(no subject)
I hate a lot right now. I hate how my parents are acting and the fact that once again I have found myself back in their reach. And that I actually need them. I have hit a point in life that I should not be asking for help and just doing. Its disheartening to me. I am discouraged by some here bc I have to convince them to remember a friend and not themselves. Which is kind of ironic since that is what I have been doing for the past 6 months to those in New York. Which I am deeply sorry for not keeping up as much as I should. Hiding, wallowing, bitching that is all I seem to do. I cant seem to get myself out of the red here. The town is small and I cant even switch jobs without seriously upsetting half the fucking neighborhood. I hate that I dont have a/c in my car, I hate that I can't afford to fix it, I hate that I know I wont be able to pay for summer school in a month, I hate that everyday I seem to cry over something, even tho the tears have stopped I still feel like crying. I hate that when I am upset my boyfriend cant say anything, I hate that I havnt called New York in so long, I hate being here. I hate that I am not in the shape I used to be in. I hate Shawn not being here. I hate a lot right now.