Sabatoged by My Own Unconsciousness
Okay, that's it. I need to stop dreaming.
Really. I need to stop eating before bed, I need to stop hitting the snooze button. I need to be twice as dilligent with the meds. Anything that stops my dreams.
They are seriously driving me completely insane.
For the most part I enjoy dreaming. I tend to have very vivid and memorable dreams, averaging about two per night that I can remember for at least 15 minutes after I've awoken. Sometimes longer. Sometimes bits of the dream linger with me for the entire day, sometimes even longer. I've had dreams span over multiple periods of consciousness - either continued after being awoken in the middle of the night or even from one night to the next.
I've usually been rather pleased with this. They've helped me sort through my thoughts and point out issues I'd been otherwise ignoring in my real life. And they're just plain interesting.
But lately more often than not my dreams have been troubling me. Not because of anything disturbing happening in the dream. No nightmares. Nothing of the sort.
Because at least half of them are centered around one person from my distant past... Ryan.
He's not someone I think about in my waking hours, or at least not until my subconscious drags him back to the front of my mind. We didn't part on good terms. I broke off our engagement to date Thomas - and I have long considered dating Thomas one of the absolute worst choices of my entire life. I haven't stayed in any sort of contact with Ryan. I'm vaguely aware from the last time I tried Googling him that he lives out in Philadelphia and seems to be doing well for himself. The last time I talked to him was before Nick had even moved in with me in Pittsburgh. It was a weird conversation and I think he was pretty drunk. And that was it.
I'm not even sure I can describe why these dreams bother me so much, but they do. Perhaps because they are very vivid almost to the point where they start to feel like the real world. Usually I can recognize that I'm in a dream. But nearly all of my dreams lately (even those not feature Mr. Coleman) blur the line with reality. I've done mundane things - gone to work, changed diapers, picked veggies from the garden - and they all felt perfectly real. So much so, in fact, that I've been confused recently about what has really happened versus what I have merely dreamed.
It needs to stop because it's majorly messing with my waking mindset.
Suggestions?
Really. I need to stop eating before bed, I need to stop hitting the snooze button. I need to be twice as dilligent with the meds. Anything that stops my dreams.
They are seriously driving me completely insane.
For the most part I enjoy dreaming. I tend to have very vivid and memorable dreams, averaging about two per night that I can remember for at least 15 minutes after I've awoken. Sometimes longer. Sometimes bits of the dream linger with me for the entire day, sometimes even longer. I've had dreams span over multiple periods of consciousness - either continued after being awoken in the middle of the night or even from one night to the next.
I've usually been rather pleased with this. They've helped me sort through my thoughts and point out issues I'd been otherwise ignoring in my real life. And they're just plain interesting.
But lately more often than not my dreams have been troubling me. Not because of anything disturbing happening in the dream. No nightmares. Nothing of the sort.
Because at least half of them are centered around one person from my distant past... Ryan.
He's not someone I think about in my waking hours, or at least not until my subconscious drags him back to the front of my mind. We didn't part on good terms. I broke off our engagement to date Thomas - and I have long considered dating Thomas one of the absolute worst choices of my entire life. I haven't stayed in any sort of contact with Ryan. I'm vaguely aware from the last time I tried Googling him that he lives out in Philadelphia and seems to be doing well for himself. The last time I talked to him was before Nick had even moved in with me in Pittsburgh. It was a weird conversation and I think he was pretty drunk. And that was it.
I'm not even sure I can describe why these dreams bother me so much, but they do. Perhaps because they are very vivid almost to the point where they start to feel like the real world. Usually I can recognize that I'm in a dream. But nearly all of my dreams lately (even those not feature Mr. Coleman) blur the line with reality. I've done mundane things - gone to work, changed diapers, picked veggies from the garden - and they all felt perfectly real. So much so, in fact, that I've been confused recently about what has really happened versus what I have merely dreamed.
It needs to stop because it's majorly messing with my waking mindset.
Suggestions?