it's been toooo long
I haven't updated this journal in a very long time. It goes back to like 2001, and when I real old posts...I feel stupid. I just can't delete them though.
What has happened in my life in the past year since I updated?
Accomplishment, love, heartbreak, independence, friendship
ACCOMPLISHMENT -
If you read posts from the past two years you will see my constant updating about my weight loss. I'm finally pretty much done. Between September 2004 and now, I have lost 104 pounds. Of course, it feels fucking amazing.
I was a size 22-24 and I can now buy jeans sizes 5, 6, 7. I always cry when I think about it. To overcome something that has haunted me for my entire life has been such a life changing experience for me. I now know that I can do ANYTHING if I put my mind, heart, and time into it. That "you did it moment" was the best feeling I ever had in my entire life.
I went back to school and am slowly making progress towards getting what I need to be able to do pharmacuetical sales.
My job is going incredibly well. I love what I do, and not many people can say that.
LOVE -
I was pretty much single since Anthony and I had broken up in July 2004. This year on my birthday, July 15th we got back together. I had an amazing summer with him, and despite what every single person I know said about him..I loved him. I've always loved him for him, and I always will. It's weird to call a guy beautiful for some people, but to me whenever I looked at him thats all I could think...
HEARTBREAK -
BUT..he went and broke my heart. I got approved for an apartment that him and I were going to get together, but a few days later he was suddenly living with another girl. I'd love to say I'm 100% alright now, but I'm not. I do my best keeping my head up everyday, but every now and then it catches up to me. However, I am a lot stronger than I have ever been so coping wasn't as difficult. It didn't take long for me to pick up where I was in my life before he came back into it, and start focusing 100% on me again.
It's stupid, but in the past 6 years he is the only guy to have loved me. Yeah I've dated a little bit, but it never lasted long or amounted to anything much. I'll admit he wasn't the best of boyfriends at times, but he did love me in a way no one else ever has before. My biggest fear is that no one else ever will ever care about me like that, and that I won't be able to love someone like that again.
I'm 23 years old..still young, so I know I have time and things like that happen when you aren't trying to simply just fill an emptiness in your life.
I have no problem being single. I just get down and lonely sometimes just like everyone else. I learned a lot about myself those two years we were apart, and accomplished a lot. I don't need to rely on anyone else for my happiness. I learned how to do that on my own.
INDEPENDENCE -
I moved out of my parents house in November and I'm really enjoying it. I'm living with Kristen. She's awesome. I know I am not a 100% independent person, but I am working on it and I think I am doing a good job.
FRIENDSHIP -
This year has been amazing for me as far as making new friends goes. Jessica and Kristen have affected my life in a lot of ways.
Jessica has taught me trust. That there are people out there you can trust, and she is one of them. I met her at work almost 2 years ago, and I trust her more than ANYONE. I can tell her anything, and she doesn't give me that horrible "i don't know what to tell you" response.
Kristen has played a HUGE role in me relaxing and living life. I was always scared to go to bars and everything, but now I love it. There is no one else I'd rather drink some malibu shits, have some "mashed potatos", and fuck bitches up with. Vagii + Paris = cooler than you. Don't forget it. She tells me straight up how it is, no bullshit. I always needed reassurance with a lot of things, but when I ask her "do i look alright?" she'll say "i dont know, do you?" Sounds dumb, but it's actually a response I need.
What has happened in my life in the past year since I updated?
Accomplishment, love, heartbreak, independence, friendship
ACCOMPLISHMENT -
If you read posts from the past two years you will see my constant updating about my weight loss. I'm finally pretty much done. Between September 2004 and now, I have lost 104 pounds. Of course, it feels fucking amazing.
I was a size 22-24 and I can now buy jeans sizes 5, 6, 7. I always cry when I think about it. To overcome something that has haunted me for my entire life has been such a life changing experience for me. I now know that I can do ANYTHING if I put my mind, heart, and time into it. That "you did it moment" was the best feeling I ever had in my entire life.
I went back to school and am slowly making progress towards getting what I need to be able to do pharmacuetical sales.
My job is going incredibly well. I love what I do, and not many people can say that.
LOVE -
I was pretty much single since Anthony and I had broken up in July 2004. This year on my birthday, July 15th we got back together. I had an amazing summer with him, and despite what every single person I know said about him..I loved him. I've always loved him for him, and I always will. It's weird to call a guy beautiful for some people, but to me whenever I looked at him thats all I could think...
HEARTBREAK -
BUT..he went and broke my heart. I got approved for an apartment that him and I were going to get together, but a few days later he was suddenly living with another girl. I'd love to say I'm 100% alright now, but I'm not. I do my best keeping my head up everyday, but every now and then it catches up to me. However, I am a lot stronger than I have ever been so coping wasn't as difficult. It didn't take long for me to pick up where I was in my life before he came back into it, and start focusing 100% on me again.
It's stupid, but in the past 6 years he is the only guy to have loved me. Yeah I've dated a little bit, but it never lasted long or amounted to anything much. I'll admit he wasn't the best of boyfriends at times, but he did love me in a way no one else ever has before. My biggest fear is that no one else ever will ever care about me like that, and that I won't be able to love someone like that again.
I'm 23 years old..still young, so I know I have time and things like that happen when you aren't trying to simply just fill an emptiness in your life.
I have no problem being single. I just get down and lonely sometimes just like everyone else. I learned a lot about myself those two years we were apart, and accomplished a lot. I don't need to rely on anyone else for my happiness. I learned how to do that on my own.
INDEPENDENCE -
I moved out of my parents house in November and I'm really enjoying it. I'm living with Kristen. She's awesome. I know I am not a 100% independent person, but I am working on it and I think I am doing a good job.
FRIENDSHIP -
This year has been amazing for me as far as making new friends goes. Jessica and Kristen have affected my life in a lot of ways.
Jessica has taught me trust. That there are people out there you can trust, and she is one of them. I met her at work almost 2 years ago, and I trust her more than ANYONE. I can tell her anything, and she doesn't give me that horrible "i don't know what to tell you" response.
Kristen has played a HUGE role in me relaxing and living life. I was always scared to go to bars and everything, but now I love it. There is no one else I'd rather drink some malibu shits, have some "mashed potatos", and fuck bitches up with. Vagii + Paris = cooler than you. Don't forget it. She tells me straight up how it is, no bullshit. I always needed reassurance with a lot of things, but when I ask her "do i look alright?" she'll say "i dont know, do you?" Sounds dumb, but it's actually a response I need.