(no subject)
i was thinking about actually getting a physical journal. i was in atomic books looking for one and couldn't find one. they were all too trendy.
i think if i actually got a journal i would encounter the same problem that i do when i want to put something down in those lovely leather bundles of joy (moleskines!). so if i get a journal it has to be nondescript. not one of those elaborate leather ones from b&n. those turn me off. it's like they beckon you to write your memoir in them. i think the b&n manufactured leather journals are posers. real posers. if i get a leather journal it will be made from elk hide, cured by the sami people of the laplands. REAL leather. REAL people.
what was that movie about the book and ewan mcgregor and his skin?
i'll take one of those.
i was on amazon today...i added a million books to my cart. i want to get books on writing fiction. i want to write children's books. i also put books of fairytale illustration (kay nielsen, to be exact). other books: francesca woodman, fairy and elves and the victorian consciousness, 18th century fashions of france, more fairy/elf books, and maybe a kinky read or two.
oh man. my hair smells amazing. i just got it cut and i feel like amelie. i thought about calling j. for coffee. he's such a terrible kisser though. blah.
things between D. and i have come to end (for now at least). i'm sad about it, but it wasn't in my best interest to involve myself with him. he was a no-show friend, a self-absorbed business partner, and a hot and cold lover. he is all ego. i used to be able to list all the wonderful things about him, but now i can't think of one. i don't like who i am when i interact with him. i feel pathetic because i hold back on what i really want to say because i am afraid of his ego being set off.
i feel pathetic for pursuing a boy, a child - for pursuing someone whose ego is so dominant that he can NEVER get off his cloud and try to relate to me when i ask him for anything. consolation. if i try to ask him to see things the way i see them he won't even budge. he'll just give me the "tough shit" speech. i'm not overly sensitive for having a problem with that, i just have no time for people who don't put out.
he contacted me on sunday and completely patronized me. blah. i don't even feel like writing about him anymore. he doesn't deserve any more attention. he would like it too much.
i don't love him for the reasons normal people do. i love him because there is this undeniable urge to reconnect. my soul knows and remembers him, and now i do too. i know that this is hardly the first time we've met. it's the eighth.
he can't remember me. he's so wrapped up in himself and his backwards view of protection and love and relationship that he has cut himself off from that part of his soul.
it's tragic being the only one who remembers. if i ever told him, then he'd REALLY think i was crazy nutso.
oh balls.
i feel like adorning my post with the word "soul" makes me sound so emo...need synonym for soul.
hrmph.
i think if i actually got a journal i would encounter the same problem that i do when i want to put something down in those lovely leather bundles of joy (moleskines!). so if i get a journal it has to be nondescript. not one of those elaborate leather ones from b&n. those turn me off. it's like they beckon you to write your memoir in them. i think the b&n manufactured leather journals are posers. real posers. if i get a leather journal it will be made from elk hide, cured by the sami people of the laplands. REAL leather. REAL people.
what was that movie about the book and ewan mcgregor and his skin?
i'll take one of those.
i was on amazon today...i added a million books to my cart. i want to get books on writing fiction. i want to write children's books. i also put books of fairytale illustration (kay nielsen, to be exact). other books: francesca woodman, fairy and elves and the victorian consciousness, 18th century fashions of france, more fairy/elf books, and maybe a kinky read or two.
oh man. my hair smells amazing. i just got it cut and i feel like amelie. i thought about calling j. for coffee. he's such a terrible kisser though. blah.
things between D. and i have come to end (for now at least). i'm sad about it, but it wasn't in my best interest to involve myself with him. he was a no-show friend, a self-absorbed business partner, and a hot and cold lover. he is all ego. i used to be able to list all the wonderful things about him, but now i can't think of one. i don't like who i am when i interact with him. i feel pathetic because i hold back on what i really want to say because i am afraid of his ego being set off.
i feel pathetic for pursuing a boy, a child - for pursuing someone whose ego is so dominant that he can NEVER get off his cloud and try to relate to me when i ask him for anything. consolation. if i try to ask him to see things the way i see them he won't even budge. he'll just give me the "tough shit" speech. i'm not overly sensitive for having a problem with that, i just have no time for people who don't put out.
he contacted me on sunday and completely patronized me. blah. i don't even feel like writing about him anymore. he doesn't deserve any more attention. he would like it too much.
i don't love him for the reasons normal people do. i love him because there is this undeniable urge to reconnect. my soul knows and remembers him, and now i do too. i know that this is hardly the first time we've met. it's the eighth.
he can't remember me. he's so wrapped up in himself and his backwards view of protection and love and relationship that he has cut himself off from that part of his soul.
it's tragic being the only one who remembers. if i ever told him, then he'd REALLY think i was crazy nutso.
oh balls.
i feel like adorning my post with the word "soul" makes me sound so emo...need synonym for soul.
hrmph.