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May 31, 2005 22:33

Love, excitement, happiness and enthusiasm. These are just a few notable human emotions that are naturally fabricated lies that keep us alive. They are motivations that drive human survival - no more, no less. So what makes humanity imbue a deeper meaning upon these concepts? Is it a hope that there is more to life then simple survival and reproduction? Indeed, there are countless spiritual human manifestations found in human culture. These mythological gods and goddesses allow for the emotions listed to rise above simple instinct into divinity. So then it can be said that emotions offer a form of survival both natural and spiritual. The positive emotions of love, excitement, happiness and enthusiasm are geared to be objectives that we try to attain. The emotions of hate, loneliness and apathy are emotions condemned by both nature and religion. I am a condemned man. I have found myself in a pit of loneliness, and in it I have sewn the seeds of bitterness and hatred. Bitterness so strong that I hardly wish to socialize anymore - damn those who have driven me into this hell of isolation. Hatred for the world that denies me love and companionship. It is a lamentable experience to never feel loved, not even by one’s own parents. Then friends betrayed me and reminded me that good things do not happen to good people; karma is a dangerous misconception - as kindness and compassion will only leave one vulnerable to wickedness. I used to think myself old fashioned, stubborn with a big heart. The only place those attributes led was a world of misery. In my misguided generosity I have allowed myself to be walked upon till I was beaten into the tattered remains of a soul. Once I was dedicated to goodness and humanity, I would go to all ends to help most people. But people are evil creatures, and would only take advantage of my nature. So now I must change - I can not let people get in the way of my own ambitions - because I am the only person who can help myself and the past has proven no one else will. I have to learn to take what I want instead of sharing, because if I share, everything will only be taken away. I have to learn to forget those petty survival tools like love - because seeking love will only get in the way of my ambition - there is no room for love when you replace loneliness with aspirations. These are the things I must learn in life, because if I don’t I will only remain in this pit of hopelessness until life is unbearable. I must change, it will be hard but it is the only thing that can save me now. The world is a dark place for those who open their hearts to it. Build walls or the world will eat away at your soul until you are nothing but a shell of a human. If my new path in life damns me to hell so be it, for I would rather be condemned to hell then be in a heaven where I have been forgotten. The first step I must take is to cut off such frivolous social ventures such as this, sharing my thoughts is just another weakness. So with that I leave this place, this will be my last entry - goodbye.
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