my last letter...
I hope my letter meets you in the best of health and wellbeing. I’ve thought hard before actually sending this letter since I was scared of what you might think but then I realized I wasn’t just doing this for you I was also doing it for myself. So forgive me for sending this.
I just wanted to make amends with you for all my foolishness. I’m sorry for not making it easy for you to also do the right thing back then. I was consumed by own desires and longings. Back then you have enchanted my heart that I loved you so much that I justified making mistakes. I allowed you to disrespect me because I even justified your actions why you behaved the way you did. Every time I allowed myself to be with you I hoped and prayed that you would see me and maybe fall in love with me like I did with you. Going against my own values and what I thought was right. All I knew was I loved you and that I have opened myself too much to possibilities because I also wanted to feel loved. In my whole life I have never experienced that kind of feelings towards someone everything was real to me and at the same time I was so drawn to you because I was so sensitive with how you felt inside, your pains and how situations have made you hurtful yourself I felt you needed me because I wanted to show you love doesn’t have to be that way. I guess I’m more used to being left behind and I don’t pity myself for that. I guess you wouldn’t understand entirely, back then I couldn’t understand why I felt in my heart that I was to spend the rest of my life with you, that you were the ONE like I knew it to be truth. I must have been delusional. Time will tell what’s meant for me now. I think what’s meant to be is what we both have now. Everything happens for a reason and all this made me a better person. I also learned so much from you and I’d like to thank you for all of them. All your wounded child thinking made me learn to understand myself more made me determine which of my ways I should change. I grew up so much from this experience. I’m sorry if I didn’t believe you when you said you had a girlfriend already (JONA) well since at that time it was just two weeks since I saw you or maybe that was just my wishful thinking. Lol. God your ego must be skyrocketing by now. Lol. Hindi lang naman sayo ako nag make amends it’s to all those I’ve loved in the past that I may have somehow hurt that I made amends to. I’ve even made amends to your Jayme I’m sorry I just had to since it was the right thing to do. I didn’t tell her details of what happened only that I was a fool to fall for you back then and reciprocated your flirting. She was really kind and told me to forgive myself too her forgiveness meant something to me. And if not for this experience I wouldn’t have probably met her but I wish I met her in a different way. I just saw her by chance in Shang. Hindi naman kita siniraan I guess I really have changed if it was me before I would have made you a monster pero I guess that time I still cared and that wasn’t the reason why I approached her it was really to just say sorry because I made a mistake and I wanted to be responsible for it and face the consequences of my actions. She was God’s Christmas gift to me, her forgiveness. When I saw you that time with Nitin a part of me was scared but I just had to face that fear of seeing you and when I saw you I just really wanted to smile and make you feel that it was over that I was okay. I wanted to handle it maturely I don’t like how it feels when you see a person that meant something to you in the past and pretend as if the person didn’t exist to me that is just so juvenile. I know I would often do that because it’s easier but when it’s over it’s okay to face the person in a way you somehow shared something together. Thank you for making your choice and not using my weakness against me anymore. I’ve managed to move on much easier and managed to still follow my heart. I have my own little art place where I’m surrounded by art and I will be teaching it too. I love the kids from last summer. I feel that with this I can do many things and make more changes I will not be limited by others. I’m sure there will still be those kinds of things but my dream is to help as much and as many. Daming pobreng artist dyan so I plan to market them internationally. How? Well I know that I will figure that out. You’ve been haunting me since we last saw each other you’ve been coming in and out of my dreams buti sana if you’re happy in my dreams eh hindi you’re still that disturbed person I know. I hope not, so I thought maybe I just needed to do this because I’ve wanted to do so just waiting for the right time.
I don’t expect us to be friends I only want peace in our hearts…I’ve forgiven you too I just wanted you to know that also. I’m happy being single for now (I think yun part na for now lang baka kasi longer hehe). I’m not bitter I can’t wait to fall in love again but I’ve managed to turn all those energy into something productive. Honestly everything is just calm even my spirits so I’m making the most of what I can do without having to worry about someone else medyo liberating yun feeling. With this experience hopefully I’ve tamed my own monsters. Max of two pages lang ang promise ko sa sarili ko so let me end this with wishes, hopes and prayers for you. i’m happy Brian that you’re happy. Give Jona the love that she deserves and don’t let those monsters of yours creep in. Forgive and be forgiven. Love without inhibitions. Let go of the past. You deserve to be happy!
Thanks,
Maya
I just wanted to make amends with you for all my foolishness. I’m sorry for not making it easy for you to also do the right thing back then. I was consumed by own desires and longings. Back then you have enchanted my heart that I loved you so much that I justified making mistakes. I allowed you to disrespect me because I even justified your actions why you behaved the way you did. Every time I allowed myself to be with you I hoped and prayed that you would see me and maybe fall in love with me like I did with you. Going against my own values and what I thought was right. All I knew was I loved you and that I have opened myself too much to possibilities because I also wanted to feel loved. In my whole life I have never experienced that kind of feelings towards someone everything was real to me and at the same time I was so drawn to you because I was so sensitive with how you felt inside, your pains and how situations have made you hurtful yourself I felt you needed me because I wanted to show you love doesn’t have to be that way. I guess I’m more used to being left behind and I don’t pity myself for that. I guess you wouldn’t understand entirely, back then I couldn’t understand why I felt in my heart that I was to spend the rest of my life with you, that you were the ONE like I knew it to be truth. I must have been delusional. Time will tell what’s meant for me now. I think what’s meant to be is what we both have now. Everything happens for a reason and all this made me a better person. I also learned so much from you and I’d like to thank you for all of them. All your wounded child thinking made me learn to understand myself more made me determine which of my ways I should change. I grew up so much from this experience. I’m sorry if I didn’t believe you when you said you had a girlfriend already (JONA) well since at that time it was just two weeks since I saw you or maybe that was just my wishful thinking. Lol. God your ego must be skyrocketing by now. Lol. Hindi lang naman sayo ako nag make amends it’s to all those I’ve loved in the past that I may have somehow hurt that I made amends to. I’ve even made amends to your Jayme I’m sorry I just had to since it was the right thing to do. I didn’t tell her details of what happened only that I was a fool to fall for you back then and reciprocated your flirting. She was really kind and told me to forgive myself too her forgiveness meant something to me. And if not for this experience I wouldn’t have probably met her but I wish I met her in a different way. I just saw her by chance in Shang. Hindi naman kita siniraan I guess I really have changed if it was me before I would have made you a monster pero I guess that time I still cared and that wasn’t the reason why I approached her it was really to just say sorry because I made a mistake and I wanted to be responsible for it and face the consequences of my actions. She was God’s Christmas gift to me, her forgiveness. When I saw you that time with Nitin a part of me was scared but I just had to face that fear of seeing you and when I saw you I just really wanted to smile and make you feel that it was over that I was okay. I wanted to handle it maturely I don’t like how it feels when you see a person that meant something to you in the past and pretend as if the person didn’t exist to me that is just so juvenile. I know I would often do that because it’s easier but when it’s over it’s okay to face the person in a way you somehow shared something together. Thank you for making your choice and not using my weakness against me anymore. I’ve managed to move on much easier and managed to still follow my heart. I have my own little art place where I’m surrounded by art and I will be teaching it too. I love the kids from last summer. I feel that with this I can do many things and make more changes I will not be limited by others. I’m sure there will still be those kinds of things but my dream is to help as much and as many. Daming pobreng artist dyan so I plan to market them internationally. How? Well I know that I will figure that out. You’ve been haunting me since we last saw each other you’ve been coming in and out of my dreams buti sana if you’re happy in my dreams eh hindi you’re still that disturbed person I know. I hope not, so I thought maybe I just needed to do this because I’ve wanted to do so just waiting for the right time.
I don’t expect us to be friends I only want peace in our hearts…I’ve forgiven you too I just wanted you to know that also. I’m happy being single for now (I think yun part na for now lang baka kasi longer hehe). I’m not bitter I can’t wait to fall in love again but I’ve managed to turn all those energy into something productive. Honestly everything is just calm even my spirits so I’m making the most of what I can do without having to worry about someone else medyo liberating yun feeling. With this experience hopefully I’ve tamed my own monsters. Max of two pages lang ang promise ko sa sarili ko so let me end this with wishes, hopes and prayers for you. i’m happy Brian that you’re happy. Give Jona the love that she deserves and don’t let those monsters of yours creep in. Forgive and be forgiven. Love without inhibitions. Let go of the past. You deserve to be happy!
Thanks,
Maya