Unforgettable face (part 2)
Roe found Jane over half an hour later, in the worst bar in the neighborhood; he was nursing what was supposed to pass as tea, but that looked like dirty dish water- the young cop was almost positive he could spot foam, too. It was probably a miracle if the place was still open, and if it was, it had probably to do with the fact that regular costumers knew that there was nothing better than ordering bottled stuff over there - and avoid drinking it from a glass. Roe decided to ask for a beer, even if he was supposed to be on duty, but he felt like something strong was going to be needed for the upcoming conversation with his former brother-in-law. Last time, he and Patrick had parted on quite good terms, but he guessed the police, and now FBI, consultant still remembered that in that occasion more than once the now detective had pointed a gun at his head. Yes, there was still some bad blood between them, and Roe didn’t want to blackmail Patrick and Teresa to keep his secrets, but he was more than ready, although heartbroken, to go to such a length. He had a good thing going on there, he wasn’t ready to renounce to the life he had built for himself for past mistakes, and things left unsaid between him and his team-members.
“So…” he started, after he and Patrick had sat for over five minutes one in front of the other, their eyes on their drinks, in complete silence.
“Frankly, Danny, I don’t know if I want to talk about it right now.” Jane shook his head, and for the first time since they had met, Roe/Danny wondered why the hell Jane had accepted to follow an already closed case if he knew that it was going to be that painful, with all the memories that it was bound to bring back. Was it because he still felt guilty for Annie and Charlotte, despite having killed their murderer? Or maybe it was something else. Maybe Patrick didn’t want to, or couldn’t, be happy. He wouldn’t be surprised to discover that his former brother-in-law had developed self-punishing, psychological masochist tendencies after what had happened over twelve years before.
He nodded, and looked again at his bottle of beer, while Jane stared with fear and disgust at the beverage in front of him, and decided, at the end, to put it aside. “You don’t have anything to blackmail me with, so forget your plan.” Jane suddenly said, staring right at Danny’s eyes. The younger man gulped down a mouthful of beer, and almost chocked at the sudden change of atmosphere; he wasn’t expecting for this to happen, but then again, he was supposed to know better. After all, Patrick Jane had been family, once upon a time. His friend, even before that.
“I wasn’t…”
“Yes, Danny, you were.” Jane said, matter of fact, crossing his arms. He stared at Danny frustrated, looking like a stern parent who has just been disappointed by that trouble-maker of his kid once again. “What are you up to, Danny?” He asked, in an almost sweet voice. Any normal person would have felt better at his tone, but Danny just got more and more scared with each passing second: a calm and controlled Patrick Jane meant that he had something in his mind. Which was rarely a good thing-especially for who happened to be on the other side of his ideas.
“It’s not what it looks like…” Danny started, and a glance at Jane told him that his former relative didn’t believe him-yet, at least. Not that he blamed him: he wasn’t being completely honest, actually. “Ok, all right. It started out as a con, but…” He paused, his eyes far away. Jane wondered where he was exactly with his mind and his heart; was he thinking about his long lost sister, the mistakes he had done? Was this some way of redeem himself, or was some kind of part of a long con? It was hard to say: Danny was no Patrick Jane, but he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve as well. He had learnt from one of the best, after all, Jane wasn’t ashamed of admitting that he had been quite the teacher.
“Danny…” Jane started, looking at the younger man. He didn’t add a single word. Just his name, and it was enough. “Roe” took a big breath, and shaking his head like to clear his thought, he started once again to talk.
“A guy I owed to, he put me in to get information. He wanted to know how much the cops knew about his business. But then...” He paused, and hid his face with his palms for few seconds. He looked and sounded tired. Jane thought about the exhaustion of keeping such a charade on for such a length of time; once upon a time, he had felt the same too, when he pretended to be a psychic, but he had been lucky enough to have someone back home, waiting for him, his real him, someone he could drop the mask for. Danny, on the other side, hadn’t been himself in a long time, and for the first time since they met again, the mentalist wondered exactly how long it had been since his former brother in law had been Danny Ruskin. When had he became Roe, how long had it been since someone had called him by another name, his real one?
“I thought it was going to be easy. In and out, but then…” He took a big breath, and a small smile started to grace his lips. For a short time, just few seconds, he felt and looked like at peace, like his mind was in his safe place, relieving a happy memory. He shook his head, and he was almost laughing. “Women have a way of messing things up, uh?” He took a sip of his beer, and looked at Jane, the same expression on his face. Yes, he agreed completely- and his partner/soon-to-be girlfriend if he had a saying, who was back at the precinct, was a statement to that.
“You are scared of the redhead.” Jane said, grinning like the Cheshire cat, playing with the tea cup.
“What? No! I mean…” Danny grunted, hating Jane like he used to when they were younger and growing up together, and annoyed, he leaned in his chair. “Yes, Carrie scares the hell out of me, all right? But Teresa,” he said her name with meaning, with an evil glance full of meaning “does too. And besides, Carrie’s not your average cop. She suffers from… from…” He struggled to find the word- kind of funny, given the context, and closed his eyes to concentrate, a trick that Jane himself had thought him a long time before. “Hyper… hyperthymesia, I think?”
The name of the medical condition turned a bulb on in Jane’s mind, who looked at his brother-in-law intrigued. He had heard about this peculiar condition- and yes, Danny boy had gotten the name right - and knew what people affected by this pathology could, theoretically, do, but he had never met someone who was afflicted by it. Oh, Danny had gotten his interest, definitely: he couldn’t wait to talk a little bit more with the redhead cop.
“So, she remembers everything… More than me. More than anyone else on this planet who’s not affected by this illness…. Fascinating.” He told, intrigued, tapping a finger on his lips. “And we are not talking about just random facts or…” Reading about hyperthymesia was one think, but meeting someone who had it in the flash, was just a horse of a different color. Oh, the redhead woman definitely intrigued him: he was wondering if her boss/ex-lover/love interest would have something to say if he were to ask her out on a date to investigate what she could do.
Or maybe not. Not that he cared too much about what “Al” thought, but he didn’t want to get Lisbon mad, let her think that theirs had been just a one night stand born from the need of comfort. Yes, jealousy could have helped them to sort this mess out, but after all Danny was right. Lisbon could be scary, and she often had a gun at hand. And staplers. And an hammer hidden in her desk. He shuddered, and Danny smiled a little smile realizing what was probably going through the other man’s head.
“Nope. Carrie can’t forget. Whatever she likes it or not, once she sees it, she remembers it. There’s this newspaper in Syracuse, where she comes from. Ask her how the weather was like on any given day until six years ago, when she moved to New York, and she’ll tell you the weather, the sunrise, sundown, what the local theatre was showing… anything.”
Jane looked impressed, and wondered how he could try to show off, to try Carrie out. He loved a good challenge- and he had already recognized it. Now, he just had to set in motion one of his excellent plans just to see what she was capable of, and what use she could make of her abilities. “So… it’s not the sassy one, right? What was her name? Nina, right?”
“I don’t think you have met Tanya yet. Sitkowsky. Great girl. Patient. Heart of gold. Great listener. And a genius. ” Once again, Danny had that faraway look in his eyes; right now, Jane didn’t have to wonder where he was any longer: Danny was with Tanya, this amazing girl he seemed so fond of. But fond, Jane suspected, could be reductive, in that case. If he knew Danny -which he did- the boy was a goner, already crazy in love. Something that Patrick Jane had never envisioned in the life of Daniel Ruskin. It was a comforting thought, though. If Danny could change, there was a chance at happiness, at a new love, maybe, for Patrick Jane too.
Jane started to play once again with the now cold tea, his eyes as far away as Danny’s. “Must be nice, being people like us… and finding the one person who drives us to be better.” Jane laughed of a little, cynical laughter, but inside he wanted to scream and cry. He was a fool, and he was talking nonsense. Why was he trying to teach Danny a lesson? Or maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe he wanted to be hated, wanted to be punished. For years and years, he had claimed he had loved, and was in love, with Angela, but even when she asked, despite her pleas, he had never abandoned the spotlight, nor tried to change his way. He had been a con-man when they had first met, and he had been a billionaire con-artist they day she had died.
Danny looked around, and then, he leaned over Jane. “Paddy…” He said, using the nickname the mentalist used to go by in the carnie circuit as a teenager. “Drop it, ok? I’m not any better than you. What do you think that Annie told me the day you had to bail me out of jail, uh? If she died mad with you because you were still the same…” He paused, taking a big breath, saying words he had never admitted out loud, with anyone. Not even with himself until that moment. “Then, she probably resented me too.”
They stood in silence, nursing their drinks, for a long time, but the atmosphere now relaxed, almost comfortable, and then then, suddenly, Jane started to laugh, shaking his head.
“Uh?” Danny muttered, lifting an eyebrow, which made Jane laugh more and more. Danny Ruskin was a cop. And he had turned into a real one.
“You are a cop, and I work for the FBI. Us. I mean… how crazy is that?”
Danny joined in, because frankly, he couldn’t agree more. If five or six years before, when he had last seen Jane, someone would have told him that one day he would have been a cop, and decided to stay one on his own accord, he would have suggested a visit to the closest asylum for the mentally insane. And for what concerned Jane, well… yes, he had thought it had been just a long con to get his (their) revenge, but apparently, it hadn’t been just that. Over two years after Red John’s demise, Patrick was back, working once again with Teresa Lisbon. Because, as oblivious as he could be, Danny wasn’t a fool. If there was a reason that had driven his brother-in-law back to the States, it was the brunette cop. Even if Patrick still wore Annie’s wedding ring.
“Listen, Paddy, I don’t…” He paused, running a hand through his brown hair. He was struggling for words, and he knew he had to be careful with what he was about to say. “Annie was my sole family, and I’ve never stopped… I remember the good times, all right? And I may not be like you, or like Carrie, but I know what she wanted out of life. I know how her mind worked. I know that…” He paused and took a big breath, unable to meet Jane’s gaze, scared of what he would have found if he had tried. “She wanted us to be happy.
And you’ve done what you promised us to, so I think that… you are allowed to be happy, Paddy. To have a life of your own.”
He finally dared to meet Jane’s eyes, and what he saw was a storm, ice and cold and dreadful. Now, he knew why he was so damn good at his job, why the FBI had wanted him so damn much. Danny shivered, and felt as small as never before. “I don’t need your permission, nor your forgiveness.”
Danny wanted to reply, say something, but as soon as he opened his mouth to try to defend himself, his mobile went off, and when he reached into his pocket, Al’s name was shining on the screen. He took the call, and listened to his boss on the other end of the line, with a litany of “Uh-Uh” and “yeah” and “sure”. He ended the call and put some bills on the table, and then he stood.
“Listen, Al wants me to cover some angle. I gotta go and talk with Tanya and…” He didn’t finish the sentence, because Jane cut him short.
“Tell her.” As he saw Danny’s struggling with the meaning of his words, he grinned, and went on, all smug and arrogant like his usual. He couldn’t change too much, no matter what, even if the discussion was something as important as what they were talking about. “I could understand if you didn’t want to share this with your coworkers, but this woman, if she is as important as you say, you should tell her. Everything.” He paused. “Nowadays, I like to tell the truth to Lisbon, when it is important. And not because she is my partner in the field.”
Danny smiled. “Then, maybe, you should follow your own advice. With Teresa.” The use of Lisbon’s given name- and the meaning behind it- didn’t go unnoticed to Jane.
“I…” Jane started, and then sighed. “I tried. But she doesn’t listen to me. She doesn’t believe me. She thinks…”
“Paddy..” Danny said, patting his still sitting almost-relative on the shoulder. “I know you. You don’t like to talk about yourself. You show who you are and what you feel with your actions. But I think that in this case, words may be louder than actions. So, follow your advice. And talk with her before it’s too late. I think you wasted enough time already chasing after a ghost.”
And with that, Danny left, playing with the change in his pockets. He was going to have to spend a bit of time with Tanya, and there was nothing that she loved more than hot coffee from the cart right in front of the precinct. Coffee and work were going to keep her mind busy- and in the meantime, he would think about Patrick’s words. Maybe, there was some truth behind them.
And maybe, it was time to be honest with Tanya. Maybe…Roe was sitting in complete silence in Tanya’s office, his eyes focused on the cold and still full mug of coffee in his hands. The young tech expert didn’t know what to say, she just looked at him, hoping against all hope that he would be opening up to her on his own accord. Like it could actually happen, she thought, sighing. In that moment, she felt like they had traveled back in time to over two years before, when Roe had sat in the same chair when suspected of having wrongfully shouted a suspect. They had knew each other for almost five years, since the day he had arrived at the precinct, and yet, despite their obvious feelings for each other, she didn’t know a lot about him. Yes, she was aware that he had quite the big family and an almost endless list of connections with people all around the US soil and beyond, and yet she didn’t really know anything about him. Why had he never mentioned his parents, or any other close relative? Was there a particular reason he didn’t want to talk about his past, his childhood?
And now, there was Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon. She didn’t know what kind of tie there was between the trio, but she wasn’t a stupid just because she was a nerd. Jane, according to what she had heard (and read on the almighty Google), could be a great performer, but the same couldn’t be said about Roe and, with all due respect, Agent Lisbon. She had met the woman only a couple of hours before, after Roe had left with Jane, and just a glance had told her that the brunette was hiding something. She wanted to tell Roe that no matter what, he could trust her, but they had knew each other long enough for the young man to be aware of this fact without her needing to voice it.
And despite not knowing his past, Tanya liked to think that somehow she knew Roe, deep down, where it mattered. Just like he had confided in her after that shooting, she was pretty sure that he would be doing the same about what was troubling him. They just needed time- and she wasn’t going to force her hand on this one. She and Roe had walked a thin line right from the very first day they met, and now they were finally getting closer and closer to finally have their chance at something more than the friendship they had shared until that day. She wasn’t going to risk losing him over this, whatever it was. He was a good boy- he would come around, eventually. Now, all she could do was letting him know she was there for him, no matter what.
“Ehy… you all right?” She asked, tentatively, as she took his hand in her smaller one, her eyes searching for his owns. Roe took a big breath and nodded, then he shook his head, like he really didn’t know the answer himself, and yet he remained in silence. She hoped he wouldn’t see it as a way of getting him to talk forcefully. She didn’t want that. Just when -and if- he would decide so, they would go there. Baby steps, she repeated to herself with a little smile, just like everything else in their relationship. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s all right, but, ehy, if you need a friendly shoulder, you know where to find me, ok?”
Tanya made to move away and regain possession of her hand, but she felt Row’s gasp tighten in an almost hurtful way. She knew he didn’t want to cause her any pain- she could feel the desperation radiating from him, and when she looked at his face, she could almost see it written all over his features. He looked sad and lonely, way older than his 30 something years; he seemed like a man defeated by life, who had gone through enormous suffering and had yet to let it go of his past. The breath died in her throat, and for the first time she wondered how she had missed it. She knew that she had never been completely oblivious, but with her deep friendship with machines she had never been such a good judge of character. But this? There was something buried deep within Roe, a burden that menaced to crush him sooner or later, and she, his best friend, the girl who claimed to love him, had missed it until now. Had she really just said he wasn’t a good actor? It was like she had never met him before, and was seeing this man for the first time in her life.
“Roe…” Her eyes got teary, and as she reached out to cup his face, Roe let it go of any pretense, and crushed his chest against Tanya’s. He buried his nose in her hazelnut hair, and took her in- she smelled like citrus and something else he couldn’t really pinpoint, something that, as irrational as it was, was just her, Tanya, something made of home, love, computers, books, coffee and home cooking.
“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” He chanted again and again and again, his gasp painful and desperate as he cuddled her in a soothing way in his arms. Tanya, not caring about the pain or the bruises she knew he was going to leave, answered with the same desperation Roe was showing. They stopped moving, and when few minutes had passed and she had thought he had fallen asleep just like that, with his nose buried in her locks, she made to move and part, but yet again he forced her against his chest.
This time it was different, though; he stared in her eyes, and without saying a word or give her a warning, he leaned toward her and closed the distance between them, sealing their mouths with a kiss full of softness, longing and love. It was the kind of kiss Tanya had always thought Roe would give a girl, and despite having fantasied for years about this very moment, she wasn’t prepared for it. It was slow and sensual, and yet it took her breath away, and when they finally parted and he caressed her lips with his thumb, she could see that even if he was in control- differently from her- Roe had been just affected as she had.
He smiled of a little smile, and his eyes shone in the darkness of her small room at the precinct. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first day we met.” He admitted, candidly. There was something… strange, about him. He looked so sure of himself, the complete opposite of what he had always looked around her. She wondered if it wasn’t because they had finally kissed, after having danced around each other for so long. Maybe it was because he finally knew where they stood. Or maybe, there was still something he wasn’t telling her.
She still blushed as she got lost in his eyes, and again Roe closed the gap between them and gave her few small pecks on her bruised lips, smiling as he did so. When they had had enough, she buried her head in his chest, relaxing in his embrace. He was still tense, but as he started to rub circles on her cloth-covered skin, she felt like he was finally ready to talk, like an enormous weight was being released from his shoulders after a long time.
“Tanya, I…” He started, and then he stopped. In the following minutes, she felt Roe trying to talk more than once, but every time, words escaped him, and he looked at her with an hunted expression. He looked like a scared animal, and she wondered if he didn’t fear that he was about to lose her by admitting the truth out loud- whatever the truth was.
“Is it about them?” She asked, a finger on his lips as once again he tried to talk. “I mean, Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon. I know it is, because Carrie says that when you saw him, you looked like you had seen a ghost. I don’t care what it is, even if I can’t understand why you feel like you can’t share it with me, but, I am here, Roe, all right?” An hand took hold of his chin, and Tanya forced him to look at her. Yes, he was scared of losing her by saying the truth, but she feared that a lie would have been their final stop as well. “Whenever you are ready, I am here. Like I have always been. Like I will always be.” Her palm was on his chest, right on his heart, and the figurative meaning behind her words didn’t escape the young detective; Tanya was there, all around him at the precinct, but she was there as well, in his life, in his heart. Her skin burned against the warm cotton of his shirt, and he felt like there was no fabric separating them. He circled her wrist with his own hand, rubbing the soft skin tenderly. It was an electric sensation, and he smiled, wanting her in his life - like his woman, his partner, his mate - like never before.
She smiled a little smile in return, her cheeks burning, and Roe felt like crying. He knew that Tanya was being honest and completely open with him, and for that reason, he knew it was now or never. He didn’t want for her to wait for the truth for her whole life, wait for him, and resent him in the long run. If the past had thought him anything, it was to live every day like it was your last, because you can’t know what will happen next. He knew that Patrick still thought about his last argument with Angela, that he regretted not saying goodnight to Charlotte when he left that night, and he didn’t want to live with the same weight.
“You remember how I seem to always have a relative or someone I know in any other town?” She nodded in affirmation, looking a bit lost. Yes, it had always been odd that Roe had family in any town they happened to walk in and he always happen to know someone a bit shady - but he had always looked like a good man; she knew him, and she knew that it was the case. But now, his tone seemed to hide something different, a deeper meaning. He was once again scared and unsure, she felt it in his voice, and there was nothing that the tech expert wanted to do more than taking him in her arms and cuddle his head in her lap like he was a lost boy. More than once, she had regretted always putting a stop to whatever was going on between them. She had always allowed Roe to get closer, just to take two steps back, putting him at arm’s length. Now, how she wished she had never done so! There was a part of her that wanted to be able to take his face between her hands, and kiss him until he got lost and forgot all about the rest of the world, his problems; but they weren’t that way-not yet, at least - and she knew that right now all she was supposed to do was being close to him as a friend and accept whatever he was going to tell her.
He shook his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I lied to you, Tanya. I’ve lied to all of you…always.” He finally lifted his gaze, and when he met her eyes, he was lost. He saw trust and love, and he knew that he had to do as Patrick had suggested. If he and Tanya were really meant to be, she would have listened to him, would have understood, or just refused to judge him, and she would have helped him to come to terms with his past.
He forced Tanya to sit back on her chair, and then he looked at her; he took a big breath and he finally started to talk, not stopping until he was done with his story; his eyes were teary, but in a good way, and his lips and his young, handsome features were graced by a slight smile. Tanya felt like crying too, because she could see that a huge weight was finally being lifted from his shoulders- by opening up with her: it was a confession of love and dedication as she had never seen before.
“My real name is Daniel Ruskin, and I was born in a carnival in California 35 years ago…”
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Jane and Lisbon were finally allowed to leave only when the case was closed once and for all; in fact, despite the consultant’s initial reluctance, at the end his help, and insight, proved to be invaluable. As predicted by Jane himself, Tanya and Wally were able to cross data and discover that, at the time of the first murder in the state of New York, a young man had gone missing close to the victim’s house; his name was Arthur Smithson, born and raised in the same neighborhood as the victims; he also worked at a grocery store close to the their apartment, and, although the store didn’t deliver, a nice old lady confirmed to Jane that, as he knew everyone in the street, the boy often made favors out of the book, bringing whatever was needed to the people who couldn’t get on their own by the store. Apparently, he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Monroe had taken advantage of it, using the grocery-shopping delivery as an excuse to breaking and entering, and then… then, it was history, and they all knew too well what had happened afterward, to both the victims, and to Monroe at a later date.
What they hadn’t knew was what had happened to the young man afterwards. Monroe was, apparently, more tech-wise than what they assumed, and probably afflicted by paranoia as well, as he didn’t own any longer any technological device of his own and, as post 9/11 many internet cafes asked for IDs of some kind, he seemed to avoid them as well. He didn’t even have a mobile, so using the GPS or triangulating the location of the kid based on Monroe’s past steps was impossible. At the end, the did it old-school, and dug into his past until they didn’t found that there was a deceased long-relative he used to visit as a kid who, at the time of her death, used to own a small square of land. There, they found, in chain, de-hydrated and malnourished, Arthur. With new charges against him, Jane and Lisbon were forced to leave without the man they had come for. The consultant, with his personal view of justice- eye for an eye- wasn’t exactly thrilled, but he guessed that at least this way many people would have received closure with his incarceration, just a couple of steps from where he had killed his victims.
As they waited in line at JFK, Jane’s eyes fell on the people around him. Lisbon was talking with Nina, the other member of Al, “Roe” and Carrie’s unit, and it was as clear as day that they were bonding-probably over firearms. Carrie was there with them too, but she kept to herself. He could see in her stance that she wasn’t fully comfortable in this environment. He wondered why; from what he had heard, there could be many reasons. Maybe it was because she hadn’t been back on the job long enough after her years long hiatus; maybe it was because she still had on her shoulders the weight of her sister’s murder, a cold case, the only fragment of her memory she had never been able to access.
Or maybe, it was a bit more “trivial”: with a small smile, Jane followed her gaze, and saw that her eyes fell, every now and then, on Al, busy talking over the phone, with an expression full of meaning; Roe had let it slip that Carrie and Al, a long time before, had been in a long relationship, and had almost gotten married, but she had left him when he had turned her sister’s investigation into a cold case. Now, here she was, and even if it had been years… he couldn’t say if Carrie still loved Al- who was clearly in a relationship that wasn’t making him too happy - but, clearly, she was wondering many what ifs right now.
He was too. And he was sick and tired of it. For the whole duration of their work trip, he hadn’t approached Lisbon on the subject of their wild and passionate night together as she knew she valued her integrity and the case too much, but now that he was going to have her secluded in an airplane, he wasn’t going to let the occasion slip through his fingers. He had wasted enough time chasing ghosts, and it had come the moment he would share this information with her.
“Ehy, you all right?” He turned, and he saw “Roe” (it was still strange thinking of him as someone who wasn’t Danny) approaching him. Jane nodded, and took in his former brother-in-law’s demeanor. He was more relaxed and at easy, but he was still holding back a bit. Probably, thought, it was just the relative’s presence over there; Jane was almost positive that once he would be on the plane, the detective was going to breathe a sigh of relief.
Jane chuckled, shamelessly, elbowing him in the ribs. “You little bastard. You told her everything and got lucky last night.”
Roe huffed, grunting something under his breath that Jane didn’t really understood- all bad things, he guessed. “Last night I was working on the case. Contrary to someone who was taking a nap on my boss’ couch.” He shook his head, certain that Jane would never change. Some things were written in the stone, and the consultant’s behavior was one of them. Jane just smiled, knowing and understanding the young man’s thoughts. Once again he considered committing himself to the closest asylum, because it was still weird and incredible that Danny Ruskin had become a cop- and a good one, too. He wondered if visit Pete and give him the news, but then, shaking his head, he decided against it; the big man would sent him for real to a shrink if he heard such a thing.
“JANE!” He turned, and saw Lisbon getting ready, already in line, on her tip-toes to seem taller and to be seen by him. He turned one last time to Roe and shook his head, and stood in silence. What was he supposed to tell him, after all?
At the end, Roe beat him, showing a wisdom Jane had never believed the boy capable of in the past. “Tell her, Paddy. Don’t waste any other time.” He just nodded, in silence, and felt the urge to hug the young man and cry in his shirt, but decided against it; it wasn’t the time, nor the place, there was too many people around them, no one knowing of their shared past, of the truth behind the mask of the man who was Roe Sanders. A glance had to suffice, but Jane promised to keep in touch, just to say those short few words out loud in the future. Despite everything, they were always going to share something big, huge, in their common past. Something that couldn’t just be forgotten.
He hurried towards Lisbon, and caught up with her, delighted by her laughter as she took in by the vision of the man in those old, ridiculous brown shoes and suit running with a duffel bag with the smile of a kid. All he could do was smiling in return, his grin getting bigger and bigger. He couldn’t help it: her happiness was contagious.
“Is it everything all right with…” She didn’t finish the sentence as they walked in line, just made a small movement of her head, probably noticeable only by Jane, in the “late” Danny Ruskin’s direction.
“As strange as it can sound…” He made a pause, and took a big breath, like clearing his mind or looking for the right words. “I think it is. He is wiser, and loved by someone who accepts him and his past.” He paused once again, and for the longest time, he didn’t say a word. He skimmed Lisbon’s knuckles as they walked, always side by side, grinning like the Cheshire cat every time she blushed at the apparently casual contact.
He only talked again when they were on the plane, sitting close to each other. Teresa was looking outside her window, and he turned his gaze in her direction. He elbowed her in the side, clearing his throat to get her attention. She turned, looking quizzically at him, but genuinely surprised. It made him happy seeing her reaction; she wasn’t guarded, nor was questioning his motives, seeing something shady that absolutely wasn’t there.
“I think…” He started, rubbing circles on her hand, and making sure she knew he was doing it on purpose. Her pulse quickened, and he got immense pleasure in this simple fact, on the knowledge of the impact, the effect that the simplest and softest of his touches could have on her.
He struggled for words. And then, he decided to go with what she already knew, the words she had already heard once. Words that it was time she knew had been always meant for her, and her alone.
“Danny, he has found someone he can trust, someone strong despite her apparent fragility, someone in peace with herself. I had only a couple of words with Tanya, but when I looked at Danny, I know he sees someone better than him, someone that has seen him at his worst, his… his bad side… and yet, she stays by his side, and loves him.”
Hearing the words, Lisbon’s eyes turned glassy, and she barely kept the sobs at bay. Even if Jane was talking about Danny, she immediately recognized the words as almost the same ones he had uttered many years before, while trying to frame Erika Flynn for her husband’s murder. His look, his complete devotion, the love and affection she saw reflected in his eyes told her he was putting much more than that simple meaning in those words- he was putting his whole heart, and their future in the line. In that moment, she didn’t need to question his motives any longer. She saw him for who and what he really was, the man behind the mask, the one she had always knew he could be, and maybe, just maybe, had been, a long time before: someone who loved fully, and once committed, couldn’t let go.
And that man, right now, was telling her that their night of comfort sex had been so much more than that, much more than simple friends with benefits; it was them, finally admitting that they had always been so much more than just coworkers or friends.
“I think I may have found that woman too.” He said, the question still evident in his eyes, mixed with the fear of rejection. She didn’t doubt that he would give her up that easily, even if she said no, but she had waited for this moment for too long. She had loved him for years, waited, and then played the card of the friend, just to run away scared after their night together. But now, not any longer.
“I think you did.” She admitted candidly, turning a lovely shade of red. She cupped his face, and kissed him once, just a quick peck on his lips. “I think you just have to woo and romance her a little, though.”
Two hours later, as he watched Lisbon sleeping peacefully at his side, their fingers intertwined, he thanked “Roe” for his blessing. He nuzzled Teresa’s hair, and closed his eyes, breathing in her scent. Smiling, he decided that, first thing first, on Monday, he would ask Abbott about the case file concerning Carrie’s sister; he would never be able to make it up to “Roe” for his sister and niece’s deaths, but he could get a bit closer to forgiveness. And maybe, he could do it by helping his best friends- and meanwhile, putting a serial killer behind bars as well.
“So…” he started, after he and Patrick had sat for over five minutes one in front of the other, their eyes on their drinks, in complete silence.
“Frankly, Danny, I don’t know if I want to talk about it right now.” Jane shook his head, and for the first time since they had met, Roe/Danny wondered why the hell Jane had accepted to follow an already closed case if he knew that it was going to be that painful, with all the memories that it was bound to bring back. Was it because he still felt guilty for Annie and Charlotte, despite having killed their murderer? Or maybe it was something else. Maybe Patrick didn’t want to, or couldn’t, be happy. He wouldn’t be surprised to discover that his former brother-in-law had developed self-punishing, psychological masochist tendencies after what had happened over twelve years before.
He nodded, and looked again at his bottle of beer, while Jane stared with fear and disgust at the beverage in front of him, and decided, at the end, to put it aside. “You don’t have anything to blackmail me with, so forget your plan.” Jane suddenly said, staring right at Danny’s eyes. The younger man gulped down a mouthful of beer, and almost chocked at the sudden change of atmosphere; he wasn’t expecting for this to happen, but then again, he was supposed to know better. After all, Patrick Jane had been family, once upon a time. His friend, even before that.
“I wasn’t…”
“Yes, Danny, you were.” Jane said, matter of fact, crossing his arms. He stared at Danny frustrated, looking like a stern parent who has just been disappointed by that trouble-maker of his kid once again. “What are you up to, Danny?” He asked, in an almost sweet voice. Any normal person would have felt better at his tone, but Danny just got more and more scared with each passing second: a calm and controlled Patrick Jane meant that he had something in his mind. Which was rarely a good thing-especially for who happened to be on the other side of his ideas.
“It’s not what it looks like…” Danny started, and a glance at Jane told him that his former relative didn’t believe him-yet, at least. Not that he blamed him: he wasn’t being completely honest, actually. “Ok, all right. It started out as a con, but…” He paused, his eyes far away. Jane wondered where he was exactly with his mind and his heart; was he thinking about his long lost sister, the mistakes he had done? Was this some way of redeem himself, or was some kind of part of a long con? It was hard to say: Danny was no Patrick Jane, but he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve as well. He had learnt from one of the best, after all, Jane wasn’t ashamed of admitting that he had been quite the teacher.
“Danny…” Jane started, looking at the younger man. He didn’t add a single word. Just his name, and it was enough. “Roe” took a big breath, and shaking his head like to clear his thought, he started once again to talk.
“A guy I owed to, he put me in to get information. He wanted to know how much the cops knew about his business. But then...” He paused, and hid his face with his palms for few seconds. He looked and sounded tired. Jane thought about the exhaustion of keeping such a charade on for such a length of time; once upon a time, he had felt the same too, when he pretended to be a psychic, but he had been lucky enough to have someone back home, waiting for him, his real him, someone he could drop the mask for. Danny, on the other side, hadn’t been himself in a long time, and for the first time since they met again, the mentalist wondered exactly how long it had been since his former brother in law had been Danny Ruskin. When had he became Roe, how long had it been since someone had called him by another name, his real one?
“I thought it was going to be easy. In and out, but then…” He took a big breath, and a small smile started to grace his lips. For a short time, just few seconds, he felt and looked like at peace, like his mind was in his safe place, relieving a happy memory. He shook his head, and he was almost laughing. “Women have a way of messing things up, uh?” He took a sip of his beer, and looked at Jane, the same expression on his face. Yes, he agreed completely- and his partner/soon-to-be girlfriend if he had a saying, who was back at the precinct, was a statement to that.
“You are scared of the redhead.” Jane said, grinning like the Cheshire cat, playing with the tea cup.
“What? No! I mean…” Danny grunted, hating Jane like he used to when they were younger and growing up together, and annoyed, he leaned in his chair. “Yes, Carrie scares the hell out of me, all right? But Teresa,” he said her name with meaning, with an evil glance full of meaning “does too. And besides, Carrie’s not your average cop. She suffers from… from…” He struggled to find the word- kind of funny, given the context, and closed his eyes to concentrate, a trick that Jane himself had thought him a long time before. “Hyper… hyperthymesia, I think?”
The name of the medical condition turned a bulb on in Jane’s mind, who looked at his brother-in-law intrigued. He had heard about this peculiar condition- and yes, Danny boy had gotten the name right - and knew what people affected by this pathology could, theoretically, do, but he had never met someone who was afflicted by it. Oh, Danny had gotten his interest, definitely: he couldn’t wait to talk a little bit more with the redhead cop.
“So, she remembers everything… More than me. More than anyone else on this planet who’s not affected by this illness…. Fascinating.” He told, intrigued, tapping a finger on his lips. “And we are not talking about just random facts or…” Reading about hyperthymesia was one think, but meeting someone who had it in the flash, was just a horse of a different color. Oh, the redhead woman definitely intrigued him: he was wondering if her boss/ex-lover/love interest would have something to say if he were to ask her out on a date to investigate what she could do.
Or maybe not. Not that he cared too much about what “Al” thought, but he didn’t want to get Lisbon mad, let her think that theirs had been just a one night stand born from the need of comfort. Yes, jealousy could have helped them to sort this mess out, but after all Danny was right. Lisbon could be scary, and she often had a gun at hand. And staplers. And an hammer hidden in her desk. He shuddered, and Danny smiled a little smile realizing what was probably going through the other man’s head.
“Nope. Carrie can’t forget. Whatever she likes it or not, once she sees it, she remembers it. There’s this newspaper in Syracuse, where she comes from. Ask her how the weather was like on any given day until six years ago, when she moved to New York, and she’ll tell you the weather, the sunrise, sundown, what the local theatre was showing… anything.”
Jane looked impressed, and wondered how he could try to show off, to try Carrie out. He loved a good challenge- and he had already recognized it. Now, he just had to set in motion one of his excellent plans just to see what she was capable of, and what use she could make of her abilities. “So… it’s not the sassy one, right? What was her name? Nina, right?”
“I don’t think you have met Tanya yet. Sitkowsky. Great girl. Patient. Heart of gold. Great listener. And a genius. ” Once again, Danny had that faraway look in his eyes; right now, Jane didn’t have to wonder where he was any longer: Danny was with Tanya, this amazing girl he seemed so fond of. But fond, Jane suspected, could be reductive, in that case. If he knew Danny -which he did- the boy was a goner, already crazy in love. Something that Patrick Jane had never envisioned in the life of Daniel Ruskin. It was a comforting thought, though. If Danny could change, there was a chance at happiness, at a new love, maybe, for Patrick Jane too.
Jane started to play once again with the now cold tea, his eyes as far away as Danny’s. “Must be nice, being people like us… and finding the one person who drives us to be better.” Jane laughed of a little, cynical laughter, but inside he wanted to scream and cry. He was a fool, and he was talking nonsense. Why was he trying to teach Danny a lesson? Or maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe he wanted to be hated, wanted to be punished. For years and years, he had claimed he had loved, and was in love, with Angela, but even when she asked, despite her pleas, he had never abandoned the spotlight, nor tried to change his way. He had been a con-man when they had first met, and he had been a billionaire con-artist they day she had died.
Danny looked around, and then, he leaned over Jane. “Paddy…” He said, using the nickname the mentalist used to go by in the carnie circuit as a teenager. “Drop it, ok? I’m not any better than you. What do you think that Annie told me the day you had to bail me out of jail, uh? If she died mad with you because you were still the same…” He paused, taking a big breath, saying words he had never admitted out loud, with anyone. Not even with himself until that moment. “Then, she probably resented me too.”
They stood in silence, nursing their drinks, for a long time, but the atmosphere now relaxed, almost comfortable, and then then, suddenly, Jane started to laugh, shaking his head.
“Uh?” Danny muttered, lifting an eyebrow, which made Jane laugh more and more. Danny Ruskin was a cop. And he had turned into a real one.
“You are a cop, and I work for the FBI. Us. I mean… how crazy is that?”
Danny joined in, because frankly, he couldn’t agree more. If five or six years before, when he had last seen Jane, someone would have told him that one day he would have been a cop, and decided to stay one on his own accord, he would have suggested a visit to the closest asylum for the mentally insane. And for what concerned Jane, well… yes, he had thought it had been just a long con to get his (their) revenge, but apparently, it hadn’t been just that. Over two years after Red John’s demise, Patrick was back, working once again with Teresa Lisbon. Because, as oblivious as he could be, Danny wasn’t a fool. If there was a reason that had driven his brother-in-law back to the States, it was the brunette cop. Even if Patrick still wore Annie’s wedding ring.
“Listen, Paddy, I don’t…” He paused, running a hand through his brown hair. He was struggling for words, and he knew he had to be careful with what he was about to say. “Annie was my sole family, and I’ve never stopped… I remember the good times, all right? And I may not be like you, or like Carrie, but I know what she wanted out of life. I know how her mind worked. I know that…” He paused and took a big breath, unable to meet Jane’s gaze, scared of what he would have found if he had tried. “She wanted us to be happy.
And you’ve done what you promised us to, so I think that… you are allowed to be happy, Paddy. To have a life of your own.”
He finally dared to meet Jane’s eyes, and what he saw was a storm, ice and cold and dreadful. Now, he knew why he was so damn good at his job, why the FBI had wanted him so damn much. Danny shivered, and felt as small as never before. “I don’t need your permission, nor your forgiveness.”
Danny wanted to reply, say something, but as soon as he opened his mouth to try to defend himself, his mobile went off, and when he reached into his pocket, Al’s name was shining on the screen. He took the call, and listened to his boss on the other end of the line, with a litany of “Uh-Uh” and “yeah” and “sure”. He ended the call and put some bills on the table, and then he stood.
“Listen, Al wants me to cover some angle. I gotta go and talk with Tanya and…” He didn’t finish the sentence, because Jane cut him short.
“Tell her.” As he saw Danny’s struggling with the meaning of his words, he grinned, and went on, all smug and arrogant like his usual. He couldn’t change too much, no matter what, even if the discussion was something as important as what they were talking about. “I could understand if you didn’t want to share this with your coworkers, but this woman, if she is as important as you say, you should tell her. Everything.” He paused. “Nowadays, I like to tell the truth to Lisbon, when it is important. And not because she is my partner in the field.”
Danny smiled. “Then, maybe, you should follow your own advice. With Teresa.” The use of Lisbon’s given name- and the meaning behind it- didn’t go unnoticed to Jane.
“I…” Jane started, and then sighed. “I tried. But she doesn’t listen to me. She doesn’t believe me. She thinks…”
“Paddy..” Danny said, patting his still sitting almost-relative on the shoulder. “I know you. You don’t like to talk about yourself. You show who you are and what you feel with your actions. But I think that in this case, words may be louder than actions. So, follow your advice. And talk with her before it’s too late. I think you wasted enough time already chasing after a ghost.”
And with that, Danny left, playing with the change in his pockets. He was going to have to spend a bit of time with Tanya, and there was nothing that she loved more than hot coffee from the cart right in front of the precinct. Coffee and work were going to keep her mind busy- and in the meantime, he would think about Patrick’s words. Maybe, there was some truth behind them.
And maybe, it was time to be honest with Tanya. Maybe…Roe was sitting in complete silence in Tanya’s office, his eyes focused on the cold and still full mug of coffee in his hands. The young tech expert didn’t know what to say, she just looked at him, hoping against all hope that he would be opening up to her on his own accord. Like it could actually happen, she thought, sighing. In that moment, she felt like they had traveled back in time to over two years before, when Roe had sat in the same chair when suspected of having wrongfully shouted a suspect. They had knew each other for almost five years, since the day he had arrived at the precinct, and yet, despite their obvious feelings for each other, she didn’t know a lot about him. Yes, she was aware that he had quite the big family and an almost endless list of connections with people all around the US soil and beyond, and yet she didn’t really know anything about him. Why had he never mentioned his parents, or any other close relative? Was there a particular reason he didn’t want to talk about his past, his childhood?
And now, there was Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon. She didn’t know what kind of tie there was between the trio, but she wasn’t a stupid just because she was a nerd. Jane, according to what she had heard (and read on the almighty Google), could be a great performer, but the same couldn’t be said about Roe and, with all due respect, Agent Lisbon. She had met the woman only a couple of hours before, after Roe had left with Jane, and just a glance had told her that the brunette was hiding something. She wanted to tell Roe that no matter what, he could trust her, but they had knew each other long enough for the young man to be aware of this fact without her needing to voice it.
And despite not knowing his past, Tanya liked to think that somehow she knew Roe, deep down, where it mattered. Just like he had confided in her after that shooting, she was pretty sure that he would be doing the same about what was troubling him. They just needed time- and she wasn’t going to force her hand on this one. She and Roe had walked a thin line right from the very first day they met, and now they were finally getting closer and closer to finally have their chance at something more than the friendship they had shared until that day. She wasn’t going to risk losing him over this, whatever it was. He was a good boy- he would come around, eventually. Now, all she could do was letting him know she was there for him, no matter what.
“Ehy… you all right?” She asked, tentatively, as she took his hand in her smaller one, her eyes searching for his owns. Roe took a big breath and nodded, then he shook his head, like he really didn’t know the answer himself, and yet he remained in silence. She hoped he wouldn’t see it as a way of getting him to talk forcefully. She didn’t want that. Just when -and if- he would decide so, they would go there. Baby steps, she repeated to herself with a little smile, just like everything else in their relationship. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s all right, but, ehy, if you need a friendly shoulder, you know where to find me, ok?”
Tanya made to move away and regain possession of her hand, but she felt Row’s gasp tighten in an almost hurtful way. She knew he didn’t want to cause her any pain- she could feel the desperation radiating from him, and when she looked at his face, she could almost see it written all over his features. He looked sad and lonely, way older than his 30 something years; he seemed like a man defeated by life, who had gone through enormous suffering and had yet to let it go of his past. The breath died in her throat, and for the first time she wondered how she had missed it. She knew that she had never been completely oblivious, but with her deep friendship with machines she had never been such a good judge of character. But this? There was something buried deep within Roe, a burden that menaced to crush him sooner or later, and she, his best friend, the girl who claimed to love him, had missed it until now. Had she really just said he wasn’t a good actor? It was like she had never met him before, and was seeing this man for the first time in her life.
“Roe…” Her eyes got teary, and as she reached out to cup his face, Roe let it go of any pretense, and crushed his chest against Tanya’s. He buried his nose in her hazelnut hair, and took her in- she smelled like citrus and something else he couldn’t really pinpoint, something that, as irrational as it was, was just her, Tanya, something made of home, love, computers, books, coffee and home cooking.
“I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” He chanted again and again and again, his gasp painful and desperate as he cuddled her in a soothing way in his arms. Tanya, not caring about the pain or the bruises she knew he was going to leave, answered with the same desperation Roe was showing. They stopped moving, and when few minutes had passed and she had thought he had fallen asleep just like that, with his nose buried in her locks, she made to move and part, but yet again he forced her against his chest.
This time it was different, though; he stared in her eyes, and without saying a word or give her a warning, he leaned toward her and closed the distance between them, sealing their mouths with a kiss full of softness, longing and love. It was the kind of kiss Tanya had always thought Roe would give a girl, and despite having fantasied for years about this very moment, she wasn’t prepared for it. It was slow and sensual, and yet it took her breath away, and when they finally parted and he caressed her lips with his thumb, she could see that even if he was in control- differently from her- Roe had been just affected as she had.
He smiled of a little smile, and his eyes shone in the darkness of her small room at the precinct. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first day we met.” He admitted, candidly. There was something… strange, about him. He looked so sure of himself, the complete opposite of what he had always looked around her. She wondered if it wasn’t because they had finally kissed, after having danced around each other for so long. Maybe it was because he finally knew where they stood. Or maybe, there was still something he wasn’t telling her.
She still blushed as she got lost in his eyes, and again Roe closed the gap between them and gave her few small pecks on her bruised lips, smiling as he did so. When they had had enough, she buried her head in his chest, relaxing in his embrace. He was still tense, but as he started to rub circles on her cloth-covered skin, she felt like he was finally ready to talk, like an enormous weight was being released from his shoulders after a long time.
“Tanya, I…” He started, and then he stopped. In the following minutes, she felt Roe trying to talk more than once, but every time, words escaped him, and he looked at her with an hunted expression. He looked like a scared animal, and she wondered if he didn’t fear that he was about to lose her by admitting the truth out loud- whatever the truth was.
“Is it about them?” She asked, a finger on his lips as once again he tried to talk. “I mean, Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon. I know it is, because Carrie says that when you saw him, you looked like you had seen a ghost. I don’t care what it is, even if I can’t understand why you feel like you can’t share it with me, but, I am here, Roe, all right?” An hand took hold of his chin, and Tanya forced him to look at her. Yes, he was scared of losing her by saying the truth, but she feared that a lie would have been their final stop as well. “Whenever you are ready, I am here. Like I have always been. Like I will always be.” Her palm was on his chest, right on his heart, and the figurative meaning behind her words didn’t escape the young detective; Tanya was there, all around him at the precinct, but she was there as well, in his life, in his heart. Her skin burned against the warm cotton of his shirt, and he felt like there was no fabric separating them. He circled her wrist with his own hand, rubbing the soft skin tenderly. It was an electric sensation, and he smiled, wanting her in his life - like his woman, his partner, his mate - like never before.
She smiled a little smile in return, her cheeks burning, and Roe felt like crying. He knew that Tanya was being honest and completely open with him, and for that reason, he knew it was now or never. He didn’t want for her to wait for the truth for her whole life, wait for him, and resent him in the long run. If the past had thought him anything, it was to live every day like it was your last, because you can’t know what will happen next. He knew that Patrick still thought about his last argument with Angela, that he regretted not saying goodnight to Charlotte when he left that night, and he didn’t want to live with the same weight.
“You remember how I seem to always have a relative or someone I know in any other town?” She nodded in affirmation, looking a bit lost. Yes, it had always been odd that Roe had family in any town they happened to walk in and he always happen to know someone a bit shady - but he had always looked like a good man; she knew him, and she knew that it was the case. But now, his tone seemed to hide something different, a deeper meaning. He was once again scared and unsure, she felt it in his voice, and there was nothing that the tech expert wanted to do more than taking him in her arms and cuddle his head in her lap like he was a lost boy. More than once, she had regretted always putting a stop to whatever was going on between them. She had always allowed Roe to get closer, just to take two steps back, putting him at arm’s length. Now, how she wished she had never done so! There was a part of her that wanted to be able to take his face between her hands, and kiss him until he got lost and forgot all about the rest of the world, his problems; but they weren’t that way-not yet, at least - and she knew that right now all she was supposed to do was being close to him as a friend and accept whatever he was going to tell her.
He shook his head, unable to meet her eyes. “I lied to you, Tanya. I’ve lied to all of you…always.” He finally lifted his gaze, and when he met her eyes, he was lost. He saw trust and love, and he knew that he had to do as Patrick had suggested. If he and Tanya were really meant to be, she would have listened to him, would have understood, or just refused to judge him, and she would have helped him to come to terms with his past.
He forced Tanya to sit back on her chair, and then he looked at her; he took a big breath and he finally started to talk, not stopping until he was done with his story; his eyes were teary, but in a good way, and his lips and his young, handsome features were graced by a slight smile. Tanya felt like crying too, because she could see that a huge weight was finally being lifted from his shoulders- by opening up with her: it was a confession of love and dedication as she had never seen before.
“My real name is Daniel Ruskin, and I was born in a carnival in California 35 years ago…”
-------------
Jane and Lisbon were finally allowed to leave only when the case was closed once and for all; in fact, despite the consultant’s initial reluctance, at the end his help, and insight, proved to be invaluable. As predicted by Jane himself, Tanya and Wally were able to cross data and discover that, at the time of the first murder in the state of New York, a young man had gone missing close to the victim’s house; his name was Arthur Smithson, born and raised in the same neighborhood as the victims; he also worked at a grocery store close to the their apartment, and, although the store didn’t deliver, a nice old lady confirmed to Jane that, as he knew everyone in the street, the boy often made favors out of the book, bringing whatever was needed to the people who couldn’t get on their own by the store. Apparently, he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Monroe had taken advantage of it, using the grocery-shopping delivery as an excuse to breaking and entering, and then… then, it was history, and they all knew too well what had happened afterward, to both the victims, and to Monroe at a later date.
What they hadn’t knew was what had happened to the young man afterwards. Monroe was, apparently, more tech-wise than what they assumed, and probably afflicted by paranoia as well, as he didn’t own any longer any technological device of his own and, as post 9/11 many internet cafes asked for IDs of some kind, he seemed to avoid them as well. He didn’t even have a mobile, so using the GPS or triangulating the location of the kid based on Monroe’s past steps was impossible. At the end, the did it old-school, and dug into his past until they didn’t found that there was a deceased long-relative he used to visit as a kid who, at the time of her death, used to own a small square of land. There, they found, in chain, de-hydrated and malnourished, Arthur. With new charges against him, Jane and Lisbon were forced to leave without the man they had come for. The consultant, with his personal view of justice- eye for an eye- wasn’t exactly thrilled, but he guessed that at least this way many people would have received closure with his incarceration, just a couple of steps from where he had killed his victims.
As they waited in line at JFK, Jane’s eyes fell on the people around him. Lisbon was talking with Nina, the other member of Al, “Roe” and Carrie’s unit, and it was as clear as day that they were bonding-probably over firearms. Carrie was there with them too, but she kept to herself. He could see in her stance that she wasn’t fully comfortable in this environment. He wondered why; from what he had heard, there could be many reasons. Maybe it was because she hadn’t been back on the job long enough after her years long hiatus; maybe it was because she still had on her shoulders the weight of her sister’s murder, a cold case, the only fragment of her memory she had never been able to access.
Or maybe, it was a bit more “trivial”: with a small smile, Jane followed her gaze, and saw that her eyes fell, every now and then, on Al, busy talking over the phone, with an expression full of meaning; Roe had let it slip that Carrie and Al, a long time before, had been in a long relationship, and had almost gotten married, but she had left him when he had turned her sister’s investigation into a cold case. Now, here she was, and even if it had been years… he couldn’t say if Carrie still loved Al- who was clearly in a relationship that wasn’t making him too happy - but, clearly, she was wondering many what ifs right now.
He was too. And he was sick and tired of it. For the whole duration of their work trip, he hadn’t approached Lisbon on the subject of their wild and passionate night together as she knew she valued her integrity and the case too much, but now that he was going to have her secluded in an airplane, he wasn’t going to let the occasion slip through his fingers. He had wasted enough time chasing ghosts, and it had come the moment he would share this information with her.
“Ehy, you all right?” He turned, and he saw “Roe” (it was still strange thinking of him as someone who wasn’t Danny) approaching him. Jane nodded, and took in his former brother-in-law’s demeanor. He was more relaxed and at easy, but he was still holding back a bit. Probably, thought, it was just the relative’s presence over there; Jane was almost positive that once he would be on the plane, the detective was going to breathe a sigh of relief.
Jane chuckled, shamelessly, elbowing him in the ribs. “You little bastard. You told her everything and got lucky last night.”
Roe huffed, grunting something under his breath that Jane didn’t really understood- all bad things, he guessed. “Last night I was working on the case. Contrary to someone who was taking a nap on my boss’ couch.” He shook his head, certain that Jane would never change. Some things were written in the stone, and the consultant’s behavior was one of them. Jane just smiled, knowing and understanding the young man’s thoughts. Once again he considered committing himself to the closest asylum, because it was still weird and incredible that Danny Ruskin had become a cop- and a good one, too. He wondered if visit Pete and give him the news, but then, shaking his head, he decided against it; the big man would sent him for real to a shrink if he heard such a thing.
“JANE!” He turned, and saw Lisbon getting ready, already in line, on her tip-toes to seem taller and to be seen by him. He turned one last time to Roe and shook his head, and stood in silence. What was he supposed to tell him, after all?
At the end, Roe beat him, showing a wisdom Jane had never believed the boy capable of in the past. “Tell her, Paddy. Don’t waste any other time.” He just nodded, in silence, and felt the urge to hug the young man and cry in his shirt, but decided against it; it wasn’t the time, nor the place, there was too many people around them, no one knowing of their shared past, of the truth behind the mask of the man who was Roe Sanders. A glance had to suffice, but Jane promised to keep in touch, just to say those short few words out loud in the future. Despite everything, they were always going to share something big, huge, in their common past. Something that couldn’t just be forgotten.
He hurried towards Lisbon, and caught up with her, delighted by her laughter as she took in by the vision of the man in those old, ridiculous brown shoes and suit running with a duffel bag with the smile of a kid. All he could do was smiling in return, his grin getting bigger and bigger. He couldn’t help it: her happiness was contagious.
“Is it everything all right with…” She didn’t finish the sentence as they walked in line, just made a small movement of her head, probably noticeable only by Jane, in the “late” Danny Ruskin’s direction.
“As strange as it can sound…” He made a pause, and took a big breath, like clearing his mind or looking for the right words. “I think it is. He is wiser, and loved by someone who accepts him and his past.” He paused once again, and for the longest time, he didn’t say a word. He skimmed Lisbon’s knuckles as they walked, always side by side, grinning like the Cheshire cat every time she blushed at the apparently casual contact.
He only talked again when they were on the plane, sitting close to each other. Teresa was looking outside her window, and he turned his gaze in her direction. He elbowed her in the side, clearing his throat to get her attention. She turned, looking quizzically at him, but genuinely surprised. It made him happy seeing her reaction; she wasn’t guarded, nor was questioning his motives, seeing something shady that absolutely wasn’t there.
“I think…” He started, rubbing circles on her hand, and making sure she knew he was doing it on purpose. Her pulse quickened, and he got immense pleasure in this simple fact, on the knowledge of the impact, the effect that the simplest and softest of his touches could have on her.
He struggled for words. And then, he decided to go with what she already knew, the words she had already heard once. Words that it was time she knew had been always meant for her, and her alone.
“Danny, he has found someone he can trust, someone strong despite her apparent fragility, someone in peace with herself. I had only a couple of words with Tanya, but when I looked at Danny, I know he sees someone better than him, someone that has seen him at his worst, his… his bad side… and yet, she stays by his side, and loves him.”
Hearing the words, Lisbon’s eyes turned glassy, and she barely kept the sobs at bay. Even if Jane was talking about Danny, she immediately recognized the words as almost the same ones he had uttered many years before, while trying to frame Erika Flynn for her husband’s murder. His look, his complete devotion, the love and affection she saw reflected in his eyes told her he was putting much more than that simple meaning in those words- he was putting his whole heart, and their future in the line. In that moment, she didn’t need to question his motives any longer. She saw him for who and what he really was, the man behind the mask, the one she had always knew he could be, and maybe, just maybe, had been, a long time before: someone who loved fully, and once committed, couldn’t let go.
And that man, right now, was telling her that their night of comfort sex had been so much more than that, much more than simple friends with benefits; it was them, finally admitting that they had always been so much more than just coworkers or friends.
“I think I may have found that woman too.” He said, the question still evident in his eyes, mixed with the fear of rejection. She didn’t doubt that he would give her up that easily, even if she said no, but she had waited for this moment for too long. She had loved him for years, waited, and then played the card of the friend, just to run away scared after their night together. But now, not any longer.
“I think you did.” She admitted candidly, turning a lovely shade of red. She cupped his face, and kissed him once, just a quick peck on his lips. “I think you just have to woo and romance her a little, though.”
Two hours later, as he watched Lisbon sleeping peacefully at his side, their fingers intertwined, he thanked “Roe” for his blessing. He nuzzled Teresa’s hair, and closed his eyes, breathing in her scent. Smiling, he decided that, first thing first, on Monday, he would ask Abbott about the case file concerning Carrie’s sister; he would never be able to make it up to “Roe” for his sister and niece’s deaths, but he could get a bit closer to forgiveness. And maybe, he could do it by helping his best friends- and meanwhile, putting a serial killer behind bars as well.