Your bloody fault... is not... is too 4
More silly stuff from Spike and Xander...
Angel is finally getting somewhere with the story, but the question is, does he really want to know?
Spander comedy
"Please, just pick up at the 'complications'," Angel asked before drinking a third glass of scotch. At that point, Wesley reached over and pulled the bottle from Angel's hand. Angel opened his mouth to protest.
"Angel, the last thing we need is you getting drunk and reverting to some of your more anti-social behaviors," Wesley pointed out with a sigh, but Angel didn't miss the way the ex-watcher poured himself a drink before closing the bottle.
"Oi, the ponce can be a hell of a lot of fun when he's piss-drunk and bein' antisocial. Before he went and got a soul he made quite the horny drunk," Spike leered, and Xander made a small chirping sound as he pushed his chair back and, Angel noticed, closer to Spike.
"Oh no. No drunk vampires. Absolutely no drunk vampires. Bad things happen when vampires drink!" Now Xander turned to glare as Spike, and Angel looked longingly toward the scotch that Wesley had put down on the far side of the desk.
"Perhaps one of you should pick up the story from the 'complications'," Wesley suggested as he moved the bottle a bit farther away. Angel waited in horror for the bickering to start, but both men sat silent. When he looked at them, Spike had an expression that could almost pass for guilt, and Xander was nearly glowing red.
"Well, um, these demon-things, and boy were there a lot of demon things in there, but these demon things in the hall kinda caught us right outside the one demon's lair, you know, the demon we'd just killed, and Chips-for-Brains didn't have any sort of explanation or escape plan," Xander blurted.
"Bloody hell, someone needs to buy you a thesaurus," Spike complained softly. "But I'd have been fine if you weren't there," he added with a good deal more venom and a baleful glare.
"Nice, blame me for the lack of brainage. I mean, YOUR lack of brainage because my brain is just fine."
"You're the reason that lot got suspicious. Don't help havin' one of the slayer's minions hanging tagging after me."
"Who knew anyone would recognize me? And HEY, I was not tagging."
"The whole lot of you has brain damage. You've been bloody fightin' with the slayer for four years. Faced down Peaches when he was feeling soul-less. Why the hell wouldn't demons recognize you, ya barmy little nit?"
"Hey!"
"I swear-" Spike stopped in the middle of his sentence, nearly strangling on his own words. Angel sat on his desk with the empty cup in his hand.
"Enough of this," Angel barked as Xander took a breath to continue the attack. "So, you're outside the Maoria's room and some demon or demons stop you. Take it from there," Angel ordered Spike.
"Um, Spike," Xander whispered.
"Not now," Spike snarled. Bloody hell, he'd almost had the lock reset and now he sighed as he pulled the pick out and had to start over.
"Really, Spike, now would be good. Now would be very good. Very, very good." Xander sounded even less coherent than usual, so Spike spared a glance. Right. No use buggering the lock when Peraed's goons were standing there watching. Spike gave his best smile as he leaned back against the door. Xander scooted closer to him when one of the Deevak demons stepped forward.
"What are you doing?" it demanded in a rough voice.
"Thought that was bloody obvious. I'm trying to get into this room. Got some unfinished business with the Maoria in here," Spike bluffed. He didn't really think the bluff would last long, but all he had to do was get them out before the guards called Peraed.
"You come with us," the second guard ordered. Right, there went that plan then, Spike thought as he nodded.
"Not a problem, mate." Unfortunately, Xander was not quite as keen on the plan. When a nudge didn't work, Spike grabbed Xander with one hand on an arm and the other at the human's back.
"Oh, shit," Xander whispered nearly inaudibly. Great, not only would he never make it to the front door with the twit in tow, but now the git went acting all guilty.
"We were guilty, and you don't have to spend so much time making it sound like I was peeing my pants in terror," Xander complained as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively.
"Only tellin' the truth, pet. 'Sides, you didn't pee your pants, so chalk one up for the white knight."
"Just skip ahead to the part with Peraed," Xander said as he glared.
"Please," Angel added. He was on the verge of actually getting somewhere and he really didn't want anything stopping them this close to what sounded like it might be an answer.
"So I have to ask myself why you're still here, Master Spike. Our business was finished last night. You have your money, I have my trinkets," Peraed gestured toward a number of gold and jeweled items displayed in a case. "And yet, you manage to be found trying to break *into* a room where one of my clients just happens to be lying decapitated on the floor.
"That’s between me and the Maoria."
"Obviously not. You killed her in my establishment. Do you have any idea how much damage Maoria guts do to carpeting?"
Xander offered an "Ewwww" at the same time that Spike spoke. "Fine, tell me how much for the carpeting."
"And then there is the matter of your young human," Peraed said, and Spike was glad that the desk separated Xander from the bastard… just because he didn't want to get staked for letting the boy die.
Spike's slip caused Angel to look at Spike with a single raised eyebrow, and Spike took enough time away from his story to flip a two-fingered salute. Angel rolled his eyes. If any two people in the universe deserved each other, it was these two.
"He's not any of your business," Spike growled.
"Several clients have informed me that he belongs to the slayer." At Peraed's words, Xander's heart started pounded furiously.
"He may spend time with her on my orders, but he's mine."
"How interesting. You claim to be using your infirmity to get close the slayer as part of some great scheme. You claim to own a human who has fought beside the slayer against your own sire. You claim to have found other buyers for the trinkets you know I covet." Peraed stood and walked over to the glassed in case where he gazed at the ancient items. "Why do I think you are lying?"
"Because his mouth is open?" Xander barely whispered, and Spike reached over and pinched the boy hard enough to make his own brain ache as the chip went off. Xander stuck out his tongue in response as he rubbed his sore arm.
"Don't care what you believe. Can find other buyers and spend my time in other establishments," Spike said as he stood, and the door to the office immediately opened revealing the two Deevak guards standing there.
"Oh, but I am concerned about my own reputation. So, you will prove to my other clients that I have not allowed a serpent into our little garden."
"And how the bloody hell am I supposed to do that?" Spike demanded as he eyed the guards. Two Deevak demons on his own was tough, but he could do it if he could just run the minute they were down. Bloody slow buggers to get back up after a hit. Of course, it took quite a hit to put them down in the first place. He could never get to the door without Xander being torn to bloody shreds.
"Simple," Peraed offered. "You will take the boy in a bonding ceremony tonight. As soon as you have proved that the others' concerns are baseless, you and your pet are free to go. Until then, you may use our finest suite to prepare for the ceremony." Peraed's words made the world turn yellow as Spike slipped into game face. Soddin' hell, no way the boy would go for that, and then the boy wouldn't be the only one in bloody shreds.
"Spike?" Xander asked from his chair. "Tell me this isn't as bad as he's making it sound because right now I'm nearing freak-out territory. Massive freak outage."
"We'll talk in the room. It's somethin' I never told ya about because it means the slayer'll know you're mine. No more spyin' on her for me if we do this," Spike lied as he put a hand on Xander's shoulder. He noticed the boy didn't jerk away for once.
"Fact is, I don't like you dictating to me. He's mine and as long as I need to spy-"
"Master Spike," Peraed interrupted with hands upheld in a gesture of surrender. "I would normally never get involved, but there are quite a few demons here convinced you are working for the slayer as your sire did before you. Either you claim him, or we will simply assume you have turned against you own kind."
"Bloody-. Fine, I'll claim him," Spike growled darkly as the two guards came into the room. He put a hand under Xander's arm and pulled him upright before storming into the hall with one guard in front and one behind. This was the last bloody time he ever did a favor for the slayer. Not that she'd be asking for favors after she found out what he'd done to Xander to make a bond. If he could make a bond. If the git didn't fight and get them both killed. Some days he hated his bloody unlife.