Blah!
This has probably been one of the worst weeks of my life. As i'm sure everyone knows Marshall and I have broken up, which is a very painful situation. As far as to why it happened it was basically because I didn't feel like I was worth anything to him. He never gave up anything to be with me. I was what I consider a "convenient" girlfriend. I didnt want a boyfriend who only hung out with me after he did everything he wanted to do. I mean, I know that I shouldn't come first and formost all the time, but this is how it was all the time.
Within the last few months we had the talk about how he needs to give me more attention and actually make me feel like I am worth something to him, and the sad part is that within the last month, he was doing so much better. The problem was was that I was already over it. To long I felt like I wasn't worth anything to him, so when he finally changed all I could think about was the he was doing it just so I wouldn't break up with him. Like he did every time before and went straight back to ignoring me until was was convenient to hang out with me once I was comfortable.
So basically after a few years of being pushed to the side and everything else he did to hurt me, I slowly lost that spark that was between us. I felt like when he did do something nice it was because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. And when something nice was done all I would do was cling to that one nice thing until the next nice thing came along. So I broke it off. I will always care about him, he was such a big part of my life, but I feel like I deserve better now. I feel like a very selfish person for breaking up with hem because I think that I just might deserve better, but then I think about how selfish he has been our entire relationship and I figure maybe its my turn.
And thats the story. God I miss him, but I just don't want to feel worthless any longer, even though thats exactly what I feel like right now. Worthless and alone.
Within the last few months we had the talk about how he needs to give me more attention and actually make me feel like I am worth something to him, and the sad part is that within the last month, he was doing so much better. The problem was was that I was already over it. To long I felt like I wasn't worth anything to him, so when he finally changed all I could think about was the he was doing it just so I wouldn't break up with him. Like he did every time before and went straight back to ignoring me until was was convenient to hang out with me once I was comfortable.
So basically after a few years of being pushed to the side and everything else he did to hurt me, I slowly lost that spark that was between us. I felt like when he did do something nice it was because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. And when something nice was done all I would do was cling to that one nice thing until the next nice thing came along. So I broke it off. I will always care about him, he was such a big part of my life, but I feel like I deserve better now. I feel like a very selfish person for breaking up with hem because I think that I just might deserve better, but then I think about how selfish he has been our entire relationship and I figure maybe its my turn.
And thats the story. God I miss him, but I just don't want to feel worthless any longer, even though thats exactly what I feel like right now. Worthless and alone.