(no subject)
Alrighty everyone, it has definitely been a while. its 744 on a saturday morning because i can't sleep and a lot of things are in my head that i need to get off my chest because if i don't soon bad things will definitely happen like not sleeping etc. I am jumping subjects here so beware and try not to get confused.
So as you all probably know i work at technisigns inc. spray painting to save up some money for college. do you think i've saved any money?? this is my parents thinking "oh well emily has a job ask her for money", or "make emily pay for it".. it has gotten to the point now where i don't have any money for myself and i make over 1400 a month and how come i don't see any of it in my bank?? The month or so was tough because i have lost a bunch of weight so i wanted to buy clothes that actually fit me... is that understandable?
I went to the bank yesterday to get a loan because I want to buy another car for the family (ME) because im sick of sharing and paying too much money for gas etc. IF i had my own, i wouldn't be driving everywhere just back and forth from work and the gym. The car i want is 3000. AS IS, no tax etested and certified. I'd pay it off sooner than you think because I am getting another job but that's another story. Turns out im not old enough to get a loan and I have to get someone with good credit to co-sign it. Im not going to ask just anyone off the street to co-sign, i'd want it to be my mom or dad. But if i asked they'd probably laugh in my face. Sad huh?
So last night I signed up for ING DIRECT which i think is a good idea. because I am going to secretly take all my money and stash it so no one can use it, or wonder why I have no money or anything. When you are a teenager and you live at home, do you have to pay bills because your parents can't?? I don't think its fair my sister hasn't put down one penny for this house her whole life. and i feel like everytime a pay check comes im hanging out to dry. Whatever I want the car end of story i just have to figure out a way to get it.
Onto bigger things.
I woke up this morning at like 130am or around there shaking. I don't know why, but I realized that I don't know what i want to do. I don't know what i want to persue in my life, and I don't know where i want to live, or who I want to be with (which quite frankly doesn't fucking matter) But I just don't know.
I want to go ahead with the water thing because its alot of fun but a lot of learning and i can see myself doing it for awhile. but is this what i want to do for the rest of my life??
I drove by an ambulance the other day and that kind of struck me fancy because i remember my first aid instructor told me that there aren't enough paramedics out there.. So it takes fireman around 3 minutes to get to a call and it takes paramedics 7min to get to a call... Couldn't that mean someones life? So it got me thinking.
I've always loved the outdoors to the point where i never wanted to walk into another building again... Could that make me a good outdoor person, Trail Walker, Camp Ranger, Provinicial Park Maintenance or Ranger. What does that give me for a future? i know i can't work at HSR for the rest of my life because God forbid i really do need money to survive, but is there something in scouts canada i could get a position for.?.?
Then there is my love for children, what can i say, im a sucker for a cute smile. i've always wanted to do something that involved children but what is there i can do? i definitely don't want to take ECE because i think its too easy and there are too many people taking it that shouldn't. i think im a nice enough person to take care of children, or help them in some way. Maybe Physcology or something.
Autmotive Mechanic, Or Post Enhancements Mechanic, Auto Body Mechanic etc etc. Anything with cars i am basically interested in. I think i could do bikes as well but at the same time its a small clientell so i don't want to get into something i cant get out of... I don't know the right people to get into that shit.
So those are pretty much my standing options for you right now, But im pretty sure my brain could cook up way more interests than just that.
My friend Caitlin and i were talking last friday night about men. She asked me if i could pick one guy to be with for the rest of my life I said i didn't know because the two that stand out are pretty much the same except one is more vocal than the other lol. I also said that i could pick out one great thing about the guys i've dated and i started telling her so im going to tell you..
(most recent)
Cameron- he had a nice smile, great personality, good person to laugh with.
Claudio- always made me feel good about myself. fantastic in *bleep* (IMPORTANT)
Rob- smartest guy i know.
Johnny- amazing personality, great person to talk to, nice body-healthy- well brought up, a lot in common- could carry on a conversation forever.(IMPORTANT)
Keith- (although i have never dated him (YET)) amazing personality, great person to laught with, great smile, a lot in common, nice body-healthy- well brought up. (IMPORTANT)
Graham- had the biggest heart, honestly too good for me.
Domenic- *cricket*
Dale- he always seemed to be around at the right time, great smile.
Tony- *silence*
All the others i've dated i probably don't remember enough to care or any of that garbage so they aren't worth mentioning. These are the things i would take from each of those guys and combine into one guy if that was possible lol. I was surprised i could i find someone positive about them all.
I've also come to the conclusion that i hate my body. i hate my stomach, my back, my legs, my arms and everyother general part that i missed including my face. i don't know what it is about hating the way i look but although i don't care what other people think i still want to look good and feel good. i look good now but i don't feel good. i think that's where claudio came into such a big part in my life.
So that's pretty much the jist of what's going on in my life. Besides being single and loving it (secretly), having a good coshure job, working out everynight and having amazing friends to keep me going is pretty much all i've ever asked for in my life and im glad i have stability now. Eventhough I wanted to move out and get my own place because this one is driving me crazy, i've figured out that if i spend less time at home i'll have less problems, so thats what i've been doing and i think its working. Also the fact that my father has been in the basement for about 2 days and none of us has seen him is also a good thing... his army laptop is consuming all of his time now (including the yahoo messenger and including the porno) lets not forget that.
I've also got another job lined up for some nights and weekends. When i see if that's worked out i will let you know...
It feels good to be back and laying everything out on the table feels good too. I think that's all i needed, was to get everything off my chest.
So as you all probably know i work at technisigns inc. spray painting to save up some money for college. do you think i've saved any money?? this is my parents thinking "oh well emily has a job ask her for money", or "make emily pay for it".. it has gotten to the point now where i don't have any money for myself and i make over 1400 a month and how come i don't see any of it in my bank?? The month or so was tough because i have lost a bunch of weight so i wanted to buy clothes that actually fit me... is that understandable?
I went to the bank yesterday to get a loan because I want to buy another car for the family (ME) because im sick of sharing and paying too much money for gas etc. IF i had my own, i wouldn't be driving everywhere just back and forth from work and the gym. The car i want is 3000. AS IS, no tax etested and certified. I'd pay it off sooner than you think because I am getting another job but that's another story. Turns out im not old enough to get a loan and I have to get someone with good credit to co-sign it. Im not going to ask just anyone off the street to co-sign, i'd want it to be my mom or dad. But if i asked they'd probably laugh in my face. Sad huh?
So last night I signed up for ING DIRECT which i think is a good idea. because I am going to secretly take all my money and stash it so no one can use it, or wonder why I have no money or anything. When you are a teenager and you live at home, do you have to pay bills because your parents can't?? I don't think its fair my sister hasn't put down one penny for this house her whole life. and i feel like everytime a pay check comes im hanging out to dry. Whatever I want the car end of story i just have to figure out a way to get it.
Onto bigger things.
I woke up this morning at like 130am or around there shaking. I don't know why, but I realized that I don't know what i want to do. I don't know what i want to persue in my life, and I don't know where i want to live, or who I want to be with (which quite frankly doesn't fucking matter) But I just don't know.
I want to go ahead with the water thing because its alot of fun but a lot of learning and i can see myself doing it for awhile. but is this what i want to do for the rest of my life??
I drove by an ambulance the other day and that kind of struck me fancy because i remember my first aid instructor told me that there aren't enough paramedics out there.. So it takes fireman around 3 minutes to get to a call and it takes paramedics 7min to get to a call... Couldn't that mean someones life? So it got me thinking.
I've always loved the outdoors to the point where i never wanted to walk into another building again... Could that make me a good outdoor person, Trail Walker, Camp Ranger, Provinicial Park Maintenance or Ranger. What does that give me for a future? i know i can't work at HSR for the rest of my life because God forbid i really do need money to survive, but is there something in scouts canada i could get a position for.?.?
Then there is my love for children, what can i say, im a sucker for a cute smile. i've always wanted to do something that involved children but what is there i can do? i definitely don't want to take ECE because i think its too easy and there are too many people taking it that shouldn't. i think im a nice enough person to take care of children, or help them in some way. Maybe Physcology or something.
Autmotive Mechanic, Or Post Enhancements Mechanic, Auto Body Mechanic etc etc. Anything with cars i am basically interested in. I think i could do bikes as well but at the same time its a small clientell so i don't want to get into something i cant get out of... I don't know the right people to get into that shit.
So those are pretty much my standing options for you right now, But im pretty sure my brain could cook up way more interests than just that.
My friend Caitlin and i were talking last friday night about men. She asked me if i could pick one guy to be with for the rest of my life I said i didn't know because the two that stand out are pretty much the same except one is more vocal than the other lol. I also said that i could pick out one great thing about the guys i've dated and i started telling her so im going to tell you..
(most recent)
Cameron- he had a nice smile, great personality, good person to laugh with.
Claudio- always made me feel good about myself. fantastic in *bleep* (IMPORTANT)
Rob- smartest guy i know.
Johnny- amazing personality, great person to talk to, nice body-healthy- well brought up, a lot in common- could carry on a conversation forever.(IMPORTANT)
Keith- (although i have never dated him (YET)) amazing personality, great person to laught with, great smile, a lot in common, nice body-healthy- well brought up. (IMPORTANT)
Graham- had the biggest heart, honestly too good for me.
Domenic- *cricket*
Dale- he always seemed to be around at the right time, great smile.
Tony- *silence*
All the others i've dated i probably don't remember enough to care or any of that garbage so they aren't worth mentioning. These are the things i would take from each of those guys and combine into one guy if that was possible lol. I was surprised i could i find someone positive about them all.
I've also come to the conclusion that i hate my body. i hate my stomach, my back, my legs, my arms and everyother general part that i missed including my face. i don't know what it is about hating the way i look but although i don't care what other people think i still want to look good and feel good. i look good now but i don't feel good. i think that's where claudio came into such a big part in my life.
So that's pretty much the jist of what's going on in my life. Besides being single and loving it (secretly), having a good coshure job, working out everynight and having amazing friends to keep me going is pretty much all i've ever asked for in my life and im glad i have stability now. Eventhough I wanted to move out and get my own place because this one is driving me crazy, i've figured out that if i spend less time at home i'll have less problems, so thats what i've been doing and i think its working. Also the fact that my father has been in the basement for about 2 days and none of us has seen him is also a good thing... his army laptop is consuming all of his time now (including the yahoo messenger and including the porno) lets not forget that.
I've also got another job lined up for some nights and weekends. When i see if that's worked out i will let you know...
It feels good to be back and laying everything out on the table feels good too. I think that's all i needed, was to get everything off my chest.