The Cost of Butterfly Kisses

[lit_gal]

The Cost of Butterfly Kisses, Part 35
Fandom/Pairing: BtVS, Spike/Xander
Rated: ADULT

Summary: So, after 130,000 words, guess what we finally have!  ;)  YEP :P

( Chapter One... )  ( Chapter Two... ) ( Chapter 14 . )

Chapter 35

Xander closed his phone, his stomach churning with acid.

"Well then, that's done," Spike said. Considering that he hated Riley, Spike was way too cheerful about the idea that Riley was going to be bringing in the cavalry. Now if he could just manage to do it quietly, maybe Xander could avoid having Buffy hating him.

"If Buffy finds out, I'm so very dead," Xander said as he fell back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. How had things gotten so very out of hand? This shouldn't be happening. Buffy was their leader, and Xander wanted to be able to follow her, but she was losing her mind. Or she was finding her demon. One or the other. And while Xander had no problem with Buffy being demonic in general, he wasn't so happy to have her acting like an out of control raging demon. And as long as the First was out there hunting potentials, all of the would-be slayers were going to be living on top of each other.

Spike got off the bed and the mattress tilted, but Xander just threw an arm over his eyes. He shouldn't have called. Yeah, he felt better knowing that Riley was going to be setting up a perimeter of big ass weapons, but now he felt like he had to walk on eggshells as he waited for Buffy to find out that he was as big of a back-stabber as Giles.

The mattress tilted again as Spike got on the bed, and Xander ignored it. If he'd kicked Giles out, there would have been another bedroom open, but for now he and Spike were stuck sharing, which was way more uncomfortable now that Xander had opened his big mouth about loving Spike. He should have taken that particular secret to his grave.

Spike's hand rested against Xander's chest, and Xander lifted his arm so he could glare at the offending hand. "What are you doing?"

"You're all worked up, pet."

"Yeah, betraying people does that, Spike. Benedict Arnold must have been a really emotionally wiped out dude."

"You need to relax."

Xander's eyes popped open as Spike ran fingers between the buttons on his shirt and started working his way up toward the first button. "Um… Spike?" Xander's voice squeaked, but he thought he was justified because Spike chose that instant to pull Xander's button free.

"Yes, pet?" Spike made his voice sound so very reasonable, as though this were a normal thing for them to be doing… or for him to be doing, Xander was doing nothing, which was pretty normal. Spike got buttons two and three going before fear kick started Xander's brain and he started scrambling to try and button himself up again.

"Touching!" Xander gasped, but his fingers were big and awkward, too thick to get the buttons safely back into their holes.

"That's the way it's generally done, luv," Spike agreed.

"But…. You…. Me…."

"Breathe, luv. Usually a verb goes with a noun. Let me give you a sample. You and I should shag," Spike offered with a wicked grin. Despite Spike's earlier advice, Xander found all the air going out of his lungs. Maybe Spike took that as an invitation because he started to stroke the skin he'd exposed, his thumb rubbing over Xander's nipple, making it harden.

"But… Bonnie!" Xander arched his back and tried to push Spike's hand away, two actions which even he recognized were a little contradictory.

"Still not getting verbs in there, luv, but don't worry, I locked the door."

While that should have been reassuring, Xander's head felt like it was shrinking and his brain was getting smashed into a very small space, which might explain the stupid-sounding mewling he was doing as Spike's hand travelled south and brushed over his lower stomach. "Spike," Xander gasped, and god his cock hurt now. Yeah, his big head was all about this being a bad idea, but his big head was losing the battle pretty damn fast.

"Yes?" Spike asked. Lowering his head, he ran a tongue over Xander's nipple, and a jolt went through Xander's whole body. His balls drew up, and his muscles tightened, and he really was not getting laid enough because for one second, Xander thought he was going to come right there in his pants.

"Wait, hold on, just wait," Xander begged.

Spike raised his head and quirked one eyebrow. "Don't want to," he answered simply. Leaning closer, he kissed Xander's slack lips. Xander's cock might be getting with the program, but most of Xander was suffering shell shock.

"But… but Buffy."

"She's not here, and not likely to come through a locked door, pet, so we're safe."

Either Spike was intentionally misunderstanding him or Xander was sounding stupider than he was feeling-and he was feeling pretty damn stupid.

"No, stop," Xander said. Surprisingly, that actually stopped Spike. Shifting his weight, he lay on his side and watched Xander with both eyebrows up. "I saw how you reacted when Buffy said that stuff," Xander blurted out. Spike had been gutted when Buffy questioned his strength. Yeah, their relationship was over, but Spike's feelings weren't and Xander didn't want to be the 'also ran' in that little race.

"And?" Spike prompted him.

"You love her," Xander blurted out. If Spike denied it, Xander was ready to kick him out of the bed the second the lie passed his lips.

Spike sighed. "I always will, pet."

Xander's stomach grew a huge rock in the center.

Reaching up, Spike ran gentle fingers over Xander's cheek. "I'll always love Buffy, that doesn't mean I'd ever choose her again. I'll always love Drusilla, too. It'd gut me if I had to dust her, and I don't suppose I'd even consider it unless I was trying to protect the family. Maybe it makes me a bad, bad man, but if I had to choose between a church full of good little hymn-singing women and my dark plum, I'd save Drusilla. I can't just stop loving her, and I just can't stop loving Buffy."

"But… you wouldn't… I mean, if Buffy wanted you-" Xander stopped when Spike rested his finger on Xander's lips.

"Luv, that chapter is closed. Buffy never did love me, and before the soul, that was fine with me. For demons, knowing that someone wants you is enough, but-" Spike stopped and looked off into the distance for several long seconds before he looked back toward Xander. "Different now, innit? So, you need to just relax."

"Spike…" Xander stopped, his voice breaking in the middle of Spike's name. "I don't know how this works."

With a slow, honeyed grin, Spike leaned closer. "Oh, I do, luv."

"But…"

"Shhhh," Spike hushed him, and even with all the fears churning through Xander's gut, he fell quiet. Spike's smile grew wider and his hands slid down over Xander's chest, pushing his shirt open. Xander fisted the sheets and struggled against an urge to call this whole thing off. His asshole ached at the very thought of Spike trying to get anything up there, but Xander just sucked his lower lip between his teeth. While most of Xander was caught between desire and unvarnished terror, his cock had definitely chosen a side.

When Spike's curious fingers finally found the zipper of Xander's jeans, each tooth of the zipper yielded with an audible click. Xander sucked in a breath as the pressure over is cock eased. His white briefs bulged up though the open zipper. Letting go of the sheets, Xander reached out and caught Spike's forearms and held tightly as he arched his back in need. He wasn't sure what he wanted, but he had to touch something. Even though Spike could have easily broken away from Xander's, he let Xander hold his arms and he leaned down to mouth Xander's cock through the cotton.

A yelp slipped out before Xander could stop it. Spike made a sound that came suspiciously close to a laugh before he dropped down onto the bed next to Xander. "Good then?" he asked.

For a minute, Xander could only breathe fast and try to regain his sense of balance because he felt like the world was tilting and he was about to slide right off the bed. "Too good," Xander finally agreed.

"No such thing, luv."

"When my brain turns to mush and I can't move, that's too good." Xander reached up to touch Spike, running his fingers over the red silk shirt without touching the perfect skin. His cock was burning with need, but Xander was not going to be a selfish lover. Nope, he had lots of faults, but that wasn't one. He just wasn't sure exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

Spike caught his hand, and Xander looked up into Spike's eyes. They looked strange this close up, brilliant blue with a yellow halo around the dark center. Drawing Xander's hand closer, Spike placed Xander's hand on the curve where Spike's neck and shoulder met. After a few seconds, Xander started slowly tracing tiny circles over smooth, soft skin. Spike's eyes drooped like an overgrown cat's, and Xander let his hand wander up to the side of Spike's neck and face.

"I can do this," Xander whispered to himself. Yeah, if he just ignored the fact that there were two cocks in this bed, he could do this.

Spike's eyes slowly opened. "Just do what feels good, pet, nothing more." The request sounded like a promise, and Xander swallowed even though his mouth was dry as dust.

"I can do that," Xander echoed. He closed his eyes as he realized he probably sounded like a moron. However, when he opened them and looked at Spike, he could see the desire in the curve of Spike's neck and his half-closed eyes as Xander stroked his neck. Emboldened, Xander moved his hand down and touched the hollow of Spike's neck before moving his hand down to the first button. He had to slow his own breathing and concentrate to get the button to pop open, revealing a little more skin. Xander had seen more… a lot more actually. When they'd lived in his parents' basement, Spike had a bad habit of not getting dressed after showering, but the small crescent of skin revealed as his shirt fell open was so much more exciting than annoying Spike walking around in a towel. Back then, the annoyance had definitely outweighed the hot. Usually. Sometimes. He had gone on about Spike being well-muscled when he'd thought the Buffybot was the real Buffy sleeping with Spike.

Xander pulled a second button open and traced the line of down the center of Spike's chest that traced the place where his muscles met. Instead of opening the third button, Xander reached up and traced the line back up to the sharp collar bone. "I'm really not sure what I'm doing here," Xander confessed in a whisper.

Spike caught his hand and kissed the palm. "Doing just fine, luv."

"We're both going to die of blue balls at this rate." Xander gave a desperate little huff of laughter. Maybe he would have sucked this bad in bed with girls if he hadn't picked girls who had just sort of taken charge.

Instead of agreeing, Spike smiled and stretched out, propping his arm under his head. "I'm enjoying it just fine." He reached up and traced the line of Xander's jaw. Xander opened his mouth to point out that Spike was being very unSpikelike, but the fact was that he either needed to come or get a very cold shower… one or the other… and he needed to do it in the near future.

Swallowing again, Xander reached out and opened the last two buttons on Spike shirt. Shit. The man really was well muscled. Xander ran his palm over the strong stomach and felt the muscles gather and bunch under the skin until he stroked his hand up to Spike's small nipple. When he ran a fingernail over the edge, Spike shivered and his eyes flashed yellow.

Xander stopped, not sure if that was a good or a bad sort of yellow. He watched as Spike brought his hand up and slowly closed his fingers around the back of Xander's neck and then slowly pulled him close. Yielding to the gentle touch, Xander leaned in for a kiss, and this time, he managed to actually participate. Spike gently sucked on Xander's lip, dull teeth running along the edge, and Xander pressed closer, his cock demanding touch. Rocking his body against Spike, Xander gasped, which allowed Spike's tongue to slip inside and suddenly Spike was pressing in, pushing Xander onto his back.

Xander squirmed and dug his heels into the mattress as he pushed up. Hands scrambled at his jeans, and Xander divided his attention between kissing the sensual mouth that was devouring him and raising his ass so Spike could get the jeans off.

Red silk slid over his arms, making Xander shiver as he reached up under Spike's shirt, pulling him closer. This time Spike groaned in need as he thrust down into Xander's body. Fabric tangled around Xander's legs, and he struggled to kick free. However, Spike brought his weight down, and Xander suddenly realized that Spike's hard cock was pressed up against his. He had one second of panic before Spike wrapped his hand around both their cocks and started thrusting against Xander.

Arching his back, Xander thrust up so their bodies rubbed against each other, their cocks trapped in the heat and sweat that gathered between their bodies. Xander cried out softly with each thrust until he finally felt his balls tighten. Digging his fingernails into Spike's back, Xander pulled him close and thrust up wildly as need erased anything other than the movement of body against body. Spike thrust down hard, and Xander yelled out as he came.

His mouth hung open and he thrust into their slick bodies as he came with a flare of pleasure. Shit. Okay, he was not only gay, he was joyously, deliriously gay. As soon as he breathe again, he was so gay he was going to buy every Judy Garland CD he could find. With a few more thrusts, Spike came, his back arched so sharply that he was nearly bent ninety degrees, his hands braced on Xander's shoulders. He came and then dropped his weight down onto Xander.

Even if Spike didn't need oxygen, he was doing a good job of panting. Lethargy pulled at Xander as every muscle that had been tense for the last month all decided to relax at once. It was like his whole body just decided to go on vacation to its happy place, whether Xander wanted it to or not. Spike shifted so that their legs tangled and his weight slipped off to the side of Xander, only one arm still draped over Xander's stomach.

They lay still and silent, and Xander could feel the fever-heat fading as his body cooled. His cock itched, and Xander reached down to rub it and he came away with a sticky hand that he wiped off on his own hip.

"You okay, luv?" Spike asked.

"Seriously, considering that probably technically isn't past third base, that was just way too good. Way. Way way with a side of more way," Xander said without opening his eyes. He could almost feel Spike's smile, or maybe he was just imagining it. It took every bit of self control to keep from asking the world's most pathetic question: how was it. Xander knew he'd been way too distracted to do anything fancy even though Anya and an internet connection had taught him a few really fancy moves.

"That was a homerun, Harris," Spike said with a little huffing noise. "Bloody hell, that was a right good home run."

Xander cracked his eyes open and tried to decide if Spike was still being unSpikelike and just offering pity compliments. He didn't look like he was saying it out of pity; he actually looked well-fucked with hair sticking up and mostly closed eyes and fingernail trails down one shoulder. Xander flinched at that.

Spike's eyes came open. "Pet, don't go getting insecure now."

"I…" Xander reached up and traced the three white lines that led from the top of Spike's shoulder down to just above his nipple. Xander didn't even remember doing it. "I didn't mean to mark you."

Spike looked at his shoulder and then he looked down at Xander's hip. "I could say the same," he said.

Pushing himself up onto an elbow, Xander looked down and found a perfect red thumbprint against his hip bone. He ran a hand over it and winced when he felt the heat rising from the bruise. That was going to hurt. "Sorry about that, luv. Got a little carried away."

"You… really? Honestly, I'm okay if I rate a Volvo to Buffy's Ferrari." Xander was, too. He was kind of used to not being able to compete. What he couldn't offer in terms of speed, he could definitely make up for with reliability, though.

"Loon." Spike shook his head and gave a dark laugh. "You're the first person in about a hundred and fifty years to want me that much. Trust me, that was perfect."

Xander frowned, but when he opened his mouth, Spike laid a finger on his lips. "You're not as strong or as demonic, but I'm not just a demon. What Buffy and Drusilla offered could never reach the soul. You did. So it was bloody perfect. Drop it before you ruin the mood and I have to torture you," Spike suggested.

That made Xander smile. Spike shook his head and got a look on his face like he was pretty sure Xander had lost his mind. "Get some sleep, luv."

"But Bonnie…."

"Is sleeping with Tara for tonight. After that lovely mess upstairs, we both need a night off from responsibility, so just take a break from carrying the weight of the mundane world on your shoulders."

"But that's my job," Xander protested even though he was already sagging back onto the mattress. He was tired. So very tired.

"I know. But sometimes you just have to let the load rest, pet." Spike's fingers ran through his hair, and Xander let his eyes fall closed. He could deal with Riley and Buffy tomorrow. Right now sleep did sound good.

"Just sleep," Spike whispered as he shifted so that he was pressed up against Xander's left side. Maybe he did need some rest. Xander felt the real world fade away as he drifted toward sleep in a tangle of limbs and clothing.