I Never Would Have Thought...
Never in a million years would I have dreamed I would be where I am now or in a situation such as this...
Not that I really knew what I would become or exactly where it would lead, but I this is just bizarre to me. Not that I don't like where things are, just they are not where I would have imagined them. At present I have been living with my boyfriend Dave and Jason one of my dearest and closest friends (also an ex) for over a year. I love them both dearly, but in very different ways and for every different things. I feel like my family is torn (not my blood family my family of friends). Sam is living in AZ trying to pursue his medical degrees, Jeanna is in CO with Anthony trying to finish becoming a paralegal and living the life of an Army Wife. I miss them. Nina and Tristan have been gone for almost 2 years now and are on the brink of divorce. Much changes as much as it stays the same.
I witnessed something disturbing tonight. I saw Jason crying because he was overwhelmed with emotion for no apparent reason. I know he, like myself is an empath. I've always seen him display such control over his ability, but tonight he lost it. He was bawling on the couch in the living room while we were watching Being Human, whilst the vampire killed his creator. I've NEVER seen this side of Jason. To solve the problem he polished off a bottle of wine and took a bath. Right now he is existing in some state between alive and asleep filling in the black on his would be crow tattoo drawing he has been working on. It worries me to see him like this. He says it might be because of the new moon. The only other thing he could be picking up on is me. I've been dealing with some serious depression lately. I've been doing my best to block it but it is only recently starting to dissipate. Maybe he's picking up on the emotions my hormones are sending out (fucking girl problems fucking with my normal chemistry!).
This out burst we was having, I could tell he was trying to hide it or hold it back, but he couldn't stop. The whole thing reminded me of when dave has his emotional breakdowns or sorrow every so often. Seeing Jason's usual stoic nature unravel in a sea of tears is nothing short of confounding and sadly beautiful. Strange how I see beauty in his breakdown. Maybe it's because it reminds me he is just as human as me, though he would almost lead be to think he was yoda! All I wanted to do was to wrap my arms around him and tell him to let it all go, let it all out. But my being near him made him feel more ill at ease, so I redrew the lines of boundary and gave him his space. I love Jason like a brother, and I wish there was something I could do to help him find his calm.
Hell, who am I kidding I can't find my own calm right now, though tonight I am slightly more together than I have been in a while. Feel better Jason, know that I would gladly take all your pain if it meant you could find your happy place again. :-)
Not that I really knew what I would become or exactly where it would lead, but I this is just bizarre to me. Not that I don't like where things are, just they are not where I would have imagined them. At present I have been living with my boyfriend Dave and Jason one of my dearest and closest friends (also an ex) for over a year. I love them both dearly, but in very different ways and for every different things. I feel like my family is torn (not my blood family my family of friends). Sam is living in AZ trying to pursue his medical degrees, Jeanna is in CO with Anthony trying to finish becoming a paralegal and living the life of an Army Wife. I miss them. Nina and Tristan have been gone for almost 2 years now and are on the brink of divorce. Much changes as much as it stays the same.
I witnessed something disturbing tonight. I saw Jason crying because he was overwhelmed with emotion for no apparent reason. I know he, like myself is an empath. I've always seen him display such control over his ability, but tonight he lost it. He was bawling on the couch in the living room while we were watching Being Human, whilst the vampire killed his creator. I've NEVER seen this side of Jason. To solve the problem he polished off a bottle of wine and took a bath. Right now he is existing in some state between alive and asleep filling in the black on his would be crow tattoo drawing he has been working on. It worries me to see him like this. He says it might be because of the new moon. The only other thing he could be picking up on is me. I've been dealing with some serious depression lately. I've been doing my best to block it but it is only recently starting to dissipate. Maybe he's picking up on the emotions my hormones are sending out (fucking girl problems fucking with my normal chemistry!).
This out burst we was having, I could tell he was trying to hide it or hold it back, but he couldn't stop. The whole thing reminded me of when dave has his emotional breakdowns or sorrow every so often. Seeing Jason's usual stoic nature unravel in a sea of tears is nothing short of confounding and sadly beautiful. Strange how I see beauty in his breakdown. Maybe it's because it reminds me he is just as human as me, though he would almost lead be to think he was yoda! All I wanted to do was to wrap my arms around him and tell him to let it all go, let it all out. But my being near him made him feel more ill at ease, so I redrew the lines of boundary and gave him his space. I love Jason like a brother, and I wish there was something I could do to help him find his calm.
Hell, who am I kidding I can't find my own calm right now, though tonight I am slightly more together than I have been in a while. Feel better Jason, know that I would gladly take all your pain if it meant you could find your happy place again. :-)