Sooo it's July now!
Sorry for the radio silence, it's been a bit... yah.
Uni
So my semester is very nearly over - I'm participating in an exam on Tuesday (which means it's NOT my exam, I'm just a... requisite?), and then I've got my last cello lesson of the school year on Thursday... and that's that! Wahey!
It's been a turbulent month - turbulent semester too - but it's over... and I guess I came out stronger? I think I dealt with most of the stress well enough... was disciplined enough to get enough sleep, mostly, and pulled through all the concerts well enough. And this is all sounding very tentative, because this is what people (parents, friends, etc) have been telling me and I'm... not too convinced, hahah. Self esteem issues paired with perfectionism, yay.
So after Thursday I'll give myself a week or two off the cello. Might be I won't practice at all, might be I will do some work - but most importantly, I'll do it because I want to.
Driving and stuff
My driving lessons are well under way, have had 6 of them so far... and Christ, it makes me so nervous. It's just so much at once? My instructor told me last time that I'm "incredibly hectic", and I've been thinking about this... and yes, I know it's true. I think it's because I really want to do well and get my license quickly, in time for my going home to Austria... And also my general fear of mistakes. I just want to get it right, you know? And with driving there's the added stress of "if I mess up, it might put my own life and the lives of others at jeopardy". So... yeah, stressful. I hope it'll get better. I've got another lesson tomorrow (so if Germany win this World Cup I'm in trouble because loud celebrations throughout the night woo), and on Tuesday.
I've also got a few... things going on in regards to my apartment, namely that my heating meter readings can't be right, and there's a lot of money tied to that, so this is something I have to sort out... Nervous, becaue I haven't done that before, and frankly after all the things happening at uni I really don't want more weeks of stress. :( I'm tired.
Other things
So lately I've been feeling a bit... hm. Both inspirated and empty. Motivated and dejected.
I've gradually started to prettify my apartment a little, but that's been stalling again. I really really want to do more art, but I get distracted. And most of all, I really want to do more music, more things with my cello. Things that actually matter and go out there, not just being in my flat and practising day in day out. I watched "Sex Traffic" last week, and that kind of triggered something? I'm in the process of hopefully organising something - more on that as it develops.
I watched most of Anna Akana's vlog today, which has also triggered things. I want to focus more... spend less time just uselessly browsing... focus my attentions on just a few projects (music and art). I want to spend less time just scattering my attentions among tumblr and chatting (don't get me wrong, I love you guyssss but I'm selfish in that way). I know I've said that so many times in the past, but hey - I'll keep on trying till I make it. I can only fail if I give up.
So uhm... yeah. There's a few things I want to do, but I need to get my thoughts into order at first - I'm such a scatterbrain. Again, more on that as it develops - I don't want to get everyone's hopes up, and I know myself... The more people it tell about something, the more likely I am not to do it. I know that's weird, but sadly that's how I seem to work. *shrugs*
Uni
So my semester is very nearly over - I'm participating in an exam on Tuesday (which means it's NOT my exam, I'm just a... requisite?), and then I've got my last cello lesson of the school year on Thursday... and that's that! Wahey!
It's been a turbulent month - turbulent semester too - but it's over... and I guess I came out stronger? I think I dealt with most of the stress well enough... was disciplined enough to get enough sleep, mostly, and pulled through all the concerts well enough. And this is all sounding very tentative, because this is what people (parents, friends, etc) have been telling me and I'm... not too convinced, hahah. Self esteem issues paired with perfectionism, yay.
So after Thursday I'll give myself a week or two off the cello. Might be I won't practice at all, might be I will do some work - but most importantly, I'll do it because I want to.
Driving and stuff
My driving lessons are well under way, have had 6 of them so far... and Christ, it makes me so nervous. It's just so much at once? My instructor told me last time that I'm "incredibly hectic", and I've been thinking about this... and yes, I know it's true. I think it's because I really want to do well and get my license quickly, in time for my going home to Austria... And also my general fear of mistakes. I just want to get it right, you know? And with driving there's the added stress of "if I mess up, it might put my own life and the lives of others at jeopardy". So... yeah, stressful. I hope it'll get better. I've got another lesson tomorrow (so if Germany win this World Cup I'm in trouble because loud celebrations throughout the night woo), and on Tuesday.
I've also got a few... things going on in regards to my apartment, namely that my heating meter readings can't be right, and there's a lot of money tied to that, so this is something I have to sort out... Nervous, becaue I haven't done that before, and frankly after all the things happening at uni I really don't want more weeks of stress. :( I'm tired.
Other things
So lately I've been feeling a bit... hm. Both inspirated and empty. Motivated and dejected.
I've gradually started to prettify my apartment a little, but that's been stalling again. I really really want to do more art, but I get distracted. And most of all, I really want to do more music, more things with my cello. Things that actually matter and go out there, not just being in my flat and practising day in day out. I watched "Sex Traffic" last week, and that kind of triggered something? I'm in the process of hopefully organising something - more on that as it develops.
I watched most of Anna Akana's vlog today, which has also triggered things. I want to focus more... spend less time just uselessly browsing... focus my attentions on just a few projects (music and art). I want to spend less time just scattering my attentions among tumblr and chatting (don't get me wrong, I love you guyssss but I'm selfish in that way). I know I've said that so many times in the past, but hey - I'll keep on trying till I make it. I can only fail if I give up.
So uhm... yeah. There's a few things I want to do, but I need to get my thoughts into order at first - I'm such a scatterbrain. Again, more on that as it develops - I don't want to get everyone's hopes up, and I know myself... The more people it tell about something, the more likely I am not to do it. I know that's weird, but sadly that's how I seem to work. *shrugs*