(no subject)
wow.
about seven months since last update.
i think i'm going through a crisis.
i need so desperately to talk to people.
see my friends.
but...i dunno.
i messed up.
no one returns calls.
no one comes up to see me. which in some cases is understandable. gas is expensive.
i don't go to the valley much for that reason. that and my radiator fan died so i can't drive very long without my car overheating.
my car parts die seasonally.
defroster in winter, fan in summer.
but i feel like i'm drowning.
i feel...like everyone else must have when i became a hermit.
and it hurts.
i didn't get it before.
but i do now.
...i really do.
i've never felt so alone.
and i'm scared.
oddly enough...i'm thinking of alyx right now. for some reason, she is who i want to see most right now.
probably because she'd bitch me out and tell me straight up that i suck but love me anyhow.
i know kaylee is lost to me. jesus she is so far gone to me i'm amazed i know her phone number. is a helio still a phone? should i call it a helio number? i am so out of touch with life haha.
but i want miranda back. i want alyx back. i want sami and tabitha and rachelle and anna back.
but i don't know how. i feel like a little kid who broke something large and expensive and now has to tell her parents about it. talking to them would be the right thing to do, but the thought of getting yelled at is making me hesitant.
boo and poop.
about seven months since last update.
i think i'm going through a crisis.
i need so desperately to talk to people.
see my friends.
but...i dunno.
i messed up.
no one returns calls.
no one comes up to see me. which in some cases is understandable. gas is expensive.
i don't go to the valley much for that reason. that and my radiator fan died so i can't drive very long without my car overheating.
my car parts die seasonally.
defroster in winter, fan in summer.
but i feel like i'm drowning.
i feel...like everyone else must have when i became a hermit.
and it hurts.
i didn't get it before.
but i do now.
...i really do.
i've never felt so alone.
and i'm scared.
oddly enough...i'm thinking of alyx right now. for some reason, she is who i want to see most right now.
probably because she'd bitch me out and tell me straight up that i suck but love me anyhow.
i know kaylee is lost to me. jesus she is so far gone to me i'm amazed i know her phone number. is a helio still a phone? should i call it a helio number? i am so out of touch with life haha.
but i want miranda back. i want alyx back. i want sami and tabitha and rachelle and anna back.
but i don't know how. i feel like a little kid who broke something large and expensive and now has to tell her parents about it. talking to them would be the right thing to do, but the thought of getting yelled at is making me hesitant.
boo and poop.