over
"the people you hang out with will directly effect the decisions you make."
Aaron was right.One of the last things he told me on the beach trip was that "things will probably get worse before they get better." I hate that he is right because that just means that things are bad right now, but i guess at lest he gave me a warning? I feel like last night i lost a friend, and that our friendship isn't going to be the same, and hasn't been the same since i got back. I still think that me and matt have both changed. Especially considering that he crank this past weekend when i am sure that within the past few months he has told me that he doesn't want or need to drink, and i know that i have changed because i have become closer to god. I am happy with my life right now, and who i am, I don't regret anything i have said to matt. Yes, I think that church is more important then cycling. I never said I didn't support him. I do support him. I just think that him choosing to do that over going to church maybe made me realize that, even though i pretty much knew this, that he doesn't take church all that seriously, and i do, and that's kind of a problem that i am dealing with right now. I don't really know what to do when i talk or hang out with people that don't believe what I believe. This is part of why i did not want to come home from the beach. I felt like at the beach everyone was happy, and i was around people that supported me in my relationship with god, and i supported them, and we were all one awesome family. I still have that family here, i have been with them, three out of the past 5 days. But now i have to deal with the other people. the ones that weren't there on the beach. Matt told me last night "you are becoming more acute to the church.. which yes, is a very good thing. but i am not by your side.." these words were the most painful thing he could have said. He has never told me he wasn't by my side, which i guess kind of make me feel that he isn't supporting me. which is just insane after he raised his voice at me the other night about not supporting him. I don't know how to deal with this becuase it really bothres me, but i do know that I don't really want to be around matt right now, becuase that really hurt, just thinking about it upsets me, and i havelost like all train of thought. so i am just going to end this now with an awesome picture fomr the beach trip.
-julie-
