Me being smutty about politics.
Labour
total fight going on here. My boyfriend might not get that dream he's been holding out for, for the last six years or so. AWW. I might not agree with his policies, but he seems devoted and smart, unlike Dr. Flit-from-position-to-postion, or Reid. (FFIPP, for short.) I am not a big fan of FFIPP (even if it is fun to say) and I want Brown to help my adopted country. Heck, maybe he could pick up some international position, and magically fix it all. That'd be alright.
BNP
Well, okay, it's not porn, it's art, I get it. But! Barnbrook, since you are clearly someone who I have very little interest in anyway, I will just giggle at your misstep. See, saying things like "blargh, gay people!" will always, and I mean always, end up on your doorstep in a very surprising package. He might want to ring up Michael Portillo, and Simon Hughes, and Mark Oaten. HAHAH. I should stop being so critical - but no, because these people are supposed to keep my country safe, and hello, upstairs brain needs to be kickstarted.
Lib Dems
YAY! This is terribly sweet, and everyone likes the Lib Dems on some level, and heck, Lambeth! It's local news. Also, out and proud, and fun? Goodbye, creepy people and blackmail potential. I am heartened, and would probably have voted for her, if I could, y'know, vote. Or lived over in her ward. Anyrate, yay.
Warning: I get silly when stressed. Also, I am horribly crude, and should probably keep my smutty little brain locked.
I thought so! I don't think anyone who reads this is as interested in UK politicans as I am, but I will spam you anyway.
So I started listening to The Dixie Chicks's "Goodbye Earl." Ignoring the actual content here for a sec, you have to admit it's a pretty rocking ballad. With the content, the feel-good story of two girls who triumph over an abusive husband is somehow rewarding.
Anyroad, I flip it on, and my brain says "Hey! This is a great allegory for the Labour Cabinet!" Why? It's like Des Browne is Mary-Anne, and Gordon Brown is Wanda! And Tony Blair is Earl, obviously.
Mary-Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
See, they're both Old Labour, and good friends, as they are Scottish and smart. Okay, I am sure they have other things in common as well.
Both members of the 4-H club
Both active in the FFA
Old Labour is all about the unions, people. The NFU (National Farmers's Union) is such big business over here - they actually get consulted on all agricultral legislation, so Defra gets to put up with crazy farmers raging about the beef ban. (but no longer, whee!)
After graduation Maryanne went out
Looking for a bright new world
Browne managed to do a lot of stuff besides the treasury. Solictor, drug offenders's registration, Northern Ireland legislation. Gosh, that last one must be really thankless. I wonder if they organize trips to Stormont, to see Gerry Adams and um, Ian Paisley are getting along yet, and if Bertie Ahern is still *headesk*. Heck, these days Browne's defense, and whoa, major promotion.
Wanda looked all around this town
Well, Brown, now, he is the inveterate Labour politican. He's been a member of the party forever, and even got his own constitutency for a while there - I think it was a "thank you" from the Boundary Comission, for sending them cards at Christmas. I joke, but only a little. He loves politics, and just, they may well be his life.
And all she found was Earl
Brown really helped Blair, pre-1997, to get used to politcs. We all know Blair wasn't much for politics until a few years previous, and needed some serious help. Super!Brown helped out, and probably bought Blair his first properly red tie. Aww, young love!
Well it wasn't two weeks after she got married
That Wanda started getting abused
See, Blair and Brown used to be buddies. And then comes the somewhat shady Granita deal, in 1994, and suddenly, Brown, who has, I will admit it, not much in the way of movie star looks, starts looking really haggard. Blair, of course, charms everyone, and Brown, feeling somewhat small and overshadowed, shrinks into himself.
She put on dark glasses, and long sleeved blouses
And makeup to cover her bruise
I mean it. Really bad. It's a little pathetic, actually. Right when we should all be jumping because Labour is turning itself around, Brown looks like he's having some awful nights. and days, days as well.
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
And yay! say the Brownites, who are the law in my strained metaphor here, we're going to get Blair, he'll be out, Brown'll be in, and there will be punch. And making fun of Blair's ears. Yay, say Jack Straw, Alistar Darling, Ed Balls and John Prescott. Brown smiles in a reassuring way, but this is Brownian for "OMG, YESYESYES! I WIN!"
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care
And Blair? Blair proceeds to...keep the leadership. In typical Blair fashion, he doesn't even make excuses. Just, blammo!
Right away Maryanne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye, midnight flight
Or Stormont, we could work that. Okay, so that flight's like, three hours. Anyrate, while the Brownites are wringing their hands, and berating Alistair Campbell, Browne, note the e, comes to the rescue.
She held Wanda's hand, and they worked out a plan
And it didn't take them long to decide
to keep the UK out of the euro currency! Hah, that is the cleverest joke I will ever make. Browne, as Deputy Chancellor, got to help with the five tests for the single currency. This, I think, kept the UK's economic growth up, although it is debated. Techincally, Browne was still in Immigration at the actual point when currency tests were devised, but Balls is not nearly as fun to write about, and he's off being an real MP these days, and not fit for my big silly ballad.
That Earl had to die...
Oh, Blair! You and your bloated EU. I'll admit that reforming the CAP might have been clever, had you not started on it, like, the week that you were due to be out of the EU leadership. Whatever else you may think about him, that just reeked of political manouvering. I have a grudging respect for it, I guess, but still, no.
Goodbye Earl
Those black eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl
One phrase: CAP. capittycapcapCAP! Brown and Browne are, of course, quietly snickering, as this goes on, in the summer of 2005. Blair totally dug a hole in this one.
You feelin' weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl
Ain't it dark, wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?
The corpse of New Labour will not die. Recently, now, there has been a lot said about how Blair is on the way out, after the egg on his face re: EU, Cabinet, local elections. All tagged and bagged, yo.
The cops came by to bring Earl in
They searched the house high and low
Then they tipped their hats and said thank you ladies
If you hear from him, let us know
Those Brownites! Darling's got Trade and Industry now, Balls has snagged Economic Secretary, Straw is manipulating the Commons, and Prescott is gone, but not without wrecking Blair's name, in the process. They do tip their hats, and make rude gestures at Blairites. And then everyone has a gin and tonic, because Browne knows his way around alcohol, but Straw and Brown don't indulge, and they think about how cool they are.
Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer
And summer faded into the fall
Despite what Blair might like to believe, this will be his legacy. Brown ups the fuel credits, and Blair huffs.
And it turns out he was a missin' person
Who nobody missed at all
And now, really, Blair goes quite quietly. Can anyone remember an exit speech, from any time at all? Heck, I know who Thatcher quoted when she entered, and I wasn't there, in any way.
So the girls bought some land at a road side stand
Down on highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam
Or whatever they eat in Scotland. Scones and kippers? I don't know. Jack McConnell zips by, and waves, and then the Brownies fix the world, and everyone goes YAY!
And they don't lose any sleep at night
Well, everyone except for Blair. But now the Brownies have fixed the planet, and Brown finally gets to watch a football game and not feel like Blair will sidle up and be all "I'm PM, you're not, nyah!"
Cause Earl had to die...
Goodbye Earl
We need a break...
I do. It's late, I am waaay overextending the metaphor, and I have to go to school tomorrow.
Let's go out to the lake Earl
We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl
Is that alright? Good! Let's go for a ride, Earl. Hey!
Two words, under the new Brownie order? PAR-TAY. Seriously, it is two words.
Well, hey hey hey!
Aw, hey hey hey!
Well, hey hey hey
hey, you can never have too much of a good thing.
lyrics from here
here's the song totally cool!
Right, not all of that was factual or serious. Okay, speculating about politicans's private lives? Maybe not the best use of time (ah! essays!) but big fun. pictures to come, whee.
total fight going on here. My boyfriend might not get that dream he's been holding out for, for the last six years or so. AWW. I might not agree with his policies, but he seems devoted and smart, unlike Dr. Flit-from-position-to-postion, or Reid. (FFIPP, for short.) I am not a big fan of FFIPP (even if it is fun to say) and I want Brown to help my adopted country. Heck, maybe he could pick up some international position, and magically fix it all. That'd be alright.
BNP
Well, okay, it's not porn, it's art, I get it. But! Barnbrook, since you are clearly someone who I have very little interest in anyway, I will just giggle at your misstep. See, saying things like "blargh, gay people!" will always, and I mean always, end up on your doorstep in a very surprising package. He might want to ring up Michael Portillo, and Simon Hughes, and Mark Oaten. HAHAH. I should stop being so critical - but no, because these people are supposed to keep my country safe, and hello, upstairs brain needs to be kickstarted.
Lib Dems
YAY! This is terribly sweet, and everyone likes the Lib Dems on some level, and heck, Lambeth! It's local news. Also, out and proud, and fun? Goodbye, creepy people and blackmail potential. I am heartened, and would probably have voted for her, if I could, y'know, vote. Or lived over in her ward. Anyrate, yay.
Warning: I get silly when stressed. Also, I am horribly crude, and should probably keep my smutty little brain locked.
I thought so! I don't think anyone who reads this is as interested in UK politicans as I am, but I will spam you anyway.
So I started listening to The Dixie Chicks's "Goodbye Earl." Ignoring the actual content here for a sec, you have to admit it's a pretty rocking ballad. With the content, the feel-good story of two girls who triumph over an abusive husband is somehow rewarding.
Anyroad, I flip it on, and my brain says "Hey! This is a great allegory for the Labour Cabinet!" Why? It's like Des Browne is Mary-Anne, and Gordon Brown is Wanda! And Tony Blair is Earl, obviously.
Mary-Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All through their high school days
See, they're both Old Labour, and good friends, as they are Scottish and smart. Okay, I am sure they have other things in common as well.
Both members of the 4-H club
Both active in the FFA
Old Labour is all about the unions, people. The NFU (National Farmers's Union) is such big business over here - they actually get consulted on all agricultral legislation, so Defra gets to put up with crazy farmers raging about the beef ban. (but no longer, whee!)
After graduation Maryanne went out
Looking for a bright new world
Browne managed to do a lot of stuff besides the treasury. Solictor, drug offenders's registration, Northern Ireland legislation. Gosh, that last one must be really thankless. I wonder if they organize trips to Stormont, to see Gerry Adams and um, Ian Paisley are getting along yet, and if Bertie Ahern is still *headesk*. Heck, these days Browne's defense, and whoa, major promotion.
Wanda looked all around this town
Well, Brown, now, he is the inveterate Labour politican. He's been a member of the party forever, and even got his own constitutency for a while there - I think it was a "thank you" from the Boundary Comission, for sending them cards at Christmas. I joke, but only a little. He loves politics, and just, they may well be his life.
And all she found was Earl
Brown really helped Blair, pre-1997, to get used to politcs. We all know Blair wasn't much for politics until a few years previous, and needed some serious help. Super!Brown helped out, and probably bought Blair his first properly red tie. Aww, young love!
Well it wasn't two weeks after she got married
That Wanda started getting abused
See, Blair and Brown used to be buddies. And then comes the somewhat shady Granita deal, in 1994, and suddenly, Brown, who has, I will admit it, not much in the way of movie star looks, starts looking really haggard. Blair, of course, charms everyone, and Brown, feeling somewhat small and overshadowed, shrinks into himself.
She put on dark glasses, and long sleeved blouses
And makeup to cover her bruise
I mean it. Really bad. It's a little pathetic, actually. Right when we should all be jumping because Labour is turning itself around, Brown looks like he's having some awful nights. and days, days as well.
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
And yay! say the Brownites, who are the law in my strained metaphor here, we're going to get Blair, he'll be out, Brown'll be in, and there will be punch. And making fun of Blair's ears. Yay, say Jack Straw, Alistar Darling, Ed Balls and John Prescott. Brown smiles in a reassuring way, but this is Brownian for "OMG, YESYESYES! I WIN!"
But Earl walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care
And Blair? Blair proceeds to...keep the leadership. In typical Blair fashion, he doesn't even make excuses. Just, blammo!
Right away Maryanne flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye, midnight flight
Or Stormont, we could work that. Okay, so that flight's like, three hours. Anyrate, while the Brownites are wringing their hands, and berating Alistair Campbell, Browne, note the e, comes to the rescue.
She held Wanda's hand, and they worked out a plan
And it didn't take them long to decide
to keep the UK out of the euro currency! Hah, that is the cleverest joke I will ever make. Browne, as Deputy Chancellor, got to help with the five tests for the single currency. This, I think, kept the UK's economic growth up, although it is debated. Techincally, Browne was still in Immigration at the actual point when currency tests were devised, but Balls is not nearly as fun to write about, and he's off being an real MP these days, and not fit for my big silly ballad.
That Earl had to die...
Oh, Blair! You and your bloated EU. I'll admit that reforming the CAP might have been clever, had you not started on it, like, the week that you were due to be out of the EU leadership. Whatever else you may think about him, that just reeked of political manouvering. I have a grudging respect for it, I guess, but still, no.
Goodbye Earl
Those black eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl
One phrase: CAP. capittycapcapCAP! Brown and Browne are, of course, quietly snickering, as this goes on, in the summer of 2005. Blair totally dug a hole in this one.
You feelin' weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl
Ain't it dark, wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?
The corpse of New Labour will not die. Recently, now, there has been a lot said about how Blair is on the way out, after the egg on his face re: EU, Cabinet, local elections. All tagged and bagged, yo.
The cops came by to bring Earl in
They searched the house high and low
Then they tipped their hats and said thank you ladies
If you hear from him, let us know
Those Brownites! Darling's got Trade and Industry now, Balls has snagged Economic Secretary, Straw is manipulating the Commons, and Prescott is gone, but not without wrecking Blair's name, in the process. They do tip their hats, and make rude gestures at Blairites. And then everyone has a gin and tonic, because Browne knows his way around alcohol, but Straw and Brown don't indulge, and they think about how cool they are.
Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer
And summer faded into the fall
Despite what Blair might like to believe, this will be his legacy. Brown ups the fuel credits, and Blair huffs.
And it turns out he was a missin' person
Who nobody missed at all
And now, really, Blair goes quite quietly. Can anyone remember an exit speech, from any time at all? Heck, I know who Thatcher quoted when she entered, and I wasn't there, in any way.
So the girls bought some land at a road side stand
Down on highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam
Or whatever they eat in Scotland. Scones and kippers? I don't know. Jack McConnell zips by, and waves, and then the Brownies fix the world, and everyone goes YAY!
And they don't lose any sleep at night
Well, everyone except for Blair. But now the Brownies have fixed the planet, and Brown finally gets to watch a football game and not feel like Blair will sidle up and be all "I'm PM, you're not, nyah!"
Cause Earl had to die...
Goodbye Earl
We need a break...
I do. It's late, I am waaay overextending the metaphor, and I have to go to school tomorrow.
Let's go out to the lake Earl
We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl
Is that alright? Good! Let's go for a ride, Earl. Hey!
Two words, under the new Brownie order? PAR-TAY. Seriously, it is two words.
Well, hey hey hey!
Aw, hey hey hey!
Well, hey hey hey
hey, you can never have too much of a good thing.
lyrics from here
here's the song totally cool!
Right, not all of that was factual or serious. Okay, speculating about politicans's private lives? Maybe not the best use of time (ah! essays!) but big fun. pictures to come, whee.