zzzzzzzzzzzz.....
I'm getting tired, tired, tired
worn thin, worn out, worn in.
it feels like forever since I've seen you,
maybe because I've become so lost in all this.
All this pretense and preparation
this capitalist liberal conglomeration.
I love it here but hate me sometimes
because I am different when I'm mine.
This unknown owns me when I'm here
takes my soul and molds it to its will.
You feel so distant when you are also owned;
I sometimes wonder if we'll be returned
without stains, missing tags, or wrinkles.
this could be merely mental survival mode
I could be imagining the overpriced tags.
It's no use though
I'm too tired to convey.
And you're too fast asleep for me to relay.
(I need to do laundry. And buy more pants.)
(this is for me, this is for me, this is not for you I said. you forgot a comma. but don't tell, so did I. don't forget to say 'et al.' and alphabetize. after all, arbitrary useless rules are what we are built on. don't say sir or miss or ma'am- hold your breath and think they won't see you. i don't even know what I'm writing. maybe its because I'm delusional. teach me French, your romance language. build me a castle that does not exist. don't let me be in control. don't follow me. join me. I'm too young for these joints to ache. too young to know anything but old enough to know more than you. relentless nothingness. stripes of color, stripes of gray. tell me what you have to say....but don't require me to listen. all I want is a room of my own. one that you can come into but not belong. oh. shampoo and space, trash and noise, hair and seats, beds and sheets, milk and cookies, school and movies. grass. leaves. sunsets. clouds. warmth. trapped. blankets. body. bed. broken alarm. heaven. sleep. sleep. peace.
morning
two hour breakfast after being held by you
or
incessant beeping, scrambling, hunger, cramps, thirst, anxiousness, hurried, fatigued, lonely, empowered, endless work)
do I ever make sense? ha. of course not. don't try to understand this garbled mess. it was not intended to be so.
ha. I told you to stop trying. just stop.
worn thin, worn out, worn in.
it feels like forever since I've seen you,
maybe because I've become so lost in all this.
All this pretense and preparation
this capitalist liberal conglomeration.
I love it here but hate me sometimes
because I am different when I'm mine.
This unknown owns me when I'm here
takes my soul and molds it to its will.
You feel so distant when you are also owned;
I sometimes wonder if we'll be returned
without stains, missing tags, or wrinkles.
this could be merely mental survival mode
I could be imagining the overpriced tags.
It's no use though
I'm too tired to convey.
And you're too fast asleep for me to relay.
(I need to do laundry. And buy more pants.)
(this is for me, this is for me, this is not for you I said. you forgot a comma. but don't tell, so did I. don't forget to say 'et al.' and alphabetize. after all, arbitrary useless rules are what we are built on. don't say sir or miss or ma'am- hold your breath and think they won't see you. i don't even know what I'm writing. maybe its because I'm delusional. teach me French, your romance language. build me a castle that does not exist. don't let me be in control. don't follow me. join me. I'm too young for these joints to ache. too young to know anything but old enough to know more than you. relentless nothingness. stripes of color, stripes of gray. tell me what you have to say....but don't require me to listen. all I want is a room of my own. one that you can come into but not belong. oh. shampoo and space, trash and noise, hair and seats, beds and sheets, milk and cookies, school and movies. grass. leaves. sunsets. clouds. warmth. trapped. blankets. body. bed. broken alarm. heaven. sleep. sleep. peace.
morning
two hour breakfast after being held by you
or
incessant beeping, scrambling, hunger, cramps, thirst, anxiousness, hurried, fatigued, lonely, empowered, endless work)
do I ever make sense? ha. of course not. don't try to understand this garbled mess. it was not intended to be so.
ha. I told you to stop trying. just stop.