The Cost of Butterfly Kisses

[lit_gal]

The  Cost of Butterfly Kisses, Part 39
Fandom/Pairing: BtVS, Spike/Xander
Rated: ADULT

STOP:  This is the second chapter of the day!

WTF?  I only have a few episodes left to deal with, but my guys keep adding in more and more scenes. *glaires firmly at the boys*  Yeah, that didn't work.  This story is clearly going to be as long as it wants to be.

( Chapter One... )  ( Chapter Two... ) ( Chapter 14 . )



Rona crossed her arms. "You people are even crazier than her."

Xander sighed. Honestly he just wanted to get the girls to practice swinging big-ass sticks, but he'd learned a long time ago to just not fight the girl-urge to gossip.

"Than who?" he asked obediently, even though he was pretty sure Rona was insulting someone Xander didn't want her insulting. Unless it was Giles. She could insult Giles.

"Buffy, man. I mean, taking us right into the bad guy's lair." Rona looked around at the potentials, and Xander could see their faces, their doubt, their uncertainty. Yeah, he had some doubts himself, but he knew one thing: Buffy was their leader.

"Well, that's where, generally speaking, you'd go to find the bad guy. And I don't think you came here to fight plaque."

Instead of backing down, Rona seemed to verbally set her heels in. "No, I came here for protection."

"Well, you signed on to fight with-"

"Look, I know, but...." She sighed, and Xander could feel the mood in the room shift. One word wrong and the whole gaggle of baby would-bes was going to jump on the next plane for Timbuktu. In general, Xander supported the concept of running for your life. Hey, he support boy when it came to Oz's decision to run for the hills-Riley's too. However, these girls weren't going to make it through customs before getting gutted like fish.

Rona looked at the other girls for support. "This plan is trouble. OK, Buffy doesn't care how many of us she puts in danger-"

Xander blew. After years of standing by her side, these girls thought they could come in and tell him about Buffy-tell him what kind of person she was. He'd seen her dive from a tower, giving her life for the rest of them. They had no right. "Let me tell you something about Buffy," Xander snapped. "In fact, you should all listen to this. I've been through more battles with Buffy than you all can ever imagine. She's stopped everything that's ever come up against her. She's laid down her life-literally-to protect the people around her. This girl has died two times, and she's still standing. You're scared? That's smart. You got questions? You should. But you doubt her motives, you think Buffy's all about the kill, then you take the little bus to battle. I've seen her heart, and this time-not literally. And I'm telling you, right now, she cares more about your lives than you will ever know. You gotta trust her. She's earned it."

"You tell 'em, luv."

Xander whirled around, and Spike and Buffy stood in the open door. Buffy's eyes were shining, and in that one instant, Xander could see his Buffy-his shining girl. Her worries and all the hard, crusty edges she'd been growing vanished and she was the same person he'd met all those years ago.

She smiled at him, standing a little taller and looking a little stronger than she had in a while. "We found it. Let's saddle up."

Xander's guts twisted. Shit. He looked at Spike, searching for some sign that this was anything other than a horrible mistake and clear trap, but Spike's expression wasn't giving anything away.

"I call the sword," Kennedy called. She grabbed it up, and took a few practice swings.

"Swing too near me and you won't have to worry about Bringers," Spike warned. For some reason Xander couldn't figure out, Spike had taken a special dislike of the girl, even more than Xander expected with all the bragging and the arrogance and the bragging.

"Just practicing," Kennedy offered sweetly. "Maybe I can be in a group with Willow and Tara." She looked over as the two of them walked into the room.

"Ew," Molly whispered, and Xander hoped that was an 'ew' at Kennedy's creepy interest and not any lesbian 'ew'ing. Choa-Ahn muttered something, and from the tone of voice, she was creeped out by Kennedy's tone of voice, even without being able to understand the words. That was Kennedy, such an overachiever, she even had to overachieve in the creeper division.

"You're with me," Buffy said. Kennedy's face registered the shock.

"Um, Buff, maybe we should call in the cavalry for this," Xander said.

"You are the cavalry."

"I've graduated from the guy with the rock to the guy with the big, studded, pointy stick," Xander said as he held up his weapon, "but I'm still pretty sure I suck as the cavalry."

Buffy moved closer, her hand coming up to rest on his shoulder. "Hey, you took on Angelus with a rock. Given a big, studded, pointy stick, you can take on the universe."

"Maybe we could call Angel," Willow suggested.

"In New York?" Spike asked. "He's not bloody likely to show up any time soon."

"But on the good side, if he does show up, now that he's evil, he can do the act of goodness. I vote he should stake himself," Xander offered cheerfully. Spike's smirk got a little wider, but when Buffy just stared at him with big eyes, Xander could feel guilt gnawing at the edges. It was only a joke. Sorta. "Or not," Xander added weakly.

"What about the other slayer?" Tara asked.

"Faith? She's in jail."

Xander stared at Buffy in horror. "Buff, she's still in jail? Jail jail? Still? Like behind bars where the Bringers can-" Xander stopped. Wait. If she was in jail, the Bringers couldn't get to her. Okay, maybe leaving her in jail wasn't quite as bad of an idea as it sounded like.

"Bloody hell, you lot need to join the twentieth century and get soddin' email accounts," Spike snapped. "Angel broke her out when it looked like the world was going pear-shaped. Put that ankle-biter of his in danger, and he can't even see straight, but Wesley and Jonathan did some mojo to cover their tracks. Faith's with Angel and Cordelia and the others in New York."

"Oh." Xander closed his mouth, not sure what to say about any of that. A little part of him thought Faith should pay for all the crimes she committed, and another part wanted to be there when Faith drove Angel insane with all her sex jokes. Well, unless Angel had sex with her. That would be entirely too gross. Xander really didn't want to think about Angel sleeping with someone Xander had slept with. Xander glanced over at Spike, and it suddenly occurred to him that he was sleeping with Angel's ex-lover. Spike caught his gaze and raised a single eyebrow. Now really wasn't the time for any sort of explanation, so Xander just gave a crooked grin and a shrug.

"Look, this is our fight." Buffy looked around the room at the potentials gathered in small knots and the old gang all gathered together. "The First came after us. Us. We can sit here and wait for it to clean up the last of the potentials out there before gathering all its forces, or we can take the fight to him. We can strike back now, before it's prepared, or we can die. That's our choice, and I'm making the choice for us. We strike. We strike now before this thing has a chance to call any more of its followers to town. If this Caleb wants a fight, we're going to take it straight to him and make him choke on it."

She gave the room a smile that seemed to make the air turn cold, but Xander had to admit that as far as pep talks went, that one worked. He was ready to go fight something slimy and preacherish.

"You have thirty minutes. Arm up and get ready to move out." Buffy headed for the stairs to the basement. For a minute, no one moved, and then there was a scramble for weapons and shoes and hair ties. They weren't exactly a well-oiled army. Xander's Halloween night memories might have faded some, but units weren't usually this giggly or this willing to fight over the crossbows.

"Right then, I'm getting some air," Spike announced loudly before he headed out the door.

"Um. Me, too. Air," Xander said. Reaching out, he grabbed the crossbow out of Kennedy's hands and headed after Spike. Behind him, the girls twittered and someone made a salacious oooo sound. Xander fled.

Outside, the air seemed thick with the threat of rain, but only a few wisps of clouds drifted across the gray sky. A full moon made him feel like the sacrificial virgin in a horror movie, not that he was a virgin. Between Anya and Spike, he was more experienced than most, even if he and Spike hadn't yet worked up to putting cocks into things yet. As much as Xander loved touching Spike, and getting touched was even better, he was still a little nervous about how things fit.

Spike was standing at the very edge of the yard on the far side of a tree. Xander trotted over, his crossbow bouncing against his leg. "Was that an awkward invitation for weirdly timed inappropriate touching or were you trying to tell me something important?"

"Can do both," Spike said. When Xander got close, Spike reached out and slipped a hand around Xander's waist, pulling him close. Xander yielded, leaning into Spike's strength and just taking a minute to pretend that the rest of the world would just go away if they wished it. "I want you to stay here," Spike whispered.

Xander stiffened. "What?" He wasn't the best fighter, but he never chickened out, not even when the girls thought he couldn't handle himself. But if Spike thought he was going to sit home and play helpless….

With a sigh, Spike let him go. "You're brassed off now."

"Well… yeah," Xander agreed. "I'm not the best fighter, but I can shoot a crossbow."

"Never said you couldn't, luv. But you're a father. We're walking into a bloody trap, and one of us has to think about Bonnie."

Xander sucked in a breath. "Oh no. You do not get to use my daughter against me in version 2.0 of 'Xander's not strong enough to fight with us.'" Xander crossed his arms, and then he realized that Spike was staring at him with undisguised confusion.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Um… you… thinking I can't take care of myself." Xander watched as both Spike's eyebrows went all the way up. Clearly, Xander's mind-reading skills weren't up to par.

"Oi! You survived me trying to kill you, so that's just an insult to both of us. If you were that fucking fragile, I should have been able to rip your guts out easily enough. However, I suspect Buffy's walking us into a trap, and strength might not matter all that much. I just don't think the poppet needs to lose you."

Xander shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving you to fight alone."

"I'm not exactly alone with a whole gaggle of potentials waddling after like little ducks."

"And they're not exactly good with the backing. Me? I'm an expert in backing… not so much on leading, but damn good at backing. If we're going into this fight, I'm going to be there to make sure you guys don't get yourselves killed."

"And if we all die?" Spike asked without emotion.

Xander clenched his teeth. He felt nauseous at the thought of leaving Bonnie without a parent. She'd still have her mother if Xander had offered to get K'wani out of the house when she'd first gotten pregnant. He'd failed so many times, but all he could do was keep moving forward. "First, I'm voting we don't die," Xander said firmly. "Second, if we do, I'm putting my money on Tara. She'll take care of Bonnie, and I happen to know that she's got a portal spell in her back pocket, so if she needs to retreat, she can really, really retreat-like go to another planet or reality or universe or something."

Spike seemed to think about that for a second, and Xander's stomach twisted again. Spike was worried, and anything that worried Spike scared the shit out of Xander. "She's going to be in the middle of this fight with us. What if this Caleb has something waiting that even Tara can't escape?"

"Can I just pretend that's not an option?" Xander asked with exaggerated hopefulness. Spike just stared at him. Xander sighed. "Bonnie is going over to stay with Clem while we're gone. The one thing I know for a fact is that Clem will get out of here alive, one way or another. If things go that badly, I asked him to have Halvard's family grab Dawn, he'll take Bonnie, and they'll all run for the hills and dimensional rifts."

Spike leaned back. "You already arranged for all that?"

Xander shrugged. He didn't like admitting that he'd made plans for what would happen if they all got blown up, but he'd watched Buffy fall from that tower-he'd seen his world fall apart as demons rode through the streets. The days when he'd naïvely believed that good guys always won, well those days were dead and gone. "I just really hope that none of it ever happens," Xander said quietly. I thought about having Clem take Dawn, but I thought her habit of sticking out in a crowd would make Clem's family a little crazy."

Spike nodded. "Halvard's people are a better choice. They're right proud that Halvard has attracted the attention of someone with Dawn's background, and they like the bit. They'll care for her."

Xander could feel his eyes get warm, and he inched closer. Spike took the hint and wrapped his arms around Xander, pulling him closer. "I don't want to make these plans," Xander admitted in a whisper. He'd done it all, but now… talking about it… he hated himself for even thinking they might lose.

"You did good, luv." Spike held him tightly, and Xander just sagged into that embrace. "Finn, you out there?" Spike asked. Xander's head snapped up, and he looked around. Within a second, he spotted a man with wide shoulders trotting toward them through the shadows between their house and Halvard's.

The man wasn't Riley, but he was definitely military, and Xander straightened up and blinked away the strange warmth in his eyes as he moved to Spike's side. Shit. Some spying soldiers had just seen him fall apart. If there were some frat boys around to put him in a dress, his masculinity could really shrivel up and fall off.

The soldier closed the distance and stopped a few feet away, moving so the tree was giving him some cover from the house. "Major Finn is off taking a shufti at that site the slayer found," he said, a soft British accent in his voice, and for a second, Xander wanted to make a joke about all the English people who seemed to land in Sunnydale. "I'm Lieutenant Hughes."

"Shufti?" Xander asked. "Is it too much to hope that means calling in lots of bombs and turning it into a smoking crater in the ground?"

The lieutenant stiffened. "Should we?" he asked in a voice that was way too serious.

Spike snorted. "He's taking the piss, mate. Now, if Finn wants to spring that trap and get himself killed, I wouldn't mind that." Spike gave a cold smile, and Xander planted an elbow into Spike's ribs as hard as he could, which probably wasn't hard enough. Spike rolled his eyes. "Just tell Finn to be on his toes. If he doesn't show up when we need him, he'll probably want to start running."

"Spike!"

"I'm just giving the git fair warning, luv," Spike said firmly without even a break in the glare he was giving the guy.

"Understood, sir." The lieutenant nodded in Spike's direction, and then with a quick glance toward the house, he trotted back toward the shadows between the houses.

"How long have you known about our eavesdropping company?"

"A week or so," Spike answered without a trace of guilt.

"And you didn't tell me?" Xander aimed another elbow at Spike's ribs, and Spike caught his arm.

"I'd do bloody anything to protect you lot," Spike said, the seriousness of his tone making Xander freeze. "And if that means I have to play nice with Finn, I will. If that means that Rack is right and this comes down to me making a sacrifice, I'll do that, too." Spike's fingers tightened, pressing deeply into Xander's arm. "But your safety's not negotiable, pet. If you're gone, Bonnie's got no one, same for Buffy. Men come and go in her life, but you're the one who pays for the house and then fixes it when her slayer strength puts something through a wall. You put her back together when the rest of us bollocks things up with our good intentions. I need you safe. More importantly, your whole family needs you safe."

Xander couldn't breathe. Spike planned to sacrifice himself; Xander could see that in his expression. "Oh no," Xander said. He pulled himself out of Spike's embrace. "No, no, no and world's more of no. No as in 'that is not happening.' Do you hear me?" Xander squared his shoulders and glared at Spike. "You are not throwing yourself off a tower or into the sunlight or whatever else you had planned."

Spike's lips thinned, so Xander was guessing that he'd guessed right this time. "We all do what we have to."

"If you get yourself killed, I'm following you to the next life to torture you," Xander threatened.

That got a snort out of Spike. "Luv, where I'm headed, you won't be welcome."

"I'm not welcome most places; I still go there." Xander poked his finger at Spike's chest. "If you get dusted, I will follow you. I don't care what I have to do, I'll find you. I'll move to New York and torture Angel until he throws me into hell. I'll have gay sex on the Catholic church's altar and then kill myself. I don't care what I have to do, I will follow you. Do you hear me?" Xander's eyes got hot again, and he fought an urge to cry. He remembered the feeling of despair as he watched Buffy tumble from the tower, realizing that he could never fix things. That's why he'd been so quick to follow Willow's magic plan. But the idea of losing Spike-of losing someone he loved so damn much-that was…. Xander's hiccupped as his body tried to force him to breath, and a tear slipped out.

Spike reached out and caught him. While Xander was still trying to push Spike's arms away so he could be angry, Spike pulled him close, his voice crooning softly. "Don't say that, luv. Don't say that."

"I will. I'm too stubborn of a bastard to just let you go." Xander's gulped in air as his vision got a little splotchy. "I'll follow."

"Bloody hell-"

"Nope, no logic here. Don't care about logic. I won't be the one left behind. Not again. Nope. I'll just follow you." Xander dug his fingers into Spike's coat and clung to it.

"Just breathe, luv. Just breathe. I won't do anything. Promise. Even if we all get sucked into hell together, ya glocky git. Twice as stubborn as Angelus, you are." Spike's hand cupped the back of Xander's neck, pulling him close as he crooned softly. "Bloody 'round the twist and twice as stubborn."

"That's me," Xander agreed, relaxing only when he could feel Spike's body sag. As long as the idiot vampire gave up his stupid plan, Xander was happy.

"Let's get moving!" Buffy called, and Xander could hear the sound of a dozen potentials all trying to sort themselves out with the usual complaints. Xander pushed himself away from Spike and stood facing the dark street. A curtain moved in Halvard's house, and Xander gave a quick prayer for Clem and Bonnie still in the house.

"Let's go teach Caleb a lesson and get my stuff back," Buffy said as she started down the street, a sword resting on her shoulder.

"Is there time for me to stop for a semi-automatic weapon?" Xander asked, wiping his arm over his eyes.

"Sorry, luv," Spike said. "Should have saved that for later."

"Well, just as long as you remember the whole me following you rule, we'll be fine," Xander said firmly. Then it occurred to him that Riley's soldiers had seen him cry… again. Shit. He really should look into testosterone pills or something. But he didn't have much time to worry, so he rested his crossbow against his hip and fell in with the others.