California - Memory
The truth is that the clothing at the bar didn't bother her on a physical level. She could wear it while doing virtually anything she's ever done in jeans and a T-shirt. It's what all the frills and jewelry represent that she can't stand.
It's the weight on her head that reminds her of the weight of a hand on her arm, it's the sound of swishing cloth that reminds her of voices demanding her love, it's the feeling of metal that reminds her of a man in armor.
It's realizing that she is going back, somehow, at some point. That she will be once again putting on those kinds of dresses and that kind of jewelry, that she will be standing in some of those same places with some of the people who were there last time...
That, in the end, she will be queen. Not as he wanted, not as he demanded, but as Ironhide's queen.
She can handle it. She can, she will, she will not accept anything else from herself.
But the clothing makes her remember blood on a dirt floor, and having to bury her own child while still too mad and in pain to think.
It isn't exactly the clothing that upsets her. It's what the clothing stands for that has her weeping on the front steps after the third day, when she'd yelled at the Bar.
It's the weight on her head that reminds her of the weight of a hand on her arm, it's the sound of swishing cloth that reminds her of voices demanding her love, it's the feeling of metal that reminds her of a man in armor.
It's realizing that she is going back, somehow, at some point. That she will be once again putting on those kinds of dresses and that kind of jewelry, that she will be standing in some of those same places with some of the people who were there last time...
That, in the end, she will be queen. Not as he wanted, not as he demanded, but as Ironhide's queen.
She can handle it. She can, she will, she will not accept anything else from herself.
But the clothing makes her remember blood on a dirt floor, and having to bury her own child while still too mad and in pain to think.
It isn't exactly the clothing that upsets her. It's what the clothing stands for that has her weeping on the front steps after the third day, when she'd yelled at the Bar.