Experience Curve 13
Experience Curve 13
Spike/Xander, Jim/Blair
Rated ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub
Sequel to Learning Curve
All previous parts HERE
Xander followed Spike into the kitchen, a stupid grin on his face that was so totally going to make Willow go all cringy, and yet he just couldn't care. His butt still tingled nicely from the second half of his spanking, and he was so pleasantly exhausted that he didn't care about cringiness or crankiness.
"Mornin' ladies, and gentleman because I do not in any way shape or form imply that Giles is a lady. That would be disturbing," Xander offered the group already gathered in the large room. They'd actually taken out the formal parlor to make the mondo kitchen, leaving them with just a den, a library and a sitting room, and Xander wondered why the British needed so many rooms to pretty much do nothing, but no way could he figure out that mystery of life without caffeine.
"Morning," Buffy said as she held out a cup. "Or evening." And that was not a happy Buffy voice.
Xander looked at her even as he ignored the way Willow frowned. Buffy had her back to him as she tended something meatlike and burning on the stove, but she didn't look like she was going to take it off soon, and she had that special stuffiness in her voice that comes from crying... or trying hard not to. Yep, the happy-happy joy-joy feelings were continuing.
"We found some information relevant to the Slanom demon," Giles said, right to business, but Buffy didn't even turn around to join the conversation as she poked at the helpless meat.
"Ya better have found a way to kill the bugger without needin' help from a Shaman," Spike said as he leaned back against a counter and crossed his arms.
"Yes, well no matter what type of Shaman Xander is, his skills clearly focus on finding the danger, not eliminating it. Willow has managed a tracking spell which should provide any necessary tracking."
"Xander?" Willow called softly as she stepped forward. Xander watched as she stepped close, her eyes focused on his wrists. "Oh goddess. What did Spike do to you?"
Xander looked down and spotted the red marks pressed into his flesh. Shit. Xander froze, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched Spike's eyebrow go up. Okay, he could do this.
Giving Willow his best goofy smile, Xander shrugged. "Hey, let's make a deal. You don't bring up things like, oh, me having marks from leather cuffs, and I won't bring up the teddy bear collection, you know, the one that includes the teddy in the naughty outfit that Kennedy bought you and that you still keep under your bed," Xander suggested hopefully.
Willow blinked several times before blushing a nice deep red. "I don't-- I mean..."
"Exactly. Some things are not worth discussing, which is why I'm voting for a big old no-discussion rule about my sex life," Xander pointed out as he headed for the dining room. The baby slayers were already there along with a pile of pancakes that looked downright edible, so Xander guess that Yi and Kelly had made them before Buffy offered to help.
"And I would second that." Giles followed behind and dropped into a seat at the table. The pancakes were on the far end of the table, so Giles grabbed the plate with the bacon. Xander was guessing Buffy had helped with that because the strips looked a little charcoal briquette for his taste. Giles tried to maneuver one onto his plate, and the piece crumbled and a bit of it flew off toward Janie, landing in her hair.
"Oh dear, I apologize," Giles hurried to say.
"I totally don't mind getting burned meat thrown at me as long as we keep getting the good drama," she shrugged.
"No. No drama," Willow said seriously. "Just friends working things out."
Spike, still standing next to the door, snorted loudly. "Right then, time for all good little slayers to sod off," he suggested. Yi almost ran for the door, clearly happy to get out of the line of Scooby fire. The others quickly followed, some grabbing pieces of bread and shoving bacon and eggs between the slices before abandoning the dining room. Janie sat and watched without moving. Spike raised an eyebrow at her.
"I never even pretended to be good," she offered. Spike flashed into gameface and snarled.
"Geez, I'm going. You guys never let us in on the good dirt," she complained, grabbing her whole plate before leaving.
"Time for a few ground rules," Spike started as Buffy came back into the room with a plate of sausages. Xander grabbed several from the plate and shoved them in his mouth. When Spike looked over at him, clearly expecting him to say something, Xander just smiled around the mouth full of burnt pork.
"Ground rules. I can do ground rules. Ground rule the first is that you don't get to tell Xander what to do," Willow started with her best not-backing-down face.
"Oh goody, the fun has started already. I'll get the antacid," Buffy said as she turned and headed back into the kitchen.
"Me?" Spike asked indignantly. Oi, you lot go orderin' him around more than I ever dreamed of!"
"What? We don't do that. We don't! Do we?" Willow turned to Giles, but he just continued to poke at the breakfast with his fork.
"I do believe Buffy is more than a little upset this morning," he commented to no one in particular as the scrambled eggs he tried scooping from the bowl slowly oozed through the tines of his fork.
"You giving him orders, like he can't go out with us... that is... is... wrong!" Willow finally finished, but Xander could still hear all the very non-Willowy curse words bubbling just under the surface, straining to come out.
"I don't suppose you guys made up and decided to at least fake adult behavior for a while?" Buffy asked as she came back into the room with a large white pill bottle. She put it down on the table and Giles grabbed for it immediately.
"No chance of that, I fear," Giles said quietly.
"We don't tell Xander what to do, do we?" Willow demanded of Buffy. Buffy froze for a second, looking over at Xander in a way that made it very clear that she totally knew that Xander was follow-behind boy.
"We don't!" Willow protested. "We just want what's best for him, and I'm sorry Spike, but you telling him he can't leave the house... that's..."
"Very fifties," Buffy shrugged as she took the antacid bottle from Giles.
"Having lived through the fifties, I can safely say that the practice of keeping the spouse at home predates that era. However, I don't think this is a conversation we really need to be having right now. Right now, we have more serious concerns."
"We need to take down the Slanom and find whatever big bad pushed him through the portal," Buffy nodded. "I don't have time for the Spike and Xander show, or at least not the sexually inappropriate Spike and Xander show. So, Xander, I really need you to do the freaky follow-the-evil routine again only this time we need to find whatever big and slimy pushed him through the portal."
"What's the plan?" Spike asked, immediately turning to Buffy. The mood in the room shifted as mention of the latest apocalypty goodness distracted everyone. Putting his chin on his hand, Xander opened his Shamanic vision. Almost immediately, he blinked as Buffy's gold cord slammed against the constraints of her body, whipping wildly and blinking like Christmas tree lights on acid.
"Plan simple. Find. Fight. Kill." Through the cords that blurred the real world, Xander could see a faint impression of a very not-so-nice smile on Buffy's face.
"Can't kill a Slanom without the bloody sword of whoever, so unless you had one Fed-Ex'ed last night--"
"So we put the Slanom on the slay-wait list while we find whatever brought him here. If you and Giles are right, this thing didn't just wander over here on his own, so there's something out there that needs killing. So, Xander can find something with delusion of world-endage, and we stick big swords in it."
"That's your plan?" Spike's voice sounded caught between horror and laughter. Xander blinked the Shamanic vision away and saw his lover giving Buffy his best one-eyebrow-up look of disbelief.
"Find. Fight. Kill. You have to go with the classics," Buffy nodded.
"No bloody way. He's not going out without somethin' that sounds a little less likely to get us all fucking killed."
"I don't remember asking for your vote," Buffy snapped, her voice suddenly brittle and sounding way too much like old Buffy, like Buffy before Italy, like Buffy who still hated the world after being in heaven.
"Boy's not going out without my say so."
"He's not some housewife in a dress. He can make his own choices," Buffy snapped.
"Yeah," Willow added softly.
"Xander," Buffy started as she turned toward him. Xander realized his mouth was empty and grabbed for a plate. He got crunchy, slightly charcoaly bacon, but he shoved it in and started chewing. "You'll help, right?" she asked.
Xander stared over at her, chewing as he tried his best to make no head movements at all, nothing that could be taken as affirmative or negative.
"You're daft. You don't even bloody know how hard this rot is for him, and you'll risk his neck dragging him out without even a plan?" Spike snarled as he stood up. Buffy stood up at the same time. Giles grabbed for the antacid bottle.
"You're not exactly plan boy," Buffy snapped.
"I don't take stupid risks."
"Parent-teacher night."
"Had an escape plan, and I didn't take any more risks than I had to."
"I killed most of your minions."
"They were minions. Minions are around ta get staked. You're not gettin' Xander staked!" The two screamed at each other, standing nose to nose right behind Giles' chair.
"I'm not getting Xander staked. Who said I was getting Xander staked?! It's his choice if he wants to help, you know, the way he's been helping since long before you even came around."
Xander watched as Buffy's eyes darted toward him, and he grabbed for more food to shove in his mouth. He reached for the cold toast, hoping it would be just a little less disgusting, but Spike jerked the plate away from him at the last second.
"Hey, still hungry," Xander argued, but the glare Spike gave him made him pull back the hand he had used to reach for the bread before Spike grabbed it and used it to drag Xander off to the room for another lesson. Not that he would mind another lesson. Another lesson would be fun, as opposed to watching Spike and Buffy scream at each other, which was making the whole place feel weirdly like the Harris household.
"There you go telling Xander what to do. Not very friend-like," Willow interjected.
"Good lord," Giles sighed. Xander just looked at the bacon and wondered if it was worth the horrible taste just to have something to do with his mouth other than be forced to answer. Spike reached over and slid the plate of bacon away.
"You bloody well guilt him into doing whatever you lot want. He didn't want to go to Cascade, but he did because you sent him. At least he'll tell me 'no' if I push too hard. He'll bloody well let you lot push him into losing his soddin' mind before he'll tell you to stop."
"We wouldn't. We care about Xander, and we're looking out for him."
"By sendin' him round the deep end?" Spike demanded. Xander opened his mouth to protest, but really, he had been kinda deep endy lately.
"We don't have time for this," Buffy said tightly. "Xander, we need to find whoever brought the Slanom through the portal, and we need to find them quickly. Giles and I were talking, and if you focus on the feeling of wanting to take over the whole world... or maybe wanting to just watch the whole world go kabang... you could track down the one who opened the portal, and then the Slanom, okay, that will have to wait until we have the sword but then the slugs aren't exactly known for moving quickly, so that is totally slay-waitable. But if someone is opening portals and trying to end the world, that moves up to slay-now land."
"Buffy," Xander said as he looked up at her. She had such a hopeful expression, like when Anya would stare at him, hoping he would say yes to one of her hairbrained ideas, only her ideas tended to include sex and potential for public humiliation, and Buffy's was more about potential for painful death. Xander glanced over toward Spike, and the vampire was looking at him blankly, his face a mask of indifference. Xander suspected that if he used his Shamanic vision, he'd find that Spike wasn't nearly as calm as he looked. Xander took a deep breath before he answered. "Maybe if we have a better plan, one with less chance of me tripping over the demon half-blind and getting eaten--."
"You don't think I'd protect you?" Buffy's voice was whisper-soft, hurt, her eyes looking at him with that expression she'd had the day they demoted her to non-head slayer and turned to Faith. Only this time, Xander knew he was right. He just wished his guts weren't twisting and that the little voice in the back of his head wasn't demanding that he say something... anything... to make that expression go away.
"We both know you'd try, but ya don't have any idea how helpless he is when he uses the vision," Spike interrupted.
"We were protecting him back when you were still trying to eat him, buster," Willow said as she stood up and went to Buffy's side. Xander sank lower in the chair.
"Bloody hell. You don't get it, do ya?"
"You're twisting Xander's head around all wrong, and not with the literally because that would make him dead what with human heads not twisting around, and I know you wouldn't actually kill him, Spike, but this is... this is not right." Willow turned her eyes to Xander, begging him to stand with them. Xander started studying his thumbnail.
"Enough!" Giles shouted from his seat at the table. He brought his hands down, the palms slapping the solid wood. "Buffy, the plan is precipitous. We discussed that already this morning, and given the circumstances, I do understand your need for quick action, but Spike is--Spike is an overbearing ass who just happens to be right this time. Xander's abilities, whatever they happen to represent, do make him vulnerable in the field. Going into battle with an unknown enemy with an untested and untrained Shaman is not the wisest action."
"See?" Spike asked triumphantly, a smirk on his face. Giles finally stood and faced Spike.
"However, your sudden interest in Xander after he developed this supposed power is both suspicious and disturbing. If, as you claim, you care for Xander, you had ample time in which to develop a relationship before Xander went to Cascade. You did not. From what I can tell, you showed frustration, aggravation, and anger toward Xander, but you never once expressed interest. So, while I fully support Xander's choice because he is an adult who has the right to choose whomever he wishes as a lover, I am looking forward to the day when he finally sees that you are not a healthy or wise choice."
Xander flinched from the disapproval and then watched as Spike's smirk faded into something darker and more dangerous. He glared murder at Giles, but Giles simply turned to look at Xander. "This whole situation is difficult at best. However, let me assure you that whatever Shamanic powers you have, you need training, training that Spike cannot provide. I called a Shaman in France last night, and he is willing to take you as a pupil and evaluate your skills."
Xander opened his mouth to protest, but Giles held up his hand. "I am not trying to forcibly separate you and Spike, so the Shaman is also willing to accommodate Spike for however long your training may take, and I assure you that your sexual proclivities will not shock his sensibilities. However, I do also feel a need to point out that Spike is not the only person who can provide what you need, Xander. You are a strong, handsome young man, and many people share your sexual preferences. I can provide a list of safe clubs and organizations where you could meet any number of people, but I shall hang on to that list for you until such time as you ask for it."
"He's not going to ask for it," Spike snarled.
"Then it shall hurt no one if I simply carry it with me," Giles answered as he turned to calmly stare at Spike. Xander watched as Spike and Giles stood face to face, Buffy and Willow standing behind Giles. Chewing his lip, Xander stood up and walked around the table until he stood beside Spike, and Spike immediately moved, leaving space for Xander to step close and slip an arm around Spike's waist. Spike pulled him close.
"Xander's not stupid. He didn't choose me because he didn't have any better offers. Hell, boy was shagging the furry little Shaman back in Cascade."
"Xander... what?" Willow just about squeaked. "But I thought Blair and Jim--."
"Hell yeah, they shag so often it's hard to tell the smell of one from the other, but that doesn't mean the Sentinel wouldn't have been just as happy to have Xander warmin' their bed. He had choices, Rupes. He had choices, and he bloody well picked me."
"And I'm always going to pick Spike," Xander added softly, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look them all in the eye. He settled for staring at Giles' belt buckle. It was silver... and shiny. Shiny belt buckle. He wondered if Giles shined it.
"So, we're just going to sit around here and do nothing?" Buffy asked, her voice still brittle.
"There are some magical sources we could tap or research," Giles suggested. Buffy gave a frustrated little sob, and Xander looked up.
"Buff?" he asked, concerned by an expression that was way more than just disappointed or frustrated, and Xander didn't think Buffy would be that worried about him, not worried enough to have that expression of imminent world-endage on her face.
Buffy chewed her lip.
"Riley's missing," Willow said softly.
"Riley?" Xander looked from one to the other. Yeah, the soldier had kept in touch with them, but it wasn't exactly like he was a Scooby. Xander watched as Buffy paled and Willow blushed pink.
"Buffy and Riley had been, sorta working it out," Willow admitted with a guilty look over toward Buffy.
"Oi, the therapy. That's why you were going to the therapy, tryin' ta get your head turned around right when it came to the blokes," Spike said, the anger evaporated in a second.
"Therapy?" Xander demanded. "There was therapy involved? Why didn't I know about therapy? Better point, why does Spike know when I don't know? And why didn't I know about Riley?" Xander turned to Buffy, feeling the sharp point of rejection in his gut. Buffy at least had the grace to look embarrassed.
"I didn't even tell Willow about the therapy. It was supposed to be a secret," Buffy said as she glared at Spike.
"But you told Spike?" Willow asked in her hurt voice. Xander felt the sides shift. Strangely him and Willow versus Buffy didn't feel any better than her and Buffy versus him.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I needed to play show and tell. I couldn't exactly tell a therapist that I was a vampire slayer without ending up with a nice new wardrobe with long sleeves and buckles in the back."
"So, she dragged me along ta scare the bint with my big teeth."
"But Riley's missing now," Buffy said softly as she crossed her arms and suddenly looked impossibly small. "His unit was ordered to investigate what sounded like a group of Kith-harn, which should have been a quick job, only they never checked in again."
"Where?" Xander asked. Okay, this was unexpected what with Buffy swearing off men and threatening to explore her inner lesbian post-Immortal, but Xander recognized the raw pain in Buffy's face. They weren't sorta working it out; they were a thing. And now Buffy was falling apart.
"Idaho," Buffy said softly.
"Idaho? Potato Idaho or some alternate reality Idaho or maybe a demon dimension called Idaho?" Xander asked.
"Idaho in the Northwest United States," Giles said in a tired voice. "His unit was deployed west of a town called Cobalt, and the area is exceptionally isolated."
"He wandered around the jungles of South America and a hellmouth safely, and he goes missing in Idaho?" Xander asked again. Okay, so he was having some trouble wrapping his brain around that one.
"Yes. Idaho!" Buffy snapped. "And I'm here trying to find one more demon trying to suck the world into hell. I should be..." Buffy shuddered to a stop. "Xander, I just need you to find whatever is opening the portals, whatever pushed the Slanom into this dimension." Buffy's face had gone hard, the pain of a second ago vanished under the General Buffy face, the one she would put on when they found one more potential slayer lying dead on the ground. Xander hated that face.
"We don't know what to track, pet," Spike said to her softly. "We don't know if this is someone goin' for power or some nutter playing with mojo. We don't even know if the person pullin' the strings is in this dimension."
"Xander's our best chance of finding this guy fast," Buffy insisted.
"He's not goin' to be much help without more information," Spike countered, his voice soft and weirdly logical, but his arm tightened around Xander's waist.
"He has to be," Buffy said without emotion.
"As much as I hate to agree with Spike, and that is a considerable amount of hate," Giles offered, "He's right. We simply don't know enough about the enemy or about Xander's skills to use them effectively."
"I wish I could help," Xander said quickly. "I would be first in line to help. Riley's a nice guy, and I'm really glad you're getting back with him because I know his divorce really threw him, but I don't know how to find whoever dragged the Slanom through," Xander said helplessly.
Buffy stared at him blankly, and Xander felt the sucking feeling in his gut, the one that told him he was screwing up again. He wasn't fixing what he needed to fix.
"Maybe you can just try," Willow suggested softly, her hand coming up to rest on Buffy's shoulder.
"I don't know what to look for, and I don't see anything big with the weird," Xander said, blinking into his Shaman vision just to check again. Nope, Buffy's cord doing the tornado impression was the weirdest thing on his radar.
"I'm sure you're trying," Giles said reassuringly. "We simply need to research the Slanom's dimension and discover the force behind this the old fashioned way."
"Which leaves Riley with no help," Buffy looked up, and the hardness was still there. "You heard Carter. The military isn't sending anyone. They're just sitting back and if Riley and his guys can get themselves out, fine, and if not, the military will just call them casualties of some freak plane crash or something." Buffy turned from Giles to Xander. "Maybe we could drive around... you could see if you spotted any potential world-endage. I can't leave when I'm needed here, but I'm needed there, too. If this takes too long, Riley could die. He could be dying now." Buffy focused on him, and Xander's guts twisted with the need to do something. He might be able to find the big bad. Maybe. If the guy was in this dimension. If they were right that some mastermind was behind the Slanom. If it wasn't just some demon's idea of a practical joke. Xander sighed. Oh, this was not going well.
"Wait," Xander straightened as an idea hit him. "You stay and research the Slanom and Spike and I can go find Riley," he offered.
"Bloody--- What!?" Spike demanded.
"You'll what?" Buffy asked at the same time.
"You won't go out with all of us, but you'll go half way around the world with just Spike?" Willow demanded. Giles offered a soft noise that might have been a British curse before wandering to the side of the room and staring out at the stars.
"Spike knows how the mojo thing works," Xander defended himself and his idea, but the Willow pout didn't budge. "Besides, it's Idaho. How dangerous can Idaho be?"
"If something took out Riley and his team, you shouldn't be in the same state with it," Buffy said firmly. "We just need to hurry on the research front and then I can go find him. Or you could..." Buffy let her voice trail off, but Xander heard her frustration with him anyway. A little part of his brain told him to just try, to see if he could find the big bad if he wandered around looking. The hand around his waist anchored him to the reality that the odds were that it wouldn't end well. After all, pre-Cascade he seemed to use his skills to get himself in the most possible trouble at any given time, so the odds of someone killing or eating him were actually pretty good.
"I'll have Spike, and he knows more about the Shaman thing. And even if some demon did take out Riley's team, the demon wouldn't just assume that a vampire was out on the slay. Spike could totally bluff and play evil if the Idaho demons turned out to be extra demony, and you just can't pull that off, Buff," Xander pointed out. If he wanted Spike to do this, a little buttering up might be in order. "Besides, there isn't a bigger big bad than Spike." From the suspicious look Spike gave him, Xander didn't think he'd fooled the vamp.
"Can't bloody believe I'm sayin' this since I'd personally eat the bugger before crossing the street ta save his life, but Xand's right. You do the bit for God and country here, and Xander and I'll bring Captain Cardboard back."
"Spike." Buffy stopped. She closed her eyes for a second as though gathering her thoughts. "Spike, let's talk outside," she said as she headed for the kitchen. "Just us, okay?" Buffy asked over her shoulder as Spike started pulling Xander with him.
"Hey, no problem. You guys go do the talking thing, and I'll try and find some food that doesn't taste like charcoal," Xander said as he stepped away from Spike. For a second, Spike hesitated.
"Be right back," he said, and then he strode toward the kitchen. Xander heard the back door to the gardens slam loudly.
"Oh yeah, this day is off to a great start," Xander said sarcastically.
"I know it seems like we're big with the picking, but Xander, we just want to help. This isn't healthy. I ordered a few books from Amazon-dot-com, and Stockholm is really normal. Or, it isn't normal since it's a mental disorder, but it's not rare. And I don't know why you would suddenly turn to Spike, but the whole tying up is totally about power."
Xander opened his mouth to point out that tying up was less about power than just serious freaking sexy, but Giles beat him to the punch.
"Good lord. Willow, as much as I support your general position on the inherent dangers of Spike and Xander being in a relationship, please stop suggesting that a little bondage is a sign of the apocalypse."
"Giles!" Willow said, her mouth forming a shocked o.
"Do grow up," Giles snapped in return before he turned and headed for the hall. Oh yeah, this day was getting better and better all the time, Xander mused as he edged backwards toward the door to the library, sliding the pocket door closed on the sight of Willow standing in the middle of the empty dining room with a table full of mangled food-like substances. Blinking his Shamanic vision into place, Xander quickly found the traces of Spike's dual cord as he slipped out into the muggy night air and headed for the back yard for a little research of his own.
Spike/Xander, Jim/Blair
Rated ADULT
Warnings: Dom/sub
Sequel to Learning Curve
All previous parts HERE
Xander followed Spike into the kitchen, a stupid grin on his face that was so totally going to make Willow go all cringy, and yet he just couldn't care. His butt still tingled nicely from the second half of his spanking, and he was so pleasantly exhausted that he didn't care about cringiness or crankiness.
"Mornin' ladies, and gentleman because I do not in any way shape or form imply that Giles is a lady. That would be disturbing," Xander offered the group already gathered in the large room. They'd actually taken out the formal parlor to make the mondo kitchen, leaving them with just a den, a library and a sitting room, and Xander wondered why the British needed so many rooms to pretty much do nothing, but no way could he figure out that mystery of life without caffeine.
"Morning," Buffy said as she held out a cup. "Or evening." And that was not a happy Buffy voice.
Xander looked at her even as he ignored the way Willow frowned. Buffy had her back to him as she tended something meatlike and burning on the stove, but she didn't look like she was going to take it off soon, and she had that special stuffiness in her voice that comes from crying... or trying hard not to. Yep, the happy-happy joy-joy feelings were continuing.
"We found some information relevant to the Slanom demon," Giles said, right to business, but Buffy didn't even turn around to join the conversation as she poked at the helpless meat.
"Ya better have found a way to kill the bugger without needin' help from a Shaman," Spike said as he leaned back against a counter and crossed his arms.
"Yes, well no matter what type of Shaman Xander is, his skills clearly focus on finding the danger, not eliminating it. Willow has managed a tracking spell which should provide any necessary tracking."
"Xander?" Willow called softly as she stepped forward. Xander watched as she stepped close, her eyes focused on his wrists. "Oh goddess. What did Spike do to you?"
Xander looked down and spotted the red marks pressed into his flesh. Shit. Xander froze, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched Spike's eyebrow go up. Okay, he could do this.
Giving Willow his best goofy smile, Xander shrugged. "Hey, let's make a deal. You don't bring up things like, oh, me having marks from leather cuffs, and I won't bring up the teddy bear collection, you know, the one that includes the teddy in the naughty outfit that Kennedy bought you and that you still keep under your bed," Xander suggested hopefully.
Willow blinked several times before blushing a nice deep red. "I don't-- I mean..."
"Exactly. Some things are not worth discussing, which is why I'm voting for a big old no-discussion rule about my sex life," Xander pointed out as he headed for the dining room. The baby slayers were already there along with a pile of pancakes that looked downright edible, so Xander guess that Yi and Kelly had made them before Buffy offered to help.
"And I would second that." Giles followed behind and dropped into a seat at the table. The pancakes were on the far end of the table, so Giles grabbed the plate with the bacon. Xander was guessing Buffy had helped with that because the strips looked a little charcoal briquette for his taste. Giles tried to maneuver one onto his plate, and the piece crumbled and a bit of it flew off toward Janie, landing in her hair.
"Oh dear, I apologize," Giles hurried to say.
"I totally don't mind getting burned meat thrown at me as long as we keep getting the good drama," she shrugged.
"No. No drama," Willow said seriously. "Just friends working things out."
Spike, still standing next to the door, snorted loudly. "Right then, time for all good little slayers to sod off," he suggested. Yi almost ran for the door, clearly happy to get out of the line of Scooby fire. The others quickly followed, some grabbing pieces of bread and shoving bacon and eggs between the slices before abandoning the dining room. Janie sat and watched without moving. Spike raised an eyebrow at her.
"I never even pretended to be good," she offered. Spike flashed into gameface and snarled.
"Geez, I'm going. You guys never let us in on the good dirt," she complained, grabbing her whole plate before leaving.
"Time for a few ground rules," Spike started as Buffy came back into the room with a plate of sausages. Xander grabbed several from the plate and shoved them in his mouth. When Spike looked over at him, clearly expecting him to say something, Xander just smiled around the mouth full of burnt pork.
"Ground rules. I can do ground rules. Ground rule the first is that you don't get to tell Xander what to do," Willow started with her best not-backing-down face.
"Oh goody, the fun has started already. I'll get the antacid," Buffy said as she turned and headed back into the kitchen.
"Me?" Spike asked indignantly. Oi, you lot go orderin' him around more than I ever dreamed of!"
"What? We don't do that. We don't! Do we?" Willow turned to Giles, but he just continued to poke at the breakfast with his fork.
"I do believe Buffy is more than a little upset this morning," he commented to no one in particular as the scrambled eggs he tried scooping from the bowl slowly oozed through the tines of his fork.
"You giving him orders, like he can't go out with us... that is... is... wrong!" Willow finally finished, but Xander could still hear all the very non-Willowy curse words bubbling just under the surface, straining to come out.
"I don't suppose you guys made up and decided to at least fake adult behavior for a while?" Buffy asked as she came back into the room with a large white pill bottle. She put it down on the table and Giles grabbed for it immediately.
"No chance of that, I fear," Giles said quietly.
"We don't tell Xander what to do, do we?" Willow demanded of Buffy. Buffy froze for a second, looking over at Xander in a way that made it very clear that she totally knew that Xander was follow-behind boy.
"We don't!" Willow protested. "We just want what's best for him, and I'm sorry Spike, but you telling him he can't leave the house... that's..."
"Very fifties," Buffy shrugged as she took the antacid bottle from Giles.
"Having lived through the fifties, I can safely say that the practice of keeping the spouse at home predates that era. However, I don't think this is a conversation we really need to be having right now. Right now, we have more serious concerns."
"We need to take down the Slanom and find whatever big bad pushed him through the portal," Buffy nodded. "I don't have time for the Spike and Xander show, or at least not the sexually inappropriate Spike and Xander show. So, Xander, I really need you to do the freaky follow-the-evil routine again only this time we need to find whatever big and slimy pushed him through the portal."
"What's the plan?" Spike asked, immediately turning to Buffy. The mood in the room shifted as mention of the latest apocalypty goodness distracted everyone. Putting his chin on his hand, Xander opened his Shamanic vision. Almost immediately, he blinked as Buffy's gold cord slammed against the constraints of her body, whipping wildly and blinking like Christmas tree lights on acid.
"Plan simple. Find. Fight. Kill." Through the cords that blurred the real world, Xander could see a faint impression of a very not-so-nice smile on Buffy's face.
"Can't kill a Slanom without the bloody sword of whoever, so unless you had one Fed-Ex'ed last night--"
"So we put the Slanom on the slay-wait list while we find whatever brought him here. If you and Giles are right, this thing didn't just wander over here on his own, so there's something out there that needs killing. So, Xander can find something with delusion of world-endage, and we stick big swords in it."
"That's your plan?" Spike's voice sounded caught between horror and laughter. Xander blinked the Shamanic vision away and saw his lover giving Buffy his best one-eyebrow-up look of disbelief.
"Find. Fight. Kill. You have to go with the classics," Buffy nodded.
"No bloody way. He's not going out without somethin' that sounds a little less likely to get us all fucking killed."
"I don't remember asking for your vote," Buffy snapped, her voice suddenly brittle and sounding way too much like old Buffy, like Buffy before Italy, like Buffy who still hated the world after being in heaven.
"Boy's not going out without my say so."
"He's not some housewife in a dress. He can make his own choices," Buffy snapped.
"Yeah," Willow added softly.
"Xander," Buffy started as she turned toward him. Xander realized his mouth was empty and grabbed for a plate. He got crunchy, slightly charcoaly bacon, but he shoved it in and started chewing. "You'll help, right?" she asked.
Xander stared over at her, chewing as he tried his best to make no head movements at all, nothing that could be taken as affirmative or negative.
"You're daft. You don't even bloody know how hard this rot is for him, and you'll risk his neck dragging him out without even a plan?" Spike snarled as he stood up. Buffy stood up at the same time. Giles grabbed for the antacid bottle.
"You're not exactly plan boy," Buffy snapped.
"I don't take stupid risks."
"Parent-teacher night."
"Had an escape plan, and I didn't take any more risks than I had to."
"I killed most of your minions."
"They were minions. Minions are around ta get staked. You're not gettin' Xander staked!" The two screamed at each other, standing nose to nose right behind Giles' chair.
"I'm not getting Xander staked. Who said I was getting Xander staked?! It's his choice if he wants to help, you know, the way he's been helping since long before you even came around."
Xander watched as Buffy's eyes darted toward him, and he grabbed for more food to shove in his mouth. He reached for the cold toast, hoping it would be just a little less disgusting, but Spike jerked the plate away from him at the last second.
"Hey, still hungry," Xander argued, but the glare Spike gave him made him pull back the hand he had used to reach for the bread before Spike grabbed it and used it to drag Xander off to the room for another lesson. Not that he would mind another lesson. Another lesson would be fun, as opposed to watching Spike and Buffy scream at each other, which was making the whole place feel weirdly like the Harris household.
"There you go telling Xander what to do. Not very friend-like," Willow interjected.
"Good lord," Giles sighed. Xander just looked at the bacon and wondered if it was worth the horrible taste just to have something to do with his mouth other than be forced to answer. Spike reached over and slid the plate of bacon away.
"You bloody well guilt him into doing whatever you lot want. He didn't want to go to Cascade, but he did because you sent him. At least he'll tell me 'no' if I push too hard. He'll bloody well let you lot push him into losing his soddin' mind before he'll tell you to stop."
"We wouldn't. We care about Xander, and we're looking out for him."
"By sendin' him round the deep end?" Spike demanded. Xander opened his mouth to protest, but really, he had been kinda deep endy lately.
"We don't have time for this," Buffy said tightly. "Xander, we need to find whoever brought the Slanom through the portal, and we need to find them quickly. Giles and I were talking, and if you focus on the feeling of wanting to take over the whole world... or maybe wanting to just watch the whole world go kabang... you could track down the one who opened the portal, and then the Slanom, okay, that will have to wait until we have the sword but then the slugs aren't exactly known for moving quickly, so that is totally slay-waitable. But if someone is opening portals and trying to end the world, that moves up to slay-now land."
"Buffy," Xander said as he looked up at her. She had such a hopeful expression, like when Anya would stare at him, hoping he would say yes to one of her hairbrained ideas, only her ideas tended to include sex and potential for public humiliation, and Buffy's was more about potential for painful death. Xander glanced over toward Spike, and the vampire was looking at him blankly, his face a mask of indifference. Xander suspected that if he used his Shamanic vision, he'd find that Spike wasn't nearly as calm as he looked. Xander took a deep breath before he answered. "Maybe if we have a better plan, one with less chance of me tripping over the demon half-blind and getting eaten--."
"You don't think I'd protect you?" Buffy's voice was whisper-soft, hurt, her eyes looking at him with that expression she'd had the day they demoted her to non-head slayer and turned to Faith. Only this time, Xander knew he was right. He just wished his guts weren't twisting and that the little voice in the back of his head wasn't demanding that he say something... anything... to make that expression go away.
"We both know you'd try, but ya don't have any idea how helpless he is when he uses the vision," Spike interrupted.
"We were protecting him back when you were still trying to eat him, buster," Willow said as she stood up and went to Buffy's side. Xander sank lower in the chair.
"Bloody hell. You don't get it, do ya?"
"You're twisting Xander's head around all wrong, and not with the literally because that would make him dead what with human heads not twisting around, and I know you wouldn't actually kill him, Spike, but this is... this is not right." Willow turned her eyes to Xander, begging him to stand with them. Xander started studying his thumbnail.
"Enough!" Giles shouted from his seat at the table. He brought his hands down, the palms slapping the solid wood. "Buffy, the plan is precipitous. We discussed that already this morning, and given the circumstances, I do understand your need for quick action, but Spike is--Spike is an overbearing ass who just happens to be right this time. Xander's abilities, whatever they happen to represent, do make him vulnerable in the field. Going into battle with an unknown enemy with an untested and untrained Shaman is not the wisest action."
"See?" Spike asked triumphantly, a smirk on his face. Giles finally stood and faced Spike.
"However, your sudden interest in Xander after he developed this supposed power is both suspicious and disturbing. If, as you claim, you care for Xander, you had ample time in which to develop a relationship before Xander went to Cascade. You did not. From what I can tell, you showed frustration, aggravation, and anger toward Xander, but you never once expressed interest. So, while I fully support Xander's choice because he is an adult who has the right to choose whomever he wishes as a lover, I am looking forward to the day when he finally sees that you are not a healthy or wise choice."
Xander flinched from the disapproval and then watched as Spike's smirk faded into something darker and more dangerous. He glared murder at Giles, but Giles simply turned to look at Xander. "This whole situation is difficult at best. However, let me assure you that whatever Shamanic powers you have, you need training, training that Spike cannot provide. I called a Shaman in France last night, and he is willing to take you as a pupil and evaluate your skills."
Xander opened his mouth to protest, but Giles held up his hand. "I am not trying to forcibly separate you and Spike, so the Shaman is also willing to accommodate Spike for however long your training may take, and I assure you that your sexual proclivities will not shock his sensibilities. However, I do also feel a need to point out that Spike is not the only person who can provide what you need, Xander. You are a strong, handsome young man, and many people share your sexual preferences. I can provide a list of safe clubs and organizations where you could meet any number of people, but I shall hang on to that list for you until such time as you ask for it."
"He's not going to ask for it," Spike snarled.
"Then it shall hurt no one if I simply carry it with me," Giles answered as he turned to calmly stare at Spike. Xander watched as Spike and Giles stood face to face, Buffy and Willow standing behind Giles. Chewing his lip, Xander stood up and walked around the table until he stood beside Spike, and Spike immediately moved, leaving space for Xander to step close and slip an arm around Spike's waist. Spike pulled him close.
"Xander's not stupid. He didn't choose me because he didn't have any better offers. Hell, boy was shagging the furry little Shaman back in Cascade."
"Xander... what?" Willow just about squeaked. "But I thought Blair and Jim--."
"Hell yeah, they shag so often it's hard to tell the smell of one from the other, but that doesn't mean the Sentinel wouldn't have been just as happy to have Xander warmin' their bed. He had choices, Rupes. He had choices, and he bloody well picked me."
"And I'm always going to pick Spike," Xander added softly, but he couldn't quite bring himself to look them all in the eye. He settled for staring at Giles' belt buckle. It was silver... and shiny. Shiny belt buckle. He wondered if Giles shined it.
"So, we're just going to sit around here and do nothing?" Buffy asked, her voice still brittle.
"There are some magical sources we could tap or research," Giles suggested. Buffy gave a frustrated little sob, and Xander looked up.
"Buff?" he asked, concerned by an expression that was way more than just disappointed or frustrated, and Xander didn't think Buffy would be that worried about him, not worried enough to have that expression of imminent world-endage on her face.
Buffy chewed her lip.
"Riley's missing," Willow said softly.
"Riley?" Xander looked from one to the other. Yeah, the soldier had kept in touch with them, but it wasn't exactly like he was a Scooby. Xander watched as Buffy paled and Willow blushed pink.
"Buffy and Riley had been, sorta working it out," Willow admitted with a guilty look over toward Buffy.
"Oi, the therapy. That's why you were going to the therapy, tryin' ta get your head turned around right when it came to the blokes," Spike said, the anger evaporated in a second.
"Therapy?" Xander demanded. "There was therapy involved? Why didn't I know about therapy? Better point, why does Spike know when I don't know? And why didn't I know about Riley?" Xander turned to Buffy, feeling the sharp point of rejection in his gut. Buffy at least had the grace to look embarrassed.
"I didn't even tell Willow about the therapy. It was supposed to be a secret," Buffy said as she glared at Spike.
"But you told Spike?" Willow asked in her hurt voice. Xander felt the sides shift. Strangely him and Willow versus Buffy didn't feel any better than her and Buffy versus him.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I needed to play show and tell. I couldn't exactly tell a therapist that I was a vampire slayer without ending up with a nice new wardrobe with long sleeves and buckles in the back."
"So, she dragged me along ta scare the bint with my big teeth."
"But Riley's missing now," Buffy said softly as she crossed her arms and suddenly looked impossibly small. "His unit was ordered to investigate what sounded like a group of Kith-harn, which should have been a quick job, only they never checked in again."
"Where?" Xander asked. Okay, this was unexpected what with Buffy swearing off men and threatening to explore her inner lesbian post-Immortal, but Xander recognized the raw pain in Buffy's face. They weren't sorta working it out; they were a thing. And now Buffy was falling apart.
"Idaho," Buffy said softly.
"Idaho? Potato Idaho or some alternate reality Idaho or maybe a demon dimension called Idaho?" Xander asked.
"Idaho in the Northwest United States," Giles said in a tired voice. "His unit was deployed west of a town called Cobalt, and the area is exceptionally isolated."
"He wandered around the jungles of South America and a hellmouth safely, and he goes missing in Idaho?" Xander asked again. Okay, so he was having some trouble wrapping his brain around that one.
"Yes. Idaho!" Buffy snapped. "And I'm here trying to find one more demon trying to suck the world into hell. I should be..." Buffy shuddered to a stop. "Xander, I just need you to find whatever is opening the portals, whatever pushed the Slanom into this dimension." Buffy's face had gone hard, the pain of a second ago vanished under the General Buffy face, the one she would put on when they found one more potential slayer lying dead on the ground. Xander hated that face.
"We don't know what to track, pet," Spike said to her softly. "We don't know if this is someone goin' for power or some nutter playing with mojo. We don't even know if the person pullin' the strings is in this dimension."
"Xander's our best chance of finding this guy fast," Buffy insisted.
"He's not goin' to be much help without more information," Spike countered, his voice soft and weirdly logical, but his arm tightened around Xander's waist.
"He has to be," Buffy said without emotion.
"As much as I hate to agree with Spike, and that is a considerable amount of hate," Giles offered, "He's right. We simply don't know enough about the enemy or about Xander's skills to use them effectively."
"I wish I could help," Xander said quickly. "I would be first in line to help. Riley's a nice guy, and I'm really glad you're getting back with him because I know his divorce really threw him, but I don't know how to find whoever dragged the Slanom through," Xander said helplessly.
Buffy stared at him blankly, and Xander felt the sucking feeling in his gut, the one that told him he was screwing up again. He wasn't fixing what he needed to fix.
"Maybe you can just try," Willow suggested softly, her hand coming up to rest on Buffy's shoulder.
"I don't know what to look for, and I don't see anything big with the weird," Xander said, blinking into his Shaman vision just to check again. Nope, Buffy's cord doing the tornado impression was the weirdest thing on his radar.
"I'm sure you're trying," Giles said reassuringly. "We simply need to research the Slanom's dimension and discover the force behind this the old fashioned way."
"Which leaves Riley with no help," Buffy looked up, and the hardness was still there. "You heard Carter. The military isn't sending anyone. They're just sitting back and if Riley and his guys can get themselves out, fine, and if not, the military will just call them casualties of some freak plane crash or something." Buffy turned from Giles to Xander. "Maybe we could drive around... you could see if you spotted any potential world-endage. I can't leave when I'm needed here, but I'm needed there, too. If this takes too long, Riley could die. He could be dying now." Buffy focused on him, and Xander's guts twisted with the need to do something. He might be able to find the big bad. Maybe. If the guy was in this dimension. If they were right that some mastermind was behind the Slanom. If it wasn't just some demon's idea of a practical joke. Xander sighed. Oh, this was not going well.
"Wait," Xander straightened as an idea hit him. "You stay and research the Slanom and Spike and I can go find Riley," he offered.
"Bloody--- What!?" Spike demanded.
"You'll what?" Buffy asked at the same time.
"You won't go out with all of us, but you'll go half way around the world with just Spike?" Willow demanded. Giles offered a soft noise that might have been a British curse before wandering to the side of the room and staring out at the stars.
"Spike knows how the mojo thing works," Xander defended himself and his idea, but the Willow pout didn't budge. "Besides, it's Idaho. How dangerous can Idaho be?"
"If something took out Riley and his team, you shouldn't be in the same state with it," Buffy said firmly. "We just need to hurry on the research front and then I can go find him. Or you could..." Buffy let her voice trail off, but Xander heard her frustration with him anyway. A little part of his brain told him to just try, to see if he could find the big bad if he wandered around looking. The hand around his waist anchored him to the reality that the odds were that it wouldn't end well. After all, pre-Cascade he seemed to use his skills to get himself in the most possible trouble at any given time, so the odds of someone killing or eating him were actually pretty good.
"I'll have Spike, and he knows more about the Shaman thing. And even if some demon did take out Riley's team, the demon wouldn't just assume that a vampire was out on the slay. Spike could totally bluff and play evil if the Idaho demons turned out to be extra demony, and you just can't pull that off, Buff," Xander pointed out. If he wanted Spike to do this, a little buttering up might be in order. "Besides, there isn't a bigger big bad than Spike." From the suspicious look Spike gave him, Xander didn't think he'd fooled the vamp.
"Can't bloody believe I'm sayin' this since I'd personally eat the bugger before crossing the street ta save his life, but Xand's right. You do the bit for God and country here, and Xander and I'll bring Captain Cardboard back."
"Spike." Buffy stopped. She closed her eyes for a second as though gathering her thoughts. "Spike, let's talk outside," she said as she headed for the kitchen. "Just us, okay?" Buffy asked over her shoulder as Spike started pulling Xander with him.
"Hey, no problem. You guys go do the talking thing, and I'll try and find some food that doesn't taste like charcoal," Xander said as he stepped away from Spike. For a second, Spike hesitated.
"Be right back," he said, and then he strode toward the kitchen. Xander heard the back door to the gardens slam loudly.
"Oh yeah, this day is off to a great start," Xander said sarcastically.
"I know it seems like we're big with the picking, but Xander, we just want to help. This isn't healthy. I ordered a few books from Amazon-dot-com, and Stockholm is really normal. Or, it isn't normal since it's a mental disorder, but it's not rare. And I don't know why you would suddenly turn to Spike, but the whole tying up is totally about power."
Xander opened his mouth to point out that tying up was less about power than just serious freaking sexy, but Giles beat him to the punch.
"Good lord. Willow, as much as I support your general position on the inherent dangers of Spike and Xander being in a relationship, please stop suggesting that a little bondage is a sign of the apocalypse."
"Giles!" Willow said, her mouth forming a shocked o.
"Do grow up," Giles snapped in return before he turned and headed for the hall. Oh yeah, this day was getting better and better all the time, Xander mused as he edged backwards toward the door to the library, sliding the pocket door closed on the sight of Willow standing in the middle of the empty dining room with a table full of mangled food-like substances. Blinking his Shamanic vision into place, Xander quickly found the traces of Spike's dual cord as he slipped out into the muggy night air and headed for the back yard for a little research of his own.