In Between Dreams [2/2]
Title: In Between Dreams
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: All he knew was that it couldn’t last - he would go, and he knew Yunho would let him.
No, he hadn’t expected a kiss, a hug, or anything really - all Jaejoong had expected was to see Yunho there, standing in front of his car and waiting for him.
And that was exactly the picture he had gotten.
Jaejoong walked with slow unconfident steps, unsure of what to say or what to do. He had no words to make things better for Yunho, no words to explain his behaviour, and no words to express how happy he felt despite all the guilt.
Lucky for him, Yunho took the opportunity to speak first.
“Is that all you have?” Yunho asked, gesturing to the small duffel bag that was slung over Jaejoong’s shoulder, “You don’t have anything else?”
Jaejoong shook his head mutely, rendered speechless by Yunho’s presence. He swallowed hard, and he studied Yunho carefully - in fact, he was quite sure that the other man was doing the same.
Yunho…was still Yunho. A little older, a little thinner, a little stressed, but still essentially and perfectly Yunho.
“You look good.” Jaejoong said, the briefest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He met Yunho’s gaze and smiled bitterly at the other man, “You look much better than I do.”
Instead of a reply, Jaejoong got cold silence. He accepted it gracefully and didn’t press the matter any further. He adjusted the way the bag was slung over his shoulder, and just as he was about to talk, Yunho spoke first.
“Your parents…they aren’t here.” He explained, “So you’ll stay at my place tonight, if that’s okay with you.”
“It’s fine.”
“Let’s go then.”
Jaejoong opened the car door and got in. He placed his bag down at his feet and buckled his seatbelt. He swallowed hard and watched Yunho adjust things from the corner of his eye, Jaejoong clenched his fists tightly in his lap.
He’d never felt so stupid before.
There was no way he’d be able to charm his way out of getting Yunho to forgive him, in fact, as he sat longer in the tense silence, Jaejoong wondered if Yunho would ever forgive him. If perhaps they’d never get back together again.
He felt like crying, then and there, but he didn’t. It was his fault after all, it was his entire fault that their relationship had ended up the way it had. If he hadn’t been so stupid, if he hadn’t left - things would be better.
Jaejoong smiled bitterly to himself and looked out the car window, unable to even look at Yunho without feeling feel guilty and bitter. He couldn’t even begin to understand what kind of pain he’d put Yunho through, and he was so stupid to have let Yunho pick him up from the bus station.
He was so selfish.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, afraid that tears would come if ever he kept his eyes open. His mind was anything but ready for sleep, but he hoped that by pretending to be asleep, Yunho would feel more comfortable.
While Jaejoong had gone out to reach for the stars, what had he left Yunho with, aside from broken promises and a broken heart? He’d stumbled out into the unknown, unprepared and unaware of how to deal with life beyond his hometown, and he would pay the price for that mistake.
His eyes had always been looking into the horizon, his mind set always searching, looking for more. For all the years he’d known Yunho, Jaejoong had been too stupid to realize that perfection, that happiness itself, had always been with Yunho.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open, and he looked at Yunho, the other man’s eyes narrowed and focused entirely on the stretch of road ahead of them. Jaejoong opened his mouth to speak, but he froze when Yunho glanced at him.
Yunho said nothing, but his face was enough to convey that he didn’t understand whatever it was Jaejoong was trying to say, so Jaejoong decided to save Yunho any more trouble and simply voiced out his thoughts quietly.
“I’m so sorry Yunho.”
If only that was enough.
o-o-o
Jaejoong woke up later in the evening.
There was barely any sunlight left, but Jaejoong could see fine. He wandered around Yunho’s apartment, surprised by how little had changed aside from the addition of new things - female things. He hadn’t had the heart to ask Yunho about it, and had decided to keep quiet about it.
As Jaejoong wandered around the apartment, he had more than a feeling that Yunho wasn’t inside.
A sudden feeling of panic struck his chest, and Jaejoong went to Yunho’s room, only to discover that the room was empty. He looked around for a note, anything that would explain Yunho’s absence, but found nothing, so he immediately went out.
As soon as he was outside, he squinted at a familiar figure on the horizon. Jaejoong quickly crossed the street and made his way to the nearby beach. He jogged and as soon as he caught sight of Yunho, he slowed down.
When he was a few steps away from the taller man, he stopped in his tracks.
“Good evening.” Jaejoong whispered quietly, “You didn’t tell me you were going out.”
“I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“You don’t have to worry so much about me.” Jaejoong murmured, rubbing his hands on his arms in an effort to warm up. “You’ve…you’ve spent so much time worrying about me already.”
“It’s instinct I suppose.”
Jaejoong sighed, “It’s a habit that you should break then.” Yunho looked at Jaejoong carefully, and Jaejoong continued, “I need to be more responsible. You look after me all the time. I need to make you stop worrying about me.”
“I think I’d worry about you less if you acted better.” Yunho replied, his words curt and cold.
Jaejoong flinched, but he knew Yunho was right in saying that. He swallowed hard and lifted his eyes off the sand, “You’re right.”
“Sometimes, I wondered if you were hurting me on purpose.” Yunho said quietly, as he tore his eyes away from Jaejoong and looked away. “You don’t know how many nights I wondered about what I did wrong. Do you know how many nights I spent wondering if you were ever going to come back?”
Jaejoong was silent, and he waited for Yunho to continue. He had to listen to Yunho, he needed to because it was there that he would find the clues as to whether or not Yunho still wanted to be with him.
“Do you know how many stupid decisions I made for you?” Yunho asked, turning around to face Jaejoong. “Do you know that I told my parents about us?”
Jaejoong let out a small gasp of surprise, “Yunho, you didn’t -“
“I did, I told them and now they want nothing to do with me.” Yunho shook his head and faced away from Jaejoong, “It hurts, but…I did it for myself. I was so sick of pretending and hiding my feelings for you, and I let everything just surface.”
Yunho ran a hand through his hair. “This distance between us right now is there because you placed it there. Maybe you only see me as a source of comfort, maybe you don’t love me -“
“I still love you.” Jaejoong murmured, prompting Yunho to turn around and look at him. He took one step closer to Yunho, “This is my fault, I know. I should’ve called, I should’ve tried to explain, and I should’ve done everything that I hadn’t.”
Jaejoong shut his eyes tightly, preventing tears from escaping. He opened his eyes and stared at Yunho, “But it was so hard - it was so hard for me Yunho. How could I even attempt to face you when I was becoming anything but the person you fell in love with? I couldn’t bring myself to tell you about how much it hurt, to hear those comments from people telling me I wasn’t good enough, to share that with you, because I knew those words would hurt you as well.”
His words hung in the air, and Jaejoong chuckled bitterly. “As time passes by, those comments sank in and I realized the truth that I wasn’t as special as I had thought I was.” Jaejoong shook his head, “And here I am now, offering myself back to you and only half the man I once was.”
Jaejoong looked down at the sand under his feet, “I was - no, I am so selfish. When I left, I still insisted on having you even though I was the one forcing the separation. You were right from the start Yunho, we should’ve broken up. Look at me! I get by on my looks and not my personality. People tell me how pretty I am, how handsome I look, but how many times have you heard someone say that they like me for who I am? Never. You never hear that, and for good reason.”
Jaejoong took a deep breath, “I fall prey to vices, I have little self-worth, I don’t have the talent to blind people to my looks, I…” he lifted his eyes off the ground and stared at Yunho, “I won’t ever be as good as you. I was stupid and blind not to be satisfied with what I had with you. I went out and chased stupid dreams that only hurt and pained me more than anything else.”
“It wasn’t a mistake.” Yunho said slowly, “You had to go Jaejoong. You might say it’s a mistake, but I know that in the long run…it was a good decision to make.”
“What good decision?” Jaejoong asked, “I’ve lost you, and I…I don’t believe in myself anymore. I’ve come back to you as a lesser man.” He brushed his cheeks, “I should go. I’m sure I could find somewhere to stay for the night.”
“You’re leaving me again.”
Jaejoong froze. He swallowed hard and faced Yunho, “This is for the best -“
“How do you know what the best is?” Yunho asked, approaching Jaejoong. The ferocity of his glare forced Jaejoong to meet his eyes, “How do you know what I want? Did you come back here just to play with my feelings again and then run away?”
“I’m foolish.” Jaejoong replied softly, “I came back with selfish intentions. I wanted you to take me back.” He shook his head, “I’m so sorry.”
“You think I don’t love you anymore?”
“You don’t seem to want me.” Jaejoong answered, “I understand…I think I should just go, and I really mean that. I’m ruining you.”
“Stop it.” Yunho shook his head and took a step closer, “I supported you when you left, and if you endured all that pain then it’s partially my fault as well.” He took another step closer to Jaejoong, and the other man moved to step back, but Yunho took hold of his wrist.
“Understand…I still love you.” He murmured, “We might not be in our best times right now, but we’ll make it through this. I just needed time…I needed time to think and time to hear your story.”
“Yunho -“
“I love you.” Yunho said softly as he raised his hand to run through Jaejoong’s hair slowly. “It hurt but that pain will go away eventually. We can take care of each other now that you’re back.”
Jaejoong latched onto Yunho and buried his face into the taller man’s chest, sobs escaping his mouth. “I’m never going to leave you again. I can’t.”
Yunho pulled Jaejoong closer, “I won’t let you go.”
o-o-o
It was uneasy at first, but things got better.
It took weeks, but things fell into place. Jaejoong was content to be settled in Yunho’s apartment, working part time at a nearby café in order to prove his worth in the household and lessen his dependence on the other man.
The only things that still unsettled Jaejoong were the used visitor’s room and the feminine things still lying around Yunho’s apartment, but he’d finally resolved to ask Yunho about them as soon as they went on their date.
Jaejoong looked at himself in the mirror and smile. He looked better than before - healthier and more radiant. He’d dyed his hair back to black, and he’d stopped wearing the contacts the entertainment company had provided him with. All in all, he felt more like the Jaejoong that had never left home.
It was a good feeling - to finally be able to be happy with who he was, with what he was doing, who he was with. He was content, and he didn’t think there could be anything left to improve in his current state of living.
“Jaejoong? Are you ready?” Yunho asked, poking his head into the bathroom door to look at Jaejoong.
Jaejoong turned his head and nodded. He followed Yunho out of the apartment, and he listened quietly as Yunho complained about annoying co-workers and the fact that an intern had spilled coffee on his polo.
In fact, it was a little surprising that Yunho was so talkative. It made him smile, and he listened to all of Yunho’s stories as they seated themselves in a restaurant.
It was only after Yunho fell into a lull of silence that Jaejoong realized how mute he’d been the entire walk.
“Are you okay?” Yunho asked in concern, stopping Jaejoong in the middle of the street.
Jaejoong blinked, “Yes, I am -”
“No, I don’t think so.” Yunho frowned, “Do you not want to eat here? If you don’t, then we could always -“
“No! I like it here.” Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair, “I’m…I’m just a little paranoid about something.”
“About what?”
“Why are there female things lying around your apartment?”
Yunho raised an eyebrow, “Didn’t I explain that to you?” Jaejoong shook his head, and he laughed. Yunho reached out across the table and took hold of hand, “Jihye’s living with me right now.”
Jaejoong looked at Yunho confusedly. “What, but why I haven’t I seen her? I’ve been living with you for almost two months -“
“She’s with a friend in Japan.” Yunho replied, “She said she wanted a break before she started university, so I let her go. Jihye has her own money anyway, and our parents don’t really seem to care right now.”
“I’m sorry.” Jaejoong whispered. “This is -“
Yunho shook his head, “It’s not your fault. It’s their fault for being intolerant and judgmental. I’ll only go back to them when they’ve accepted you, and nothing else. I don’t need their pressure in my life.”
“I’m -“
“I told you, don’t be sorry.” Yunho cut in, “Your family more than makes up for mine anyway. Your sisters brought a countless number of things to my apartment, and they always give me things. I don’t mind taking care of you.”
“I want to take care of you too.” Jaejoong murmured as he took hold of Yunho’s hand and squeezed, “I want to show you that I care.”
Yunho smiled, “Don’t worry, I’m sure -“
“Can we…” Jaejoong trailed off and blushed. He covered his face with his hands and could barely look at Yunho, “I want to -“
Yunho swallowed, “Are you ready? I mean, we haven’t in a long time. We don’t have to rush this, if you don’t want to -“
Jaejoong shook his head. “I’m ready. Okay?” he laughed at Yunho’s face and tried to hide his own face due to embarrassment, “Can we just go back to eating? Let’s forget I said anything -“
Yunho looked down at his food then back at Jaejoong, “I don’t think I can go back to eating when all I can think about right now is you naked on my bed.”
Jaejoong blushed even harder, and Yunho could only laugh.
Things hadn’t felt so right in a long time.
o-o-o
The moment they were in the apartment, Yunho immediately led Jaejoong to his bedroom. He could feel Jaejoong’s anticipation, and his heart was beating faster in his chest, to have Jaejoong finally with him - it was better than the hundreds of dreams he’d had in the past.
For some reason, as Yunho slowly lifted Jaejoong’s shirt off, it felt like their first time all over again. The gentle, hesitant touches, and whispered loving words sent chills down Yunho’s spine. He wanted nothing more than to remind Jaejoong of how much he loved him.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong breathed out, his voice tapering off into a moan as Yunho’s hands slipped underneath his jeans. He looked down at his boyfriend, who’d begun to unbuckle his jeans, and gently took hold of his hands.
Yunho watched him carefully, “Jaejoong?”
“Don’t.” Jaejoong murmured before he sat up and made Yunho lie back down onto the bed. He pressed a soft kiss against Yunho’s lips, “Don’t…let me make things up to you, okay?”
Before Yunho could even protest, Jaejoong had already inched down. He unbuckled Yunho’s pants quickly, and Yunho raised his hips so that it’d be easier for Jaejoong to remove his pants.
As soon as all remaining articles of clothing were gone, Jaejoong leaned down over Yunho’s erection. He looked up and smiled at Yunho, “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? It might be as awkward as the first time I did it…”
“You’ll be fine baby.” Yunho whispered encouragingly, “If you don’t -“
“I want to.” Jaejoong murmured before he took hold of Yunho’s dick with his hands and ran his hands along the aching member slowly. He leaned down and licked the tip, and Yunho let out a low hiss.
With renewed confidence, Jaejoong opened his mouth and gradually moved lower, allowing as much of Yunho’s dick that he could fit into his mouth. Yunho moaned loudly, and his hands gripped onto Jaejoong’s hair tightly.
Jaejoong began to move, and Yunho had to control himself from bucking inside his warm mouth. Yunho gripped Jaejoong’s hair tightly, as Jaejoong began to move his mouth back and forth.
Yunho opened his eyes when he felt like he was close to release, “Jaejoong, stop.” He murmured, gently tugging at Jaejoong’s hair, “I don’t -“
Jaejoong removed his mouth, edges of his lips evident with traces of Yunho’s pre-cum. He blinked, “Was I bad -“
Yunho sat up quickly and licked the fluid off the edge of his lips, “No, you were perfect baby.” He murmured as he took Jaejoong into his arms, “It’s just…I want to come in you.”
“Okay.” Jaejoong said quietly. He glanced at Yunho’s night table, “Do you have…”
Yunho blushed, “It hasn’t been used in a long time.” He murmured, his eyes cast down onto the bed sheets, “I mean, it’s -“
“I’ll be really tight Yunho.” Jaejoong said with a chuckle and his leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Yunho’s jaw. He stared into Yunho’s eyes and ran a hand through the other man’s damp hair, “You’ll have to prepare me well.”
“Like our first time?” Yunho asked with a smile as he gently pushed Jaejoong down onto the bed. As he pulled open the drawer, he reached in and pulled all the necessary materials before he dumped them onto the bed.
Jaejoong ripped open a condom packet, “Like our first time, but better.” He slid the condom over Yunho’s dick slowly, his fingernails brushing against the sensitive skin. Yunho groaned and pushed Jaejoong back down.
“Of course it’ll be better.”
Yunho lathered his fingers with the lube and pressed one finger inside of Jaejoong. He could feel the tightness, and he could see the look of discomfort on Jaejoong’s face as he began to move it around.
“Should I -“
Jaejoong shook his head, “No, baby, don’t stop. It’ll go away.” He replied, flashing a beautiful smile at the other man. “You can insert another one.”
After a few more seconds of movement, Yunho slid in another finger, and Jaejoong let out a tiny sound of pain. He shook his head at Yunho, signalling him that he was okay, and Yunho began to make scissoring movements.
He added another finger, loosening the tight ring of muscle as much as he could, but Yunho was fairly sure that it would still be tight when he entered Jaejoong.
“Please, Yunho.” Jaejoong bit his lip, “I want you inside me now.”
Yunho complied and withdrew his fingers. He moved upward and pressed a soft kiss against Jaejoong’s lips, “It’s going to hurt a bit, if you want me to -“
“I’m not a virgin anymore.” Jaejong replied, “You made sure of that the first time, okay Yunho? I’ll be fine.” He kissed Yunho and pulled away, “Now come on.”
Yunho slowly pushed himself inside, and he let out a groan. Jaejoong was so tight, and he could feel the other man clenching around him tightly. Jaejoong let out a quiet whine as Yunho pushed in a little further, stretching Jaejoong more.
Jaejoong’s nails clawed at his back as soon as he’d pushed all the way in, and Yunho stayed that way for a while, letting Jaejoong’s body get used to the intrusion. After a few seconds, he began to pull out, only to ram back in.
As much as he wanted their first time together after such a long wait, to be gentle and slow, Yunho couldn’t control himself. He wanted to remember, he wanted to have the marks of their lovemaking so that he could convince himself that it was all real.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and he began moaning in pleasuring as the pain began to subside. The sound of their moans and the friction of their bodies filled the room, and it was soon until Jaejoong could feel the familiar sensation of building pressure.
“Yunho, faster.” He moaned, and Yunho grunted in response, quickening his thrusts and gripping onto Jaejoong’s body harder. It wasn’t much longer until Jaejoong came all over Yunho’s body, and Yunho followed after, releasing into Jaejoong.
Their pants echoed in the silence, and Yunho pressed a gentle kiss against Jaejoong’s shoulder before he slowly pulled out of the other man. He took off the condom and dumped it into the trashcan before he lied back down onto the bed.
In one fluid, natural movement, Jaejoong immediately turned to Yunho and pressed their bodies together despite the stickiness and sweat. He murmured a couple of words, but it was obvious how tired he was.
Yunho’s eyes fluttered shut, and he pulled Jaejoong closer. It wasn’t long before the other man’s head was resting on his chest. Yunho stared up at the ceiling, and after a few minutes, he could hear Jaejoong’s quiet snores.
He glanced at the other man, eyes shut contentedly and a quirk of a smile at the corner of his red lips. Yunho smiled, happier than he’d ever felt in a long time. He turned to his side and pressed a gentle kiss against Jaejoong’s forehead before he shut his own eyes and waited to fall into his own spell of unconsciousness.
o-o-o
When Yunho woke up the next morning, he could smell food cooking. He glanced at where Jaejoong had been, and then at his open closet. He smiled to himself and got out of bed, took a shower, then followed the scent.
As soon as he saw his boyfriend and his sister cooking together, a warm feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He smiled in the doorway for a few more seconds before he cleared his throat, alerting the two to his presence.
Jihye turned around and immediately rushed over to her brother before Jaejoong could even say good morning. She took hold of him by the wrist and he followed her out to her bedroom.
“Why is he here?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“Because I love him.”
Jihye huffed and tucked back a strand of her hair. She looked up at her brother, “Is that…are you sure?” she looked at him hesitantly, and Yunho could tell that her affection for Jaejong was fighting against her insecurities about his relationship with Jaejoong, “I mean…”
Yunho placed his hands on her shoulders, “Listen, we’ll be fine, okay?” he smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Don’t worry about us. You love him as your own brother, and don’t let what happened in the past break that bond you have with him.”
“But Yunho -“
Yunho opened the door and turned to look at his sister, “If I don’t have a problem with him being here, than you shouldn’t have one either.” He smiled at his sister encouragingly, “Who was the one that helped you with all your art projects, and stole clothes from his sisters whenever you needed something at the last minute?”
“Jaejoong.” Jihye mumbled.
“Exactly.” Yunho hugged Jihye tightly, “He may have made mistakes, but he’s done so much good as well. Don’t forget that.” He pulled away from her and led her to the kitchen, where Jaejoong was waiting for them anxiously.
As soon as they stepped inside, Jaejoong nearly dropped the plate of pancakes he was holding, and it was obvious that he’d been pacing nervously.
“Do you need help setting the table?” Jihye asked, taking the plate of pancakes away from him, she smiled up at him, “You’re always so clumsy, you might drop this! I worked hard on the batter.”
Jaejoong’s posture relaxed visibly, and he glanced at Yunho who was smiling at him. His eyes shined a little brighter, “Thank you Jihye. You should give your brother three since we all know he eats a lot.”
They settled down at the table, and Yunho watched as his sister began warming up to Jaejoong once more, laughing at his lame jokes and teasing him about how his cooking skills had deteriorated.
He smiled to himself, and just as he was about to say something, he felt Jaejoong’s hand rest on top of his. Yunho glanced at Jaejoong, but Jaejoong said nothing and continued to talk to Jihye.
Yunho glanced down and intertwined his fingers with Jaejoong’s squeezing tightly.
Being with his sister and Jaejoong, just the three of them, sitting together and eating breakfast happily, felt good.
It felt like family.
o-o-o
Jaejoong glanced down at the flyer in his hand.
He was tired of working at the café. As hard as he’d tried to bury past feelings, the urge to perform always came back out. For weeks, it had been stifled but the moment he’d seen the audition flyer, his feelings couldn’t be held back any longer.
He wanted to perform again.
“Jaejoong?”
He whirled around, and Yunho smiled. Despite their public location, Yunho bent down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. Jaejoong blushed and clutched the flyer a little tighter. He swallowed hard and managed to smile back.
Yunho, being the man he was, noticed that something was wrong immediately.
“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly, reaching out to tuck back a strand of Jaejoong’s hair behind his ear, “If you’re sick -“
“I want to perform again.” Jaejoong blurted out. His eyes widened, and he took a step away from Yunho, “I’m so sorry Yunho. I told you I would stop chasing stupid dreams, but the moment I saw the flyer -“
“Where’s the audition?” Yunho asked softly, his hand still running through Jaejoong’s hair slowly.
Jaejoong handed him the flyer, “It’s just in the city, probably only a few minutes away from the café.” He shut his mouth and stopped rambling. “It’s…it’s a dream. I know it won’t be the same, but Yunho…I want to try. My heart has always called for me to be there, and I promise that I won’t disappoint you.”
The fear that flittered across Yunho’s face sent a chill down Jaejoong’s spine, and he quickly reached out to take hold of the other man’s hand. He shook his head and squeezed it tightly, “You don’t have anything to be worried about.”
“Don’t think that I don’t trust you -“
“You do trust me, I know.” Jaejoong replied. He glanced down at Yunho’s perfect hand before he met the other man’s eyes, “Don’t worry about me leaving you. The audition is here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
A comfortable silence passed by, and Jaejoong waited for Yunho to say something else. He wanted nothing more than the approval and support of the other man. Yunho smiled and brushed his hand along Jaejoong’s cheek, “You’ve always been a wonderful singer…I’m sure they’ll accept you.”
“I’ll sing my heart out for you.” Jaejoong replied, “I promise, I won’t compromise myself ever again. I’ll stop letting people step on me, I won’t give up again. You’ve taught me to be stronger.”
“Jaejoong -“
“I won’t give up, on my dreams, on my hope - on us, ever again.” Jaejoong interrupted, his voice so resolute and determined that Yunho couldn’t find a single bit of himself not being convinced by Jaejoong’s speech.
“Hope to the end.” Jaejoong finished, his eyes alight with a spark and fire that had not been present ever since he’d returned from Seoul.
All Yunho could do was smile.
Jaejoong was back.
o-o-o
The first audition was a failure, so were the second and the third. There were so many auditions that he’d lost count. Sometimes Yunho wondered if Jaejoong would give up, if he would break down, but each time he came home, Jaejoong greeted him with the same fire and spirit.
Despite Jaejoong’s smiles and assurances, he still couldn’t help but worry.
Yunho checked his phone, resisting the urge to call Jaejoong to ask if he’d gotten a callback from his last audition. He stared at his phone’s screen and eventually placed it back in his pocket - he would find out soon.
He unlocked the apartment door and no one greeted him. Yunho set his things down on a table and called out for Jaejoong, but no one answered. He called for Jihye, but still, no one answered.
His heart pounded in his chest.
Had Jaejoong left? As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he had so many fears. He constantly dreamed that one day he would wake up to find Jaejoong gone, to discover he was married to a woman he didn’t love, to never see Jaejoong again - and each time he would wake up, gasping for air and searching for comfort which he always immediately found in Jaejoong’s arms.
Yunho was about to call Jaejoong’s parents when Jihye jumped out and surprised him with a loud shout, “Surprise!” she cried, wrapping her arms around her brother tightly.
He dropped the phone, and when he turned around, Jaejoong was there with cake and a large smile.
“He got the part!” Jihye shouted before Jaejoong could. She giggled happily and took the cake away from Jaejoong, “Aren’t you proud of him?”
Yunho could only stare at Jaejoong, who was standing still and awaiting his judgment. It took him only a few steps to reach Jaejoong and take him into his arms so that he could kiss him.
Jihye cried out in disgust and ran back to her room, claiming that they could call her when they were done making out.
Yunho ignored her and took his time, wanting to get his message across in the best way possible. They kissed for a few more minutes, but eventually, Yunho pulled away. He smiled and pressed their foreheads together.
“I’m so happy for you.” Yunho whispered, “I knew it. I knew you could do it.”
Jaejoong smiled back, beautiful and content. “It’s because of you. I couldn’t be who I am today without you.”
As Yunho leaned down to kiss him once more, he couldn’t help but echo the same thought.
I could never be who I am today without you Jaejoong.
o-o-o
Jaejoong listened to the resounding applause from the pleased audience. Soon enough, it was time for all the actors to come out for their respective bows. He followed the rest of the cast out of backstage, and as soon as he was still, his eyes quickly found Yunho’s in the darkness. A smile flittered across his face at the sight of the other man, and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
Perhaps he would never become a world renowned star, with thousands of fans and a legend to leave behind for ages to come, and maybe he would never reach any further than performing in small stages for a small audience, yet, despite that thought, he was fulfilled.
He was happy knowing that he could still perform for an audience, and that he could be free to do what he wanted without giving away part of himself. He would be free to love who he wanted, and free to do as he pleased.
The curtain call ended, and Jaejoong rushed to find Yunho. He thanked people for their compliments and hard work as he walked past them, but his sole purpose was to find Yunho. As soon as he reached a clearing, he caught sight of him.
“Yunho!”
Yunho turned around, and Jajeoong enveloped him tightly into a hug. His heart had never felt so full before, and he was fairly sure he was crying into Yunho’s chest. He was overflowing with emotion, and all he could think of was how far he and Yunho had come together.
They’d made mistakes, but along the way, they’d both found what they wanted and needed. Jaejoong clung tighter to Yunho and laughed as his boyfriend murmured words of comfort and praise.
There could be no better dream than what he had in reality with Yunho.
<
Fin ♥
Author’s Note: This was really long. LOL. Anyway, I hope you all liked how it ended, and yeah. ^___^ Also, thank you so much to my beta who helped me so much in finding the words to write this story. I don’t really have much to say, but I will update A Learning Process on Wednesday, as well as posting my request entry on that day too. If you haven’t checked out Distance yet, please do! It’s probably one of the fics dearest to my heart, and I really do like its storyline a lot. Also, I’ve completed it, so you guys don’t have to worry about me forgetting about it. XD I’m sorry this part took so long, and thank you for all your patience. Please leave a comment, and thank you for reading! ♥
Beta: minniesaranghae
Pairing: Yunho/Jaejoong
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst
Summary: All he knew was that it couldn’t last - he would go, and he knew Yunho would let him.
No, he hadn’t expected a kiss, a hug, or anything really - all Jaejoong had expected was to see Yunho there, standing in front of his car and waiting for him.
And that was exactly the picture he had gotten.
Jaejoong walked with slow unconfident steps, unsure of what to say or what to do. He had no words to make things better for Yunho, no words to explain his behaviour, and no words to express how happy he felt despite all the guilt.
Lucky for him, Yunho took the opportunity to speak first.
“Is that all you have?” Yunho asked, gesturing to the small duffel bag that was slung over Jaejoong’s shoulder, “You don’t have anything else?”
Jaejoong shook his head mutely, rendered speechless by Yunho’s presence. He swallowed hard, and he studied Yunho carefully - in fact, he was quite sure that the other man was doing the same.
Yunho…was still Yunho. A little older, a little thinner, a little stressed, but still essentially and perfectly Yunho.
“You look good.” Jaejoong said, the briefest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He met Yunho’s gaze and smiled bitterly at the other man, “You look much better than I do.”
Instead of a reply, Jaejoong got cold silence. He accepted it gracefully and didn’t press the matter any further. He adjusted the way the bag was slung over his shoulder, and just as he was about to talk, Yunho spoke first.
“Your parents…they aren’t here.” He explained, “So you’ll stay at my place tonight, if that’s okay with you.”
“It’s fine.”
“Let’s go then.”
Jaejoong opened the car door and got in. He placed his bag down at his feet and buckled his seatbelt. He swallowed hard and watched Yunho adjust things from the corner of his eye, Jaejoong clenched his fists tightly in his lap.
He’d never felt so stupid before.
There was no way he’d be able to charm his way out of getting Yunho to forgive him, in fact, as he sat longer in the tense silence, Jaejoong wondered if Yunho would ever forgive him. If perhaps they’d never get back together again.
He felt like crying, then and there, but he didn’t. It was his fault after all, it was his entire fault that their relationship had ended up the way it had. If he hadn’t been so stupid, if he hadn’t left - things would be better.
Jaejoong smiled bitterly to himself and looked out the car window, unable to even look at Yunho without feeling feel guilty and bitter. He couldn’t even begin to understand what kind of pain he’d put Yunho through, and he was so stupid to have let Yunho pick him up from the bus station.
He was so selfish.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, afraid that tears would come if ever he kept his eyes open. His mind was anything but ready for sleep, but he hoped that by pretending to be asleep, Yunho would feel more comfortable.
While Jaejoong had gone out to reach for the stars, what had he left Yunho with, aside from broken promises and a broken heart? He’d stumbled out into the unknown, unprepared and unaware of how to deal with life beyond his hometown, and he would pay the price for that mistake.
His eyes had always been looking into the horizon, his mind set always searching, looking for more. For all the years he’d known Yunho, Jaejoong had been too stupid to realize that perfection, that happiness itself, had always been with Yunho.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open, and he looked at Yunho, the other man’s eyes narrowed and focused entirely on the stretch of road ahead of them. Jaejoong opened his mouth to speak, but he froze when Yunho glanced at him.
Yunho said nothing, but his face was enough to convey that he didn’t understand whatever it was Jaejoong was trying to say, so Jaejoong decided to save Yunho any more trouble and simply voiced out his thoughts quietly.
“I’m so sorry Yunho.”
If only that was enough.
o-o-o
Jaejoong woke up later in the evening.
There was barely any sunlight left, but Jaejoong could see fine. He wandered around Yunho’s apartment, surprised by how little had changed aside from the addition of new things - female things. He hadn’t had the heart to ask Yunho about it, and had decided to keep quiet about it.
As Jaejoong wandered around the apartment, he had more than a feeling that Yunho wasn’t inside.
A sudden feeling of panic struck his chest, and Jaejoong went to Yunho’s room, only to discover that the room was empty. He looked around for a note, anything that would explain Yunho’s absence, but found nothing, so he immediately went out.
As soon as he was outside, he squinted at a familiar figure on the horizon. Jaejoong quickly crossed the street and made his way to the nearby beach. He jogged and as soon as he caught sight of Yunho, he slowed down.
When he was a few steps away from the taller man, he stopped in his tracks.
“Good evening.” Jaejoong whispered quietly, “You didn’t tell me you were going out.”
“I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“You don’t have to worry so much about me.” Jaejoong murmured, rubbing his hands on his arms in an effort to warm up. “You’ve…you’ve spent so much time worrying about me already.”
“It’s instinct I suppose.”
Jaejoong sighed, “It’s a habit that you should break then.” Yunho looked at Jaejoong carefully, and Jaejoong continued, “I need to be more responsible. You look after me all the time. I need to make you stop worrying about me.”
“I think I’d worry about you less if you acted better.” Yunho replied, his words curt and cold.
Jaejoong flinched, but he knew Yunho was right in saying that. He swallowed hard and lifted his eyes off the sand, “You’re right.”
“Sometimes, I wondered if you were hurting me on purpose.” Yunho said quietly, as he tore his eyes away from Jaejoong and looked away. “You don’t know how many nights I wondered about what I did wrong. Do you know how many nights I spent wondering if you were ever going to come back?”
Jaejoong was silent, and he waited for Yunho to continue. He had to listen to Yunho, he needed to because it was there that he would find the clues as to whether or not Yunho still wanted to be with him.
“Do you know how many stupid decisions I made for you?” Yunho asked, turning around to face Jaejoong. “Do you know that I told my parents about us?”
Jaejoong let out a small gasp of surprise, “Yunho, you didn’t -“
“I did, I told them and now they want nothing to do with me.” Yunho shook his head and faced away from Jaejoong, “It hurts, but…I did it for myself. I was so sick of pretending and hiding my feelings for you, and I let everything just surface.”
Yunho ran a hand through his hair. “This distance between us right now is there because you placed it there. Maybe you only see me as a source of comfort, maybe you don’t love me -“
“I still love you.” Jaejoong murmured, prompting Yunho to turn around and look at him. He took one step closer to Yunho, “This is my fault, I know. I should’ve called, I should’ve tried to explain, and I should’ve done everything that I hadn’t.”
Jaejoong shut his eyes tightly, preventing tears from escaping. He opened his eyes and stared at Yunho, “But it was so hard - it was so hard for me Yunho. How could I even attempt to face you when I was becoming anything but the person you fell in love with? I couldn’t bring myself to tell you about how much it hurt, to hear those comments from people telling me I wasn’t good enough, to share that with you, because I knew those words would hurt you as well.”
His words hung in the air, and Jaejoong chuckled bitterly. “As time passes by, those comments sank in and I realized the truth that I wasn’t as special as I had thought I was.” Jaejoong shook his head, “And here I am now, offering myself back to you and only half the man I once was.”
Jaejoong looked down at the sand under his feet, “I was - no, I am so selfish. When I left, I still insisted on having you even though I was the one forcing the separation. You were right from the start Yunho, we should’ve broken up. Look at me! I get by on my looks and not my personality. People tell me how pretty I am, how handsome I look, but how many times have you heard someone say that they like me for who I am? Never. You never hear that, and for good reason.”
Jaejoong took a deep breath, “I fall prey to vices, I have little self-worth, I don’t have the talent to blind people to my looks, I…” he lifted his eyes off the ground and stared at Yunho, “I won’t ever be as good as you. I was stupid and blind not to be satisfied with what I had with you. I went out and chased stupid dreams that only hurt and pained me more than anything else.”
“It wasn’t a mistake.” Yunho said slowly, “You had to go Jaejoong. You might say it’s a mistake, but I know that in the long run…it was a good decision to make.”
“What good decision?” Jaejoong asked, “I’ve lost you, and I…I don’t believe in myself anymore. I’ve come back to you as a lesser man.” He brushed his cheeks, “I should go. I’m sure I could find somewhere to stay for the night.”
“You’re leaving me again.”
Jaejoong froze. He swallowed hard and faced Yunho, “This is for the best -“
“How do you know what the best is?” Yunho asked, approaching Jaejoong. The ferocity of his glare forced Jaejoong to meet his eyes, “How do you know what I want? Did you come back here just to play with my feelings again and then run away?”
“I’m foolish.” Jaejoong replied softly, “I came back with selfish intentions. I wanted you to take me back.” He shook his head, “I’m so sorry.”
“You think I don’t love you anymore?”
“You don’t seem to want me.” Jaejoong answered, “I understand…I think I should just go, and I really mean that. I’m ruining you.”
“Stop it.” Yunho shook his head and took a step closer, “I supported you when you left, and if you endured all that pain then it’s partially my fault as well.” He took another step closer to Jaejoong, and the other man moved to step back, but Yunho took hold of his wrist.
“Understand…I still love you.” He murmured, “We might not be in our best times right now, but we’ll make it through this. I just needed time…I needed time to think and time to hear your story.”
“Yunho -“
“I love you.” Yunho said softly as he raised his hand to run through Jaejoong’s hair slowly. “It hurt but that pain will go away eventually. We can take care of each other now that you’re back.”
Jaejoong latched onto Yunho and buried his face into the taller man’s chest, sobs escaping his mouth. “I’m never going to leave you again. I can’t.”
Yunho pulled Jaejoong closer, “I won’t let you go.”
o-o-o
It was uneasy at first, but things got better.
It took weeks, but things fell into place. Jaejoong was content to be settled in Yunho’s apartment, working part time at a nearby café in order to prove his worth in the household and lessen his dependence on the other man.
The only things that still unsettled Jaejoong were the used visitor’s room and the feminine things still lying around Yunho’s apartment, but he’d finally resolved to ask Yunho about them as soon as they went on their date.
Jaejoong looked at himself in the mirror and smile. He looked better than before - healthier and more radiant. He’d dyed his hair back to black, and he’d stopped wearing the contacts the entertainment company had provided him with. All in all, he felt more like the Jaejoong that had never left home.
It was a good feeling - to finally be able to be happy with who he was, with what he was doing, who he was with. He was content, and he didn’t think there could be anything left to improve in his current state of living.
“Jaejoong? Are you ready?” Yunho asked, poking his head into the bathroom door to look at Jaejoong.
Jaejoong turned his head and nodded. He followed Yunho out of the apartment, and he listened quietly as Yunho complained about annoying co-workers and the fact that an intern had spilled coffee on his polo.
In fact, it was a little surprising that Yunho was so talkative. It made him smile, and he listened to all of Yunho’s stories as they seated themselves in a restaurant.
It was only after Yunho fell into a lull of silence that Jaejoong realized how mute he’d been the entire walk.
“Are you okay?” Yunho asked in concern, stopping Jaejoong in the middle of the street.
Jaejoong blinked, “Yes, I am -”
“No, I don’t think so.” Yunho frowned, “Do you not want to eat here? If you don’t, then we could always -“
“No! I like it here.” Jaejoong ran a hand through his hair, “I’m…I’m just a little paranoid about something.”
“About what?”
“Why are there female things lying around your apartment?”
Yunho raised an eyebrow, “Didn’t I explain that to you?” Jaejoong shook his head, and he laughed. Yunho reached out across the table and took hold of hand, “Jihye’s living with me right now.”
Jaejoong looked at Yunho confusedly. “What, but why I haven’t I seen her? I’ve been living with you for almost two months -“
“She’s with a friend in Japan.” Yunho replied, “She said she wanted a break before she started university, so I let her go. Jihye has her own money anyway, and our parents don’t really seem to care right now.”
“I’m sorry.” Jaejoong whispered. “This is -“
Yunho shook his head, “It’s not your fault. It’s their fault for being intolerant and judgmental. I’ll only go back to them when they’ve accepted you, and nothing else. I don’t need their pressure in my life.”
“I’m -“
“I told you, don’t be sorry.” Yunho cut in, “Your family more than makes up for mine anyway. Your sisters brought a countless number of things to my apartment, and they always give me things. I don’t mind taking care of you.”
“I want to take care of you too.” Jaejoong murmured as he took hold of Yunho’s hand and squeezed, “I want to show you that I care.”
Yunho smiled, “Don’t worry, I’m sure -“
“Can we…” Jaejoong trailed off and blushed. He covered his face with his hands and could barely look at Yunho, “I want to -“
Yunho swallowed, “Are you ready? I mean, we haven’t in a long time. We don’t have to rush this, if you don’t want to -“
Jaejoong shook his head. “I’m ready. Okay?” he laughed at Yunho’s face and tried to hide his own face due to embarrassment, “Can we just go back to eating? Let’s forget I said anything -“
Yunho looked down at his food then back at Jaejoong, “I don’t think I can go back to eating when all I can think about right now is you naked on my bed.”
Jaejoong blushed even harder, and Yunho could only laugh.
Things hadn’t felt so right in a long time.
o-o-o
The moment they were in the apartment, Yunho immediately led Jaejoong to his bedroom. He could feel Jaejoong’s anticipation, and his heart was beating faster in his chest, to have Jaejoong finally with him - it was better than the hundreds of dreams he’d had in the past.
For some reason, as Yunho slowly lifted Jaejoong’s shirt off, it felt like their first time all over again. The gentle, hesitant touches, and whispered loving words sent chills down Yunho’s spine. He wanted nothing more than to remind Jaejoong of how much he loved him.
“Yunho,” Jaejoong breathed out, his voice tapering off into a moan as Yunho’s hands slipped underneath his jeans. He looked down at his boyfriend, who’d begun to unbuckle his jeans, and gently took hold of his hands.
Yunho watched him carefully, “Jaejoong?”
“Don’t.” Jaejoong murmured before he sat up and made Yunho lie back down onto the bed. He pressed a soft kiss against Yunho’s lips, “Don’t…let me make things up to you, okay?”
Before Yunho could even protest, Jaejoong had already inched down. He unbuckled Yunho’s pants quickly, and Yunho raised his hips so that it’d be easier for Jaejoong to remove his pants.
As soon as all remaining articles of clothing were gone, Jaejoong leaned down over Yunho’s erection. He looked up and smiled at Yunho, “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? It might be as awkward as the first time I did it…”
“You’ll be fine baby.” Yunho whispered encouragingly, “If you don’t -“
“I want to.” Jaejoong murmured before he took hold of Yunho’s dick with his hands and ran his hands along the aching member slowly. He leaned down and licked the tip, and Yunho let out a low hiss.
With renewed confidence, Jaejoong opened his mouth and gradually moved lower, allowing as much of Yunho’s dick that he could fit into his mouth. Yunho moaned loudly, and his hands gripped onto Jaejoong’s hair tightly.
Jaejoong began to move, and Yunho had to control himself from bucking inside his warm mouth. Yunho gripped Jaejoong’s hair tightly, as Jaejoong began to move his mouth back and forth.
Yunho opened his eyes when he felt like he was close to release, “Jaejoong, stop.” He murmured, gently tugging at Jaejoong’s hair, “I don’t -“
Jaejoong removed his mouth, edges of his lips evident with traces of Yunho’s pre-cum. He blinked, “Was I bad -“
Yunho sat up quickly and licked the fluid off the edge of his lips, “No, you were perfect baby.” He murmured as he took Jaejoong into his arms, “It’s just…I want to come in you.”
“Okay.” Jaejoong said quietly. He glanced at Yunho’s night table, “Do you have…”
Yunho blushed, “It hasn’t been used in a long time.” He murmured, his eyes cast down onto the bed sheets, “I mean, it’s -“
“I’ll be really tight Yunho.” Jaejoong said with a chuckle and his leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Yunho’s jaw. He stared into Yunho’s eyes and ran a hand through the other man’s damp hair, “You’ll have to prepare me well.”
“Like our first time?” Yunho asked with a smile as he gently pushed Jaejoong down onto the bed. As he pulled open the drawer, he reached in and pulled all the necessary materials before he dumped them onto the bed.
Jaejoong ripped open a condom packet, “Like our first time, but better.” He slid the condom over Yunho’s dick slowly, his fingernails brushing against the sensitive skin. Yunho groaned and pushed Jaejoong back down.
“Of course it’ll be better.”
Yunho lathered his fingers with the lube and pressed one finger inside of Jaejoong. He could feel the tightness, and he could see the look of discomfort on Jaejoong’s face as he began to move it around.
“Should I -“
Jaejoong shook his head, “No, baby, don’t stop. It’ll go away.” He replied, flashing a beautiful smile at the other man. “You can insert another one.”
After a few more seconds of movement, Yunho slid in another finger, and Jaejoong let out a tiny sound of pain. He shook his head at Yunho, signalling him that he was okay, and Yunho began to make scissoring movements.
He added another finger, loosening the tight ring of muscle as much as he could, but Yunho was fairly sure that it would still be tight when he entered Jaejoong.
“Please, Yunho.” Jaejoong bit his lip, “I want you inside me now.”
Yunho complied and withdrew his fingers. He moved upward and pressed a soft kiss against Jaejoong’s lips, “It’s going to hurt a bit, if you want me to -“
“I’m not a virgin anymore.” Jaejong replied, “You made sure of that the first time, okay Yunho? I’ll be fine.” He kissed Yunho and pulled away, “Now come on.”
Yunho slowly pushed himself inside, and he let out a groan. Jaejoong was so tight, and he could feel the other man clenching around him tightly. Jaejoong let out a quiet whine as Yunho pushed in a little further, stretching Jaejoong more.
Jaejoong’s nails clawed at his back as soon as he’d pushed all the way in, and Yunho stayed that way for a while, letting Jaejoong’s body get used to the intrusion. After a few seconds, he began to pull out, only to ram back in.
As much as he wanted their first time together after such a long wait, to be gentle and slow, Yunho couldn’t control himself. He wanted to remember, he wanted to have the marks of their lovemaking so that he could convince himself that it was all real.
Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered shut, and he began moaning in pleasuring as the pain began to subside. The sound of their moans and the friction of their bodies filled the room, and it was soon until Jaejoong could feel the familiar sensation of building pressure.
“Yunho, faster.” He moaned, and Yunho grunted in response, quickening his thrusts and gripping onto Jaejoong’s body harder. It wasn’t much longer until Jaejoong came all over Yunho’s body, and Yunho followed after, releasing into Jaejoong.
Their pants echoed in the silence, and Yunho pressed a gentle kiss against Jaejoong’s shoulder before he slowly pulled out of the other man. He took off the condom and dumped it into the trashcan before he lied back down onto the bed.
In one fluid, natural movement, Jaejoong immediately turned to Yunho and pressed their bodies together despite the stickiness and sweat. He murmured a couple of words, but it was obvious how tired he was.
Yunho’s eyes fluttered shut, and he pulled Jaejoong closer. It wasn’t long before the other man’s head was resting on his chest. Yunho stared up at the ceiling, and after a few minutes, he could hear Jaejoong’s quiet snores.
He glanced at the other man, eyes shut contentedly and a quirk of a smile at the corner of his red lips. Yunho smiled, happier than he’d ever felt in a long time. He turned to his side and pressed a gentle kiss against Jaejoong’s forehead before he shut his own eyes and waited to fall into his own spell of unconsciousness.
o-o-o
When Yunho woke up the next morning, he could smell food cooking. He glanced at where Jaejoong had been, and then at his open closet. He smiled to himself and got out of bed, took a shower, then followed the scent.
As soon as he saw his boyfriend and his sister cooking together, a warm feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He smiled in the doorway for a few more seconds before he cleared his throat, alerting the two to his presence.
Jihye turned around and immediately rushed over to her brother before Jaejoong could even say good morning. She took hold of him by the wrist and he followed her out to her bedroom.
“Why is he here?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“Because I love him.”
Jihye huffed and tucked back a strand of her hair. She looked up at her brother, “Is that…are you sure?” she looked at him hesitantly, and Yunho could tell that her affection for Jaejong was fighting against her insecurities about his relationship with Jaejoong, “I mean…”
Yunho placed his hands on her shoulders, “Listen, we’ll be fine, okay?” he smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “Don’t worry about us. You love him as your own brother, and don’t let what happened in the past break that bond you have with him.”
“But Yunho -“
Yunho opened the door and turned to look at his sister, “If I don’t have a problem with him being here, than you shouldn’t have one either.” He smiled at his sister encouragingly, “Who was the one that helped you with all your art projects, and stole clothes from his sisters whenever you needed something at the last minute?”
“Jaejoong.” Jihye mumbled.
“Exactly.” Yunho hugged Jihye tightly, “He may have made mistakes, but he’s done so much good as well. Don’t forget that.” He pulled away from her and led her to the kitchen, where Jaejoong was waiting for them anxiously.
As soon as they stepped inside, Jaejoong nearly dropped the plate of pancakes he was holding, and it was obvious that he’d been pacing nervously.
“Do you need help setting the table?” Jihye asked, taking the plate of pancakes away from him, she smiled up at him, “You’re always so clumsy, you might drop this! I worked hard on the batter.”
Jaejoong’s posture relaxed visibly, and he glanced at Yunho who was smiling at him. His eyes shined a little brighter, “Thank you Jihye. You should give your brother three since we all know he eats a lot.”
They settled down at the table, and Yunho watched as his sister began warming up to Jaejoong once more, laughing at his lame jokes and teasing him about how his cooking skills had deteriorated.
He smiled to himself, and just as he was about to say something, he felt Jaejoong’s hand rest on top of his. Yunho glanced at Jaejoong, but Jaejoong said nothing and continued to talk to Jihye.
Yunho glanced down and intertwined his fingers with Jaejoong’s squeezing tightly.
Being with his sister and Jaejoong, just the three of them, sitting together and eating breakfast happily, felt good.
It felt like family.
o-o-o
Jaejoong glanced down at the flyer in his hand.
He was tired of working at the café. As hard as he’d tried to bury past feelings, the urge to perform always came back out. For weeks, it had been stifled but the moment he’d seen the audition flyer, his feelings couldn’t be held back any longer.
He wanted to perform again.
“Jaejoong?”
He whirled around, and Yunho smiled. Despite their public location, Yunho bent down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. Jaejoong blushed and clutched the flyer a little tighter. He swallowed hard and managed to smile back.
Yunho, being the man he was, noticed that something was wrong immediately.
“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly, reaching out to tuck back a strand of Jaejoong’s hair behind his ear, “If you’re sick -“
“I want to perform again.” Jaejoong blurted out. His eyes widened, and he took a step away from Yunho, “I’m so sorry Yunho. I told you I would stop chasing stupid dreams, but the moment I saw the flyer -“
“Where’s the audition?” Yunho asked softly, his hand still running through Jaejoong’s hair slowly.
Jaejoong handed him the flyer, “It’s just in the city, probably only a few minutes away from the café.” He shut his mouth and stopped rambling. “It’s…it’s a dream. I know it won’t be the same, but Yunho…I want to try. My heart has always called for me to be there, and I promise that I won’t disappoint you.”
The fear that flittered across Yunho’s face sent a chill down Jaejoong’s spine, and he quickly reached out to take hold of the other man’s hand. He shook his head and squeezed it tightly, “You don’t have anything to be worried about.”
“Don’t think that I don’t trust you -“
“You do trust me, I know.” Jaejoong replied. He glanced down at Yunho’s perfect hand before he met the other man’s eyes, “Don’t worry about me leaving you. The audition is here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
A comfortable silence passed by, and Jaejoong waited for Yunho to say something else. He wanted nothing more than the approval and support of the other man. Yunho smiled and brushed his hand along Jaejoong’s cheek, “You’ve always been a wonderful singer…I’m sure they’ll accept you.”
“I’ll sing my heart out for you.” Jaejoong replied, “I promise, I won’t compromise myself ever again. I’ll stop letting people step on me, I won’t give up again. You’ve taught me to be stronger.”
“Jaejoong -“
“I won’t give up, on my dreams, on my hope - on us, ever again.” Jaejoong interrupted, his voice so resolute and determined that Yunho couldn’t find a single bit of himself not being convinced by Jaejoong’s speech.
“Hope to the end.” Jaejoong finished, his eyes alight with a spark and fire that had not been present ever since he’d returned from Seoul.
All Yunho could do was smile.
Jaejoong was back.
o-o-o
The first audition was a failure, so were the second and the third. There were so many auditions that he’d lost count. Sometimes Yunho wondered if Jaejoong would give up, if he would break down, but each time he came home, Jaejoong greeted him with the same fire and spirit.
Despite Jaejoong’s smiles and assurances, he still couldn’t help but worry.
Yunho checked his phone, resisting the urge to call Jaejoong to ask if he’d gotten a callback from his last audition. He stared at his phone’s screen and eventually placed it back in his pocket - he would find out soon.
He unlocked the apartment door and no one greeted him. Yunho set his things down on a table and called out for Jaejoong, but no one answered. He called for Jihye, but still, no one answered.
His heart pounded in his chest.
Had Jaejoong left? As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he had so many fears. He constantly dreamed that one day he would wake up to find Jaejoong gone, to discover he was married to a woman he didn’t love, to never see Jaejoong again - and each time he would wake up, gasping for air and searching for comfort which he always immediately found in Jaejoong’s arms.
Yunho was about to call Jaejoong’s parents when Jihye jumped out and surprised him with a loud shout, “Surprise!” she cried, wrapping her arms around her brother tightly.
He dropped the phone, and when he turned around, Jaejoong was there with cake and a large smile.
“He got the part!” Jihye shouted before Jaejoong could. She giggled happily and took the cake away from Jaejoong, “Aren’t you proud of him?”
Yunho could only stare at Jaejoong, who was standing still and awaiting his judgment. It took him only a few steps to reach Jaejoong and take him into his arms so that he could kiss him.
Jihye cried out in disgust and ran back to her room, claiming that they could call her when they were done making out.
Yunho ignored her and took his time, wanting to get his message across in the best way possible. They kissed for a few more minutes, but eventually, Yunho pulled away. He smiled and pressed their foreheads together.
“I’m so happy for you.” Yunho whispered, “I knew it. I knew you could do it.”
Jaejoong smiled back, beautiful and content. “It’s because of you. I couldn’t be who I am today without you.”
As Yunho leaned down to kiss him once more, he couldn’t help but echo the same thought.
I could never be who I am today without you Jaejoong.
o-o-o
Jaejoong listened to the resounding applause from the pleased audience. Soon enough, it was time for all the actors to come out for their respective bows. He followed the rest of the cast out of backstage, and as soon as he was still, his eyes quickly found Yunho’s in the darkness. A smile flittered across his face at the sight of the other man, and tears threatened to fall from his eyes.
Perhaps he would never become a world renowned star, with thousands of fans and a legend to leave behind for ages to come, and maybe he would never reach any further than performing in small stages for a small audience, yet, despite that thought, he was fulfilled.
He was happy knowing that he could still perform for an audience, and that he could be free to do what he wanted without giving away part of himself. He would be free to love who he wanted, and free to do as he pleased.
The curtain call ended, and Jaejoong rushed to find Yunho. He thanked people for their compliments and hard work as he walked past them, but his sole purpose was to find Yunho. As soon as he reached a clearing, he caught sight of him.
“Yunho!”
Yunho turned around, and Jajeoong enveloped him tightly into a hug. His heart had never felt so full before, and he was fairly sure he was crying into Yunho’s chest. He was overflowing with emotion, and all he could think of was how far he and Yunho had come together.
They’d made mistakes, but along the way, they’d both found what they wanted and needed. Jaejoong clung tighter to Yunho and laughed as his boyfriend murmured words of comfort and praise.
There could be no better dream than what he had in reality with Yunho.
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Fin ♥
Author’s Note: This was really long. LOL. Anyway, I hope you all liked how it ended, and yeah. ^___^ Also, thank you so much to my beta who helped me so much in finding the words to write this story. I don’t really have much to say, but I will update A Learning Process on Wednesday, as well as posting my request entry on that day too. If you haven’t checked out Distance yet, please do! It’s probably one of the fics dearest to my heart, and I really do like its storyline a lot. Also, I’ve completed it, so you guys don’t have to worry about me forgetting about it. XD I’m sorry this part took so long, and thank you for all your patience. Please leave a comment, and thank you for reading! ♥