(no subject)
i am so sick of working.
i wish i could just... not.
i am tired and stressed.
my health is becoming shit, and it's getting harder to deal with.
there are more things i NEED to do,
more things i OUGHT to do
than ever before
and i wish there could just be nothing.
just nothing.
no worries, nowhere to be, nothing to do.
just be.
and smile at my friends and family and be with them all the time, and just have nothing else.
but is there anybody to be with anymore?
aren't the people i want to be with absent?
are their shells, their skins, the only things present?
they hurt like i hurt.
are occupied like i am occupied,
and drained till they can't be what they want to be.
and our two empty shells meet and make empty conversation.
cause we're tired.
"why can't you SAY anything to me?"
why am i becoming this way?
is this what becoming an adult is like?
why do i have to compare my hurt and my weariness to others' hurt and others' weariness?
why do i judge my own shortcoming so heavily.
can i feel the way i do, and not feel guilt?
can i feel afraid and sad and tired, and not say, "well, they are working more..."
i am what i am, and i feel what i feel.
let that be.
and yet, i tell myself.
i need to work harder.
better.
more.
if i want anything, i need to work at it.
and why.
why is it that the ledger must balance?
can't i ever just take more than my share, and not have to pay the price?
why must i always owe for enjoyment?
i'm so judged. it seems i can never skip my retribution.
even my own body.. even my own body hurts itself because i'm doing what i shouldn't.
my own body delivers recompense upon itself.
and it only makes it harder.
why do things have to be like this?
"(Starved in metropolis
Hooked on necropolis
Addict of metropolis
Do the worm on the acropolis
Slam dance the cosmopolis
Enlighten the populace)
Hungry darkness of living
Who will thirst in the pit?
(Hooked in metropolis)
She spent a lifetime deciding
How to run from it
(Addicts of metropolis)
Once fate had a witness
And the years seemed like friends
(Girlfriends)
Now her child has a dream,
But it begins like the end
(Shot into eternity
Methadone kitty
Iron serenity)"
tomorrow......i should wake up early. and waste time before work doing the things i should.
i wish i could just... not.
i am tired and stressed.
my health is becoming shit, and it's getting harder to deal with.
there are more things i NEED to do,
more things i OUGHT to do
than ever before
and i wish there could just be nothing.
just nothing.
no worries, nowhere to be, nothing to do.
just be.
and smile at my friends and family and be with them all the time, and just have nothing else.
but is there anybody to be with anymore?
aren't the people i want to be with absent?
are their shells, their skins, the only things present?
they hurt like i hurt.
are occupied like i am occupied,
and drained till they can't be what they want to be.
and our two empty shells meet and make empty conversation.
cause we're tired.
"why can't you SAY anything to me?"
why am i becoming this way?
is this what becoming an adult is like?
why do i have to compare my hurt and my weariness to others' hurt and others' weariness?
why do i judge my own shortcoming so heavily.
can i feel the way i do, and not feel guilt?
can i feel afraid and sad and tired, and not say, "well, they are working more..."
i am what i am, and i feel what i feel.
let that be.
and yet, i tell myself.
i need to work harder.
better.
more.
if i want anything, i need to work at it.
and why.
why is it that the ledger must balance?
can't i ever just take more than my share, and not have to pay the price?
why must i always owe for enjoyment?
i'm so judged. it seems i can never skip my retribution.
even my own body.. even my own body hurts itself because i'm doing what i shouldn't.
my own body delivers recompense upon itself.
and it only makes it harder.
why do things have to be like this?
"(Starved in metropolis
Hooked on necropolis
Addict of metropolis
Do the worm on the acropolis
Slam dance the cosmopolis
Enlighten the populace)
Hungry darkness of living
Who will thirst in the pit?
(Hooked in metropolis)
She spent a lifetime deciding
How to run from it
(Addicts of metropolis)
Once fate had a witness
And the years seemed like friends
(Girlfriends)
Now her child has a dream,
But it begins like the end
(Shot into eternity
Methadone kitty
Iron serenity)"
tomorrow......i should wake up early. and waste time before work doing the things i should.