For deelaundry Because you asked for them.
Drabbles.
One heard many things by being small and unnoticed. Things like, 'There's no law that says I have to be bottom every time damnit', and 'Did Cuddy finally decide whether or not to have her boobs done? Because I told her yesterday her nipples were conversing with her navel.' Very interesting things. But the ones that interested him the most naturally concerned himself.
Things like, 'Where is short-round anyway? There's a flu vaccine with his name on it' and 'He's four years old for fuck's sake, how long is your mother going to kvetch about not having him circumcised? We had the bris, just no tiny penis chopping. We're not going to tie him down now and do it!!'
Those tidbits were very interesting. And they gave him new words to look up. When he found out just what circumcision entailed, he felt like showing his penis to everyone and telling them that House prevented it from being mutilated in the name of an archaic religious tradition.
Being small and unnoticed got him information on Chase's boyfriend which he shared with his father for a quart of chocolate milk and twenty Oreos, information on House's newest hiding place which he sold to Jimmy for a shirt with a pink skull and cross bones on it that said "Avast me panties!!" and proof of Lisa's new assistant's sexual orientation gained him a waterslide for the pool in her backyard.
It was unfortunate then, what with being small and unnoticed being so lucrative, that he was unable to remain unnoticed without considerable effort and sacrifice. Otherwise who knows what he may have learned. And what he may have procured in the wake of such information.
"What exactly were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?" Church was pretty certain the principal's voice could be heard well outside the office, but he sat quietly...for a change...just biding his time.
The lecture was furious, and the man was magenta. Really, he was going to stroke out if he wasn't careful. Parents have been called, blah blah blah. Mentally he shrugged. He knew his parents. And he was pretty certain they'd be on the same page he was. Well, House would be for sure. Jimmy was the wild card.
Mr. Henkle (really, what kind of a name was that) had just taken a breath to begin anew when House and Jimmy walked in. There was staring for a few moments as his father assessed the situation, and Jimmy did a few Jimmy-takes. When House sat down, and calmly addressed the principal he was nearly certain the now puce man would pop.
"Why exactly have you called Dr. Wilson and I away from our patients?"
For a change, Jimmy didn't say anything, didn't tell House to shut it, didn't apologise for his husband, nothing. That didn't mean he was fully on their side yet though.
The principal stared at Dad. "What...I mean...LOOK AT HIM!!"
House turned again to look his son over and then he looked back at the sputtering person who thought he was in control of the situation. "Looks fine to me. Brat, you do need to learn to accessorize though. A bracelet here, necklace there and maybe if you did something with your hair...but otherwise he looks fine. Jimmy?"
"He's covered, the clothes are well made and tasteful. Where did you get them Church?"
He grinned. "Dandy." He'd been over to her house over the weekend for this express purpose. He didn't see the need to inform his parents that Blake dared him to do it, Jillian said he wouldn't have the guts to do it, and that Kaylee paid him ten extra dollars (she got a twenty...TWENTY dollar a week allowance) to wear the underwear too.
But his parents simply nodded and turned back to the principal. The following arguement abuot dress codes and school rules didn't interest him much. He already knew he wasn't in violation. Instead he simply smoothed the pleated skirt with the black and white checked pattern, pulled up a knee sock and amused himself by rocking his foot back and forth in his mary jane. Dandy's feet were a little bigger than his were.
I'm leaving it open, because Nicky will yell at me otherwise.
One heard many things by being small and unnoticed. Things like, 'There's no law that says I have to be bottom every time damnit', and 'Did Cuddy finally decide whether or not to have her boobs done? Because I told her yesterday her nipples were conversing with her navel.' Very interesting things. But the ones that interested him the most naturally concerned himself.
Things like, 'Where is short-round anyway? There's a flu vaccine with his name on it' and 'He's four years old for fuck's sake, how long is your mother going to kvetch about not having him circumcised? We had the bris, just no tiny penis chopping. We're not going to tie him down now and do it!!'
Those tidbits were very interesting. And they gave him new words to look up. When he found out just what circumcision entailed, he felt like showing his penis to everyone and telling them that House prevented it from being mutilated in the name of an archaic religious tradition.
Being small and unnoticed got him information on Chase's boyfriend which he shared with his father for a quart of chocolate milk and twenty Oreos, information on House's newest hiding place which he sold to Jimmy for a shirt with a pink skull and cross bones on it that said "Avast me panties!!" and proof of Lisa's new assistant's sexual orientation gained him a waterslide for the pool in her backyard.
It was unfortunate then, what with being small and unnoticed being so lucrative, that he was unable to remain unnoticed without considerable effort and sacrifice. Otherwise who knows what he may have learned. And what he may have procured in the wake of such information.
"What exactly were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?" Church was pretty certain the principal's voice could be heard well outside the office, but he sat quietly...for a change...just biding his time.
The lecture was furious, and the man was magenta. Really, he was going to stroke out if he wasn't careful. Parents have been called, blah blah blah. Mentally he shrugged. He knew his parents. And he was pretty certain they'd be on the same page he was. Well, House would be for sure. Jimmy was the wild card.
Mr. Henkle (really, what kind of a name was that) had just taken a breath to begin anew when House and Jimmy walked in. There was staring for a few moments as his father assessed the situation, and Jimmy did a few Jimmy-takes. When House sat down, and calmly addressed the principal he was nearly certain the now puce man would pop.
"Why exactly have you called Dr. Wilson and I away from our patients?"
For a change, Jimmy didn't say anything, didn't tell House to shut it, didn't apologise for his husband, nothing. That didn't mean he was fully on their side yet though.
The principal stared at Dad. "What...I mean...LOOK AT HIM!!"
House turned again to look his son over and then he looked back at the sputtering person who thought he was in control of the situation. "Looks fine to me. Brat, you do need to learn to accessorize though. A bracelet here, necklace there and maybe if you did something with your hair...but otherwise he looks fine. Jimmy?"
"He's covered, the clothes are well made and tasteful. Where did you get them Church?"
He grinned. "Dandy." He'd been over to her house over the weekend for this express purpose. He didn't see the need to inform his parents that Blake dared him to do it, Jillian said he wouldn't have the guts to do it, and that Kaylee paid him ten extra dollars (she got a twenty...TWENTY dollar a week allowance) to wear the underwear too.
But his parents simply nodded and turned back to the principal. The following arguement abuot dress codes and school rules didn't interest him much. He already knew he wasn't in violation. Instead he simply smoothed the pleated skirt with the black and white checked pattern, pulled up a knee sock and amused himself by rocking his foot back and forth in his mary jane. Dandy's feet were a little bigger than his were.
I'm leaving it open, because Nicky will yell at me otherwise.