The Forest for the Trees
I bet ya'll thought I'd given up on kink bingo, didn't you?? Well, I haven't.
The Lesser of Two Evils had Spike helping Xander with a little problem he'd developed... there were tentacles involved. But now, there's a sequel.
The Forest for the Trees
Kinks: Suspension, Consent play
Rated: ADULT
Summary: So, Xander discovered something about his sexuality during his little side trip to Spike's demony friends, but what exactly did he discover?
"Right then, what crawled up your ass and died, mate, because I am just about through with this shite," Spike said as he dropped onto the couch next to Xander. Xander tensed up for a second, hating that instinct that he had trained himself out of years ago. But one little incident, one little case of Spike saving his ass... or not saving his ass and letting big old tentacles get his ass, and all the flinch instincts were back in play.
"Fuck off," Xander suggested as he focused on the television. When Spike's bottle sailed into the television screen in a brilliant flare of light and beer spray and a really ominous crackle of electricity, Xander didn't even blink.
"You ungrateful little prick," Spike snarled, and Xander's flinch was back. "I bloody well saved your life, got you that eye back, kept your fucking secret, and shared the money. What the bloody fuck do you want?"
"A Spike-shaped pile of dust?" Xander suggested hopefully, and even he knew he'd gone too far. Yeah, he and Spike weren't the bestest of buds, but they'd learned a grudging respect for each other, only that was sounding distinctly unrespectful. Distinctly. And the way Spike had gone utterly still and silent was verging on giving Xander the creeps. Long seconds ticked by, time weirdly warping so that Xander stared at the VCR under the ruined TV wondering if the clock was stuck because the minutes never changed and this was feeling pretty much like an eternity.
"Nice Harris. Have a good life," Spike finally said, his voice absolutely empty of all emotion as he stood up, and Xander just knew if Spike left right now, he wasn't coming back and then there would be repercussions and angry Willow and maybe even a little guilt because Spike really didn't deserve to get kicked in the guts.
"Wait," Xander said as he scrambled to his feet. Spike offered him a two-fingered salute and kept heading for the door. "Spike, I'm sorry." Yeah, like that ever worked. Spike kept right on walking, and Xander hurried after him. "I'm an asshole, okay? Big with the assholiness, which is the whole problem, only it's not your problem because you didn't make me big with the assholiness as much as just rubbing my nose in it, so I'm really sorry."
"Wot?" Spike turned and gave Xander one of his patented looks, the kind that Spike usually only gave Angel or Willow's flavor of the month or other people who really bugged him.
"I'm an asshole," Xander repeated as he stopped near Spike, and suddenly the room felt too small. The TV room, now minus the TV, was just a corner of the basement with the rest of the space dedicated to slayer training. Only now the already small room was feeling way smaller.
"Yeah, I got that part, and I couldn't agree more," Spike said with a not-friendly glare. "Didn't quite catch the rest of it, though. What exactly am I supposed to have rubbed your nose in? You're the one who's been acting like a fucking nob."
"Been thinking with my nob, not acting like one, and I have been listening to way too much of the weird Spike slangage if I'm making dumb jokes out of British words for penis," Xander sighed as he retreated to the couch and collapsed onto it. "Look, you deserve better than what I just said, and I'm having what Willow affectionately calls one of my poopy-head days, so just don't listen to anything I say... not that you listen to me anyway," Xander added after a second. Letting his head fall back on the couch, he closed his eyes and struggled to keep his breathing and heart rate even. It was an old trick from hanging out with way too many vampires and demons and things that went bump in the night. He'd lost a lot of kittens to Clem before he learned to control his heart rate, and he was really hoping that Willow was right about Clem adopting the cats out because if Spike had told him the truth about those kittens, he was going to hell for every kitten he'd lost to that guy.
"Spit it out." At Spike's words, Xander rolled his head to the side and opened one eye.
"Okay, I'm assuming you don't mean the pizza I just ate."
"You called Rose "Betty" and Willow fucking calls me asking if the eye I got you is cursed or something because you're acting like a first class git. So, whatever this is that I supposedly rubbed your nose it, it's turning you gormless. Now spit out whatever is gnawing at your innards before Willow calls in Buffy or Giles. "
"Oh," Xander said with a grimace. But in his defense, Rose did look a lot like Betty. Willow only seemed to have two types of girlfriends: ones that were exactly like Tara, and ones who were not like her at all. Kennedy was in the "not" pile, but Rose and Patsy and a couple others could have been Tara's sisters. And somehow, that just did not feel all that mentally healthy so Willow thinking that he was off his rails was a little on the ironic side. "The eye isn't evil, and if Willow is going to change girlfriends more often than shoes, she's going to have to learn to deal with the reality that is my brain's inability to keep up."
"What did I rub your nose in?" Spike demanded.
"Hey, rude much? We're poking at Willow's issues right now. We can come back to me later."
"Listen you little piece of shite, I'm done playing. You want to dust me, you can bloody well try, but this is over... this bit where you act like an arse wipe and then half apologize is getting old fast. So you explain it to Buffy or Willow or whoever is willing to deal with your sorry ass because I'm not." Spike stood up and headed for the door, and Xander had an image of himself trying to explain this to either Willow or Buffy... or god help him, Giles. That would damage him for life.
"It's the tentacle stuff, that's what I'm not spitting out," Xander blurted. If he had to have this conversation with someone, at least Spike would laugh at him in private and tell the girls to back off without blurting out inappropriate details.
"I figured that one out already. If you don't want me to walk out and call Willow, you'd better come up with something better than that," Spike said without even turning around. It gave Xander a nice view of Spike's ass, and that was not a view he should be enjoying. And he was so not good with shoulds, because should or not, that was a nice ass.
"I can't do this. One of the slayers may walk in," Xander said desperately as he got up and headed for the door.
Spike turned and blocked the door with his body. "Willow and Rose took them all for some ice cream and killin' things in the marsh."
"And you didn't go? Hey, I bet you could catch up with them," Xander suggested hopefully. His powers of puppy-eye had largely returned when he got the eye back, so he turned that on Spike. One arched eyebrow rose.
"The whole point of takin' them out was giving me a chance to find out what bug has crawled up your arse."
"Tentacle, not bug. Bugs I've eaten, but they have never been up my ass. Only tentacles have been there."
"And it saved your fucking life."
"I know!" Xander snapped, and Spike narrowed his eyes in a look that was way too much pre-souled Spike for Xander's comfort. "I know it saved me, but there are some things I just so very, very much did not need to know."
"Wot? The gay shit?"
"Yes, Spike, the gay shit. I mean, I'm a big fan of boobies, but a big disgusting thing shoves tentacles up my ass, and I'm coming harder than I've ever come in my life. This is freak worthy."
"So, you're self-destructing over being gay?" Spike sounded casual, but he sounded too casual, like the casual he got right before he pulled a big sword out and decapitated something.
"This is not a movie of the week, and I am not so pathetic as to be having a gay freak-out here," Xander said with more than a little exasperation.
"Ya better figure out what the hell the problem is because you're making everyone fucking miserable."
"I'm not bothering anyone," Xander objected.
"No, except when you growl and mope and act like Angel, Jr. You made one of the girls cry yesterday and you didn't even bloody notice."
Xander stopped cold at that. He wouldn't. Or he might, but he would notice. Okay, so maybe he wouldn't notice with the way he'd been feeling lately. Great, he was being a big old fuck-up again. "What kind of loser am I?" Xander demanded sarcastically as he tried to push past Spike, only to get pushed right back into the room with enough force to send him stumbling into the back of the couch.
"Obviously one who's not very good at explaining himself, and you're not getting out of this room until you explain exactly why you're twisted into knots over this."
Xander crossed his arms over his chest in his best imitation of Spike, but he suspected that he looked more insecure than decisive, and Spike really wasn't moving. "I proposed to Anya, I dated Cordelia, I slept with Faith... although really that was more Faith sleeping with me. I wasn't lying to any of them, Spike. I really loved them, only now I'm thinking I'm gay and how could I not have known this about myself? I feel like I lied to them and lied to myself, and now... now I just don't know. So, if I'm having a poopy-head day, I think I'm entitled."
"Strip," Spike ordered, and the word was so far left of anything Xander had expected that he just stood and stared at Spike. He kept staring until Spike closed in on him, using his body to trap Xander up against the back of the couch before starting to pull his buttons loose way too fast for Xander to even process.
"Hey now, bad touching, red light, back off," Xander said, his hands scrambling against Spike's arm and accomplishing nothing. Spike had Xander's shirt off and was working his jeans before Xander really panicked and started trying to climb over the back of the couch. He had half gotten over, one leg propped up onto the couch-back, when an inhumanly strong grip caught him by the neck.
"No means 'no,' remember that? This is no!" Xander cried desperately as Spike now pulled him back, forcing him to lean into the couch as Spike pressed against his naked backside.
"What are you feeling right now?" Spike asked softly, but his hands found Xander's wrists, pinning them to the couch.
"Freaked. Panicked. A slight side of wondering just how tight your soul is pinned on," Xander answered truthfully enough, it just wasn't all of the truth. Now that he'd been stripped, it was going to be hard to hide his erection if Spike made him turn around.
"I'm not going to hurt you, and my soul is pinned just as tight as ever," Spike promised, but he pressed even harder so that Xander had to take shallow breaths and the ache of being pinned threatened to turn into pain. Holding him like that for a second, Spike made a strange sound and then slowly eased off a little.
"And how tight would that be because from here, the soul looks a little wiggly, like one of those hangnails that you chew on," Xander pointed out as he wondered just how screwed he was.
"Make ya a deal," Spike offered, his voice low and silky, like when he was trying to sweet-talk Buffy. Xander's cock was sitting up and taking notice even though Xander's bigger head panicked at words like deal. That implied dealing which implied giving Spike something that Xander might want to give Spike but he would never want Spike to know that he wanted to give Spike, and that didn't even make sense in his head. "You know I won't hurt you." Spike pulled Xander's hands to the small of his back and pinned them both in one grip, leaving his other hand free to roam across Xander's shoulder and side. Fingers skimmed over hot skin, and Xander shivered. "You be a good boy, and I won't ever let anyone know about your secret," he promised.
"Um, not having a secret here... unless you count the potentially gay thing or the tentacles, and I think we've already established that you're not going to tattle about the tentacles."
"Shut up," Spike said, and Xander swallowed, caught between fear and desire.
"Right then, if you won't promise to be a good boy, we'll just have to make sure you can't do anything bad," Spike said, and then he was pulling Xander up. Twisting his body, Xander tried to free himself, but Spike easily held his wrists while catching him around the throat with his other hand, and Xander froze as fingers tightened around his neck in warning. Then Spike was pushing him out into the training room with its thick concrete walls, wood floor, and high ceilings. Xander stumbled where he got pushed. The overhead grid of steel beams the slayers used for climbing practice had a few new additions, short chains with leather straps attached to the ends.
When they reached a spot under the chains, Spike stopped, and Xander closed his eyes in humiliation as his cock jutted out in front of him. This was so very, very bad. This was huge amounts of bad. Spike let go of one of his hands and leaped up, grabbing the grid with his free hand. Considering that Spike was holding him by one wrist, this was probably his best chance to get away. Xander let his knees go soft and dropped to the floor... or he tried to. In reality, he ended up dangling from one wrist as Spike easily pulled him up.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Spike demanded as he hooked a knee over the grid and dangled down so that instead of holding Xander with one hand, he had two hands free.
"Um, I'm trying to get free," Xander said weakly as Spike buckled his wrist into the leather straps. It was a strangely formed bit of leather that came up and around his fist.
"Wanker," Spike snorted. "Give me your other hand."
"Hey, I have a better idea. Let me go and then we can both forget this."
"Give me your other hand or I'll come down, grab it, and then be in a bad mood when I decide how tight to buckle you in," Spike countered.
Xander swallowed, his thoughts running in little hamster wheel circles. He hadn't yet made up his mind about what he should do when Spike dropped down and just grabbed his free hand. Spike gave a good snort and then leaped back up to the grid, and Xander had exactly zero chance of escape. Slowly, Spike started tightening the chains and pulling Xander steadily up onto his toes.
"Um, Spike, getting weirded out here, and the fact that you had these chains out here is really not stopping the weird from coming," Xander said nervously as Spike dropped to the ground right in front of him. When Spike pursed his lips, Xander's mouth went dry and something that might be either lust or fear crawled through his guts. Xander tried to take a deep breath, but his chest ached because most of his weight was on his arms.
"Ya aren't gay, mate," Spike said casually, but then he ran a finger down Xander's hard cock, and that really seemed to disprove that bit of stupidity. Spike was the only person in the room, and Xander hadn't been this hard since Anya... or possibly since the tentacle beast, but he wasn't thinking about that.
"If I agree with you, will you let me down?" Xander asked, his breath short and his calves starting to throb.
"Who was your first big crush, mate?" Spike asked, his fingers tracing down to Xander's balls before he cupped them in his hand. Xander tried to pull back, but he could only shuffle about an inch and then he was out of room... out of room and feeling even more strain in his chest and arms and calves. And Spike still had his balls firmly in hand.
"Spike, why are you doing this?" Xander could feel desperate tears forming. When Spike tightened his hold on Xander's balls and then brought a second hand up to sweep over his chest and stroke his exposed side, Xander felt a tear slip loose. That's when Spike reached up and brushed it away with his thumb.
"Pet, look at me," Spike said. Xander didn't want to, but his eyes focused almost without his permission. "I wouldn't hurt you, Xander. You're a right pain in the ass sometimes, but we've been through a lot together. Besides, if I can deal with Peaches without staking him for his bloody brooding, I'm sure not going to lose my temper with you."
"Um, not feeling the trust here," Xander admitted.
"Could have killed ya or let you die easy enough a dozen times over, including when you had those Unji eggs in you. Helped ya then and I'm trying to help you now, but you need to listen to me very carefully."
"I'm not really good at listening," Xander tried joking. Spike's hand, the one that had brushed his tear away, had been stroking his cheek, but now he slipped it around the back of Xander's neck and pulled him close. Xander flailed a bit as Spike pulled him far enough away from the spot under the chains that his feet lost contact with the floor so that the chains were holding all his weight.
"You listen or I'll gag you and then say this often enough that even you have to hear it. But I'm trying to do this the easy way first." Spike slowly let Xander back down, and Xander's toes found the wood floor. He seriously considered just hyperventilating and passing out, only with as little room as he had with the chains, he couldn't breathe fast enough to actually do it.
"You're not bloody gay. Buffy tripped your trigger, right?" Spike asked. Xander gave a little nod and then held his breath as Spike started circling, his hands trailing over Xander's back and reaching down to grab his ass. This was officially the strangest position Xander had ever been in, and his cock just got harder as the need to come started to fog his thinking.
"After Buffy, who comes next?"
"Um... Cordelia."
"Bloody scary, that one. Had balls enough to go up against Angel and Angelus, like some other bastard I knew once." Spike made it clear that he meant Xander when he came around to the front and cupped Xander's cheek in his hand, and the oddly affectionate gesture sent all sorts of mixed signals that made Xander's skin tingle. His cock didn't care if there was fear and weirdness mixed in there; it only got the signal that someone was touching him with affection, and Xander could feel his orgasm inch closer. "Who was after Cordelia?"
"Um, probably Willow, but that was just a fluke," Xander gasped. Being suspended and needing to come were both robbing him of breath. Spike trailed a finger over Xander's chest, circling a nipple for a second before continuing.
"Willow made the first move, right?" Spike asked as he gently pinched Xander's nipple and rolled it between his finger and thumb.
"I, uh, don't know," Xander said. His muscles strained, the urge to thrust undeniable, but Spike had tied him so tightly that he couldn't do more than squirm a little, and even then the movement meant he lost contact with the floor for a second. His body spun a lazy half circle and then slowly returned before he could get his feet back under him.
"Was Faith before or after Red?"
"Maybe before?" Xander really had no idea at this point. For a second, Spike's hand rested on his hip, and then he shoved and Xander was swinging helplessly, his cock jutting out comically, and he really hoped Spike didn't have any cameras set up for this moment of humiliation.
"When did Anya show up?"
For long seconds, Xander didn't answer as he struggled to get a toe on the ground and stop the slow swing as his body dangled helplessly in the air. Spike eventually reached out and caught him by the hips, strong hands resting there as he looked up at Xander with that single raised eyebrow that made it really clear he wanted an answer. "Senior year, but we didn't have sex until after I graduated," Xander hurried to say. If this was doing it the easy way, he did not want to push Spike into doing anything hard. Although maybe if they did this the hard way, his idiot cock would deflate because being tied up was bad enough, but the hard-on just added whole new levels of humiliation.
"Anyone between Anya and the tentacles you were so fond of?" Spike asked, his trademark smirk finally in place, and Xander braced himself for the coming humiliation.
"No, okay? Look, whatever game you're playing, can we just get it over so I can go to bed and start pretending it never happened?"
"So, you're attracted to two slayers, a thousand year-old demon, a serious bitch who later became a demon, a witch, a demon with enough tentacles and power to turn you into a grease spot, and me. Are you seeing a pattern?"
"I'm seeing a need for therapy," Xander shot back, and immediately, he was spinning in the air, his legs thrashing in the air helplessly as he dangled like a big helpless Xander-shaped pendulum. Xander strained, but he couldn't stop or even slow down. And then suddenly Spike's arm snaked around his waist and pulled him close so that Xander's naked back pressed against Spike's stomach. A second hand reached up and smoothed his hair and caressed his chest before it slid down and fisted Xander's cock.
Xander hissed in white pleasure. His balls drew up in anticipation, and his body tightened, but his feet were still off the ground, and without leverage he couldn't thrust.
"Spike," Xander pleaded.
"Are ya seeing what I am, pet? Are you finally seeing the forest or are you just looking at the trees?"
Xander opened his mouth, but he had absolutely no answer for that.
"You're getting off on this... aren't you?" Spike whispered the words, and they burned all the way down into Xander. He was enjoying this. His cock was hard and aching, the head turning dark and drops of white gathering at the tip. Spike ran a thumb over the slit and Xander screamed and came, his body twitching helplessly as he was held in place by the chains and Spike's arm around his waist.
And now Xander really couldn't breathe, his chest burned and his back arched as he struggled to get enough air in. When his toes touched the ground, the weight on his arms was still too much. Just about the time the edges of reality started to go dark, Xander felt his right arm loosen, and then his left, and he could stand flat on his feet and bring his hands down so they were level with his head.
Xander used the extra slack to bend over and gasp for air. His come was splattered across the wood floor and his cock still throbbed with the intensity of the orgasm, but he noticed all that from the slightly fuzzy space of a truly mind-blowing post-orgasm. Suddenly, not even Spike's hands brushing over his back and his ass seemed strange. Without warning, Xander's brain checked out, and nothing was strange or wrong at all. Hands shifted down to push his thighs, and Xander obligingly spread his feet, his brain not even caring why Spike was moving him. In fact, Xander's brain didn't even kick on again until Spike brushed over his asshole.
With a flash of panic, Xander tried to bring his feet together, but Spike was standing between his legs, and his strong hands on Xander's hips kept him from wiggling away.
"Calm down. Just... bloody hell, breathe!" Spike snapped, and Xander felt giggles press up into his throat.
"Calm down? Um, newsflash, there will be no calm going on here because rape is not calm-making."
"I'm not going to rape you," Spike snorted, and that would be his 'Xander's being stupid' voice and really, Xander was way more on board with the 'Spike's being sadistic and crazy.' Spike sighed, and the hands at Xander's hips gentled some. "Just give me a little trust here."
"Spike?" Xander said in a shaky voice. He was bent over at the waist, his arms carrying the weight of his upper body, and Spike was still standing between his open legs. Part of Xander wanted to scream and panic and flail until something happened, and another part just wanted to freeze like a deer in the headlights, only it rarely ended well for deer in headlights.
"Why did you spread your legs for me, Xand?" Spike asked calmly.
"Stupidity?" Xander guessed.
"Bloody hell, you're as thick as Angel when you really put your mind to it," Spike snapped, but then he sighed, and when he started again, he had that calm voice he sometimes used with Dawn or the younger slayers. "Faith, Anya, tentacles, chains, me... it's all the same thing, pet. You're attracted to the power, or in your case, the lack of power. So you aren't bloody gay. You didn't lie to yourself or your birds. Ya just have a kink in there."
"And you think having sex with me is going to... what? Because I'm not seeing the plan here. Unless the plan is to seriously freak me out, in which case you get a gold star."
"The plan is to get you to admit that you're turned on by having someone in control. And maybe then you'll stop this bloody annoying self-flagellation and idiotic behavior."
"So, I say that, 'hey, I really am turned on by chains,' and you do what exactly?" Xander asked, and he had to admit that his sated cock was already getting a little excited because he couldn't actually do anything to stop Spike. He was so very, very wrong in the head, but it felt so very, very good.
"I unchain you and tell you to stop acting like someone pissed in your milk," Spike said, as he gave Xander's ass a sharp slap and stepped back.
"You... what?" Okay, now Xander was really confused.
"I don't rape."
Xander took a deep breath to point out that he was actually okay with having sex, but Spike cut him off.
"And I'm not having sex with someone who can't figure out his own kinks. So, find someone you like and trust, and let them tie you up and have their wicked way with you," Spike said as he finally walked around and started unbuckling the restraints around Xander's wrists. Xander stood and watched silently as Spike let him go.
"Spike?" he asked, totally confused. He was even more confused by the disappointment that was quickly overshadowing any pleasure he'd found from a very pleasurable orgasm.
"I promised Willow that I'd help you pull your head out of your arse. Mission accomplished," Spike brushed it off casually, but Xander could see the bulge in Spike's jeans that suggested he wasn't nearly as unaffected by all this as he pretended. Spike leaped up to the grid and quickly unhooked the two chains he had attached up there. They clattered to the ground and the sound echoed in the silence.
Xander still hadn't come up with anything else to say when Spike shoved the chains into a small bag and vanished up the stairs. Standing naked in the middle of the training room, Xander wondered exactly what he was supposed to do from here.
The Lesser of Two Evils had Spike helping Xander with a little problem he'd developed... there were tentacles involved. But now, there's a sequel.
The Forest for the Trees
Kinks: Suspension, Consent play
Rated: ADULT
Summary: So, Xander discovered something about his sexuality during his little side trip to Spike's demony friends, but what exactly did he discover?
"Right then, what crawled up your ass and died, mate, because I am just about through with this shite," Spike said as he dropped onto the couch next to Xander. Xander tensed up for a second, hating that instinct that he had trained himself out of years ago. But one little incident, one little case of Spike saving his ass... or not saving his ass and letting big old tentacles get his ass, and all the flinch instincts were back in play.
"Fuck off," Xander suggested as he focused on the television. When Spike's bottle sailed into the television screen in a brilliant flare of light and beer spray and a really ominous crackle of electricity, Xander didn't even blink.
"You ungrateful little prick," Spike snarled, and Xander's flinch was back. "I bloody well saved your life, got you that eye back, kept your fucking secret, and shared the money. What the bloody fuck do you want?"
"A Spike-shaped pile of dust?" Xander suggested hopefully, and even he knew he'd gone too far. Yeah, he and Spike weren't the bestest of buds, but they'd learned a grudging respect for each other, only that was sounding distinctly unrespectful. Distinctly. And the way Spike had gone utterly still and silent was verging on giving Xander the creeps. Long seconds ticked by, time weirdly warping so that Xander stared at the VCR under the ruined TV wondering if the clock was stuck because the minutes never changed and this was feeling pretty much like an eternity.
"Nice Harris. Have a good life," Spike finally said, his voice absolutely empty of all emotion as he stood up, and Xander just knew if Spike left right now, he wasn't coming back and then there would be repercussions and angry Willow and maybe even a little guilt because Spike really didn't deserve to get kicked in the guts.
"Wait," Xander said as he scrambled to his feet. Spike offered him a two-fingered salute and kept heading for the door. "Spike, I'm sorry." Yeah, like that ever worked. Spike kept right on walking, and Xander hurried after him. "I'm an asshole, okay? Big with the assholiness, which is the whole problem, only it's not your problem because you didn't make me big with the assholiness as much as just rubbing my nose in it, so I'm really sorry."
"Wot?" Spike turned and gave Xander one of his patented looks, the kind that Spike usually only gave Angel or Willow's flavor of the month or other people who really bugged him.
"I'm an asshole," Xander repeated as he stopped near Spike, and suddenly the room felt too small. The TV room, now minus the TV, was just a corner of the basement with the rest of the space dedicated to slayer training. Only now the already small room was feeling way smaller.
"Yeah, I got that part, and I couldn't agree more," Spike said with a not-friendly glare. "Didn't quite catch the rest of it, though. What exactly am I supposed to have rubbed your nose in? You're the one who's been acting like a fucking nob."
"Been thinking with my nob, not acting like one, and I have been listening to way too much of the weird Spike slangage if I'm making dumb jokes out of British words for penis," Xander sighed as he retreated to the couch and collapsed onto it. "Look, you deserve better than what I just said, and I'm having what Willow affectionately calls one of my poopy-head days, so just don't listen to anything I say... not that you listen to me anyway," Xander added after a second. Letting his head fall back on the couch, he closed his eyes and struggled to keep his breathing and heart rate even. It was an old trick from hanging out with way too many vampires and demons and things that went bump in the night. He'd lost a lot of kittens to Clem before he learned to control his heart rate, and he was really hoping that Willow was right about Clem adopting the cats out because if Spike had told him the truth about those kittens, he was going to hell for every kitten he'd lost to that guy.
"Spit it out." At Spike's words, Xander rolled his head to the side and opened one eye.
"Okay, I'm assuming you don't mean the pizza I just ate."
"You called Rose "Betty" and Willow fucking calls me asking if the eye I got you is cursed or something because you're acting like a first class git. So, whatever this is that I supposedly rubbed your nose it, it's turning you gormless. Now spit out whatever is gnawing at your innards before Willow calls in Buffy or Giles. "
"Oh," Xander said with a grimace. But in his defense, Rose did look a lot like Betty. Willow only seemed to have two types of girlfriends: ones that were exactly like Tara, and ones who were not like her at all. Kennedy was in the "not" pile, but Rose and Patsy and a couple others could have been Tara's sisters. And somehow, that just did not feel all that mentally healthy so Willow thinking that he was off his rails was a little on the ironic side. "The eye isn't evil, and if Willow is going to change girlfriends more often than shoes, she's going to have to learn to deal with the reality that is my brain's inability to keep up."
"What did I rub your nose in?" Spike demanded.
"Hey, rude much? We're poking at Willow's issues right now. We can come back to me later."
"Listen you little piece of shite, I'm done playing. You want to dust me, you can bloody well try, but this is over... this bit where you act like an arse wipe and then half apologize is getting old fast. So you explain it to Buffy or Willow or whoever is willing to deal with your sorry ass because I'm not." Spike stood up and headed for the door, and Xander had an image of himself trying to explain this to either Willow or Buffy... or god help him, Giles. That would damage him for life.
"It's the tentacle stuff, that's what I'm not spitting out," Xander blurted. If he had to have this conversation with someone, at least Spike would laugh at him in private and tell the girls to back off without blurting out inappropriate details.
"I figured that one out already. If you don't want me to walk out and call Willow, you'd better come up with something better than that," Spike said without even turning around. It gave Xander a nice view of Spike's ass, and that was not a view he should be enjoying. And he was so not good with shoulds, because should or not, that was a nice ass.
"I can't do this. One of the slayers may walk in," Xander said desperately as he got up and headed for the door.
Spike turned and blocked the door with his body. "Willow and Rose took them all for some ice cream and killin' things in the marsh."
"And you didn't go? Hey, I bet you could catch up with them," Xander suggested hopefully. His powers of puppy-eye had largely returned when he got the eye back, so he turned that on Spike. One arched eyebrow rose.
"The whole point of takin' them out was giving me a chance to find out what bug has crawled up your arse."
"Tentacle, not bug. Bugs I've eaten, but they have never been up my ass. Only tentacles have been there."
"And it saved your fucking life."
"I know!" Xander snapped, and Spike narrowed his eyes in a look that was way too much pre-souled Spike for Xander's comfort. "I know it saved me, but there are some things I just so very, very much did not need to know."
"Wot? The gay shit?"
"Yes, Spike, the gay shit. I mean, I'm a big fan of boobies, but a big disgusting thing shoves tentacles up my ass, and I'm coming harder than I've ever come in my life. This is freak worthy."
"So, you're self-destructing over being gay?" Spike sounded casual, but he sounded too casual, like the casual he got right before he pulled a big sword out and decapitated something.
"This is not a movie of the week, and I am not so pathetic as to be having a gay freak-out here," Xander said with more than a little exasperation.
"Ya better figure out what the hell the problem is because you're making everyone fucking miserable."
"I'm not bothering anyone," Xander objected.
"No, except when you growl and mope and act like Angel, Jr. You made one of the girls cry yesterday and you didn't even bloody notice."
Xander stopped cold at that. He wouldn't. Or he might, but he would notice. Okay, so maybe he wouldn't notice with the way he'd been feeling lately. Great, he was being a big old fuck-up again. "What kind of loser am I?" Xander demanded sarcastically as he tried to push past Spike, only to get pushed right back into the room with enough force to send him stumbling into the back of the couch.
"Obviously one who's not very good at explaining himself, and you're not getting out of this room until you explain exactly why you're twisted into knots over this."
Xander crossed his arms over his chest in his best imitation of Spike, but he suspected that he looked more insecure than decisive, and Spike really wasn't moving. "I proposed to Anya, I dated Cordelia, I slept with Faith... although really that was more Faith sleeping with me. I wasn't lying to any of them, Spike. I really loved them, only now I'm thinking I'm gay and how could I not have known this about myself? I feel like I lied to them and lied to myself, and now... now I just don't know. So, if I'm having a poopy-head day, I think I'm entitled."
"Strip," Spike ordered, and the word was so far left of anything Xander had expected that he just stood and stared at Spike. He kept staring until Spike closed in on him, using his body to trap Xander up against the back of the couch before starting to pull his buttons loose way too fast for Xander to even process.
"Hey now, bad touching, red light, back off," Xander said, his hands scrambling against Spike's arm and accomplishing nothing. Spike had Xander's shirt off and was working his jeans before Xander really panicked and started trying to climb over the back of the couch. He had half gotten over, one leg propped up onto the couch-back, when an inhumanly strong grip caught him by the neck.
"No means 'no,' remember that? This is no!" Xander cried desperately as Spike now pulled him back, forcing him to lean into the couch as Spike pressed against his naked backside.
"What are you feeling right now?" Spike asked softly, but his hands found Xander's wrists, pinning them to the couch.
"Freaked. Panicked. A slight side of wondering just how tight your soul is pinned on," Xander answered truthfully enough, it just wasn't all of the truth. Now that he'd been stripped, it was going to be hard to hide his erection if Spike made him turn around.
"I'm not going to hurt you, and my soul is pinned just as tight as ever," Spike promised, but he pressed even harder so that Xander had to take shallow breaths and the ache of being pinned threatened to turn into pain. Holding him like that for a second, Spike made a strange sound and then slowly eased off a little.
"And how tight would that be because from here, the soul looks a little wiggly, like one of those hangnails that you chew on," Xander pointed out as he wondered just how screwed he was.
"Make ya a deal," Spike offered, his voice low and silky, like when he was trying to sweet-talk Buffy. Xander's cock was sitting up and taking notice even though Xander's bigger head panicked at words like deal. That implied dealing which implied giving Spike something that Xander might want to give Spike but he would never want Spike to know that he wanted to give Spike, and that didn't even make sense in his head. "You know I won't hurt you." Spike pulled Xander's hands to the small of his back and pinned them both in one grip, leaving his other hand free to roam across Xander's shoulder and side. Fingers skimmed over hot skin, and Xander shivered. "You be a good boy, and I won't ever let anyone know about your secret," he promised.
"Um, not having a secret here... unless you count the potentially gay thing or the tentacles, and I think we've already established that you're not going to tattle about the tentacles."
"Shut up," Spike said, and Xander swallowed, caught between fear and desire.
"Right then, if you won't promise to be a good boy, we'll just have to make sure you can't do anything bad," Spike said, and then he was pulling Xander up. Twisting his body, Xander tried to free himself, but Spike easily held his wrists while catching him around the throat with his other hand, and Xander froze as fingers tightened around his neck in warning. Then Spike was pushing him out into the training room with its thick concrete walls, wood floor, and high ceilings. Xander stumbled where he got pushed. The overhead grid of steel beams the slayers used for climbing practice had a few new additions, short chains with leather straps attached to the ends.
When they reached a spot under the chains, Spike stopped, and Xander closed his eyes in humiliation as his cock jutted out in front of him. This was so very, very bad. This was huge amounts of bad. Spike let go of one of his hands and leaped up, grabbing the grid with his free hand. Considering that Spike was holding him by one wrist, this was probably his best chance to get away. Xander let his knees go soft and dropped to the floor... or he tried to. In reality, he ended up dangling from one wrist as Spike easily pulled him up.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Spike demanded as he hooked a knee over the grid and dangled down so that instead of holding Xander with one hand, he had two hands free.
"Um, I'm trying to get free," Xander said weakly as Spike buckled his wrist into the leather straps. It was a strangely formed bit of leather that came up and around his fist.
"Wanker," Spike snorted. "Give me your other hand."
"Hey, I have a better idea. Let me go and then we can both forget this."
"Give me your other hand or I'll come down, grab it, and then be in a bad mood when I decide how tight to buckle you in," Spike countered.
Xander swallowed, his thoughts running in little hamster wheel circles. He hadn't yet made up his mind about what he should do when Spike dropped down and just grabbed his free hand. Spike gave a good snort and then leaped back up to the grid, and Xander had exactly zero chance of escape. Slowly, Spike started tightening the chains and pulling Xander steadily up onto his toes.
"Um, Spike, getting weirded out here, and the fact that you had these chains out here is really not stopping the weird from coming," Xander said nervously as Spike dropped to the ground right in front of him. When Spike pursed his lips, Xander's mouth went dry and something that might be either lust or fear crawled through his guts. Xander tried to take a deep breath, but his chest ached because most of his weight was on his arms.
"Ya aren't gay, mate," Spike said casually, but then he ran a finger down Xander's hard cock, and that really seemed to disprove that bit of stupidity. Spike was the only person in the room, and Xander hadn't been this hard since Anya... or possibly since the tentacle beast, but he wasn't thinking about that.
"If I agree with you, will you let me down?" Xander asked, his breath short and his calves starting to throb.
"Who was your first big crush, mate?" Spike asked, his fingers tracing down to Xander's balls before he cupped them in his hand. Xander tried to pull back, but he could only shuffle about an inch and then he was out of room... out of room and feeling even more strain in his chest and arms and calves. And Spike still had his balls firmly in hand.
"Spike, why are you doing this?" Xander could feel desperate tears forming. When Spike tightened his hold on Xander's balls and then brought a second hand up to sweep over his chest and stroke his exposed side, Xander felt a tear slip loose. That's when Spike reached up and brushed it away with his thumb.
"Pet, look at me," Spike said. Xander didn't want to, but his eyes focused almost without his permission. "I wouldn't hurt you, Xander. You're a right pain in the ass sometimes, but we've been through a lot together. Besides, if I can deal with Peaches without staking him for his bloody brooding, I'm sure not going to lose my temper with you."
"Um, not feeling the trust here," Xander admitted.
"Could have killed ya or let you die easy enough a dozen times over, including when you had those Unji eggs in you. Helped ya then and I'm trying to help you now, but you need to listen to me very carefully."
"I'm not really good at listening," Xander tried joking. Spike's hand, the one that had brushed his tear away, had been stroking his cheek, but now he slipped it around the back of Xander's neck and pulled him close. Xander flailed a bit as Spike pulled him far enough away from the spot under the chains that his feet lost contact with the floor so that the chains were holding all his weight.
"You listen or I'll gag you and then say this often enough that even you have to hear it. But I'm trying to do this the easy way first." Spike slowly let Xander back down, and Xander's toes found the wood floor. He seriously considered just hyperventilating and passing out, only with as little room as he had with the chains, he couldn't breathe fast enough to actually do it.
"You're not bloody gay. Buffy tripped your trigger, right?" Spike asked. Xander gave a little nod and then held his breath as Spike started circling, his hands trailing over Xander's back and reaching down to grab his ass. This was officially the strangest position Xander had ever been in, and his cock just got harder as the need to come started to fog his thinking.
"After Buffy, who comes next?"
"Um... Cordelia."
"Bloody scary, that one. Had balls enough to go up against Angel and Angelus, like some other bastard I knew once." Spike made it clear that he meant Xander when he came around to the front and cupped Xander's cheek in his hand, and the oddly affectionate gesture sent all sorts of mixed signals that made Xander's skin tingle. His cock didn't care if there was fear and weirdness mixed in there; it only got the signal that someone was touching him with affection, and Xander could feel his orgasm inch closer. "Who was after Cordelia?"
"Um, probably Willow, but that was just a fluke," Xander gasped. Being suspended and needing to come were both robbing him of breath. Spike trailed a finger over Xander's chest, circling a nipple for a second before continuing.
"Willow made the first move, right?" Spike asked as he gently pinched Xander's nipple and rolled it between his finger and thumb.
"I, uh, don't know," Xander said. His muscles strained, the urge to thrust undeniable, but Spike had tied him so tightly that he couldn't do more than squirm a little, and even then the movement meant he lost contact with the floor for a second. His body spun a lazy half circle and then slowly returned before he could get his feet back under him.
"Was Faith before or after Red?"
"Maybe before?" Xander really had no idea at this point. For a second, Spike's hand rested on his hip, and then he shoved and Xander was swinging helplessly, his cock jutting out comically, and he really hoped Spike didn't have any cameras set up for this moment of humiliation.
"When did Anya show up?"
For long seconds, Xander didn't answer as he struggled to get a toe on the ground and stop the slow swing as his body dangled helplessly in the air. Spike eventually reached out and caught him by the hips, strong hands resting there as he looked up at Xander with that single raised eyebrow that made it really clear he wanted an answer. "Senior year, but we didn't have sex until after I graduated," Xander hurried to say. If this was doing it the easy way, he did not want to push Spike into doing anything hard. Although maybe if they did this the hard way, his idiot cock would deflate because being tied up was bad enough, but the hard-on just added whole new levels of humiliation.
"Anyone between Anya and the tentacles you were so fond of?" Spike asked, his trademark smirk finally in place, and Xander braced himself for the coming humiliation.
"No, okay? Look, whatever game you're playing, can we just get it over so I can go to bed and start pretending it never happened?"
"So, you're attracted to two slayers, a thousand year-old demon, a serious bitch who later became a demon, a witch, a demon with enough tentacles and power to turn you into a grease spot, and me. Are you seeing a pattern?"
"I'm seeing a need for therapy," Xander shot back, and immediately, he was spinning in the air, his legs thrashing in the air helplessly as he dangled like a big helpless Xander-shaped pendulum. Xander strained, but he couldn't stop or even slow down. And then suddenly Spike's arm snaked around his waist and pulled him close so that Xander's naked back pressed against Spike's stomach. A second hand reached up and smoothed his hair and caressed his chest before it slid down and fisted Xander's cock.
Xander hissed in white pleasure. His balls drew up in anticipation, and his body tightened, but his feet were still off the ground, and without leverage he couldn't thrust.
"Spike," Xander pleaded.
"Are ya seeing what I am, pet? Are you finally seeing the forest or are you just looking at the trees?"
Xander opened his mouth, but he had absolutely no answer for that.
"You're getting off on this... aren't you?" Spike whispered the words, and they burned all the way down into Xander. He was enjoying this. His cock was hard and aching, the head turning dark and drops of white gathering at the tip. Spike ran a thumb over the slit and Xander screamed and came, his body twitching helplessly as he was held in place by the chains and Spike's arm around his waist.
And now Xander really couldn't breathe, his chest burned and his back arched as he struggled to get enough air in. When his toes touched the ground, the weight on his arms was still too much. Just about the time the edges of reality started to go dark, Xander felt his right arm loosen, and then his left, and he could stand flat on his feet and bring his hands down so they were level with his head.
Xander used the extra slack to bend over and gasp for air. His come was splattered across the wood floor and his cock still throbbed with the intensity of the orgasm, but he noticed all that from the slightly fuzzy space of a truly mind-blowing post-orgasm. Suddenly, not even Spike's hands brushing over his back and his ass seemed strange. Without warning, Xander's brain checked out, and nothing was strange or wrong at all. Hands shifted down to push his thighs, and Xander obligingly spread his feet, his brain not even caring why Spike was moving him. In fact, Xander's brain didn't even kick on again until Spike brushed over his asshole.
With a flash of panic, Xander tried to bring his feet together, but Spike was standing between his legs, and his strong hands on Xander's hips kept him from wiggling away.
"Calm down. Just... bloody hell, breathe!" Spike snapped, and Xander felt giggles press up into his throat.
"Calm down? Um, newsflash, there will be no calm going on here because rape is not calm-making."
"I'm not going to rape you," Spike snorted, and that would be his 'Xander's being stupid' voice and really, Xander was way more on board with the 'Spike's being sadistic and crazy.' Spike sighed, and the hands at Xander's hips gentled some. "Just give me a little trust here."
"Spike?" Xander said in a shaky voice. He was bent over at the waist, his arms carrying the weight of his upper body, and Spike was still standing between his open legs. Part of Xander wanted to scream and panic and flail until something happened, and another part just wanted to freeze like a deer in the headlights, only it rarely ended well for deer in headlights.
"Why did you spread your legs for me, Xand?" Spike asked calmly.
"Stupidity?" Xander guessed.
"Bloody hell, you're as thick as Angel when you really put your mind to it," Spike snapped, but then he sighed, and when he started again, he had that calm voice he sometimes used with Dawn or the younger slayers. "Faith, Anya, tentacles, chains, me... it's all the same thing, pet. You're attracted to the power, or in your case, the lack of power. So you aren't bloody gay. You didn't lie to yourself or your birds. Ya just have a kink in there."
"And you think having sex with me is going to... what? Because I'm not seeing the plan here. Unless the plan is to seriously freak me out, in which case you get a gold star."
"The plan is to get you to admit that you're turned on by having someone in control. And maybe then you'll stop this bloody annoying self-flagellation and idiotic behavior."
"So, I say that, 'hey, I really am turned on by chains,' and you do what exactly?" Xander asked, and he had to admit that his sated cock was already getting a little excited because he couldn't actually do anything to stop Spike. He was so very, very wrong in the head, but it felt so very, very good.
"I unchain you and tell you to stop acting like someone pissed in your milk," Spike said, as he gave Xander's ass a sharp slap and stepped back.
"You... what?" Okay, now Xander was really confused.
"I don't rape."
Xander took a deep breath to point out that he was actually okay with having sex, but Spike cut him off.
"And I'm not having sex with someone who can't figure out his own kinks. So, find someone you like and trust, and let them tie you up and have their wicked way with you," Spike said as he finally walked around and started unbuckling the restraints around Xander's wrists. Xander stood and watched silently as Spike let him go.
"Spike?" he asked, totally confused. He was even more confused by the disappointment that was quickly overshadowing any pleasure he'd found from a very pleasurable orgasm.
"I promised Willow that I'd help you pull your head out of your arse. Mission accomplished," Spike brushed it off casually, but Xander could see the bulge in Spike's jeans that suggested he wasn't nearly as unaffected by all this as he pretended. Spike leaped up to the grid and quickly unhooked the two chains he had attached up there. They clattered to the ground and the sound echoed in the silence.
Xander still hadn't come up with anything else to say when Spike shoved the chains into a small bag and vanished up the stairs. Standing naked in the middle of the training room, Xander wondered exactly what he was supposed to do from here.