what does love gotta do with it.
I contemplate breaking up with him, more often than I think I should, but I do. It happens during the most obvious of times: during disagreements and power struggles. But sometimes there's a fleeting thought when we're the most calm and comfortable and I stop and actually consider it. I don't know if this means I'm not happy or in love anymore, but all I do know is that imagining a life without him in it would make me more than incredibly sad.
It seems that these feelings stem from insecurities spawned by him pointing out personality flaws of mine. Things that I often do and no matter how many times I try to change I simply can't. I don't understand sometimes why he continues to date me if I'm so imperfect. He can't seem to stand my dancing, my taste in music, what I like to talk about, or my playfulness. I say something and I'm wrong. I have an opinion and I'm wrong. He sighs in frustration and rebukes me with a tone of annoyance while I sit quietly, my self-esteem slowly decreasing.
Don't get me wrong. He can be the sweetest man in the world. He tells me how beautiful, patient, loving, and sweet I am to him. There's not a day he doesn't make me feel appreciated. However, it seems to be that oftentimes the negative stings more than the positive and at the end of each day I lay in bed wondering what I have done wrong again.
I have been honest about these feeling with him, telling him that I feel unloved sometimes and inadequate to meet his needs; but he reassures me that I have done nothing wrong and that though we have our differences the good outweighs the bad.
I want to believe with every fiber of my being that this is the man of my dreams; the Adam to my Eve; Mr. Right. And when we're together smiling and laughing I know in my heart that I could not live without him. He completes me. I pray to the LORD above to bless us -- to love us -- and I thank Him for giving me such a beautiful and amazing love. But...but when I'm by myself in bed thinking about it all I think about us breaking up. I think about how this isn't working. I think that we're fooling ourselves and that what we're feeling isn't love but infatuation. This love-- this dream seems too good to be true.
I realize that all couples have their fights and their disagreements. All couples aren't perfect. Not even the couples that have lasted 60+ years can boast about having an excellent love life. I just want reassurance that we aren't failing and that we are not falling apart. I want reassurance that we are still madly in love and that there's not a single force on this Earth that can separate us because we need each other. I need him. I don't want to think about breaking up or about being left alone with nothing but a broken heart. I don't want to wonder anymore if I have done something wrong to upset him.
I don't want this fear anymore.
It seems that these feelings stem from insecurities spawned by him pointing out personality flaws of mine. Things that I often do and no matter how many times I try to change I simply can't. I don't understand sometimes why he continues to date me if I'm so imperfect. He can't seem to stand my dancing, my taste in music, what I like to talk about, or my playfulness. I say something and I'm wrong. I have an opinion and I'm wrong. He sighs in frustration and rebukes me with a tone of annoyance while I sit quietly, my self-esteem slowly decreasing.
Don't get me wrong. He can be the sweetest man in the world. He tells me how beautiful, patient, loving, and sweet I am to him. There's not a day he doesn't make me feel appreciated. However, it seems to be that oftentimes the negative stings more than the positive and at the end of each day I lay in bed wondering what I have done wrong again.
I have been honest about these feeling with him, telling him that I feel unloved sometimes and inadequate to meet his needs; but he reassures me that I have done nothing wrong and that though we have our differences the good outweighs the bad.
I want to believe with every fiber of my being that this is the man of my dreams; the Adam to my Eve; Mr. Right. And when we're together smiling and laughing I know in my heart that I could not live without him. He completes me. I pray to the LORD above to bless us -- to love us -- and I thank Him for giving me such a beautiful and amazing love. But...but when I'm by myself in bed thinking about it all I think about us breaking up. I think about how this isn't working. I think that we're fooling ourselves and that what we're feeling isn't love but infatuation. This love-- this dream seems too good to be true.
I realize that all couples have their fights and their disagreements. All couples aren't perfect. Not even the couples that have lasted 60+ years can boast about having an excellent love life. I just want reassurance that we aren't failing and that we are not falling apart. I want reassurance that we are still madly in love and that there's not a single force on this Earth that can separate us because we need each other. I need him. I don't want to think about breaking up or about being left alone with nothing but a broken heart. I don't want to wonder anymore if I have done something wrong to upset him.
I don't want this fear anymore.