This feeling, like moldy cheese
I feel like, if I shake myself hard enough, I'll wake up and discover that my life isn't real. As if it was all just a huge mistake, and in my real life, it's all been made right. Hugs mean something, the words I Love You are bigger, and friends aren't things you can leave behind.
There are words I can't say out loud, not even to myself. And it makes me feel like I was once ripped inside, and the words escaped, and now they no longer exist inside my body and I'll never be able to say them again. Where my heart was, is nothing but a tear, edges fluttering softly in the air.
But in spite of this hole...there's so much emotion flowing in me. I just don't know how to express it. I want to cry, but I haven't cried in years. I want to scream, but my lungs are empty from disuse. I want to talk, to spill, to melt into someone else and become a new being, but I'm afraid of what I might say. Is it all my fault?
In two weeks I begin Chapter Three. And I don't know how to feel. There are so many people here who are a part of my life, big and small, and that I am able to just drive off into the sunrise without them feels like a terrible thing. Like that ability makes me a terrible person. Because I know, no matter how often I say I'll call, that I won't. And I won't need to. And they won't need me too, no matter how much they say they do.
If people can live without each other, then what is the point of relationships at all? People come into your life, and they exit, and it all happens so quickly. And once they're gone, they are so rarely thought of. In twenty years, I won't remember much of my life here. So then what was the point?
I know that this is just a stupid funk I'm in, but I feel so lost. In an hour, this feeling will probably be gone, and then I'll wonder what was the point of this post, Ha Ha Ha. All of life is irony. And it makes me feel insignificant.
And I'm making no sense.
There are words I can't say out loud, not even to myself. And it makes me feel like I was once ripped inside, and the words escaped, and now they no longer exist inside my body and I'll never be able to say them again. Where my heart was, is nothing but a tear, edges fluttering softly in the air.
But in spite of this hole...there's so much emotion flowing in me. I just don't know how to express it. I want to cry, but I haven't cried in years. I want to scream, but my lungs are empty from disuse. I want to talk, to spill, to melt into someone else and become a new being, but I'm afraid of what I might say. Is it all my fault?
In two weeks I begin Chapter Three. And I don't know how to feel. There are so many people here who are a part of my life, big and small, and that I am able to just drive off into the sunrise without them feels like a terrible thing. Like that ability makes me a terrible person. Because I know, no matter how often I say I'll call, that I won't. And I won't need to. And they won't need me too, no matter how much they say they do.
If people can live without each other, then what is the point of relationships at all? People come into your life, and they exit, and it all happens so quickly. And once they're gone, they are so rarely thought of. In twenty years, I won't remember much of my life here. So then what was the point?
I know that this is just a stupid funk I'm in, but I feel so lost. In an hour, this feeling will probably be gone, and then I'll wonder what was the point of this post, Ha Ha Ha. All of life is irony. And it makes me feel insignificant.
And I'm making no sense.