You wouldn't know love if you don't know how it is to hurt...
Sometimes moments of realization will just hit you and you get stunned realizing how your foolishness has affected a big part of you. I guess that’s better than not realizing it after all. This year I didn’t start my year with a new year’s resolution list thinking that truth is it’s really just a list. When you want change to happen it doesn’t have to be a new year to make that change so I decided not to. I have not been writing since I’m quite preoccupied with my little art place. I’ve not done much in my life but this is one of the things that really made me proud of myself. One of which that really made me happy too. So what made me writing tonight? Now that I’m a little bit more relaxed I had a window to reflect on the past. The ecstasy of the feeling of being blessed has not warned off that I still feel really peaceful inside out. I just have a way of putting myself into perspective and the best way is really counting my blessings. I sometimes fear losing this feeling because I don’t want to go back to that miserable state wherein you just feel restless and that doing foolish things is justifiable by reason. When I say foolish things it’s actions that you yourself would disagree with but end up doing for reasons only acceptable to the heart but not acceptable to most. The negative side of foolish like there’s a positive side to it but I guess to me there is. Like singing in the rain or dancing crazily when no one is looking. Because I’m a believer of everything happens for a reason I try to live life letting go of all inhibitions the past may bring.
I just remembered this conversation with a friend I had over coffee. He was telling me about his life’s problems and most of it really was about his heart. Affairs of the heart something I can’t really say that I’m an expert with but I can say I had my fair share of experience to have a say about it. Anyways having that conversation with him just made me think how miserably sad I was last year and that not getting myself involved with anyone seemed like the best decision I’ve made for myself for the mean time. As much as I would want to I’m really an idealist when it comes to relationships but fail in having my ideal one. Am I being cynical? I really am not it’s really just that I’ve burned myself too much from my last so called relationship that getting involved somehow scares me that I really had to make changes in my life to protect myself from falling in the same kind of trap. And here I was sharing with him my thoughts about love. His fear was what if I would never feel this way again with confidence I told him he will. Like I believed it was true that I could fall again. It’s funny when I said well on my end if it doesn’t happen I can always take care of my parents and he goes and tells me nah one of this days some guy will sweep you of your feet and fall head over heels again and I just said maybe. I just don’t want to think about it right now I’m contented with how life has turned out for the past few month and I really don’t want anything to distract me from what I’m trying to do and achieve. This time maybe I want to be selfish and the giving part will only go as far as family and friends. It’s nice to be able to shed some light because of your own experiences. Truthfully seeing him going through his heartache often makes me laugh since I know how foolish I might have looked in the past and that it will pass. Now I have my life to laugh about. I only hope he doesn’t become hurtful because he was hurt because some with result to that so they wouldn’t get hurt again. But you wouldn’t know love if you didn’t know how it was to hurt.
I just remembered this conversation with a friend I had over coffee. He was telling me about his life’s problems and most of it really was about his heart. Affairs of the heart something I can’t really say that I’m an expert with but I can say I had my fair share of experience to have a say about it. Anyways having that conversation with him just made me think how miserably sad I was last year and that not getting myself involved with anyone seemed like the best decision I’ve made for myself for the mean time. As much as I would want to I’m really an idealist when it comes to relationships but fail in having my ideal one. Am I being cynical? I really am not it’s really just that I’ve burned myself too much from my last so called relationship that getting involved somehow scares me that I really had to make changes in my life to protect myself from falling in the same kind of trap. And here I was sharing with him my thoughts about love. His fear was what if I would never feel this way again with confidence I told him he will. Like I believed it was true that I could fall again. It’s funny when I said well on my end if it doesn’t happen I can always take care of my parents and he goes and tells me nah one of this days some guy will sweep you of your feet and fall head over heels again and I just said maybe. I just don’t want to think about it right now I’m contented with how life has turned out for the past few month and I really don’t want anything to distract me from what I’m trying to do and achieve. This time maybe I want to be selfish and the giving part will only go as far as family and friends. It’s nice to be able to shed some light because of your own experiences. Truthfully seeing him going through his heartache often makes me laugh since I know how foolish I might have looked in the past and that it will pass. Now I have my life to laugh about. I only hope he doesn’t become hurtful because he was hurt because some with result to that so they wouldn’t get hurt again. But you wouldn’t know love if you didn’t know how it was to hurt.