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Teresa had a bonfire on Tuesday. I went to both grade and high school with her, she was here for college before she went to Africa to help open up a school and then moved to Hawaii to study marine biology. She's a cool chick. One of my favorite memories of Teresa was when we were juniors in high school - we were at a party and this guy kept trying to get me to go upstairs with him. I had enough and I said, "If you touch me again, I'll fucking hit you." He touched me again just to be a douche, so I tried to go after him but Teresa held me back. He spit at me from across the room and Teresa moved me behind her and went after him herself. She has probably the best character of anyone I know. She's just and fair, always has my back and keeps it real - she tells me when I'm being a bitch and I actually respect her when she does, which is really fucking rare, let's not lie. She invited a lot of our friends from grade school and it blew my mind how much everyone remembered from when we were that young. It also blew my mind how well I got along with people I didn't back then, how these boys who used to tease and hurt were now giving up their chairs, how girls I haven't seen in years come and the first things out of their mouth are "Oh my god I love all your pictures/statuses", or "You crack me up, by the way, I love your Facebook". It was so easy and we had so much fun. And just simple things like how memories are the same - we went to Chicago in 8th grade and I was talking about how I roomed with Jill and after she fell asleep, Claire and I threw jellybeans at her and when she woke up she started eating them. About a half hour later, Jill came to the party and that was the first thing she said about Chicago too - "Who was it that put all those jellybeans in my bed?!" I raised my hand and we all laughed. Jacqui is a graphic designer now, so she and I geeked out about large format printers. Our classmate Sean works at a bitchin' web design company, I mentioned how jealous I was and Teresa jumped in - "Oh my god you're the perfect person to work there. My brother is the VP, I will get you an interview." She brought out a bunch of old photos from when we were 5 and 10 and 12 years old, in Girl Scouts, in kindergarten plays, in graduation dresses. I was so incredibly happy - those are the nights and these are the conversations that define a life and make it real.
Derek showed up. My stomach fell when he first walked up even though I knew there was a chance he'd come. He scanned our circle of chairs, and when he got to me and said my name, I got up and gave him a hug. I was the only one who hugged him but I wanted to be civil and why would we pretend like we didn't date? I had a crush on him in grade school, we went to separate high schools and colleges but managed to hang out two or three times. I invited a bunch of people out for my 21st birthday, he couldn't make it but we started talking because of it. He took me swing dancing on our first date and it still warms me to think about how I wanted him when I was 10 and finally got him. Do you think the heart knows the future? Or does it create it? I didn't actively pursue him - it just came full circle, naturally, and even though we didn't work out it strangely gives me hope. I seemed more okay to hang out together than he did, but maybe it was because I was the one who broke it off. It felt pretty mutual and I don't feel like he was all that hurt but maybe I underestimated. He warmed up to me toward the end, I suppose, I just hate the facade - why are you acting like we were never at all close? I felt nothing romantic for him at the fire, but when he says things like "my cat" or "my sister" instead of their names, it bothers me somehow. It's so fake - I know and love your cat, and I know and love your fucking family. Still. Even still I love his family, especially his mother, and would give nearly anything just to speak to or be around her again. I don't know. It was probably better than it sounds, I'm probably over-analyzing but it's what I do.
Alyssa (who I've actually seen lately because she's one of Lindsey's friends) was there, we decided that our name probably means "bitch" in Greek because we are snarky bitches and we were going off about idiots in public as Kristen watched in giggles. She had a bottle opener on the bottom of her flip flop so every time I got a new beer, I had to borrow her shoe lol. We talked about how excited we all were when our second grade teacher friend requested us this year and the sweet things she said, about all the times we got kicked out of class or made teachers cry. We laughed so much and I always knew it but I was reminded how important it is to hold onto your childhood friends. They are such a precious link to the person you were, and if you're lucky, the person you are.
Derek showed up. My stomach fell when he first walked up even though I knew there was a chance he'd come. He scanned our circle of chairs, and when he got to me and said my name, I got up and gave him a hug. I was the only one who hugged him but I wanted to be civil and why would we pretend like we didn't date? I had a crush on him in grade school, we went to separate high schools and colleges but managed to hang out two or three times. I invited a bunch of people out for my 21st birthday, he couldn't make it but we started talking because of it. He took me swing dancing on our first date and it still warms me to think about how I wanted him when I was 10 and finally got him. Do you think the heart knows the future? Or does it create it? I didn't actively pursue him - it just came full circle, naturally, and even though we didn't work out it strangely gives me hope. I seemed more okay to hang out together than he did, but maybe it was because I was the one who broke it off. It felt pretty mutual and I don't feel like he was all that hurt but maybe I underestimated. He warmed up to me toward the end, I suppose, I just hate the facade - why are you acting like we were never at all close? I felt nothing romantic for him at the fire, but when he says things like "my cat" or "my sister" instead of their names, it bothers me somehow. It's so fake - I know and love your cat, and I know and love your fucking family. Still. Even still I love his family, especially his mother, and would give nearly anything just to speak to or be around her again. I don't know. It was probably better than it sounds, I'm probably over-analyzing but it's what I do.
Alyssa (who I've actually seen lately because she's one of Lindsey's friends) was there, we decided that our name probably means "bitch" in Greek because we are snarky bitches and we were going off about idiots in public as Kristen watched in giggles. She had a bottle opener on the bottom of her flip flop so every time I got a new beer, I had to borrow her shoe lol. We talked about how excited we all were when our second grade teacher friend requested us this year and the sweet things she said, about all the times we got kicked out of class or made teachers cry. We laughed so much and I always knew it but I was reminded how important it is to hold onto your childhood friends. They are such a precious link to the person you were, and if you're lucky, the person you are.