(no subject)
Busy Weekend
→ Lunch with my fave creative fellas on Friday was awesome. We went to D'Amico's and had sandwiches and discussed our pilot and how we were going to afford half the things that were in it lol. We also had a very therapeutic bitch!sesh about our favorite producer and I don't think I even instigated it, I swear. It was awesome. Also!! Marc brought me his copy of Bossypants to borrow!! Because I whined on Facebook about how I had been meaning to buy it for weeks. So he just brought it, how thoughtful. Also again, it's the audio book so Tina Fey is reading it and made of win. I haven't gotten very far but what I did hear already was amazing and I love her.
→ Dance was really hard and Mette was really cold from the second I got there so I stopped caring. Which is sad, I suppose, but not really because she wasn't the entire reason. It just didn't feel right and I can't tell if it was genuinely off/bad or if I was just so fucking spoiled in high school with that once in a lifetime group of amazing people all in the right place at the right time. The bar is just too high. Also I am so out of shape and I know it's because I made conscious choices to do other artistic things with my time over the past few years but it's just sad that you have to give things up to pursue others, it depresses me so much, having to start making firm commitments. I am such a commitment-phobe, god, I used to always feel like I had all the time in the world but now I'm starting to panic and feel old even though I know I'm not. It just is really hard to watch everyone around me start getting married or having babies or being content with some job that's actually related to their degree and having that just be it. I'm nowhere near even close to any of that, I know you can't let other people dictate your life and I'm not but I'd be lying if I said I didn't even notice and feel subconscious pressure. I hate change, I hate it so much. I hate the loss of magic even more and I can feel it happening just because I'm so busy all the time. I don't have any time to even spend examining my life, it seems, I just jump from thing to thing, I'm too exhausted to analyze or romanticize or anything that used to make even small things feel monumental. I thrived on that. And still do. I'm hoping this is only temporary.
→ Had a shoot on Sunday morning ♥ Oh my god we had a BLAST!
Also, how happy does Deanna look. I still can't even believe she pays me to take her picture now - she used to hate it so much when I'd pull out a camera. lol no seriously, I think I even have a video of us getting ready and she blatantly sees my camera and sneaks out of frame. And she said they're going to keep calling me and "when this new one pops out, were still going to call you" and I was like "I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO SUPER TINY BABY PICTURES, OKAY." and she was like, "You want to do super tiny baby pictures? Okay!" ♥ ♥ She also called last night and said that her mom was showing off just the couple of photos I posted on her Facebook and everyone was asking where they got them done so she wanted to know how I preferred my info be passed out. "Let's get you some business!" It is so lovely how much she believes in me, her opinion has always meant a lot so it just warms me so much how supportive she is and how she's constantly telling me and everyone on the internet that I blow her mind.
→ Was going to have a meeting with Amanda, whose wedding I'm shooting but we decided to just do an email interview instead. I am so excited and also nervous. This is not news. JUST WANTED TO UPDATE ON THE STATUS OF THE MEETING BECAUSE IT'S FASCINATING OR WHATEVER. Apparently.
[/busy weekend]
Monday; Work was awful, blah.
Tuesday/Wednesday; I went up to my aunt & uncle's cabin that they rent, I had so much fun on the drive up there by myself, it fully affirmed my belief that I need to force myself to spend more time with myself, like I used to. Even if friends want to do stuff or even if I want to lay in bed with Jason and just watch our shows, even if I WANT to see him I have to force myself not to sometimes. I think it'd bother me less if he were busier too, then it wouldn't even be a choice. ANYWAY, RAMBLES!! I had so much fun but ugh stuff pissed me off too and come to think of it, that should probably have its own entry so this isn't tl;dr. I will try to write that up tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath because I am so busy at work ugh ugh. But oh man I got sun and I GOT FEATHER EXTENSIONS IN MY HAIR! I will show you them!
→ Lunch with my fave creative fellas on Friday was awesome. We went to D'Amico's and had sandwiches and discussed our pilot and how we were going to afford half the things that were in it lol. We also had a very therapeutic bitch!sesh about our favorite producer and I don't think I even instigated it, I swear. It was awesome. Also!! Marc brought me his copy of Bossypants to borrow!! Because I whined on Facebook about how I had been meaning to buy it for weeks. So he just brought it, how thoughtful. Also again, it's the audio book so Tina Fey is reading it and made of win. I haven't gotten very far but what I did hear already was amazing and I love her.
→ Dance was really hard and Mette was really cold from the second I got there so I stopped caring. Which is sad, I suppose, but not really because she wasn't the entire reason. It just didn't feel right and I can't tell if it was genuinely off/bad or if I was just so fucking spoiled in high school with that once in a lifetime group of amazing people all in the right place at the right time. The bar is just too high. Also I am so out of shape and I know it's because I made conscious choices to do other artistic things with my time over the past few years but it's just sad that you have to give things up to pursue others, it depresses me so much, having to start making firm commitments. I am such a commitment-phobe, god, I used to always feel like I had all the time in the world but now I'm starting to panic and feel old even though I know I'm not. It just is really hard to watch everyone around me start getting married or having babies or being content with some job that's actually related to their degree and having that just be it. I'm nowhere near even close to any of that, I know you can't let other people dictate your life and I'm not but I'd be lying if I said I didn't even notice and feel subconscious pressure. I hate change, I hate it so much. I hate the loss of magic even more and I can feel it happening just because I'm so busy all the time. I don't have any time to even spend examining my life, it seems, I just jump from thing to thing, I'm too exhausted to analyze or romanticize or anything that used to make even small things feel monumental. I thrived on that. And still do. I'm hoping this is only temporary.
→ Had a shoot on Sunday morning ♥ Oh my god we had a BLAST!
Also, how happy does Deanna look. I still can't even believe she pays me to take her picture now - she used to hate it so much when I'd pull out a camera. lol no seriously, I think I even have a video of us getting ready and she blatantly sees my camera and sneaks out of frame. And she said they're going to keep calling me and "when this new one pops out, were still going to call you" and I was like "I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO SUPER TINY BABY PICTURES, OKAY." and she was like, "You want to do super tiny baby pictures? Okay!" ♥ ♥ She also called last night and said that her mom was showing off just the couple of photos I posted on her Facebook and everyone was asking where they got them done so she wanted to know how I preferred my info be passed out. "Let's get you some business!" It is so lovely how much she believes in me, her opinion has always meant a lot so it just warms me so much how supportive she is and how she's constantly telling me and everyone on the internet that I blow her mind.
→ Was going to have a meeting with Amanda, whose wedding I'm shooting but we decided to just do an email interview instead. I am so excited and also nervous. This is not news. JUST WANTED TO UPDATE ON THE STATUS OF THE MEETING BECAUSE IT'S FASCINATING OR WHATEVER. Apparently.
[/busy weekend]
Monday; Work was awful, blah.
Tuesday/Wednesday; I went up to my aunt & uncle's cabin that they rent, I had so much fun on the drive up there by myself, it fully affirmed my belief that I need to force myself to spend more time with myself, like I used to. Even if friends want to do stuff or even if I want to lay in bed with Jason and just watch our shows, even if I WANT to see him I have to force myself not to sometimes. I think it'd bother me less if he were busier too, then it wouldn't even be a choice. ANYWAY, RAMBLES!! I had so much fun but ugh stuff pissed me off too and come to think of it, that should probably have its own entry so this isn't tl;dr. I will try to write that up tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath because I am so busy at work ugh ugh. But oh man I got sun and I GOT FEATHER EXTENSIONS IN MY HAIR! I will show you them!