maybe boys aren't stupid, I'm just crazy!
Ok so Esprit's party was fucking amazing!!! I made out with the boy I predicted I would make out with. And it wasn't a case of I am going to talk to him all night and it will happen. I just knew from past encounterings with that boy that he must be attracted to me and therefore I would probably make out with him. And the way we made out was sorta completly random as well. I didn't talk to him or really do anything with him all evening until somehow I was alone on the deck with him and then I think I asked him if he knew who I was, which I think his reply was girl who is in my brother's grad class, which apparently to drunk me meant that he definatly knew who I was. And then I think I started to talk about the shed and then after passing Amy coming out of the shed with Esprit teehee, we commenced making out in the door way. The only problem with making out with people that you know is the next day, they have a name and a face and once you sober up you wonder well maybe I could have had something with him. And being the girl that I am, you start thinking about what might have happened if I acted in a different way afterwards or if I wasn't soo drunk and bla bla bla. Maybe I would actually be talking to him the next day but then I think about how I always run away. Although I think I am getting use to the idea of actually talking to the guy the next day and not feeling so embrassed afterwards, I still have a bad habit of running away and going for guys who I know are not going to phone.
I guess the thing that I am banging my head against the wall about the most is what happened after the make out session. Mmmm I remember hearing some guy who obvisouly walked towards the shed, so we broke off and then I was like I guess we should go in and then he was like ya, I also got a phone call, he then walked in the opposite direction with his phone. I don't know if I should have waited for him to be done or not but I did just walk away to the house. And then I did see him for a bit and then I saw him enter the bathroom and then when he got out of the bathroom he was all like Thanks.... I don't know what else he said cause I was walking away or something and his tone wasn't really friendly, so I really don't know what he was expecting. I guess I always think that the guy doesn't really care to talk afterwards or whatever so I just ran away before he could run away from me. It probably has to do with low self esteem issues that I have. Although I don't really think I can fix that, it has to do with crappy childhood and the fact that my mother still calls me fat, not directly but pretty much the same thing.
Maybe if I actually waited for him to be done on the phone, I could actually still be talking to him now but for some reason I just got the feeling that he would be a huge ass and didn't really want me around but obviously I didn't think about what might have happened if I did wait. And now I will never know. And although there is of course other random chances that I run into him again, it is unlikely that anything will happen. Oh well what can you do... just wait for the next pour sucker who gets to make out with me mauahhaha.
ps all these feelings to be due to the fact that my period is coming, which is somehow making me emotional but I don't really know if I believe in that. I think it is just because I like to over analyse things.
I guess the thing that I am banging my head against the wall about the most is what happened after the make out session. Mmmm I remember hearing some guy who obvisouly walked towards the shed, so we broke off and then I was like I guess we should go in and then he was like ya, I also got a phone call, he then walked in the opposite direction with his phone. I don't know if I should have waited for him to be done or not but I did just walk away to the house. And then I did see him for a bit and then I saw him enter the bathroom and then when he got out of the bathroom he was all like Thanks.... I don't know what else he said cause I was walking away or something and his tone wasn't really friendly, so I really don't know what he was expecting. I guess I always think that the guy doesn't really care to talk afterwards or whatever so I just ran away before he could run away from me. It probably has to do with low self esteem issues that I have. Although I don't really think I can fix that, it has to do with crappy childhood and the fact that my mother still calls me fat, not directly but pretty much the same thing.
Maybe if I actually waited for him to be done on the phone, I could actually still be talking to him now but for some reason I just got the feeling that he would be a huge ass and didn't really want me around but obviously I didn't think about what might have happened if I did wait. And now I will never know. And although there is of course other random chances that I run into him again, it is unlikely that anything will happen. Oh well what can you do... just wait for the next pour sucker who gets to make out with me mauahhaha.
ps all these feelings to be due to the fact that my period is coming, which is somehow making me emotional but I don't really know if I believe in that. I think it is just because I like to over analyse things.