i've figured out my problem.
so all day i can eat nothing. then i have to eat dinner with the fam, but i can get away with eating very little of that if i say that i had a big lunch or something. however, later in the evening i go nuts and pig out for some weird reason. ugh, i hate it. see today:
drank green tea & water all day
hungry-ish while making dinner [hate that - need to stay out of kitchen]; ate a few olives and a pickle [v. few calories; mostly salt]
consumed a spoonful of cider vinegar to see if it'd suppress my appetite. not so much. just tasted real bad.
dinner = roast chicken, low-fat rice, green beans, wheat rolls, salad. ate some of everything. not junky like school food, so i didn't feel bad.
then i was watching the orange bowl and i ate 4 milano cookies [260 calories] and graham crackers [130] and a cup of 1% milk. wtf?!
i wasn't even hungry when i ate all the sweets. i don't know why i ate it. i don't know why i couldn't stop myself. i had been drinking buttloads of water to try to prevent that, but it happened anyways. so my problem is: i get hungry at night. so what do i do about this?
go to bed real early so i can't eat? start showering in the evening instead of in the morning? i think i'll drink the vinegar right when i enter the kitchen upon a whim of faux-hunger. if i'm craving a food and drink that nasty stuff, i won't want to swallow anything for a good 20 minutes. maybe that'll help.
god, i wish i were skinny. i'm such a fatass. i had been doing rather well over break. i'd gone and met up with co-workers from the summer for a few days. all we ate was junk food, but i ate not a lot of it and was feeling really nice and skinny by the time i got home. the next day i was so excited because my boyfriend was coming to visit and i felt almost decently thin. i couldn't wait for him to put his arms around my waist and feel how i'd shrunk since he last saw me.
however, i was cooking a big fancy dinner for him that day and it took all afternoon and the whole time i was making it, i'd put little bits and pieces of ingredients in my mouth or just taste the sauce to see how it was coming or this or that and between 2 and 6 i'd eaten enough to have counted for a whole luncheon. and then i had to eat the real meal with him. and for some reason, his big manly appetite rubs off on me and i always eat more than i need to when i'm with him. and by "need to" i mean the amount my body thinks it needs, which is more than i'd ever want to eat.
and then throughout the week that he was here i ate more and more and now i'm back to my "school weight" [since simply being at college somehow makes people fat]. i hate it!
so i see now that being with him, i eat more. in the evenings, i get cravings and give in because i have no fucking willpower. so what am i supposed to do? help!!
drank green tea & water all day
hungry-ish while making dinner [hate that - need to stay out of kitchen]; ate a few olives and a pickle [v. few calories; mostly salt]
consumed a spoonful of cider vinegar to see if it'd suppress my appetite. not so much. just tasted real bad.
dinner = roast chicken, low-fat rice, green beans, wheat rolls, salad. ate some of everything. not junky like school food, so i didn't feel bad.
then i was watching the orange bowl and i ate 4 milano cookies [260 calories] and graham crackers [130] and a cup of 1% milk. wtf?!
i wasn't even hungry when i ate all the sweets. i don't know why i ate it. i don't know why i couldn't stop myself. i had been drinking buttloads of water to try to prevent that, but it happened anyways. so my problem is: i get hungry at night. so what do i do about this?
go to bed real early so i can't eat? start showering in the evening instead of in the morning? i think i'll drink the vinegar right when i enter the kitchen upon a whim of faux-hunger. if i'm craving a food and drink that nasty stuff, i won't want to swallow anything for a good 20 minutes. maybe that'll help.
god, i wish i were skinny. i'm such a fatass. i had been doing rather well over break. i'd gone and met up with co-workers from the summer for a few days. all we ate was junk food, but i ate not a lot of it and was feeling really nice and skinny by the time i got home. the next day i was so excited because my boyfriend was coming to visit and i felt almost decently thin. i couldn't wait for him to put his arms around my waist and feel how i'd shrunk since he last saw me.
however, i was cooking a big fancy dinner for him that day and it took all afternoon and the whole time i was making it, i'd put little bits and pieces of ingredients in my mouth or just taste the sauce to see how it was coming or this or that and between 2 and 6 i'd eaten enough to have counted for a whole luncheon. and then i had to eat the real meal with him. and for some reason, his big manly appetite rubs off on me and i always eat more than i need to when i'm with him. and by "need to" i mean the amount my body thinks it needs, which is more than i'd ever want to eat.
and then throughout the week that he was here i ate more and more and now i'm back to my "school weight" [since simply being at college somehow makes people fat]. i hate it!
so i see now that being with him, i eat more. in the evenings, i get cravings and give in because i have no fucking willpower. so what am i supposed to do? help!!