How To Save A Life: Chapter Six
I realise now that I should have set this later on in the series. So, for the sake of my sense of humour, it’s now set post Tao of Rodney. Since it’s basically standalone without much in the way of spoilers for season 3, it doesn’t actually matter.
Lyrics in this chapter are either The Fray or Dashboard Confessional, (briefly revisiting my emo phase. Oh yes I am.) ‘The Secret’s In The Telling.’ Final note, I inserted a missing scene from 2x08, Conversion, so spoilers and no credit for anything I didn’t write. Same goes for the line from Before I Sleep (1x15) that I steal.
How To Save A Life: Chapter Six
Day Five
“He will do one of two things,
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same,
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.”
- The Fray
“Are you nuts?!” Rodney said after the expected beat of silence in a predictable outburst. “This is the best example of a Plan F since the last time we considered the self destruct or heroic death a plan.”
Yep, John thought calmly. And now Carson will say the same thing, but nicely. And maybe hint I should still be in the infirmary, not planning a rescue.
“Rodney,” Carson said sharply, before continuing, “But he has a point, lad. You just escaped a major concussion not two days ago.”
Teyla, Ronon and Lorne exchanged glances before Teyla turned to John.
Ah, they’ve realised they aren’t going to stop me, John thought, now amused. This is where they ask to come with me.
“If you would allow us to accompany you,” Teyla started, stopping when she saw his amused smile. “What is it, Colonel?”
“I’m sorry, Teyla,” John apologised, running a hand through his hair. “I just know this script. You aren’t going to talk me out of this.”
Carson sighed and ducked his head. “So what’re we going to say next?”
“Appeal to my sense of duty and the big picture. Atlantis needs me and since all I’m planning on doing is accompanying her to the transporter, anyone can do that,” John answered without hesitating. “And then you’ll ask what if she gets a hold of the jumper. One, why would they want one and two, she doesn’t have genes never mind the ATA one.”
Lorne and Ronon looked at each other and shrugged slightly.
“That was going to be my next argument,” Rodney said, perplexed and eyes flitting around the room. Without warning, he surprised John by balling up a piece of paper and tossing it at him.
“Hey!” John said, swatting it away a moment before it would have hit him on the forehead. “What was that for?!”
Rodney shrugged. “Just making sure you hadn’t been using that machine that nearly killed me, since you seemed to be mind reading.”
“And how does tossing bits of paper at me test whether I can read minds, genius?” John asked hotly.
“Well, telekinesis comes with it, too,” Rodney answered, “I figured you’d stop it without thinking about it.”
“But what if I’d known you were testing me and didn’t?” John couldn’t help but retort.
“The point was to catch you by surprise,” Rodney replied. “You know what that means, right?”
“So,-”
“Hey!” Lorne interjected. He coloured slightly when everyone looked at him. “I mean, doctor… sir … don’t we have more important things to talk about?”
There was a beat of silence and John looked around the room. “I’m going,” he held up a hand to cut off their protests. “And I’m going alone. If this gamble doesn’t pay off, I’m going to be the only one to pay for it.”
X
Day Six
Finishing put his gear on and checking his ARG, John opened his door to find Lorne, Ronon, Carson, Rodney and Teyla. He looked between them, trying to decide the best way to put what he wanted to say.
“Sheppard,” Ronon said with a smile, “Come back in one piece.”
“And if you don’t, we promise to do our best not to let Rodney or anyone else blow up the city,” Lorne added after a pause, “Sir.”
“Oh, thanks,” Rodney interjected, “I’ve only saved the city how many times? But no, no, you all have to assume I’m going to be the one to blow it up.”
“Well, there was that one time,” John drawled, trying extra hard since it would be his last chance to annoy the scientist if the mission went south. Then again, he used that excuse everyday. “What was it, two thirds of a solar system?”
Rodney glared at him. “It was five sixths and I thought we weren’t going to mention that anymore.”
“I am unsure which bothers you most, Rodney,” Teyla said lightly. “The incident being mentioned in the first place or mistakes in the fraction involved.”
Carson handed him a small white box as he was pulling on his backpack. “What’s this?” John asked.
“A first aid kit,” Carson replied. When John began to reply that he had a first aid kit, Carson continued, “Not one with adrenaline, morphine and some other things that might come in handy. This isn’t standard issue, son … we don’t know what kind of state you’ll find Elizabeth in.”
“Always taking care of us,” John said warmly to the Scot.
“Don’t talk like that,” Carson replied. “I’ll be harassing you for years to come, don’t worry. And don’t pretend you see it otherwise.”
X
“The signal is subtle,
We pass just close enough to touch,
No questions, no answers,
We know by now to say enough,
With only simple words,
With only subtle turns,
The things we feel alone for one another.”
Dashboard Confessional
John met her in the corridor outside the jumper bay. He met her eyes and they walked into the jumper side by side without a word. For the sake of the rest of the staff, she had requested a robe of some description until they got through the gate. He should have been unsurprised at the memories that floated to the top of his mind.
“Hood,” John said, sitting up after the massive dose of drugs he’d been given, struggling to clear his head. “People.”
Carson looked puzzled but Elizabeth understood, issuing quick orders for a hooded robe to be brought to the infirmary.
He watched her put a hand under his arm to help him to stand, holding on until he was steady on his feet. Even with his altered eyes, he could see his skin and arms were discoloured. He looked at her, remembering that he had slammed her against a wall. He’d hurt her, only just managing to stop himself from killing her and doing that by getting far away.
Other memories intruded on his mind, feeling displaced within this strange hybrid body. She came into his room, sat on his bed - unflinching, unhesitating. She listened when he spoke, able to extrapolate his words into sentences and meanings when he couldn’t express them. She had come to his quarters alone, trusting him. He’d betrayed that when she’d done exactly as he would have in her place, the rational part of his mind swamped by pain, anger and … fear.
Fear from both sides of the internal divide. The other half that was taking over feared this metallic, bright place and these unfamiliar forms. His human side feared what he was becoming, what he was capable of doing to the people he cared about. It led him to ask her to kill him, both to communicate his fear without doing so and because he couldn’t bear to hurt them … her.
Despite that, she put an arm underneath his elbow and loaned him her slight weight to lever himself to his feet. She stood beside him. He hesitantly put a hand on her arm, as gently as he could. Again, she didn’t flinch or move away. Elizabeth simply turned and looked at him. She didn’t ask if he was okay, she asked what she could do. He couldn’t get a sentence out, but he didn’t need it.
“Thanks.”
She smiled and ducked her head a little, eyes bright when she looked up to meet his.
“Maybe this time,” he said, hoping she would understand this new and deep fear in him, exacerbated by the fact that he had time to think about it. Maybe this time I won’t come back.
Elizabeth nodded and put a hand in his, squeezing it. “I won’t pretend otherwise. Now let’s get up to the gate room, give you the best chance we can. Your team is waiting.”
From anyone else it would have been condescending, but her eyes and her presence when she still wore bruises he’d inflicted made it real.
So they walked into the gate room, Elizabeth by his side and John hooded. She gave him to his team with a nod. But it wasn’t the nod he would remember, or even the fear they both felt as he pinned her against the wall by the throat, her implicit forgiveness sinking in even then. He remembered her presence and the strange way she made him feel protected. He remembered her trust.
She’d trusted him, protecting him both in spirit as a friend - that much he’d known. She'd protected him professionally when he couldn’t do it himself - that he’d recently learned. In some small way, he was placing that trust in her now. He trusted that the inherent compassion and goodness in her was enough to overturn the Asuran conditioning in this ‘version’ of her. He nodded to the unarmed Liz and the two waited for the planet she had assured them Elizabeth was being held on, as far as she knew, to finish dialling.
When the event horizon formed, John nodded to his team and friends before going through, with ‘Elizabeth’ sitting beside him.
X
“There is a secret that we keep,
I won't sleep if you won't sleep,
Because tonight may be the last chance we'll be given.”
- Dashboard Confessional
It was a strange planet, this. For a society dedicated to equalling the Ancients, they’d chosen a densely forested world. When he’d questioned it, and their unchallenged entry from the space gate, even cloaked, she’d said that overconfidence ran in the family. They knew someone was on the planet, but assumed their sensors would show them if they went near an area they didn’t want them to, where they’d be killed and the whole situation would be handled with maximum efficiency.
John had repressed a shudder and landed the jumper.
Now, they made their way through the undergrowth. The ship holding Elizabeth was cloaked and in orbit around the planet, with a series of transporters placed on the ground. ‘Elizabeth’ stood up, her knees covered in dirt. “Done,” she said lightly.
“So they shouldn’t know you’re on the ship?” John asked.
“Not if Rodney knows what he’s doing,” She replied. “I think I’ve done everything he told me to.”
John nodded as put the tools back in the small black box next to his backpack. Awkwardly, he handed her an earpiece. “And their sensors won’t pick you up?”
She shook her head and stretched out a hand in front of him. “I’m not a life sign, remember? And I’m not connected to their network. They just didn’t expect me to last long enough to be as sentient as I am.”
“So,” John said slowly, “I can’t think of anything else to ask now.”
“Ask me why you’re an idiot,” She said with a soft smile. “And why you insist on martyring yourselves for regulations that don’t even apply to you.”
“Hey!” He replied. “What’s that meant to mean?”
“Exactly what you know it means and don’t deny it,” She said, still smiling. “I’m going to be dead in a few hours whether this works or not. But you two-” ‘Elizabeth’ sighed and shook her head. “You’ve been nearly dead more times than either of you can count and you still stand on ceremony.”
“Well, it’s not just me, you know,” John retorted, trying to mount a defence and failing.
“Yes, of that I’m painfully aware,” ‘Elizabeth’ replied with a raised eyebrow he knew too well. “She’s just … shy, and maybe a little bit intimidated.”
“Me? She’s shy around me? Yeah, right,” John scoffed, remembering all the times Elizabeth had yelled at him or ordered him to get his head examined. He’d met few people as confident as her in his lifetime and few so unnerving. Much as he cared about her, he thought that was a good thing for his nerves.
“You’re the flyboy and the flirt, remember?” ‘Elizabeth’ continued. “Do you really think that’s her normal type? Do you really think she knows how to deal with men like you as a person, not a boss or a dignitary?” She patted him on the arm as she put an ARG across her back like a sword. Kneeling, she strapped two pens of adrenaline and morphine to her ankle. “Think about that.”
Nodding and scanning the area for hostiles, he didn’t see the blow to the skull coming until everything went an inky shade of dark and unconscious.
X
“We are compelled to do what we have to do,
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden.”
Dashboard Confessional
John woke up slowly and painfully, thinking that a) Carson was going to kill him if no-one else did it first, and b) karma was a bitch, giving him the concussion he’d thought he’d dodged days earlier.
He expected … actually, he had no idea what he was expecting. But lying under a tree out of the rain with a makeshift pillow, field blanket, ARG, radio and his backpack next to him wasn’t it. She’d even left a bottle of water and tablets sitting out.
His first thought was some form of metallic hand had to be in his head. Otherwise, this whole surreal situation had just hit new heights of strange. Then, remembering why philosophy at college had made his head hurt, he tried to figure out a way to figure out if the tree next to him was real or not. Realising he couldn’t, he thought he may as well just take the damn tablets. Even if it was a mentally delusional scenario, it would still hurt a lot less.
Five minutes later, feeling the industrial painkillers sinking into his system, he tapped the radio still in his ear.
“You know, when I wake up alone and feeling this bad, they usually have the decency to leave a phone number,” He said wearily.
“My, aren’t you cranky,” She replied, voice quietly amused.
“Might have something to do with hitting the ground with my head,” John snapped back. “The ground’s fine, by the way. It has a tough skull. Me, not so much.”
“Well, that was stupid,” ‘Elizabeth’ replied. “Why would you want to do that?”
“See, that’s the funny thing,” John said sarcastically. “I didn’t want to. Had some help with that, though.”
“You poor thing,” Came the reply. “You should really take something for that. They might make you a little woozy though, since I gave you a mild sedative to keep you out a little longer.”
“Now she tells me,” John muttered, trying to stand and realising it wasn’t a smart idea.
“What was that?” ‘Elizabeth’s’ voice said over the radio.
“Nothing,” John grumbled quietly. “So why is the forest spinning? Answers and now, please.”
“Well, the forest is spinning because you’re drugged,” she responded distractedly. “But if you want a more general explanation, I have her memories and I’m not stupid. You were asking too many questions to be letting me go by myself. Oh, and she knows you better than that, with your Heroic Death Complex. You should really get over that or at least try not to be so predictable.”
Oh, John thought, unable to form a more complex reply even in his hazy mind. But what about-
“Don’t worry, I brought the vacuum unit with me. Hope you don’t mind that I stole it from your pack. Tiny thing to make such a big noise,” She remarked. “I’ve already put it as near the power core of the ship as I could get without having to fire the ARG. There’s enough C4 attached to break the containment. I modified the transporter to only accept incoming calls, so don’t get any ideas. You’ll feel better in a few hours, by which time Elizabeth will be back with you or we’ll both be dead.”
Great, John thought sarcastically, Even Elizabeth’s replicator is more organised than I am. I’m never hearing the end of this.
“So what am I supposed to do?” He asked, trying not to sound petulant and failing.
“Lie down, enjoy the sunshine and gourmet food?” She suggested. John looked at the grey drizzle and the power bars in his pack. “Either way,” ‘Elizabeth’ continued, “Go away and stop annoying me.”
X
“Our act of defiance,
We keep this secret in our blood,
No paper or letters,
We pass just close enough to touch,
We love in secret names,
We hide within our veins,
The things that keep us bound to one another.”
Dashboard Confessional
Elizabeth lay on a bench in a cell without a door or windows. Those that came to probe her mind - again - simply walked through the walls. She had no idea which wall actually faced out into the corridor since they came through different walls most of the time. Either that or due to the fact that the ‘bench’ was a steel square pallet, she’d lost all sense of direction. Tired, cold, hungry, thirsty, lethargic and dizzy from blood loss, she stared at one of the walls. If she squinted, it almost looked like Atlantis.
The worst thing about the inquisition was she had no idea what they were looking for.
Elizabeth knew that her time was running short. Every time was growing more insistent, more painful. They weren’t getting whatever they wanted, and she was coming close to outliving her usefulness.
When she still had the energy to stand up and realised they didn’t particularly care about her injury, Elizabeth had used the sharp corner of the bench to cut off and shred the bottom of her pyjamas up to her left knee after cleaning it with what little water they’d deigned to give her. Wrapping half of it tightly around the wound, she’d managed to stem the bleeding with the makeshift tourniquet. Using what was left, she’d improvised a slightly looser bandage.
Standing up to four days of mental torture isn’t bad, Elizabeth told herself. I’m surprising myself now.
Turning her head slowly and painfully to the wall to her left, she saw it shimmer. A vertical line appeared like a tear, the wall peeling back to reveal two figures. As she watched, one figure seemed to melt into the floor.
“Now we really have to go,” A familiar voice said quietly.
When the voice and the face hovering over her connected, Elizabeth’s first thought was that it was another mental scenario, her second that she’d finally gone - the technical term for it - nuts. Bananas. Definitely a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Perhaps wacko. But since it was only a simulation, she could be sanguine about it.
Then the person who shouldn’t exist because she was pretty sure she wasn’t dead yet put a hand to her ankle. Feeling a sharp pain on her wrist, Elizabeth sat up, wondering why she felt as if she were back at those parties she’d denied ever being at in college.
Then an ARG was pressed into her hands and she was following herself down corridor after corridor, dimly aware that this was very weird. Stopping so quickly Elizabeth ran into her back, the other Elizabeth pushed her into a gap in the wall that hadn’t been there a moment before and leaned in after her.
“Where are we going?” Elizabeth asked, trying to find priorities for questions and failing.
“John’s on the planet waiting, we’re going to a transporter to meet him then we’re blowing this ship out of the sky,” the other Elizabeth replied tersely, eyes on the corridor as a male ran back the way they’d come. “I’m a ‘you’ they made to blow up Atlantis, which is fine before you ask. And the reason your head is hurting like hell and you can’t focus is because I just put a rather large dose of adrenaline into your bloodstream. You’ll be with it in a few minutes. Seriously, drugging you two is becoming a disturbing pattern.”
“How far?” Elizabeth gasped out, deciding she didn’t want to know what that meant and a bit put out in a superficial way that the version the replicators made of her looked younger than she did. “And how are we blowing up this ship?”
“Not far. The transporter I used to get on board is two turns away. Already put a bomb near the power core,” She replied, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her to her feet and down the corridor. “Just need to trigger it.”
Two turns later and Elizabeth was dragged by the arm into a small room. If her duplicate hadn’t such an air of urgency, she’d have mentioned that her arm was actually injured and hurt quite a bit from a rather deep cut. As it was, she gritted her teeth and put one foot in front of the other.
Hearing footsteps in the distance, the duplicate pushed her in front of a console and yanked the ARG Elizabeth was holding from her. She took a hold of her chin and made her eyes focus on her own.
“For the record, since we - you - don’t get mushy much, he’s a good man, you need a life and you’re both idiots,” she said intently. She turned Elizabeth’s head to the console, pointing slowly and determinedly while she spoke. “Now focus. Hit this, then this and this to go to the planet. Then as soon as your feet touch the ground, I’ll hit the big, shiny button to blow this ship to hell.”
“You know, if you hadn’t saved my life I’d be tired of advice from myself,” Elizabeth muttered, forcing her very scattered mind to concentrate.
“Maybe you should try listening this time then,” Her other self retorted. “‘All that matters is now, stop being so hard on yourself, feel the breeze, breathe, stop being a moron,etc. The last one was my own little addition,” With that, she took a breath and headed for the door.
Elizabeth caught her wrist, beginning to feel more lucid. “You aren’t coming?”
“We don’t like death bed scenes and I’m dead here or on the planet,” She said with a smile. “I’ll lead them in the wrong direction. They won’t have time to disarm the bomb or disable the transporter.”
Elizabeth nodded and had the eerie sensation of watching herself nod in reply. With a quick, “Thank you,” she turned and keyed this, this and this into the console.
The last thing she saw before the transporter activated was herself with an ARG raised and shooting, hand reaching for the bomb trigger.
X
John jumped, startled by exactly how loud a bang 'oh a few megatons' made and then froze. His eyes flashed frantically around the clearing and he began to run, watching for any life signs on the detector and seeing an empty screen.
Had Elizabeth made it?
A/N
Last chapter coming up.
kay x