Christmas gifts (1). Basmath girl and Tromana
Title: The Tiger
Word count: 463
Summary: A tiger was not going to change its stripes, and the scorpion was not going to help the frog out, no matter what. She simply had allowed herself to blieve his empty promise.
Dedicated to: Tromana, with the prompt: "..."
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He had lied to her.
Or maybe, she had simply allowed herself to believe him.
She had thought they were working toward something- she did not even know what exactly- and yet... It had been all a ruse. A con man was always going to remain a con man. A tiger could not change its strips. A scorpion was not going to change its ways and help the frog out, no matter what.
Even if its life-his life- depended on it.
She shouted her eyes, clenching her teeth and fists because of the pain. She wondered if she was supposed to call a nurse and ask for something, anything, but then, she decided against it. She needed the pain.
The pain made it real.
The pain made her remember.
He told her he was always going to be save her.
She had faced Red John's friend all on her own.
He told her he was going to always be there for her.
She was alone in that cold, anonymous hospital room.
He told a young girl that vengeance was just for madmen, pointless and a waste of energy.
He had never believed it.
He let her believe he was, at least, family for him, that they were somehow... close. He had given her hope for something, anything.
Yet, she had just been a tool for him, a mean to an end.
She knew it all, and yet, she could not stop thinking about him, alone in that cell, surrounded by people he had actually sent to jail. It was his place, he had killed a man in cold blood, planned the murder, and he had never done anything to hide it from her.
Probably the only thing he had ever been honest about, the only thing he had never hid from her.
She thought that her love could have been enough. She thought that she could have been able to teach him that there was another way to seek justice, get revenge. But she had been wrong.
Because his promises were empty, all of them, and his words mere lies.
She finally allowed the tears to escape her eyes, she even sobbed, despite hating looking fragile, broken, when realization hit her.
All along, he had used her. Because her love blinded her, allowed him to get away with anything, gave him free reign.
And she had allowed him. Because she had believed him. Because of his empty promises.
And yet, he was still in her mind. Even if she knew that she could not save him any longer. Even if he had never been hers.
He was always there. And he was going to stay, no matter what. Because she loved him.
And she knew too well, real love, deep love, was always painful.
Title: My way back to you
Word count:~1360
genre: hurt, romance
characters: Duplicate Doctor/Donna, mentions of Rose Tyler and 10th Doctor.
Summary: he was supposed to be happy, but it wasn't like he could actually feel that way. Not when they were an universe apart. But it wasn't like he had any right on her...
***
He was supposed to be happy, everybody told him so. He even knew it himself. And sometimes-often, actually- he would lie to everybody, himself included.
Just like he had always done, in another world, another lifetime. He would just hide behind a mask, a facade, mild-mannered geek, a bit weird, childish even, when in truth, he was everything but.
He was darkness and death, cruelty and punishment. And nobody could know it, he couldn't allow anyone to see this side of him.
He-another part of him, actually- had done it with just one single person, one who hadn't abandoned him, but had decided to stick at his side, just to pay the price of her desires.
Donna.
It had been so long, and yet, he had never been able to push her out of his head. He guessed it was because he hadn’t been given a saying into it. The "real" doctor had just left him there, to be with Rose, because he couldn't while he had a human heart.
But...
He loved Rose, just, not as much as the "real" Doctor did. He loved her in a different way, and... she deserved, not more, but just, different.
And... he knew she wasn't happy with him too. Her heart had beaten for another one, one he wasn't, couldn't be. Keeping the farce up was unfair, to all of them. Somewhere in the universe there was someone for her- The Doctor, or a human who would have loved her dearly no matter what, in spite of the past- and somewhere in the multiverse....
There was Donna, waiting for him.
Back then, he hadn’t allowed himself a saying into the decision, and he had stayed with a woman he didn't fully loved, allowing her to stay with the darkest part of him, only to be abandoned yet again.
He was half human, but he was a son of his planet to. His heart, his very should was "tainted" by her humanity, but he still had his people's knowledge, and he knew.
She was only human, a human body with the knowledge of his whole race. Rose had looked into the Tardis, and turned into Bad Wolf, Donna had looked into his mind, and had lost herself. She would have lost her life....that was why he knew that she was somewhere, with no memory whatsoever of their time together.
It just wasn't fair.
He looked at his home-made sonic screwdriver, and swore to find her, to return to her.
And now that he knew where the crossroad of everything that it was could be found, there was nothing that could stop him.
***
For weeks, he looked at her from afar. Maybe even months, he wasn't sure. Maybe time passed differently for him because he was half a time lord, or maybe it was because he was scared.
Was he really allowed to have her? Did he had any right into making her remember, taking her away from her life?
He didn't think so. Because he knew that he had to be better than his...other half. The "real" Doctor.
Even when her beloved grandparent died, he didn't reach for her, not as much as he had wanted to, at least. He went to the funeral, and resisted the temptation of going to her, take her in his arms. He wanted to make her remember how brilliant and wonderful she was, how the universe was still singing about her.
But...he didn't.
At the end of the ceremony, he simply went to her, when her mother wasn't looking, and he shook her hand, and told her he was sorry for her loss.
She turned, to call her mother, as she had assumed he knew her grandfather or at least her mother too, but when she went looking for him, he was no more.
He told himself that it was better this way. He was supposed to be a better man, after all. And she had her life, and he wasn't going to take that away from her. He had already done that once, and he was done being selfish.
***
He kept looking at her from afar, but at a certain point, he stopped. The longing, he could handle, but knowing that she couldn't be his, seeing the evidence every day, that, was too much.
He thought about reaching the Other Doctor-the "real" one, despite the fact that he could feel he had "evolved" into his next incarnation. He thought about looking for his old associates-Sarah Jane had died the previous year, he had learnt, but Martha and Mickey were still somewhere fighting alien invaders. He considered even the option of joining dear old Jack- even if he was working abroad for the CIA and he had always hated Torchwood to begin with. He thought also about returning to Rose-even if she probably hated him right now, as he had much or less left her at the altar.
Returning to Donna? Nope. No way. No bloody way in hell. But, of course... Donna was Donna. So, it wasn't like she was looking for his approval before taking charge of the situation and taking matters into her own hands.
Because, obviously, she had to be the one to surprise him. Surprise him and.... reach for him.
"Can I seat here?" she asked him, one winter morning, few days before Christmas, as he was sitting on an old bench and looking at the ducks. He hadn’t replied, but just stared open-mouthed at her, and she had taken this as a silent invitation to make herself at home at his side-or maybe, she was still Donna, incapable of changing idea once she had taken a decision.
"It's soothing, don't you think? Looking at them...you re-evaluate your life. Because they are so small, and they have to fight so much that....you understand that our problems are so small and insignificant."
He simply nodded, despite the fact that she couldn't see him, because she was still looking in front of her, and in that instant, he felt such a rush of tenderness for her.... all his desires and hidden feelings fought to take charge, and he nearly succumbed, until, slowly, with teary eyes, she looked at him, sniffing.
"I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to...upset you, or whatever, but... I know you, right? I mean.... I know you spoke with me at grandpa's funeral, but.... I feel like I already know you, right?"
"Donna, I...." he started, his hand already close to her. Yes, he could do it, he could have a touch, a taste of haven. Just for a short while... she was here, and...she seemed willing, right? They would have this memory...just this once, and then, he would leave.
"You are Mister John Smith, right? He spoke so much about you... I never truly understood how exactly you two met, but I know that he cared about you, and that when you had to left after you lost your family, he suffered so much for you! But even if you weren't here any longer, even if you weren't still in contact... he kept talking about you until the very last day. I think he loved you like a son, and it's kind of silly, but I think that in a way I did too....not as a son, of course, but, you know...." she laughed, a nervous laugh, and she shook her head, biting her lips.. "I think that my husband left me because he was jealous he couldn't compare with you. "
He laughed, joining her, feeling as carefree as he hadn’t in a long time. "He did, didn't he. Talk about me, I mean...." he paused. "he always told me about you. Said you were brilliant. I had the impression that he wanted for us to meet...."
"He probably thought we were star-crossed lovers.....My grandfather was indeed a weird man, Dr. Smith"
"I'm John, Donna. Please, call me John...." he breathed, as their eyes met.
"As you wish, John, but in that case, I think I should invite you over for Christmas." she said, just to blush after her blatant request, suddenly feeling very shy. Just because she wanted, maybe even needed to get to know him, it didn't mean she had to present herself on a silver platter or sound pathetic. "I mean, Mum always cooks for an army, and it would be nice having someone who knew my grandfather as well as you did..."
"Yeah, I think I can make it. But, be careful. I'm not promising anything...." his voice was saying so, but the glint in his eyes, she immediately understood he was indeed making such a promise. And that he was more than happy.
Maybe, he reflected after she left, they could do this. Start anew. And maybe, with due time... she would be back, the Donna he had fallen in love with. She would be whole again, and they would be the Doctor and The Doctor Donna.
ortals, companions, together.