Birthday poast - THIS IS SO TL;DR BUT IT IS SUCH A FUN MISH-MASH OF EVENTS.
IT'S BEEN SO LONG BUT I HAVE SO TOTALLY MANY THINGS TO SAY TO YOU GUYS. I made like three posts at work today lol.
Birthday week~~~~~
Tuesday (August 2nd, my GOD) → I was going to take some head/body shots of Lindsey because she wants to get into stunting, and she asked if I wanted to go out on her boat for my birthday afterward. So cute. So we went over there and took a bunch of fun pictures, climbing on the roof and jumping off of rope swings. We went on the jet ski first, all three of us and it was a blast. She and Jason wanted to go skim boarding but I elected not to lol. So I just rode on the back and watched them both be badass and also eat shit, it was tops and the sun was reflecting off of the water so beautifully. We came back in and Lindsey asked if Jason and I wanted to go out alone while she got stuff ready. We went across the lake and Jason really wanted to "jump off while it was still moving", lol whatever go ahead. So he did and I LEFT HIM THERE MWA HA HA. jk, only for a little while. I came back and jumped in too. We made out in the water and ugh I want to have sex in it so bad, I never have. HAS ANYONE - tell me about it. I feel like we don't talk about sex enough anymore.
We went out on Lindsey's boat and Jason pissed me off because lol, okay, I have this like, injury-thing on the inside of my right ankle but I don't even MIND it, okay, it's this little patch of scar-like skin but I love itching it, IT FEELS SO GOOD TO ITCH so I don't even care. We call it my leprosy~. NO but he took a picture of it on his phone and I was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING and he was like, "I'M TEXTING IT TO MY STEPDAD." LOL WTF. His stepdad is a doctor BUT STILL. Embarrassing, right. He didn't send it. We left and OMG LINDSEY IS THE CUTEST, she got all of this food - chips, salsa, strawberries, cherries, bananas, fruit dip, these little things with tomato and basil and cheese and dressing that she made, red wine, I was so happy! Her puppy came too. We just floated all over the lake and ate and drank and gossiped and laughed as the sun went down.
After it got dark, we drove her boat up to a lake bar. We had a drink outside and then moved in because we wanted to eat. "The kitchen's closed out here", lol what, it's the same bar and the ~patio~ is like, 10 steps. IDGI. Whatever, I got french fries and aside from the Grape Ape I had outside, I also got a Push Up Martini and an Appletini. I mention it because I find it really fucking strange that I threw up the next morning. Excuse me but there have been times where I've drank WAY more than that and been FINE. We concluded it was just all the sugar? And all of the switching of the alcohol? Apparently? What the fuck. It was awful because Jason was over and I didn't want to throw up when he was there so I was like, "I think I need to throw up but I don't want to when you're here!" and he was like, "... do you want me to leave so you can puke?" "No, it's fine, I'm probably not going to." And then like a half hour later I was like, "... Yeah, you're probably going to need to leave." He said okay and then I eventually was just like, screw it, and he was like, "Did you mean I needed to leave right this second." And I was like, "No, it's fine, IT'S TOO LATE I DON'T EVEN CARE BUT CAN YOU PLEASE PUT MUSIC ON OR SOMETHING." lol. He's a good sport, he puts up with a lot of my stupid shit. I don't remember what we did for the rest of the day. OH, that's when my grandma came over and ~cleaned~ with me. lol she brought me Wendy's and it was really hard to eat but I didn't want her to know I was hungover. IT WAS FINE THOUGH.
Wednesday → IDK, nothing.
Thursday → I woke up at like 10:30, I don't really know but it seems sick to me that that's "sleeping in" now. God, fuck the real world, seriously. I just want to invent something awesome so that I can be done with it and not work ever again. CONSTANTLY BRAINSTORMING. No but I woke up and Jason wasn't there. So I called him and he was like, "You should come downstairs!" So I did and there were all these roses but that's not even the cutest part - the cutest part is that he had to arrange them all himself because there was no florist when he went. AND HE GOOGLED HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. IT KIND OF KILLS ME. And then kljhdsaflhjk there was a folded up piece of parchment WITH A WAX SEAL ON IT AND HE SPECIFICALLY GOT AN "A" STAMP. And I was like, "I love this little dot on the side of it, did you do that on purpose" and he was like "Yeah I wanted it to look like it was splashing." brb dying dying. And he told me he did it because it reminded him of Harry Potter. It was hard to take off and I didn't want to ruin it so we got a butter knife and like, sawed it apart lol. He wrote me a poem~ and normally I'd be like, all of this is so cliché but I know he's really genuine about it. He's really artistic, it makes sense that he'd write, you know? And he got me a necklace OF A STRAPPY HIGH HEEL with both white and black diamonds in it. It's so me it's ridiculous. I'm freaking the fuck out that I'm going to lose it or something, I AM SO BAD WITH JEWELRY D: I NEED A JEWELRY BOX. Either that or clean spaces.
We went to lay in bed ("NO PANTS BIRTHDAY!!") and he made me waffles with strawberries and blueberries and he'd also bought a little raspberry chocolate truffle thing. ♥ He asked me if I liked blueberries and I was like, "IDK, I mean, I'll eat them but..." and he was like, "I know. I just needed another color! It was too red!" He's always so concerned with aesthetics and presentation, do you have any idea how sexy that is to me. He always lays everything out so beautifully, be it food or presents or whatever, I love it. I demanded birthday sex and we whipped out our vibrating cock ring for the occasion. OVARSHARE. No but I highly recommend this.
My mom came and we all went to my favorite pizza place but I got super butthurt because they didn't have my orgasmic strawberry gelato that I dream about on a weekly basis and have even given its own tag here. UGH. It is my BIRTHDAY - WORLD, WHY ARE YOU NOT BENDING. Whatever. I got THE MOST AMAZING PASTA EVER and we even had extra so we got to take it home. The restaurant was so nice, they gave us ice in a bag so it wouldn't get ruined. It is such a cute place, you guys, so Italian and warm and happy.
Then we went to the Science Museum - I was debating between that and the zoo, when my genius mother reminded me that the zoo will always be here, BUT KING TUT WILL NOT. SO WE WENT AND SAW HIM. Not *actually* him, though, but the only exact replica of him. Gross. I loved it though, I can't even believe that fierce, wealthy bitch was only 19 when he died and he had ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT. Seriously, 19 year olds are assholes, not worthy at all of this level of splendor. Also, all of the intricate detail blew my FUCKING mind. Especially on jewelry and things, my GOD I can't even imagine how long it took to make, especially 3,000 years ago when we didn't have overnight FedEx and laser-cutters and shit. I can't even. I wish I could have touched it all. My mother had a bad episode where she just "needed" to touch something and I can tell she fucking meant it, I had to physically stop her like 5 times. "NO BUT I HAVE TO," she said. Jason was no help - "If they didn't want you to touch it, they would have put it in a glass box!" lol fjdsakhfhjlas. No but I wanted to touch it too, I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE HOW OLD IT ALL IS, YOU GUYS. And it is so beautiful, especially their blue stones, I don't even remember what they were called. And so much gold. ALSO THERE WAS A HUGE STATUE. Like, seriously, tall as fuck. They had a video graphic simulation of the room that it was in and god this huge thing didn't even have its full legs left!! I tried to imagine what it'd be like to be in that room so long ago, at its full height and adorned to shit. I feel like I used to do that all the time, think like that, I feel like it's something missing in my life. I still have an imagination, it's just different. And maybe it's because I'm not in school anymore and I'm not being force-fed history and I'm not interested enough in it compared to other things to read about it on my own time, but it fascinates me when I think about it. I don't have enough time to mindlessly wander anymore.
I was super annoyed at some guy and his fucking stroller, that bitch needed some serious WD-40 AND HE NEVER STOOD STILL. Like if *I* had a squeaky (no, really loud, I don't think you even know) stroller in a place like this, I'd try to move as little as possible. BUT NO, HE WAS WALKING AROUND *CONSTANTLY*. PLANT IT. GOD. Finally his wife took it and propped it up on the back wheels and the problem was so fixed and women are so fucking smart, seriously, I love them. I feel like something else annoyed me but I don't remember what. This is probably a good thing. Also did you know that Tut's parents were brother and sister?!
After the exhibit ended, we sat at a little kid table and made our name out of hieroglyphs and then the guy working there guessed our names lol. We also played a ~quiz show~ where all three of us had buzzers and were shown a video about product manipulation and lies and had to buzz in with the correct "red flag". I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON AT FIRST. We played around for ages and we had so much fun, okay. Especially in the light area. We made a stop motion animation video at some little booth they had there, we had so much fun:
AND THEN WE PLAYED IN THE LIGHT AREA, SO MANY COLORS AND SPARKLES EVERYWHERE:
We came back and my mom left; Originally Jason was going to make me chicken stir fry because it's my favorite but at that point I really just wanted McDonald's? So we went and got that and then just laid in bed, eating and watching X-Files. It was pretty much an A+ birthday.
★ ★ ★
Friday → I had to get up to shoot my little cousin's ~concert~ but before that, I dropped by Lindsey's to say goodbye before she goes back to LA. She and her mom were sitting at their back table, having breakfast and just looking at the lake. It was really sweet and it made me wish I grew up on a lake. She hugged me for ages and as her mom was walking into the house, she was like, "Now Liss you and Jason need to come over, okay. Whenever you want. It's always so quiet without kids and without Lindsey here, we'd love to have you if you ever just want to come out and lay around." ♥
I met my grandfather at his house because we were going to drive to the concert together. We got to the venue downtown earlier than expected. They asked me to come early so I could take photos of her with ~Tim Mahoney~ but that fucker was late so we never even got any. I AM SO GLAD I WENT EARLY... ugh Lindsey said he was a douchebag too, she worked on The Voice for the local audition round and she said he thought he was too good to wait in line and like, tried not to. ~Over it~. My little cousin is extremely talented, though. She will be famous, mark my words. Most likely a broadway star, I love seeing her in these environments because she's exactly where she belongs, so happy and so comfortable.
My grandma really bothered me, she was bitching the entire time and not only that, but she was acting like I couldn't take care of myself. She KEPT asking me if I wanted to leave, "if you want to leave, I'll tell [my grandpa]".... or I can just tell him? Like I appreciate that she was just trying to look out for me and make things easier for me but I feel like it would have been more well-received if she wasn't complaining the entire time. She kept asking and I kept saying "No, it's okay!" or "No, I'm fine!" Eventually somebody(/SHE - okay, I went to go to the bathroom with my other cousin and I made SURE not to set my camera in water and when I came back, there was a spilled glass just seeping into it and it's fine, I get that shit happens but she tried to blame it on my grandpa! "Trish must have kicked it when he got up to go outside"... except Trish was ALREADY ~outside~ when my cousin and I left. I'm not stupid.) spilled water on my camera bag, I yelled, "I'M FINE" and put my hands out in front of me and she never asked me again. Like I feel like a bitch for snapping but obviously me saying it nicely was not convincing enough/a waste of everybody's time. And then! When we first got there she asks my aunt, "So what do you want Liss to do and where should she stand when the show starts", like right in front of me. I know she didn't mean to be insulting but I was kind of insulted. My aunt just kind of looked at her and was like, "Um, I think Liss will know what to do." Thank you. And just got, she was just whining about how boring it was and how dumpy the place was, I have no idea what the fuck her actual problem was. And I wasn't the only one who noticed it either! My cousin (not the singer) leaned into me at one rando point and asked what her problem was. IDK. And then on the way home, my grandpa drove me mildly nuts because he is one of those people who is deathly afraid of silence or something? He would rather say the same inane things over and over again than allow us to sit in silence. I just can't fucking deal with it. And I feel bad bitching about it because he's one of the most genuine, good-hearted people I've ever known but it was awful, I wanted to cry.
I was so excited to just be home and be alone but when I pulled up I saw my dad's truck in the driveway and just UGH ;SDFLKJASJKL. Of course, of COURSE. I was SO excited to just be left alone and not have to be social and just take a fucking nap with no noise. He was fine, though. He didn't talk about stupid shit and he didn't care that I was pissed or make a big deal out of it like everyone else I know. Both of my parents are secure/confident and reasonable so I don't have these issues with them as much. He fixed my garbage disposal and then I took my amazing nap, thank god.
Jason came over to pick me up for dinner because Ali had planned a surprise party for me. I wasn't supposed to find out but like three people accidentally ruined it after Ali didn't tell them right away that I wasn't supposed to know. I never told her I knew though, I played along and even helped set her up a little bit ;) I'm glad I knew though because I knew to dress up and wear my favorite shoes! We got to the restaurant and all my friends were up front. Ali was all distraught because she really wanted everyone to have already been at the table, it was adorable. I didn't mind at all, but she was sad. And she had a HUGE black and pink balloon with PINK FUR ON THE EDGES that said "another year of fabulous". I unwrapped a bottle of champagne and started jumping up and down. Immediately everyone was like, "OMG STOP!" or "THAT'S NOT WINE ALYSSA". lollll I was just so flaily I didn't even think about how you, oh, idk, shouldn't shake champagne. Our table still wasn't ready so we talked up front for awhile. Ali disappeared and came back with a drink. "This is my other present for you!" She bought me a fucking rhinestoned martini glass and had the bar put a drink in it called a Tiara or something, it was the cutest I can't fucking EVEN. Tony told me I looked really beautiful and that he was jealous. We tied the gold present bow from the champagne around my wrist like a corsage. ♥
We finally got seated and busted open the ~bubbly~. Sarah and I ordered this like, raspberry martini thing after that, I don't know what it was but it was SO COOL, it came in a triangle glass with no stem, and it sat in a little fishbowl type thing full of ice and sparkling water. We ordered appetizers, we had so much food lol. I don't even remember what we talked about, I just remember constant laughter. And it was really nice to see everybody get along, especially Tony and Jason. They both really like each other, they've told me independently, I know it shouldn't matter and it doesn't I guess but it still makes me happy because it'd be so easy to have a bad dynamic there. Us girls were trying to take a nice picture but we started laughing and both Jason and Tony took pictures of that, I treasure them and I love that I have friends who take the kind of photos I appreciate. So many people just shoot the staged smile and be done - they miss the in-between, the in-between where life lies. They got me tiramisu and strawberry shortcake before we walked across the street to the karaoke bar.
Tony got us all shots and we totally brought the house down. There was a kid at the bar who I/some of my friends went to middle school with and he pointed at me and said my full name and was like, "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I REMEMBER THAT." He then requested me on Facebook but I've yet to decide if I feel comfortable with that lol. I don't even remember what else, I find myself making less of a conscious effort to remember what to blog about when I have my camera with me, you know? IDK. But we had so much fun. I had to leave earlier than I wanted to because I had to get up early :(
Saturday → I had to get up butt-ass early to judge dance auditions. My old dance coach, like pre-Deanna old, messaged me a few weeks ago and asked if I'd be interested in judging for her studio's performing line tryouts and said she'd really love my input. I wanted to in theory, but knew when the day came, I'd freak out and be scared to go. She asked me last year too and I didn't do it. I thought about it for a few days before I emailed back and said I'd love to. I forced myself and I'm so glad I did. She was SO incredibly nice, and so glad I could come. She had her instructors there along with one other former student, everyone was so nice, really full of energy and really fun.
Judging was so fucking hard though, I had no idea. I think it was because I had the younger age group, I judged 5 & 6 year olds first and it's like... how can you even tell?! At that point, NONE of them have good turn out and lines, you know? There were a couple of tiny little bbs (OMG THEY WERE SO TINY AND PRECIOUS, YOU GUYS) who were clearly really fucking good and so easy to give high marks to. Other than that, they were all on the low end and also I felt like a total asshole giving them bad numbers because they were so cute! Seriously, I felt so bad. The second group I did, 7 & 8 year olds, was a little bit easier to distinguish but it was still hard as hell - okay, so five girls come out on the floor, and they do their dance which is pretty short to begin with, just a few 8-counts. They do it once more and then bring new girls out. Except I have to judge five of them in 4 specific categories from only two short goes! How can I even see them all?! I felt like I was losing my mind, I could barely keep up. Also it was serious to me, I wanted to make sure I was giving them the right numbers and I didn't feel like I even had enough time to do that. This is a kid's entire year and possibly even life that I'm playing with. Oh my god and one of the categories for the ballet routine was "Natural Potential" and it was by far the easiest one to judge but the one that made me feel the saddest. It really did break my heart to have to look at a kid who's just starting out and mark that they don't have natural potential. But they were so cute, I'm so glad I went.
Tracy (the coach/owner) was telling us about how her five year old daughter came up to her the other day and was like, "Mom, I need a bra." She asked why and the kid was like, "Well you know how your boobs are all big and stuff?" Yeah. "Well, mine are starting to get like that." LOLOL. So Tracy was like, "Okay, we can go to Target and if they have bras that fit you, you can get one," you know, thinking that there's no way in hell they even make bras that tiny. OH, THEY DO. So she had to get the kid one lol. And now her LITTLE SISTER WANTS ONE so bad, the bigger sister helped her try hers on and the hanger was sticking all over the place and she's convinced she needs one too. The little one wore a swimsuit top under all of her clothes that week lol I'm dying. We broke for lunch, I had to leave for more ~birthday~ and Tracy was like, "Aw! Can you stay for lunch with us?!" I couldn't but she was so nice, I wish I could have, really! She said we'll talk soon, she wants to get the old team together, "like, everybody", and just catch up and watch all of our old tapes and things. "Kelly (other old coach) and I have been talking, we really want that to happen and we're thinking maybe Thanksgiving." So I do hope that comes together.
I left in such a good mood, I felt so pink. I came home and changed and made like a million calls and texts to try and coordinate our river float. LOL we drove to Wisconsin so we could float down the river, I had never done it before but it was awesome. So we picked up Kiel and were going to meet Molly, Tony, Brian, and his roommate there. We stopped at the liquor store and Kiel said that if you mix ~Dragon Berry~ Bacardi with Mountain Dew it tastes just like a red Skittle. SO I WAS TOTALLY DOWN. Jas and I got that (mixed it in the parking lot lol), Kiel got beer and also bought me a birthday shot - THEY HAVE CAKE FLAVORED UV. WHAT. IT WAS AMAZING. We got to the river place and had to rent tubes for all of us, our coolers, and also rope to tie everything together. We took tiny bottle shots in the parking lot and then got on the bus that takes us down to the other end of the river. We had to pile the huge tubes in the aisle, and then we cracked beers and had a tube fight which consisted of everyone just kind of smacking tubes into other people's faces lmao. We were all filthy. And then we started singing Lean On Me and THE WHOLE BUS JOINED IN. IT WAS AMAZING. We unloaded all of our shit and then we had to tie everything together, IT WAS A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS but so, so worth it.
AND THEN WE JUST FUCKING CHILLED IN OUR BADASS CLUSTER, with our cooler tubes in the middle. And just rode down the river for three hours. It was such an adventure, too - like sometimes there were branches that hung too low and you had to duck in the water not to hit them. And at one point we got drunkenly stuck on a fucking fallen tree trunk or something - Molly was dangling her legs in the water and then her legs got caught on a tree and ignited a huge clusterfuck in arrangement and momentum. And there were little bb rapids!! My grandma was all worried about me going because "my Aunt Theresa almost DIED on the river." "Well, how old was she when this happened." "Like four." LOLOL. I lived, but just barely. I just sat and drank straight out of that 2-liter of Mountain Dew, it was delicious and THAT IS WHY IT IS DANGEROUS. Brian also brought weed, I took a couple of hits but I didn't really get high. The blunt got all fucking wet from our fingers so that probably ruined it, I don't know, I don't know the chemistry of weed. He told us to dry our fingers off on his hat, he made a duck hat (lol like a duck opening its bill or some shit), the same duck hat that passing floaters thought was a vagina. At one point we had a Britney Spears duet with another cluster made up of other guys lol, shouting across the water. I was really happy, just floating and singing and my friends were so much fun. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN! It started STOARMING, you guys, fucking hardcore. The first part of our ride was sunny and perfect, and then it started getting dark and clouds started rolling in so we knew it was coming. I wasn't averse to it at all, it was a blast but the only problem was it was fucking COLD, okay. I shriveled down into the warm water and was still cold so I was like, "JASON CAN I COME ON YOUR TUBE." and he said yes but that was even WORSE because I was like laying on him and totally OUT OF THE WARM WATER. So then I was like, "JASON CAN YOU COME ON MY TUBE INSTEAD ACTUALLY." so then he sat on top of ME and that sort of helped but not really. Oh man it was a fucking downpour and I forgot to mention! Tony brought his Go Pro, his tiny waterproof camera that shoots in HD so he filmed it, he filmed so much and I am SO happy.
I got so drunk, you guys, I think that was the drunkest I have ever been in my entire life. So, other brief flashes of memory I can recall: Kiel fell off of his tube and was so drunk that he couldn't get back on. It took him like 5 tries and I fucking died because it was such a fail. Jason hates Kiel because he kept trying to untie my top, but the kicker is somebody unhooked Molly's top and started THROWING IT AROUND THE CLUSTER. And then it fell in the water. And then we almost lost it entirely - which would have been totally kosher, there were girls floating down the river with no tops at all, totally chill. But the best part is that Tony got it on film. He's editing me a video of the day (♥!!!), he showed me a rough cut and he laid this bit over a change in music, it gets all foreboding and oh my god I died. I can't wait to see the whole thing. Then apparently I was stumbling all over the place and when Jason left to get his keys back from the rental place, apparently they all stacked the tubes on me and all you could see were my feet sticking out lol. I really wanted to go down the river again - everyone left but Jason and Kiel so we were going to go again. Except on the bus I started to get sick and Jason was like, "We're not going to go again, are we." and I was like, "NOPE."
I guess I laid in the grass for 30 minutes and then went to the bathroom and then came back and laid down for 30 more. This is were I "came to", if you will. And then I blacked out again because the next thing I remember is throwing up out my car door. We weren't in motion, I was just sitting in the car in the parking lot. It was gross. And then LOL, I remember walking somewhere and Kiel and Jason were on either side of me helping me walk and I was like, "I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS, I KNOW THIS IS GROSS AND ~SO NOT ATTRACTIVE~." and Kiel was like, "Well you already have a boyfriend, so..." and I was like, "BUT STILL." I asked Jason about 50 times to not break up with me because of this. Oh man, hot mess.
There was trauma after the fact because a couple of days later, we all got into this Facebook conversation and Tony was hinting that he had embarrassing shit on film and he knew I blacked out so he was playing it up and giving me shit and I was fully convinced he had my tits on film because shit, I didn't know. I really like to believe that even shitface wasted I wouldn't flash people, but. He said I did but I didn't know if I believed him or not. So I freaked out and called everyone and then Jason called Tony and he told him he was just fucking with me and then he called me to apologize because he had no idea I was taking it this seriously, that I didn't assume he was just being himself. WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. I don't know. I like to think that even if he did have something awful, he'd do right with it. I know he jokes around and would probably give me a hard time about it but I think at the end of the day, he respects me enough to keep it to himself. Jason reminded me that everyone there was a good person. "I didn't want to leave you but I knew your friends would take care of you. Brian was really worried about you too. He didn't say anything but I saw it on his face. He had your back, he's a good guy. They all are. I'm not sure about Kiel though..." lol.
We finally started driving back and I felt like crap but ~thankfully~ I didn't puke anymore. We had to stop at some Mexican restaurant so I could pee again. We dropped Kiel off at his apartment and then we passed the strawberry gelato place and Jason is such a gem, he stopped and got me some - AND THEY ACTUALLY HAD IT TODAY. I ate like half of it, it was probably not the best idea I've ever had but I was fine. We came home and took a shower and then I really wanted chicken so he made me some, we tried to watch X-Files but I passed out in the middle of Triangle. "DAMN IT, I didn't even get to see them kiss!!!" I screamed the next day when I realized. I woke up and Jason was gone. He went downstairs and slept on the couch because he wanted me to get quality sleep. I love him. I love him so much, it blows my mind how selfless he is.
Sunday → My mom had a ~family party~ for me at her boyfriend's house. It was pretty low-key and I was pretty drained so I didn't really do much. We had great burgers and then we had red velvet ice cream cake. My cousin Amanda pushed my face in it. :D :D :D I opened cards and my Aunt Theresa (the same one who ALMOST DROWNED ON THE RIVER~~) got upset because she forgot to draw a picture on my envelope like she always does and she knows I love them. So she drew one on my card, lol, it was balloons but they looked like plastic spoons in a jar.
JESUS CHRIST, EPITOME OF TL;DR. NOBODY IS EVEN HERE ANYWAY. BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW. YOU'RE WELCOME. No but really, it was a lovely birthday, even if by the end of it I was quite birthday-d out. ♥
Birthday week~~~~~
Tuesday (August 2nd, my GOD) → I was going to take some head/body shots of Lindsey because she wants to get into stunting, and she asked if I wanted to go out on her boat for my birthday afterward. So cute. So we went over there and took a bunch of fun pictures, climbing on the roof and jumping off of rope swings. We went on the jet ski first, all three of us and it was a blast. She and Jason wanted to go skim boarding but I elected not to lol. So I just rode on the back and watched them both be badass and also eat shit, it was tops and the sun was reflecting off of the water so beautifully. We came back in and Lindsey asked if Jason and I wanted to go out alone while she got stuff ready. We went across the lake and Jason really wanted to "jump off while it was still moving", lol whatever go ahead. So he did and I LEFT HIM THERE MWA HA HA. jk, only for a little while. I came back and jumped in too. We made out in the water and ugh I want to have sex in it so bad, I never have. HAS ANYONE - tell me about it. I feel like we don't talk about sex enough anymore.
We went out on Lindsey's boat and Jason pissed me off because lol, okay, I have this like, injury-thing on the inside of my right ankle but I don't even MIND it, okay, it's this little patch of scar-like skin but I love itching it, IT FEELS SO GOOD TO ITCH so I don't even care. We call it my leprosy~. NO but he took a picture of it on his phone and I was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING and he was like, "I'M TEXTING IT TO MY STEPDAD." LOL WTF. His stepdad is a doctor BUT STILL. Embarrassing, right. He didn't send it. We left and OMG LINDSEY IS THE CUTEST, she got all of this food - chips, salsa, strawberries, cherries, bananas, fruit dip, these little things with tomato and basil and cheese and dressing that she made, red wine, I was so happy! Her puppy came too. We just floated all over the lake and ate and drank and gossiped and laughed as the sun went down.
After it got dark, we drove her boat up to a lake bar. We had a drink outside and then moved in because we wanted to eat. "The kitchen's closed out here", lol what, it's the same bar and the ~patio~ is like, 10 steps. IDGI. Whatever, I got french fries and aside from the Grape Ape I had outside, I also got a Push Up Martini and an Appletini. I mention it because I find it really fucking strange that I threw up the next morning. Excuse me but there have been times where I've drank WAY more than that and been FINE. We concluded it was just all the sugar? And all of the switching of the alcohol? Apparently? What the fuck. It was awful because Jason was over and I didn't want to throw up when he was there so I was like, "I think I need to throw up but I don't want to when you're here!" and he was like, "... do you want me to leave so you can puke?" "No, it's fine, I'm probably not going to." And then like a half hour later I was like, "... Yeah, you're probably going to need to leave." He said okay and then I eventually was just like, screw it, and he was like, "Did you mean I needed to leave right this second." And I was like, "No, it's fine, IT'S TOO LATE I DON'T EVEN CARE BUT CAN YOU PLEASE PUT MUSIC ON OR SOMETHING." lol. He's a good sport, he puts up with a lot of my stupid shit. I don't remember what we did for the rest of the day. OH, that's when my grandma came over and ~cleaned~ with me. lol she brought me Wendy's and it was really hard to eat but I didn't want her to know I was hungover. IT WAS FINE THOUGH.
Wednesday → IDK, nothing.
Thursday → I woke up at like 10:30, I don't really know but it seems sick to me that that's "sleeping in" now. God, fuck the real world, seriously. I just want to invent something awesome so that I can be done with it and not work ever again. CONSTANTLY BRAINSTORMING. No but I woke up and Jason wasn't there. So I called him and he was like, "You should come downstairs!" So I did and there were all these roses but that's not even the cutest part - the cutest part is that he had to arrange them all himself because there was no florist when he went. AND HE GOOGLED HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. IT KIND OF KILLS ME. And then kljhdsaflhjk there was a folded up piece of parchment WITH A WAX SEAL ON IT AND HE SPECIFICALLY GOT AN "A" STAMP. And I was like, "I love this little dot on the side of it, did you do that on purpose" and he was like "Yeah I wanted it to look like it was splashing." brb dying dying. And he told me he did it because it reminded him of Harry Potter. It was hard to take off and I didn't want to ruin it so we got a butter knife and like, sawed it apart lol. He wrote me a poem~ and normally I'd be like, all of this is so cliché but I know he's really genuine about it. He's really artistic, it makes sense that he'd write, you know? And he got me a necklace OF A STRAPPY HIGH HEEL with both white and black diamonds in it. It's so me it's ridiculous. I'm freaking the fuck out that I'm going to lose it or something, I AM SO BAD WITH JEWELRY D: I NEED A JEWELRY BOX. Either that or clean spaces.
We went to lay in bed ("NO PANTS BIRTHDAY!!") and he made me waffles with strawberries and blueberries and he'd also bought a little raspberry chocolate truffle thing. ♥ He asked me if I liked blueberries and I was like, "IDK, I mean, I'll eat them but..." and he was like, "I know. I just needed another color! It was too red!" He's always so concerned with aesthetics and presentation, do you have any idea how sexy that is to me. He always lays everything out so beautifully, be it food or presents or whatever, I love it. I demanded birthday sex and we whipped out our vibrating cock ring for the occasion. OVARSHARE. No but I highly recommend this.
My mom came and we all went to my favorite pizza place but I got super butthurt because they didn't have my orgasmic strawberry gelato that I dream about on a weekly basis and have even given its own tag here. UGH. It is my BIRTHDAY - WORLD, WHY ARE YOU NOT BENDING. Whatever. I got THE MOST AMAZING PASTA EVER and we even had extra so we got to take it home. The restaurant was so nice, they gave us ice in a bag so it wouldn't get ruined. It is such a cute place, you guys, so Italian and warm and happy.
Then we went to the Science Museum - I was debating between that and the zoo, when my genius mother reminded me that the zoo will always be here, BUT KING TUT WILL NOT. SO WE WENT AND SAW HIM. Not *actually* him, though, but the only exact replica of him. Gross. I loved it though, I can't even believe that fierce, wealthy bitch was only 19 when he died and he had ALL THIS FUCKING SHIT. Seriously, 19 year olds are assholes, not worthy at all of this level of splendor. Also, all of the intricate detail blew my FUCKING mind. Especially on jewelry and things, my GOD I can't even imagine how long it took to make, especially 3,000 years ago when we didn't have overnight FedEx and laser-cutters and shit. I can't even. I wish I could have touched it all. My mother had a bad episode where she just "needed" to touch something and I can tell she fucking meant it, I had to physically stop her like 5 times. "NO BUT I HAVE TO," she said. Jason was no help - "If they didn't want you to touch it, they would have put it in a glass box!" lol fjdsakhfhjlas. No but I wanted to touch it too, I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE HOW OLD IT ALL IS, YOU GUYS. And it is so beautiful, especially their blue stones, I don't even remember what they were called. And so much gold. ALSO THERE WAS A HUGE STATUE. Like, seriously, tall as fuck. They had a video graphic simulation of the room that it was in and god this huge thing didn't even have its full legs left!! I tried to imagine what it'd be like to be in that room so long ago, at its full height and adorned to shit. I feel like I used to do that all the time, think like that, I feel like it's something missing in my life. I still have an imagination, it's just different. And maybe it's because I'm not in school anymore and I'm not being force-fed history and I'm not interested enough in it compared to other things to read about it on my own time, but it fascinates me when I think about it. I don't have enough time to mindlessly wander anymore.
I was super annoyed at some guy and his fucking stroller, that bitch needed some serious WD-40 AND HE NEVER STOOD STILL. Like if *I* had a squeaky (no, really loud, I don't think you even know) stroller in a place like this, I'd try to move as little as possible. BUT NO, HE WAS WALKING AROUND *CONSTANTLY*. PLANT IT. GOD. Finally his wife took it and propped it up on the back wheels and the problem was so fixed and women are so fucking smart, seriously, I love them. I feel like something else annoyed me but I don't remember what. This is probably a good thing. Also did you know that Tut's parents were brother and sister?!
After the exhibit ended, we sat at a little kid table and made our name out of hieroglyphs and then the guy working there guessed our names lol. We also played a ~quiz show~ where all three of us had buzzers and were shown a video about product manipulation and lies and had to buzz in with the correct "red flag". I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON AT FIRST. We played around for ages and we had so much fun, okay. Especially in the light area. We made a stop motion animation video at some little booth they had there, we had so much fun:
You can watch this video on www.livejournal.com
AND THEN WE PLAYED IN THE LIGHT AREA, SO MANY COLORS AND SPARKLES EVERYWHERE:
We came back and my mom left; Originally Jason was going to make me chicken stir fry because it's my favorite but at that point I really just wanted McDonald's? So we went and got that and then just laid in bed, eating and watching X-Files. It was pretty much an A+ birthday.
★ ★ ★
Friday → I had to get up to shoot my little cousin's ~concert~ but before that, I dropped by Lindsey's to say goodbye before she goes back to LA. She and her mom were sitting at their back table, having breakfast and just looking at the lake. It was really sweet and it made me wish I grew up on a lake. She hugged me for ages and as her mom was walking into the house, she was like, "Now Liss you and Jason need to come over, okay. Whenever you want. It's always so quiet without kids and without Lindsey here, we'd love to have you if you ever just want to come out and lay around." ♥
I met my grandfather at his house because we were going to drive to the concert together. We got to the venue downtown earlier than expected. They asked me to come early so I could take photos of her with ~Tim Mahoney~ but that fucker was late so we never even got any. I AM SO GLAD I WENT EARLY... ugh Lindsey said he was a douchebag too, she worked on The Voice for the local audition round and she said he thought he was too good to wait in line and like, tried not to. ~Over it~. My little cousin is extremely talented, though. She will be famous, mark my words. Most likely a broadway star, I love seeing her in these environments because she's exactly where she belongs, so happy and so comfortable.
My grandma really bothered me, she was bitching the entire time and not only that, but she was acting like I couldn't take care of myself. She KEPT asking me if I wanted to leave, "if you want to leave, I'll tell [my grandpa]".... or I can just tell him? Like I appreciate that she was just trying to look out for me and make things easier for me but I feel like it would have been more well-received if she wasn't complaining the entire time. She kept asking and I kept saying "No, it's okay!" or "No, I'm fine!" Eventually somebody(/SHE - okay, I went to go to the bathroom with my other cousin and I made SURE not to set my camera in water and when I came back, there was a spilled glass just seeping into it and it's fine, I get that shit happens but she tried to blame it on my grandpa! "Trish must have kicked it when he got up to go outside"... except Trish was ALREADY ~outside~ when my cousin and I left. I'm not stupid.) spilled water on my camera bag, I yelled, "I'M FINE" and put my hands out in front of me and she never asked me again. Like I feel like a bitch for snapping but obviously me saying it nicely was not convincing enough/a waste of everybody's time. And then! When we first got there she asks my aunt, "So what do you want Liss to do and where should she stand when the show starts", like right in front of me. I know she didn't mean to be insulting but I was kind of insulted. My aunt just kind of looked at her and was like, "Um, I think Liss will know what to do." Thank you. And just got, she was just whining about how boring it was and how dumpy the place was, I have no idea what the fuck her actual problem was. And I wasn't the only one who noticed it either! My cousin (not the singer) leaned into me at one rando point and asked what her problem was. IDK. And then on the way home, my grandpa drove me mildly nuts because he is one of those people who is deathly afraid of silence or something? He would rather say the same inane things over and over again than allow us to sit in silence. I just can't fucking deal with it. And I feel bad bitching about it because he's one of the most genuine, good-hearted people I've ever known but it was awful, I wanted to cry.
I was so excited to just be home and be alone but when I pulled up I saw my dad's truck in the driveway and just UGH ;SDFLKJASJKL. Of course, of COURSE. I was SO excited to just be left alone and not have to be social and just take a fucking nap with no noise. He was fine, though. He didn't talk about stupid shit and he didn't care that I was pissed or make a big deal out of it like everyone else I know. Both of my parents are secure/confident and reasonable so I don't have these issues with them as much. He fixed my garbage disposal and then I took my amazing nap, thank god.
Jason came over to pick me up for dinner because Ali had planned a surprise party for me. I wasn't supposed to find out but like three people accidentally ruined it after Ali didn't tell them right away that I wasn't supposed to know. I never told her I knew though, I played along and even helped set her up a little bit ;) I'm glad I knew though because I knew to dress up and wear my favorite shoes! We got to the restaurant and all my friends were up front. Ali was all distraught because she really wanted everyone to have already been at the table, it was adorable. I didn't mind at all, but she was sad. And she had a HUGE black and pink balloon with PINK FUR ON THE EDGES that said "another year of fabulous". I unwrapped a bottle of champagne and started jumping up and down. Immediately everyone was like, "OMG STOP!" or "THAT'S NOT WINE ALYSSA". lollll I was just so flaily I didn't even think about how you, oh, idk, shouldn't shake champagne. Our table still wasn't ready so we talked up front for awhile. Ali disappeared and came back with a drink. "This is my other present for you!" She bought me a fucking rhinestoned martini glass and had the bar put a drink in it called a Tiara or something, it was the cutest I can't fucking EVEN. Tony told me I looked really beautiful and that he was jealous. We tied the gold present bow from the champagne around my wrist like a corsage. ♥
We finally got seated and busted open the ~bubbly~. Sarah and I ordered this like, raspberry martini thing after that, I don't know what it was but it was SO COOL, it came in a triangle glass with no stem, and it sat in a little fishbowl type thing full of ice and sparkling water. We ordered appetizers, we had so much food lol. I don't even remember what we talked about, I just remember constant laughter. And it was really nice to see everybody get along, especially Tony and Jason. They both really like each other, they've told me independently, I know it shouldn't matter and it doesn't I guess but it still makes me happy because it'd be so easy to have a bad dynamic there. Us girls were trying to take a nice picture but we started laughing and both Jason and Tony took pictures of that, I treasure them and I love that I have friends who take the kind of photos I appreciate. So many people just shoot the staged smile and be done - they miss the in-between, the in-between where life lies. They got me tiramisu and strawberry shortcake before we walked across the street to the karaoke bar.
Tony got us all shots and we totally brought the house down. There was a kid at the bar who I/some of my friends went to middle school with and he pointed at me and said my full name and was like, "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I REMEMBER THAT." He then requested me on Facebook but I've yet to decide if I feel comfortable with that lol. I don't even remember what else, I find myself making less of a conscious effort to remember what to blog about when I have my camera with me, you know? IDK. But we had so much fun. I had to leave earlier than I wanted to because I had to get up early :(
Saturday → I had to get up butt-ass early to judge dance auditions. My old dance coach, like pre-Deanna old, messaged me a few weeks ago and asked if I'd be interested in judging for her studio's performing line tryouts and said she'd really love my input. I wanted to in theory, but knew when the day came, I'd freak out and be scared to go. She asked me last year too and I didn't do it. I thought about it for a few days before I emailed back and said I'd love to. I forced myself and I'm so glad I did. She was SO incredibly nice, and so glad I could come. She had her instructors there along with one other former student, everyone was so nice, really full of energy and really fun.
Judging was so fucking hard though, I had no idea. I think it was because I had the younger age group, I judged 5 & 6 year olds first and it's like... how can you even tell?! At that point, NONE of them have good turn out and lines, you know? There were a couple of tiny little bbs (OMG THEY WERE SO TINY AND PRECIOUS, YOU GUYS) who were clearly really fucking good and so easy to give high marks to. Other than that, they were all on the low end and also I felt like a total asshole giving them bad numbers because they were so cute! Seriously, I felt so bad. The second group I did, 7 & 8 year olds, was a little bit easier to distinguish but it was still hard as hell - okay, so five girls come out on the floor, and they do their dance which is pretty short to begin with, just a few 8-counts. They do it once more and then bring new girls out. Except I have to judge five of them in 4 specific categories from only two short goes! How can I even see them all?! I felt like I was losing my mind, I could barely keep up. Also it was serious to me, I wanted to make sure I was giving them the right numbers and I didn't feel like I even had enough time to do that. This is a kid's entire year and possibly even life that I'm playing with. Oh my god and one of the categories for the ballet routine was "Natural Potential" and it was by far the easiest one to judge but the one that made me feel the saddest. It really did break my heart to have to look at a kid who's just starting out and mark that they don't have natural potential. But they were so cute, I'm so glad I went.
Tracy (the coach/owner) was telling us about how her five year old daughter came up to her the other day and was like, "Mom, I need a bra." She asked why and the kid was like, "Well you know how your boobs are all big and stuff?" Yeah. "Well, mine are starting to get like that." LOLOL. So Tracy was like, "Okay, we can go to Target and if they have bras that fit you, you can get one," you know, thinking that there's no way in hell they even make bras that tiny. OH, THEY DO. So she had to get the kid one lol. And now her LITTLE SISTER WANTS ONE so bad, the bigger sister helped her try hers on and the hanger was sticking all over the place and she's convinced she needs one too. The little one wore a swimsuit top under all of her clothes that week lol I'm dying. We broke for lunch, I had to leave for more ~birthday~ and Tracy was like, "Aw! Can you stay for lunch with us?!" I couldn't but she was so nice, I wish I could have, really! She said we'll talk soon, she wants to get the old team together, "like, everybody", and just catch up and watch all of our old tapes and things. "Kelly (other old coach) and I have been talking, we really want that to happen and we're thinking maybe Thanksgiving." So I do hope that comes together.
I left in such a good mood, I felt so pink. I came home and changed and made like a million calls and texts to try and coordinate our river float. LOL we drove to Wisconsin so we could float down the river, I had never done it before but it was awesome. So we picked up Kiel and were going to meet Molly, Tony, Brian, and his roommate there. We stopped at the liquor store and Kiel said that if you mix ~Dragon Berry~ Bacardi with Mountain Dew it tastes just like a red Skittle. SO I WAS TOTALLY DOWN. Jas and I got that (mixed it in the parking lot lol), Kiel got beer and also bought me a birthday shot - THEY HAVE CAKE FLAVORED UV. WHAT. IT WAS AMAZING. We got to the river place and had to rent tubes for all of us, our coolers, and also rope to tie everything together. We took tiny bottle shots in the parking lot and then got on the bus that takes us down to the other end of the river. We had to pile the huge tubes in the aisle, and then we cracked beers and had a tube fight which consisted of everyone just kind of smacking tubes into other people's faces lmao. We were all filthy. And then we started singing Lean On Me and THE WHOLE BUS JOINED IN. IT WAS AMAZING. We unloaded all of our shit and then we had to tie everything together, IT WAS A HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS but so, so worth it.
AND THEN WE JUST FUCKING CHILLED IN OUR BADASS CLUSTER, with our cooler tubes in the middle. And just rode down the river for three hours. It was such an adventure, too - like sometimes there were branches that hung too low and you had to duck in the water not to hit them. And at one point we got drunkenly stuck on a fucking fallen tree trunk or something - Molly was dangling her legs in the water and then her legs got caught on a tree and ignited a huge clusterfuck in arrangement and momentum. And there were little bb rapids!! My grandma was all worried about me going because "my Aunt Theresa almost DIED on the river." "Well, how old was she when this happened." "Like four." LOLOL. I lived, but just barely. I just sat and drank straight out of that 2-liter of Mountain Dew, it was delicious and THAT IS WHY IT IS DANGEROUS. Brian also brought weed, I took a couple of hits but I didn't really get high. The blunt got all fucking wet from our fingers so that probably ruined it, I don't know, I don't know the chemistry of weed. He told us to dry our fingers off on his hat, he made a duck hat (lol like a duck opening its bill or some shit), the same duck hat that passing floaters thought was a vagina. At one point we had a Britney Spears duet with another cluster made up of other guys lol, shouting across the water. I was really happy, just floating and singing and my friends were so much fun. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN! It started STOARMING, you guys, fucking hardcore. The first part of our ride was sunny and perfect, and then it started getting dark and clouds started rolling in so we knew it was coming. I wasn't averse to it at all, it was a blast but the only problem was it was fucking COLD, okay. I shriveled down into the warm water and was still cold so I was like, "JASON CAN I COME ON YOUR TUBE." and he said yes but that was even WORSE because I was like laying on him and totally OUT OF THE WARM WATER. So then I was like, "JASON CAN YOU COME ON MY TUBE INSTEAD ACTUALLY." so then he sat on top of ME and that sort of helped but not really. Oh man it was a fucking downpour and I forgot to mention! Tony brought his Go Pro, his tiny waterproof camera that shoots in HD so he filmed it, he filmed so much and I am SO happy.
I got so drunk, you guys, I think that was the drunkest I have ever been in my entire life. So, other brief flashes of memory I can recall: Kiel fell off of his tube and was so drunk that he couldn't get back on. It took him like 5 tries and I fucking died because it was such a fail. Jason hates Kiel because he kept trying to untie my top, but the kicker is somebody unhooked Molly's top and started THROWING IT AROUND THE CLUSTER. And then it fell in the water. And then we almost lost it entirely - which would have been totally kosher, there were girls floating down the river with no tops at all, totally chill. But the best part is that Tony got it on film. He's editing me a video of the day (♥!!!), he showed me a rough cut and he laid this bit over a change in music, it gets all foreboding and oh my god I died. I can't wait to see the whole thing. Then apparently I was stumbling all over the place and when Jason left to get his keys back from the rental place, apparently they all stacked the tubes on me and all you could see were my feet sticking out lol. I really wanted to go down the river again - everyone left but Jason and Kiel so we were going to go again. Except on the bus I started to get sick and Jason was like, "We're not going to go again, are we." and I was like, "NOPE."
I guess I laid in the grass for 30 minutes and then went to the bathroom and then came back and laid down for 30 more. This is were I "came to", if you will. And then I blacked out again because the next thing I remember is throwing up out my car door. We weren't in motion, I was just sitting in the car in the parking lot. It was gross. And then LOL, I remember walking somewhere and Kiel and Jason were on either side of me helping me walk and I was like, "I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS, I KNOW THIS IS GROSS AND ~SO NOT ATTRACTIVE~." and Kiel was like, "Well you already have a boyfriend, so..." and I was like, "BUT STILL." I asked Jason about 50 times to not break up with me because of this. Oh man, hot mess.
There was trauma after the fact because a couple of days later, we all got into this Facebook conversation and Tony was hinting that he had embarrassing shit on film and he knew I blacked out so he was playing it up and giving me shit and I was fully convinced he had my tits on film because shit, I didn't know. I really like to believe that even shitface wasted I wouldn't flash people, but. He said I did but I didn't know if I believed him or not. So I freaked out and called everyone and then Jason called Tony and he told him he was just fucking with me and then he called me to apologize because he had no idea I was taking it this seriously, that I didn't assume he was just being himself. WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT. I don't know. I like to think that even if he did have something awful, he'd do right with it. I know he jokes around and would probably give me a hard time about it but I think at the end of the day, he respects me enough to keep it to himself. Jason reminded me that everyone there was a good person. "I didn't want to leave you but I knew your friends would take care of you. Brian was really worried about you too. He didn't say anything but I saw it on his face. He had your back, he's a good guy. They all are. I'm not sure about Kiel though..." lol.
We finally started driving back and I felt like crap but ~thankfully~ I didn't puke anymore. We had to stop at some Mexican restaurant so I could pee again. We dropped Kiel off at his apartment and then we passed the strawberry gelato place and Jason is such a gem, he stopped and got me some - AND THEY ACTUALLY HAD IT TODAY. I ate like half of it, it was probably not the best idea I've ever had but I was fine. We came home and took a shower and then I really wanted chicken so he made me some, we tried to watch X-Files but I passed out in the middle of Triangle. "DAMN IT, I didn't even get to see them kiss!!!" I screamed the next day when I realized. I woke up and Jason was gone. He went downstairs and slept on the couch because he wanted me to get quality sleep. I love him. I love him so much, it blows my mind how selfless he is.
Sunday → My mom had a ~family party~ for me at her boyfriend's house. It was pretty low-key and I was pretty drained so I didn't really do much. We had great burgers and then we had red velvet ice cream cake. My cousin Amanda pushed my face in it. :D :D :D I opened cards and my Aunt Theresa (the same one who ALMOST DROWNED ON THE RIVER~~) got upset because she forgot to draw a picture on my envelope like she always does and she knows I love them. So she drew one on my card, lol, it was balloons but they looked like plastic spoons in a jar.
JESUS CHRIST, EPITOME OF TL;DR. NOBODY IS EVEN HERE ANYWAY. BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW. YOU'RE WELCOME. No but really, it was a lovely birthday, even if by the end of it I was quite birthday-d out. ♥