean that she was his girlfriend. He hid behind a column and snuck a glance, only to see the woman press her lips against Jaejoong’s cheek.
He turned away and leaned against the column.
Yunho shut his eyes and breathed out slowly. He’d been stupid. He’d let his crush get way out of hand. It wasn’t realistic for him to even approach the other man romantically when he hadn’t even let out a single sign that he was even interested.
It was stupid of him to worry about whether or not that woman was a girlfriend or if the previous girl had been one either. It wasn’t realistic for him to make his feelings clear when he would most likely be only hit with rejection.
He’d been blinded by his feelings and had let them take hold of his decisions. It was unreasonable for him to expect the other boy to like him, another guy, especially with the kinds of opinions most people felt towards homosexual relationships. He bit down hard on his lip and watched the train leave, the people’s faces blurring past.
Yunho left the station.
He shook his head and bought an umbrella from a nearby convenience store since it looked like it was going to rain soon. He had to end his stupid infatuation with the other student, with Jaejoong, before it would go any further.
Yunho exited the convenience store, his decision firm in his mind.
From now on he would start walking home.
Maybe he was being stupid and angsty, but he was a teenager, and he was allowed to feel stupid and angsty over his pathetic, miserable state, and crushes that just could not be his.
o-o-o
The next few months, Yunho never showed up for the train.
It had become a daily ritual for Jaejoong to wait for him, his eyes wandering around as he looked for him in the train station. He’d wait as they passed each station, wondering if perhaps Yunho would show up at one of them.
He always went home disappointed.
Jaejoong carried the note around, just to make sure that it was real, and he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Yunho. It’d been more two months since the note, and he was getting both disappointed and worried.
His friend never took the train either, so it made things harder for him. It felt too forward if he was to wait at Yunho’s school, and he wouldn’t have had a good reason for it either since they barely knew each other in the first place.
“Hey Jaejoong!”
Jaejoong turned around and waved at Junsu, who was running up to him. Junsu smiled at him brightly, “Why do you always leave school so quickly?” he asked, “It’s so odd. Do you meet up with someone after school?”
“I just...” he trailed off, “My sister that’s getting married keeps making me run errands with her so that I can carry her bags, and...I have things to do at home.”
Junsu gave him an odd look. “...right. Anyway, since I’ve caught you, could you go grocery shopping with me? My mom gave me a grocery list, and I swear, I didn’t think there would be so many things I’ve never heard of.”
He showed Jaejoong the list, “Please help me.”
Jaejoong glanced at the entrance to the train station before he looked back at Junsu and nodded. “Sure, I’ll go with you.” He answered, since he decided that it was about time he gave up on Yunho anyway.
“Great!”
The closest grocery was a five minute walk, and Jaejoong found that being inside it made him feel considerably happier. There was something about the bright lights and the displays of food that made him feel like he was in his element, and it helped that cheerful music was playing throughout the supermarket’s sound system.
In less than twenty minutes, most of the items were in the cart. Junsu checked the list one last time to make sure they’d gotten everything, “I’ll just get the tomatoes and then we’ll be done. Wait here.”
He was gone before Jaejoong could say anything, leaving him alone with the cart in front of the bread section. Jaejoong glanced at the bread on display and noticed a familiar person looking through the baked goods on display.
It was Yunho’s friend.
He left the cart and jogged up to him. No matter how hard he’d tried to bury the questions he had, he knew he wouldn’t be able to let go of Yunho’s disappearance unless he had some sort of explanation for them. He tapped the taller boy on the shoulder, and he turned around, surprised to see Jaejoong again.
“First thing, I need to know your name.” Jaejoong said directly, taking hold of the conversation immediately.
“Shim Changmin.” The boy said slowly as he studied Jaejoong carefully. “Is this about Yunho?” he asked.
“Where is he? Is he still in the hospital?” Jaejoong asked, “It’s been two months since you’ve given me the sketchbook back, and he still hasn’t shown up. Did something happen to him again -“
“Wait, what?” Changmin shot him a confused look. “He hasn’t been taking the train?”
“Well, not the train I take.” Jaejoong said, slowing down because he realized that he might look like a freak to the other student if he made it known that he took note of Yunho’s presence daily.
The taller boy frowned. “He’s been out of the hospital for a while already. Maybe he’s just taking a later train or something -“
“But he said he’d take the train with me!” Jaejoong blurted out, before he began blushing profusely. He covered his face, embarrassed. He took a few steps back and realized how weird he had just sounded. “I mean -“
“Is that what he wrote on that note?” Changmin asked. “He said that he’d take the train with you?”
Jaejoong was still blushing, but he nodded. “Well, not exactly. He just said something about wanting to get to know me better, and I thought well, I thought he -“
“He’s an idiot.” Changmin muttered, “He likes you.”
“What -“
A young girl came up to Changmin’s side and tugged on his shirt, “Mom said we should go. Hurry up or I’ll miss my show.” She pouted at her brother before she glared at Jaejoong, taking him as the reason they weren’t leaving yet.
“Yah, Jaejoong! Let’s go!”
Jaejoong turned around, and Junsu motioned for him to hurry up. He glanced back at Changmin, “Will you talk to him?” he asked, “Please?”
“I’ll try.” Changmin replied. “If he does get on the train, and you do see him, make sure you approach him first. He’s not nearly as self-assured as he should be.”
“Okay.”
They said goodbye and for the rest of the day, Jaejoong couldn’t help but hope that he’d get to see Yunho the next day.
o-o-o
“You’re so stupid.”
Yunho looked up, “What did you say?” he asked as he packed away his books and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Did you just -“
“You avoided me the entire day.” Changmin said as he blocked the door so that Yunho couldn’t get past him. “You avoided me because I asked about Jaejoong in the morning.”
Yunho stared at him straight in the eye. “I guess, yeah. It’s an awkward subject. I don’t want to talk about it, and you’re the only person who knows about it, so it’s understandable that I don’t -“
“Why did you stop riding that particular train?” Changmin asked as he refused to budge from his spot at the door. “You wrote all those things on that note, and all of a sudden you’re going to back off?”
“What?” Yunho asked, his face filled with confusion. He narrowed his eyes as soon as he’d realized that Changmin had read it, “You read it? Changmin, how could you…Changmin, did you give it to him?”
“I did because you were being a coward, and I thought it would give you a good push in the right direction.” The younger continued, refusing to let Yunho leave the classroom. “Now I found out that you’ve become even more of a wuss -“
“So what if I’m scared?” Yunho snapped, “It was stupid okay? It was stupid for me to have let my silly crush go so far, when for all I know, he’s straight! It’s harder for me than it is for you, okay? Let me decide when I want things to end!”
“He likes you, Yunho.” Changmin said slowly, “You ended things too early. It’s hard for you, I get that, but he’s interested. He approached me wondering where you’d been for the past months. If he didn’t care then…”
Yunho sighed, “It’s not that simple.”
“Sometimes it can be.”
“I barely know him.” Yunho said quietly, his eyes downcast. “I hardly think he -“
“You might be late for your train.” Changmin stepped to the side, “You should go. Do it for yourself Yunho. You deserve to have your shot at…whatever it is you might end up having with him.”
Yunho walked past, and Changmin could only hope that he would take the train.
o-o-o
Jaejoong scanned the train station carefully and as the train slowed down, his heart clenched in his chest. He glanced down at the floor in disappointment. It seemed like Yunho was not going to show up. He bit his lip and hesitated from going forward, prolonging the journey. He walked slowly and kept his eyes in the direction of the entrance.
He cursed the fact he’d let his wildly romantic heart go crazy once again, and like his sisters told him constantly, he really needed to tone down his emotional side. Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair irritably, feeling stupid, disappointed, annoyed, crushed, and a whole plethora of emotions that made him feel drained overall.
All he wanted was some sort of reprieve from all the thinking, pacing, and worrying, but Yunho had yet to show up, and he was dying on the inside from restlessness. Jaejoong huffed and decided to go the bathroom - perhaps some cold water on his face would help calm him down.
He turned to go the bathroom, and froze the moment he saw Yunho.
Yunho shifted awkwardly in front of him for a few seconds before he walked up to him slowly and stopped a few inches away. He gripped the strap of his bag before he raised his eyes off the subway floor and met Jaejoong’s wide eyes.
“I’m a bit of an idiot…please be kind.”
“What?” Jaejoong gasped out, bewildered by Yunho’s choice of words.
Yunho bit his lip, “Well, I like you…and, I’m a pessimist about love, and Changmin says I can be a walking embodiment of teenage angst sometimes -“
Jaejoong tried to hide his smile, but he couldn’t. He felt his mix of emotions wash away, and he felt a lull of calm settle over him as he watched Yunho shift cutely and awkwardly in front of him.
It was a good thing he was an optimist about everything from love to the weather.
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong said breezily as he took a step closer to Yunho, “I’m happy you like me because honestly, I think I’ve liked you for months now.”
Yunho blushed, “Er, I’m sorry. I’m kind of incapable of being smooth. It might be some sort of unknown side effect of that car accident I was in.”
Jaejoong laughed and bit his lip, “It’s okay, I’ll be patient, and you’ll have to be patient with me too because I’m all sorts of weird,” he said lightly before he tugged at Yunho’s sleeve and led him into the newly arrived train. He led Yunho into the carriage and led them into an empty pair of seats.
It was a bit of a euphoric rush, and before he could even consider hesitating, Jaejoong held onto Yunho’s hand and looked up at him, “You don’t mind? Do you?”
“No…not really,” Yunho mumbled softly with a matching smile as he squeezed Jaejoong’s hand tightly, making Jaejoong’s heart flutter wildly in his chest.
Jaejoong smiled and squeezed his hand back.
He was completely happy - there was no one else he’d prefer to be sitting next to, sporting matching ear splitting smiles and comfortably intertwined fingers, with the sound of the train’s quiet mechanical humming as the accompaniment to the steady beating of his heart.
Author’s Note: YAY FOR HAPPY ENDIIINGS. <3 My updates for the rest of the week aren’t finished. DDD: Well, the one for tomorrow kinda is, but the ones for the last two days…askdjaksdja, I hope I finish them! D: I wouldn’t want to keep you guys hanging especially since you all leave me wonderful comments. If this fic seems a bit different at some points, it’s because I originally wrote this in 2011! XD I just edited & added some parts to it recently, so yeah. :3 I wanted to contrast different views - Jaejoong with his optimism & Yunho with his pessimism, and I’m hoping I pulled it off well. ^__^ Also, the title is kind of a play on Faye Wong’s song for FF8, Eyes On Me. XD Thank you for reading!
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Fluff, slight Angst
Summary: People deal with their crushes in different ways.
Yunho leaned back into his seat and noticed the other boy out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head to get a better view of him and observed him from his seat. It was obvious he wasn’t the only person whose attention was stolen by the handsome commuter. He was however, the only male in the train who seemed to be paying attention to his presence.
He glanced at the giggling girls who were farther away, and when they noticed him looking at them, they blushed even redder.
The man next to him was too busy snapping furiously at the person he was talking to on his phone, and the old woman next to him seemed to be dozing off, so he was sure they weren’t as entranced as he was.
The other boy was in high school as well which was made obvious by his uniform, but by what Yunho could see on his uniform, he went to a different school. His hair was dyed a dark reddish violet color, and his eyes were narrowed in concentration as he read a manhwa in the moving train.
Yunho bit his lip and glanced out the train window, wondering if the other male was someone worth talking to or if he was one of those pretty boys that flaunted his looks and had casual flings. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and wondered if anyone was paying attention to him in the same way he was paying attention to the handsome commuter.
He looked down at the floor and decided that he probably wasn’t worth much of anyone’s attention. He was taller than most, but no one could tell since he was usually seated whenever he got on the train, and he supposed he was decent looking, but not nearly close enough to the level of attractiveness of the other student.
The doors of the train opened and some people left, some people stayed while some people entered. Yunho was glad to note that the handsome commuter had stayed. He noticed an elderly woman standing, and he immediately offered her his seat.
“Thank you,” She said gratefully, taking hold of his hand as she moved across the station to sit down. “One can’t find many young men like you nowadays,” She added with a kind smile as soon as she was settled in her seat.
Yunho blushed at her words, “It’s no problem.” He mumbled before bowing slightly and moving so that he could better his grip on the train’s handle bars. He turned his head away and noticed the student he’d been staring at previously was now looking at him.
He smiled at him, a brief flash of straight white teeth, before turning away and Yunho felt his heart flutter.
When the train reached his stop, he turned his head to see if the other student would watch him leave. He didn’t look away from his manhwa, and as Yunho stepped out onto the platform, he felt a bizarre weight of disappointment in his chest, but he pushed it away and began to walk, wondering if he would see the student the next day.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked into the train and wondered why it was emptier than usual. He sat down and looked around the train for the guy he’d seen two days before. He hid his smile behind his bag when he saw him glaring at the floor.
He looked adorable, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking about. He was dressed in a football uniform, and Jaejoong bit his lip.
He’d always had a weakness for men in football uniforms.
The doors opened and a flood of people came in, immediately blocking his view of the athlete. Jaejoong sighed and turned away. A girl approached him, her hands holding onto her books tightly as she got closer and the blush on her cheeks increased.
“I...” she trailed off and took the seat next to him, “I think you’re very handsome.” She stuttered, and Jaejoong couldn’t help but feel bad for her. He looked at her kindly and realized that he recognized her from somewhere.
“You might not know me, but I’m -“
“You’re my classmate,” Jaejoong said aloud as soon as he realized why he recognized her. He paled when he realized he didn’t remember her name, and he opened his mouth as he tried to think of something nice to say, but he ended up blurting out what he was thinking instead, “I don’t remember your name.”
She looked visibly upset by that, and he could feel people’s eyes on the two of them. He could only hope that the athlete’s eyes weren’t of one of the pairs focused on them.
“It’s okay.” She said quietly, her eyes focused on the floor. “I’m sorry.” She muttered before she practically ran out the moment the train’s doors opened.
Due to her haste, she bumped into someone. Jaejoong followed after her and helped her with her things while the person she had bumped into did the same. He looked up and noticed that it was the athlete.
They both paused, their hands both holding onto the same book, and they stared at each other for a few seconds before Jaejoong realized that he had his classmate to worry about. He snatched the book and ran after the girl, catching up to her easily.
She was crying, and he felt terrible. He led her to a bench, and she sat down, confessing about how she’d wanted to tell him about her feelings since the beginning of the school year and how she’d liked him since the previous school year.
He bit his lip awkwardly and listened to her, wringing his hands uncomfortably in his lap.
“I’m sorry.” He said finally, after she’d stopped crying and he’d given her back her things. “I don’t...I don’t like you that way.” He explained, “I’m...” the image of the athlete flashed in his mind, “I kind of like someone else.”
The girl dabbed at her eyes with Jaejoong’s handkerchief, but she wasn’t crying anymore. She nodded and smiled at him sadly, “I’m so sorry for embarrassing you like that.”
“It’s okay.” Jaejoong said as he pat her back, “I’m sorry for forgetting your name.”
“It’s Yejin.” The girl said quietly as she handed Jaejoong his handkerchief. She looked at him, “Who is the girl you like? Is she our classmate?”
He hesitated and smiled instead of answering her, “It’s not important. Let’s take the next train together, okay Yejin?”
Her eyes watered again, and he paled, wondering if he’d done something wrong. He handed her his handkerchief and she took it to wipe her eyes, “You’re so nice. The girl you like is so lucky to have someone like you as an admirer.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Is that so?” he smiled and offered her his hand, “The train’s here, let’s go.”
o-o-o
Yunho sighed onto his desk and leaned forward, he’d zoned out of his last subject and they had a quiz about the subject matter the next day. He rested his head on his arms and stared down at his desk.
The girl who’d bumped into him and the handsome guy had begun commuting together every day, and it made him feel lonely.
It made him realize that there’d be more people in the future that he would like and that one day he’d have to face the fact that they most probably liked women and not men. While he wasn’t in the closet to his parents and close friends, hardly anyone else knew, and he supposed it would stay that way for much longer.
A hand came upon his shoulder, “Yunho, you’re still here?”
Yunho sat up, “Yeah, I’m just tired.” He said softly as he got out of his seat to gather his things. “There’s a big match on Saturday, and practice the other day was -“
Changmin stared at him, “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” he asked, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’ll commute home with you today. You look like you need someone to talk to.”
“It’s fine -“
“I’m not taking no for an answer, let’s go.”
As usual, Yunho was forced to buy food for Changmin on the way to the train station. They waited for the train together, and Changmin ate while waiting for Yunho to say something.
“You’re not going to feel any better by saying nothing.” Changmin said after he’d finished the red bean bun Yunho had bought for him, “I already know most things about you, so it’s better if you just talk about how you’re feeling rather than forcing me to deal with you in a poor mood.”
Yunho stared blankly ahead and sighed. “It’s personal.”
“Obviously.”
He glanced at Changmin, “Do you really want to know? I’m just going to make you uncomfortable, I’m sure.”
Changmin looked a little surprised, and then a little worried. He frowned and thought for a minute before asking, “How personal is it? If has to do with something down there...” he glanced southward at Yunho’s crotch pointedly for effect, “Then I’m not sure -“
Yunho punched him on the shoulder. “It’s just...it’s about this guy...in a way.”
“Oh.” Changmin let out a relieved breath, “Good. Well, what about him?”
“You’ll see soon enough.” Yunho replied as the train came into the station. They walked in together and because the train was rather full, they were both forced to stand up with other passengers.
His height was an advantage, and Yunho scanned the carriage for the handsome commuter. He found him instantly, and his girlfriend was sitting next to him too. They were laughing together, and he looked away instantly, only to catch Changmin looking at him with a displeased expression.
“Thank you for ignoring what I just said.” Changmin muttered as he inched closer to Yunho so that they could hear each other better. “So, what’s up with the guy?”
Yunho looked down, slightly embarrassed that he was going to talk about his non-existent love life with the younger guy. “I like him…kind of?” He whispered so that other people wouldn’t hear - he didn’t need judgmental looks - and he lowered his voice when he added, “He has a girlfriend now though.”
“Oh.” Changmin looked around the train before he paused, “Who is he? Do I know him? Is he one of our friends?”
“The guy with the dyed hair who’s next to the girl with glasses, he’s sitting somewhere behind me.” Yunho said, and in little time, Changmin was looking over his shoulder and for the guy.
When he’d found him, he studied him carefully before looking back at Yunho.
“You’re so sure she’s his girlfriend?” Changmin asked. “She might just be his friend or something. She might even be his sister.”
“I’m fairly sure. She bumped into me one time, crying, and he ran right after her. The next day, they started commuting together. It’s -“
“Well...you don’t really know him anyway. It’s not a big loss since you barely know him anyway.” Changmin said as he patted Yunho’s shoulder. “He could be a complete asshole…or a bitch.”
“I guess.”
The train stopped, and people got out of the train. Yunho noticed that the handsome student and his girlfriend were one of them. He shifted to make way for them, but the guy bumped into him.
“I’m sorry!” The guy said instantly but due to the stream of people, he had to keep going, so there was no time for Yunho to say anything in reply.
They locked eyes for a brief second, the student on the platform and Yunho still in the train, before the train began to move again. Yunho stared in that direction for a few seconds until Changmin waved his hand in front of his face.
“You’ve got it bad...don’t you?” Changmin asked, shaking his head disbelievingly.
Yunho kept quiet as he thought about Changmin’s words. “Yeah…which is weird, I’m not usually like this. Maybe Jihye’s bizarre romance dramas or rubbing off on or me or something. It’s affecting me a lot,” he said lightly, trying to alleviate the mood but failing to do so due to the unsure expression on his face.
“Don’t let things like this get you down Yunho. I don’t mind -“
He sighed and smiled, trying to look happier. “It doesn’t matter now though. I’ll get over it.” He said as he looked away. “I’ll get over it.” He repeated quietly, the words more of a reassurance for himself than Changmin.
o-o-o
Jaejoong walked into the train station alone, and it was the first time in several weeks. He and Yejin had become friends easily, but she’d opted out of the train ride in order to hang out with her other friends who’d become envious of her hanging out with him all the time after school.
He looked around and caught sight of the tall student, who was also alone and once again in his football uniform. Jaejoong bit his lip apprehensively, wondering if it would be alright for him to approach him.
“Jaejoong!”
Yoochun came up to him and swung his arm around his shoulder, “I was wondering why you’d left school so early. I felt hurt. I told you to wait for me during last period.”
“I’m sorry, I forgot.” Jaejoong said half-heartedly as he glanced across the station at the athlete who was entirely unaware of his existence. He turned and looked back at Yoochun, who was eying him oddly. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“Really? Could you do my art project then?” he asked. “I really don’t know how I’m going to make a self-portrait of myself without it ending up ridiculously ugly.”
“It’s not going to be a self-portrait if I make it.” Jaejoong replied as they began to walk to the train that had just come into the station, “But I’ll do it anyway since I haven’t been hanging out with you lately.”
“Alright then!” Yoochun said happily. He patted Jaejoong on the back and leaned in closer, to whisper in his ear. “He’s cute. Do you like him?’
Jaejoong jerked back in surprise, knocking into the person behind him. He apologized profusely before he followed Yoochun to two free seats. “Shut up.” He muttered, blushing deeply.
“Ever so easy to read Joongie.” Yoochun commented as he slung his arm over Jaejoong’s shoulder. “I saw you staring at him since I sincerely doubt you were looking at the old lady whose hair was still in curlers.”
Jaejoong covered his face with his hand, “You’re talking too loud.” He muttered before sneaking a glance at the athlete who was sitting away from them. “He might hear you.”
“Is he why you haven’t been hanging out with me after school?”
“No.” Jaejoong muttered, “I told you, one of my sisters is getting married so I have to help her out with preparing things.”
“...he’s just a bonus, isn’t he?” Yoochun asked as he reached for Jaejoong’s bag and took out one of his notebooks. He flipped through the notebook, “Did you doodle him yet?”
“And risk someone seeing? No.” Jaejoong replied. “I don’t think I could live with the embarrassment.”
“Everyone kind of knows you like guys anyway...well, aside from that girl who confessed to you. I really don’t know how she didn’t know. You practically sparkle -“
“You’re not a friend, at all.” Jaejoong muttered as he shoved Yoochun and turned away, only to see the athlete looking at him. His heart fluttered in his chest and he smiled, hoping he looked charming and handsome rather than nervous.
When he smiled back, Jaejoong resisted the urge to giggle and turned back to Yoochun with a deliriously happy look on his face. “He smiled at me!” he said as quietly as possible, the happiness radiating off him obviously.
“That’s nice.” Yoochun replied, sounding uninterested as he continued to flip through Jaejoong’s notebook. “Why don’t you go talk to him?”
“It’d be weird.” Jaejoong answered. “I’m already sitting with you, why would I go up and talk to him? People are just going to give us weird looks, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Also...” he dropped off to a whisper, “He might not be gay.”
“You never know until you ask.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” Jaejoong argued before he turned away from Yoochun and noticed that the train was nearing Yoochun’s stop. “Are you getting off now? I’ll go with you.”
“It’s my stop?” Yoochun laughed, embarrassed for not noticing, and placed the notebook down next to him on the seat so that he could open his bag and look for his wallet. “Why are you getting off here?” he asked as they both stood up to leave. “It’s still far from your stop.”
“I have to pick up a few things for the wedding.” Jaejoong replied as they neared the doors. “My sister asked me to do it.”
“Oh, I see.”
They exited the train and when they were out of the station, Jaejoong turned abruptly to Yoochun. “Hey, can I have my notebook back?” he asked, holding his hand out expectantly.
Yoochun’s mouth fell open, “Oh shit.”
“You left it in the train?” Jaejoong asked, “Which notebook did you get? Yoochun, you have to tell me the truth. You were looking at it too long for it to be - did you get my sketching -“
“I’ll get you a new one?” Yoochun offered, holding his hands up in a sign of peace as Jaejoong got madder by the second. “Come on, it can’t be that bad. All you did there was doodle things you liked and make fun of things you hated.”
“It’s still really embarrassing!” Jaejoong yelled as he began to punch Yoochun repeatedly, earning them odd looks from the people passing by. “You’re so stupid! Asshole! I hate you!”
“Will you hate me less if I tell you something about that guy you like to stare at?” Yoochun asked as Jaejoong continued to punch him.
Jaejoong stopped, fist stuck in mid-air, and asked, “What is it?”
“If you’ve been paying attention to school announcements, you’d know that their school is having a football match with our football team this Saturday at our school’s football field. I’ll go with you to their game, just so you’ll have an excuse to ogle him.”
A smile appeared on Jaejoong’s face, “Really?”
“Yeah.” Yoochun muttered as he massaged the part of his body where Jaejoong had been repeatedly hitting him. “As long as you don’t start drooling in public -“
Jaejoong hit him again.
o-o-o
Yunho sighed.
It had been a good idea, and he’d thought of it immediately after the game had ended and he’d caught sight of Jaejoong leaving the bleachers. His heart had soared with confidence, and his plan was set for Monday.
His plan was to return the sketchbook - which he’d seen Jaejoong’s friend leave behind on the train seat, strike up a conversation and look like some charming hero and eventually he would’ve won Jaejoong over.
Unfortunately, things hadn’t gone to plan.
After he’d finished the game, and he’d found out what the handsome commuter’s name was, an underclassmen had asked him to meet her at the school gate - and he had done so, with every intention of rejecting her feelings because he was too obsessed with Jaejoong and didn’t like her in the way she wanted him to. However, he hadn’t planned on her bursting out into tears and running straight across the road, with a car headed in her direction. Before he could even think, he had already sprinted across the road to push her out of the way. He’d pushed her out of the car’s way and had gotten hit as a result.
He was then subsequently hospitalized and would not be expected to leave the hospital for at least two weeks due to his injuries, despite the fact that they were minor.
Yunho sighed again and leaned back further into his bed. He glanced at the bag that was next to his bed, and he reached out for it. He’d had no intention previously of looking through the sketchbook, but being as bored and restless as he was, his curiosity had won over his morals.
He opened it, flipping through pages of drawings and doodles. He smiled at the adorable complaints scrawled on the pages and the scribbling of boredom fuelled rambling that decorated the pages.
I hate weddings. Why does everyone say I look like a bridesmaid? :<
I want cupcakes.
u___u When will I get to ride an elephant?
I want to go to Thailand. I need money. D:
As he continued to go through the pages, he found himself smiling and liking the person he had barely even talked to even more. He was learning small things about the commuter, and it made his heart flutter.
“Kim Jaejoong,” he said for no reason aside from the fact that he wanted to try out the name on his tongue. He smiled giddily to himself and quickly placed the sketchbook back inside his bag. As he stared blankly at the white ceiling, he realized something.
It was important that he return the sketchbook. It’d look weird if held onto it too long. Yunho sighed and turned onto his side - he’d let Changmin give it to him. Yunho bit his lip and took out a sheet of paper and scribbled some things onto it, deciding to leave Jaejoong a message in his notebook so that it could hopefully move things into a better direction for the two of them.
After he’d finished the note, he stared at it and sighed. It was a bad idea - leaving a note for Jaejoong was stupid. Yunho irritably followed his common sense and crumpled the note before placing it onto his bedside table.
Less than ten seconds after he’d made the decision, the younger boy came in. He had his bag slung over his shoulder and winced when he saw Yunho.
“You look beat up.” He said as he sat down on the chair next to Yunho’s bed. “You’re getting discharged soon though, right?”
“Yeah.” Yunho said, wincing as he sat up. “I have something to ask of you.”
“What is it?” Changmin asked.
He reached for the bag and pulled the sketchbook out, “Could you return this to the boy on the train - the one I pointed out? He left it last Friday, and I want you to return it for me. I wanted to return it myself, but it’d look weird if I held onto it too long, so please give it back to him.”
Changmin took the sketchbook, “What am I supposed to say when I return it?”
“Tell him that you saw his friend leave it on a train seat.” Yunho explained, “Don’t say I found it or anything. I doubt he’s going to care about how you got it anyway. He’ll probably just be happy to have it returned.”
Changmin glanced at the bedside table and as soon as Yunho noticed him staring at the crumpled piece of paper, he spoke, “It’s just a note I tried to write, don’t get it. I’ll have a nurse throw it -“
“Are you trying to play bizarre white knight or something? Why don’t you want him to know that you found it?”
“He doesn’t know me anyway, it won’t matter.”
“Are you sure -“
“Yes, I’m sure.” Yunho interrupted, his tone final. “I don’t want him to know I found it. Just say you were on the train when he left it.”
“Fine.” Changmin placed it inside his bag and stared at the chocolate pudding that was on Yunho’s other side. He pointed at it, “Can I have that?”
Yunho turned around to see what he was talking about and handed him the pudding without question, all the while unaware that Changmin stole the crumpled note off the bedside table and slipped it into Jaejoong’s sketchbook.
o-o-o
Jaejoong frowned when he noticed that Yunho, he finally knew his name after hearing several girls mention it at the game, was once again not in the train. He sat down by himself and sighed, wondering what had happened to him.
He noticed though that Yunho’s friend was present and was rather obviously staring at him. It made him feel uncomfortable, so he just pretended like he didn’t notice. However, the moment the other student began to walk up to him, he found himself becoming even more uncomfortable.
It could just be coincidence, he assured himself, but his gaze kept drifting to the student who was finally in front of him.
“This is yours.” He said, holding the sketchbook in front of Jaejoong’s face. “You left it last Friday -”
Jaejoong stared at the sketchbook for several seconds in shock before he took it from him. He noticed that the other boy was about to leave, so he blurted out the words that were in his mind. “You weren’t here last Friday. I didn’t see you riding the train, or at least, not the carriage I was in.” He said finally as he looked the boy straight in the eyes, waiting for an answer.
With silent triumph, Jaejoong noticed the boy hadn’t been expecting him to say something like that. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and Jaejoong knew he’d been right in voicing out his thoughts.
“You’re right.” The boy said finally. “My friend just asked me to give it back to you.”
“Why didn’t he give it back himself?” Jaejoong asked, feeling bolder after hearing the boy’s admission of the truth.
“He can’t do it himself.” The student replied bluntly, before he looked away, “This is my stop.” He made his way to leave, but Jaejoong reached out and held onto his sleeve.
“Did something happen to him?”
The student looked at him, and Jaejoong didn’t like the scrutinizing look so he quickly let go of his sleeve. “I mean - I just see him on the train a lot, so -“
“He got into an accident.” The student noticed Jaejoong’s worried look and hastily added, “He’ll be fine though. I’m sorry, I have to go.” He walked away and was out of the train before Jaejoong could say thank you.
Jaejoong looked down at his sketchbook and opened it, flipping through it to see if anything had changed. He blushed at the thought of Yunho seeing the contents and hoped that he hadn’t looked through it.
As he flipped through, a crumpled sheet of paper fell through.
I’m sorry, I looked through the pages.
I just think that since I’ve learned things about you from looking through these pages, I should let you learn something about me as well.
First, I can’t cook.
Second, I think I’m too tall to be playing football. Whenever people see me, I have a feeling they think I should be playing basketball.
Third, I got hit by a car, so I’m in the hospital. I won’t be riding the train for a while. It’s a long story about how that happened, so I’ll spare you from hearing it.
Fourth, I have a sister...okay, that wasn’t really interesting, but I’m running out of interesting things to say since I’m not really interesting in the first place.
Fifth, I want to get to know you better.
I’m sorry if this is weird. I mean, it’s not every day that a stranger wants to get to know you - if it is common for you, then...I guess it’s because you’re very good looking. Anyway, if it’s okay with you...I’d like to get to know you better.
If it’s okay, approach me the next time I ride the train (which will be soon, I promise!). If it’s not, then don’t.
P.S. Again, I’m sorry if this is weird.
Jaejoong couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day as he hoped Yunho would get better soon and ride the train as soon as possible.
o-o-o
Yunho swallowed hard as he made his way towards the train station, walking slower than usual due to the slight pain he still felt in his leg. His heart beat quickly in his chest, and he was scared about what would happen during the train ride.
He paused and noticed Jaejoong was walking in the opposite direction, with an older woman holding onto his arm. He froze and stared at them before realizing he’d easily be seen. Yunho moved away and concealed himself behind a large sign, where he’d still be able to see them.
They looked close, and his heart clenched in his chest as he noticed that the woman was leaning her head against him comfortably. Their arms were intertwined, and Yunho noticed that he was carrying her bags too.
They went down to the station, and Yunho followed, making sure there were several people behind him. He was behind a group of girls, and their conversation didn’t make him feel any less uneasy.
“Is that his girlfriend?”
“She looks much older than him.”
“Why do guys always like older women? It’s so discouraging. I can’t wait until I’m older so I can snatch good looking younger men.”
Yunho shook his head and walked away from the girls, there was still a chance that the woman could be his sister - it didn’t mean that she was his girlfriend. He hid behind a column and snuck a glance, only to see the woman press her lips against Jaejoong’s cheek.
He turned away and leaned against the column.
Yunho shut his eyes and breathed out slowly. He’d been stupid. He’d let his crush get way out of hand. It wasn’t realistic for him to even approach the other man romantically when he hadn’t even let out a single sign that he was even interested.
It was stupid of him to worry about whether or not that woman was a girlfriend or if the previous girl had been one either. It wasn’t realistic for him to make his feelings clear when he would most likely be only hit with rejection.
He’d been blinded by his feelings and had let them take hold of his decisions. It was unreasonable for him to expect the other boy to like him, another guy, especially with the kinds of opinions most people felt towards homosexual relationships. He bit down hard on his lip and watched the train leave, the people’s faces blurring past.
Yunho left the station.
He shook his head and bought an umbrella from a nearby convenience store since it looked like it was going to rain soon. He had to end his stupid infatuation with the other student, with Jaejoong, before it would go any further.
Yunho exited the convenience store, his decision firm in his mind.
From now on he would start walking home.
Maybe he was being stupid and angsty, but he was a teenager, and he was allowed to feel stupid and angsty over his pathetic, miserable state, and crushes that just could not be his.
o-o-o
The next few months, Yunho never showed up for the train.
It had become a daily ritual for Jaejoong to wait for him, his eyes wandering around as he looked for him in the train station. He’d wait as they passed each station, wondering if perhaps Yunho would show up at one of them.
He always went home disappointed.
Jaejoong carried the note around, just to make sure that it was real, and he couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Yunho. It’d been more two months since the note, and he was getting both disappointed and worried.
His friend never took the train either, so it made things harder for him. It felt too forward if he was to wait at Yunho’s school, and he wouldn’t have had a good reason for it either since they barely knew each other in the first place.
“Hey Jaejoong!”
Jaejoong turned around and waved at Junsu, who was running up to him. Junsu smiled at him brightly, “Why do you always leave school so quickly?” he asked, “It’s so odd. Do you meet up with someone after school?”
“I just...” he trailed off, “My sister that’s getting married keeps making me run errands with her so that I can carry her bags, and...I have things to do at home.”
Junsu gave him an odd look. “...right. Anyway, since I’ve caught you, could you go grocery shopping with me? My mom gave me a grocery list, and I swear, I didn’t think there would be so many things I’ve never heard of.”
He showed Jaejoong the list, “Please help me.”
Jaejoong glanced at the entrance to the train station before he looked back at Junsu and nodded. “Sure, I’ll go with you.” He answered, since he decided that it was about time he gave up on Yunho anyway.
“Great!”
The closest grocery was a five minute walk, and Jaejoong found that being inside it made him feel considerably happier. There was something about the bright lights and the displays of food that made him feel like he was in his element, and it helped that cheerful music was playing throughout the supermarket’s sound system.
In less than twenty minutes, most of the items were in the cart. Junsu checked the list one last time to make sure they’d gotten everything, “I’ll just get the tomatoes and then we’ll be done. Wait here.”
He was gone before Jaejoong could say anything, leaving him alone with the cart in front of the bread section. Jaejoong glanced at the bread on display and noticed a familiar person looking through the baked goods on display.
It was Yunho’s friend.
He left the cart and jogged up to him. No matter how hard he’d tried to bury the questions he had, he knew he wouldn’t be able to let go of Yunho’s disappearance unless he had some sort of explanation for them. He tapped the taller boy on the shoulder, and he turned around, surprised to see Jaejoong again.
“First thing, I need to know your name.” Jaejoong said directly, taking hold of the conversation immediately.
“Shim Changmin.” The boy said slowly as he studied Jaejoong carefully. “Is this about Yunho?” he asked.
“Where is he? Is he still in the hospital?” Jaejoong asked, “It’s been two months since you’ve given me the sketchbook back, and he still hasn’t shown up. Did something happen to him again -“
“Wait, what?” Changmin shot him a confused look. “He hasn’t been taking the train?”
“Well, not the train I take.” Jaejoong said, slowing down because he realized that he might look like a freak to the other student if he made it known that he took note of Yunho’s presence daily.
The taller boy frowned. “He’s been out of the hospital for a while already. Maybe he’s just taking a later train or something -“
“But he said he’d take the train with me!” Jaejoong blurted out, before he began blushing profusely. He covered his face, embarrassed. He took a few steps back and realized how weird he had just sounded. “I mean -“
“Is that what he wrote on that note?” Changmin asked. “He said that he’d take the train with you?”
Jaejoong was still blushing, but he nodded. “Well, not exactly. He just said something about wanting to get to know me better, and I thought well, I thought he -“
“He’s an idiot.” Changmin muttered, “He likes you.”
“What -“
A young girl came up to Changmin’s side and tugged on his shirt, “Mom said we should go. Hurry up or I’ll miss my show.” She pouted at her brother before she glared at Jaejoong, taking him as the reason they weren’t leaving yet.
“Yah, Jaejoong! Let’s go!”
Jaejoong turned around, and Junsu motioned for him to hurry up. He glanced back at Changmin, “Will you talk to him?” he asked, “Please?”
“I’ll try.” Changmin replied. “If he does get on the train, and you do see him, make sure you approach him first. He’s not nearly as self-assured as he should be.”
“Okay.”
They said goodbye and for the rest of the day, Jaejoong couldn’t help but hope that he’d get to see Yunho the next day.
o-o-o
“You’re so stupid.”
Yunho looked up, “What did you say?” he asked as he packed away his books and slung his bag over his shoulder. “Did you just -“
“You avoided me the entire day.” Changmin said as he blocked the door so that Yunho couldn’t get past him. “You avoided me because I asked about Jaejoong in the morning.”
Yunho stared at him straight in the eye. “I guess, yeah. It’s an awkward subject. I don’t want to talk about it, and you’re the only person who knows about it, so it’s understandable that I don’t -“
“Why did you stop riding that particular train?” Changmin asked as he refused to budge from his spot at the door. “You wrote all those things on that note, and all of a sudden you’re going to back off?”
“What?” Yunho asked, his face filled with confusion. He narrowed his eyes as soon as he’d realized that Changmin had read it, “You read it? Changmin, how could you…Changmin, did you give it to him?”
“I did because you were being a coward, and I thought it would give you a good push in the right direction.” The younger continued, refusing to let Yunho leave the classroom. “Now I found out that you’ve become even more of a wuss -“
“So what if I’m scared?” Yunho snapped, “It was stupid okay? It was stupid for me to have let my silly crush go so far, when for all I know, he’s straight! It’s harder for me than it is for you, okay? Let me decide when I want things to end!”
“He likes you, Yunho.” Changmin said slowly, “You ended things too early. It’s hard for you, I get that, but he’s interested. He approached me wondering where you’d been for the past months. If he didn’t care then…”
Yunho sighed, “It’s not that simple.”
“Sometimes it can be.”
“I barely know him.” Yunho said quietly, his eyes downcast. “I hardly think he -“
“You might be late for your train.” Changmin stepped to the side, “You should go. Do it for yourself Yunho. You deserve to have your shot at…whatever it is you might end up having with him.”
Yunho walked past, and Changmin could only hope that he would take the train.
o-o-o
Jaejoong scanned the train station carefully and as the train slowed down, his heart clenched in his chest. He glanced down at the floor in disappointment. It seemed like Yunho was not going to show up. He bit his lip and hesitated from going forward, prolonging the journey. He walked slowly and kept his eyes in the direction of the entrance.
He cursed the fact he’d let his wildly romantic heart go crazy once again, and like his sisters told him constantly, he really needed to tone down his emotional side. Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair irritably, feeling stupid, disappointed, annoyed, crushed, and a whole plethora of emotions that made him feel drained overall.
All he wanted was some sort of reprieve from all the thinking, pacing, and worrying, but Yunho had yet to show up, and he was dying on the inside from restlessness. Jaejoong huffed and decided to go the bathroom - perhaps some cold water on his face would help calm him down.
He turned to go the bathroom, and froze the moment he saw Yunho.
Yunho shifted awkwardly in front of him for a few seconds before he walked up to him slowly and stopped a few inches away. He gripped the strap of his bag before he raised his eyes off the subway floor and met Jaejoong’s wide eyes.
“I’m a bit of an idiot…please be kind.”
“What?” Jaejoong gasped out, bewildered by Yunho’s choice of words.
Yunho bit his lip, “Well, I like you…and, I’m a pessimist about love, and Changmin says I can be a walking embodiment of teenage angst sometimes -“
Jaejoong tried to hide his smile, but he couldn’t. He felt his mix of emotions wash away, and he felt a lull of calm settle over him as he watched Yunho shift cutely and awkwardly in front of him.
It was a good thing he was an optimist about everything from love to the weather.
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong said breezily as he took a step closer to Yunho, “I’m happy you like me because honestly, I think I’ve liked you for months now.”
Yunho blushed, “Er, I’m sorry. I’m kind of incapable of being smooth. It might be some sort of unknown side effect of that car accident I was in.”
Jaejoong laughed and bit his lip, “It’s okay, I’ll be patient, and you’ll have to be patient with me too because I’m all sorts of weird,” he said lightly before he tugged at Yunho’s sleeve and led him into the newly arrived train. He led Yunho into the carriage and led them into an empty pair of seats.
It was a bit of a euphoric rush, and before he could even consider hesitating, Jaejoong held onto Yunho’s hand and looked up at him, “You don’t mind? Do you?”
“No…not really,” Yunho mumbled softly with a matching smile as he squeezed Jaejoong’s hand tightly, making Jaejoong’s heart flutter wildly in his chest.
Jaejoong smiled and squeezed his hand back.
He was completely happy - there was no one else he’d prefer to be sitting next to, sporting matching ear splitting smiles and comfortably intertwined fingers, with the sound of the train’s quiet mechanical humming as the accompaniment to the steady beating of his heart.
Author’s Note: YAY FOR HAPPY ENDIIINGS. <3 My updates for the rest of the week aren’t finished. DDD: Well, the one for tomorrow kinda is, but the ones for the last two days…askdjaksdja, I hope I finish them! D: I wouldn’t want to keep you guys hanging especially since you all leave me wonderful comments. If this fic seems a bit different at some points, it’s because I originally wrote this in 2011! XD I just edited & added some parts to it recently, so yeah. :3 I wanted to contrast different views - Jaejoong with his optimism & Yunho with his pessimism, and I’m hoping I pulled it off well. ^__^ Also, the title is kind of a play on Faye Wong’s song for FF8, Eyes On Me. XD Thank you for reading!