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stormwreath May 6 2010, 11:45:10 UTC
From this site, which deals with New Zealand, but I suspect it wold be similar in Britain
http://www.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~nzlscant/sa.htm

Imperial Light Infantry.
Spearsman's Camp, Natal,
February 4th, 1900.

Dear Madam,
It is with deep regret that I write to inform you of the death of your son, Private William Derby Harrison of this corps, who died fighting for his country at Spionkop on January 24th last. During the time that your son served under my command his conduct was in every way satisfactory.

I am, madam,
yours sincerely,
M. Neale Shutte,
Lieut. Commanding A. Co., I.L.I.

The same site also contains references that after a battle "all newspaper and post offices were thronged by anxious relatives" waiting to see the casualty lists. Given the slowness and uncertainty of communications back then, it's easily possible that the news of a death would reach the press before the next of kin were formally notified.

I can't quote primary sources, but it seems to be a common trope in fiction from the period that if you received an official-looking letter with a Whitehall postmark during wartime, it was very easy to guess that it would be bad news. Wives or mothers of soldiers collapsing at the mere sight of the envelope was something of a cliché.

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