I tried finding out about the gentleman thing. Here is how Robert E. Lee defined being a gentleman, so that was likely popular at the time. It does seem to have more to do with behavior than anything else.
"The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman. The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly -- the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light. The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others." Robert E. Lee
This article doesn't mention the Civil War, but does mention how the word changed over time:
The wikipedia entry on gentlemen might help too. It concerns the Brits more than Americans, but the key changes likely had an effect on American society since, well, you know:
The word "gentleman" as an index of rank had already become of doubtful value before the great political and social changes of the 19th century gave to it a wider and essentially higher significance. The change is well illustrated in the definitions given in the successive editions of the Encyclopædia Britannica. In the 5th edition (1815) "a gentleman is one, who without any title, bears a coat of arms, or whose ancestors have been freemen". In the 7th edition (1845) it still implies a definite social status: "All above the rank of yeomen". In the 8th edition (1856) this is still its "most extended sense"; "in a more limited sense" it is defined in the same words as those quoted above from the 5th edition; but the writer adds, "By courtesy this title is generally accorded to all persons above the rank of common tradesmen when their manners are indicative of a certain amount of refinement and intelligence".
The Reform Act 1832 did its work; the "middle classes" came into their own; and the word "gentleman" came in common use to signify not a distinction of blood, but a distinction of position, education and manners. By this usage, the test is no longer good birth, or the right to bear arms, but the capacity to mingle on equal terms in good society.
"The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman. The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly -- the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light. The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others."
Robert E. Lee
This article doesn't mention the Civil War, but does mention how the word changed over time:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/letter_from_america/296983.stm
The wikipedia entry on gentlemen might help too. It concerns the Brits more than Americans, but the key changes likely had an effect on American society since, well, you know:
The word "gentleman" as an index of rank had already become of doubtful value before the great political and social changes of the 19th century gave to it a wider and essentially higher significance. The change is well illustrated in the definitions given in the successive editions of the Encyclopædia Britannica. In the 5th edition (1815) "a gentleman is one, who without any title, bears a coat of arms, or whose ancestors have been freemen". In the 7th edition (1845) it still implies a definite social status: "All above the rank of yeomen". In the 8th edition (1856) this is still its "most extended sense"; "in a more limited sense" it is defined in the same words as those quoted above from the 5th edition; but the writer adds, "By courtesy this title is generally accorded to all persons above the rank of common tradesmen when their manners are indicative of a certain amount of refinement and intelligence".
The Reform Act 1832 did its work; the "middle classes" came into their own; and the word "gentleman" came in common use to signify not a distinction of blood, but a distinction of position, education and manners.
By this usage, the test is no longer good birth, or the right to bear arms, but the capacity to mingle on equal terms in good society.
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