Random Thought
Yesterday I discovered something. I want a friend that knows when to ask me if I'm ok, one that knows how I will react to certain things and confront it. I also want one that is equally honest and open with me in the way that I am to them. Someone who will let me in to who they really are, have been, and are trying to be. I want someone who pushes me to be better without knowing they're doing it.
The strange thing is, I have some amazing friends that have done a lot for me...but this kind of friendship I refer to is something I have yet to really experience. Aaron is the closest out of my friends that I talk to and see regularly. Alicia is wondefully defensive of me and is great at validating my feelings. Erin is great to hang out with and was patient with me most of the time when I was scared after the break-in for a long time. Fay tries to be encouraging. But there is often something missing with each of these relationships (on different levels at different times, and not that I expect anything to be perfect). Lauren is the closest I've been to the things I described at first...the closest to that kind of emotional connection. I feel more comfortably vulnerable with her than anyone else I think sometimes. Ironically, she is currently in France and I rarely saw or talked to her while she was here. Even when I did, I had to pursue contact because she tends to not be incredibly social. Supposedly, we are going to have weekly phone dates on Monday nights/afternoons now (She's 6 hours ahead in France).
I talked to her about so many things on Monday night. It was nice. It felt good.
Just to clarify, I'm not complaining about any of the people in my life. I love them all and am grateful for them. But I do wish sometimes....
Maybe relationships with that kind of connection are meant to be elusive- like a breath of fresh air when they come back into your lifes for a little while. Maybe I ask for too much.
But when I left that classroom Tuesday and Thursday, I wish someone had known to ask.
The strange thing is, I have some amazing friends that have done a lot for me...but this kind of friendship I refer to is something I have yet to really experience. Aaron is the closest out of my friends that I talk to and see regularly. Alicia is wondefully defensive of me and is great at validating my feelings. Erin is great to hang out with and was patient with me most of the time when I was scared after the break-in for a long time. Fay tries to be encouraging. But there is often something missing with each of these relationships (on different levels at different times, and not that I expect anything to be perfect). Lauren is the closest I've been to the things I described at first...the closest to that kind of emotional connection. I feel more comfortably vulnerable with her than anyone else I think sometimes. Ironically, she is currently in France and I rarely saw or talked to her while she was here. Even when I did, I had to pursue contact because she tends to not be incredibly social. Supposedly, we are going to have weekly phone dates on Monday nights/afternoons now (She's 6 hours ahead in France).
I talked to her about so many things on Monday night. It was nice. It felt good.
Just to clarify, I'm not complaining about any of the people in my life. I love them all and am grateful for them. But I do wish sometimes....
Maybe relationships with that kind of connection are meant to be elusive- like a breath of fresh air when they come back into your lifes for a little while. Maybe I ask for too much.
But when I left that classroom Tuesday and Thursday, I wish someone had known to ask.