"aim to live a life worth writing down."
I'm on mah [ lunch break ]. And I decided I'm taking a long one today because 1.) I have nothing waiting for me when I get back, as far as I know, and 2.) my morning was so frustrating and I almost cried because I hate Windows and I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE OFFICE 2007. GOD. GOD. And PDFs can go to hell, p.s. does nobody save original files anymore?! Somebody had to first make this in Word, why is there not an editable Word version somewhere. Maybe I'm just an OBSESSIVE saver but seriously. Logic, exercise some.
Also, this woman that I was doing the project for, she's like my high school physics teacher - if you don't do something exactly the way she "teaches" you, it's srs bsns WRONG, even if you arrive at the same final product and your methods are faster. I literally can't even. LIKE WHO CARES HOW IT'S DONE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR PDF AT THE END.
I'm at Bruegger's, I come here every day lol. The guy who made my sandwich today is attractive in a quiet and intriguing way, but the fingernails on his thumbs are long and strange. Also I asked for a Mello Yello but he gave me a Coke. What. They're not even remotely similar. I didn't complain though, I l like Coke, whatever, and I always hate making innocent people feel like they're bad at their jobs, especially when they're nice to me. [ /lunch break ]
work;
→ I really, really need to get pricing information together because another girl came up to me at work and said their team wanted me to come and shoot them being all casual/fun on a dock for their website and they want to know what my rate is. It's so awkward, I feel so awkward taking money for photography because it's expensive and I equate earning money to pain, discomfort, frustration, etc. My mother gets these ~questions of the day~ in her email and forwards me the ones that make her think of me, one of them asked what I'd do differently as a parent. I couldn't really answer on the spot but now it's incredibly clear - I'm going to consciously condition my kids to equate earning money to joy. My current huge problem in life is that when I'm wearing my Photographer hat, I don't feel like I suffer enough to take home the kind of money I do for it. I was brought up (and not necessarily only by my parents, but by other people, school, society, etc) with the "no pain no gain" thing, to paraphrase, and I always accepted it because it helped make sense of bad times but now it's like... why? Why is that a saying?! It IS possible to gain without pain at all. I know that now but it's hard to shake that old mindset. Growing up, my time was only worth, at best, $12/hour, ringing up groceries or answering phones (synonymous with "wanting to die"). So it's no wonder that $200 seems fucking ludicrous for having fun and feeling alive, I almost feel guilty or like I'm stealing.
→ I didn't tell you guys about the fun people I met this week!! o1. When I first started, I sat at ~Emily's old desk~ but then they moved me to my own. The woman who sits there now, Kiersten - I was told before she even got there that I'd get along with her because she apparently does film things too, makes documentaries and things. I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to her, but she came to my desk yesterday and was like, "I hear you're a photographer! Do you have a website? I'd love to see your work!" So I gave her my card and then I got an email saying that she couldn't wait to look in more detail, but that I had quite an eye and she loved my composition and she thinks we should have lunch sometime. ♥ So I said I'd love that and asked if she did photography as well; she linked me to her photo site and her film site and I poked around and she seems so interesting. So I think we're going to have lunch next week, we're going to make a plan on Monday. :) o2. This guy, Chris, came to me with a graphing project. I'd never done anything for him before, the girl who usually does his stuff was tied up and sent him over. So we talked about his thing, blah blah, and then he was like, "I've been meaning to tell you I love your pictures (I have a bunch up at my desk now), I was looking at them the other day - are you a dance teacher?" I said that no, I taught very briefly but the photos were from when I danced in high school. "I love dance, I took 9 years of ballet and 8 years of Modern, danced all over the world," he tells me. What? That is so badass! Maybe that's why I like working here so much and felt from day 1 that I fit, lots of artistic people and I didn't even know it. But it explains a lot, it explains so much of the color I feel there. My desk isn't near a window but it's always so bright.
personal;
→ Every Wednesday, my mom and grandma come over for dinner. Except last night, Jason came over after work too because he was going to make us all chicken stir fry. I was trying to help but was of course pretty useless. "*spills/fucks something up* I'm sorry! I don't know how to cook lol!" I say, and he says, "It's okay, you don't have to know how to cook - you already know how to do a lot of way more important things." And I died. Food was amazing, he impressed me not only with his cooking but with how attentive and sweet he was to everybody, even sprayed & cleaned the table afterward. We had the most amazing sex I think I have ever had, with anyone ("but what about--" yes, even him) and I will try to make a dating filter entry this weekend for it because it was the first time with him I think, that I felt like I had books to write on the subject. It was just different somehow, I don't know. Ribbons and metaphors, deep navy blue.
→ It is so beautiful outside. I can't even explain to you how happy I was on my drive home. I get those moments in my car, I remember the last time - I was in my turquoise sweater with the baggy collar, singing Fifteen by Five for Fighting, goosebumps to the max and wanting to cry just because I was so happy - but I don't remember when it was. Today was a more relaxed and confident form of the same feeling. I stepped out into the parking lot and saw the capslock "NO PARKING" painted onto the pavement near my car and I noticed it, really noticed it. I felt a pull towards my old school, I didn't know why but I hate ignoring things like that so I drove through. The reason wasn't (and still isn't) evident, but I had a really lovely time singing in my car with the windows down.
→ Trivia tonight and then I have a meeting tomorrow morning with Marc! He and Jason have been relaxedly developing a character for a series they want to do and I talk to them both so often that I've been able to follow and chime in with ideas, including my very own episode premise that they both thought was genius and want. So we're meeting tomorrow to start officially working on it, ~like for realz~. I want to do the social media/viral stuff and marketing, I kind of want to manage that aspect of it, graphics and pre-pro art direction and just pitch plot/character ideas when I have them. I'm really looking forward to it, I get along so artistically well with both of them and we all work so well together. Plus I have fun just being around them, everything is always so smart and witty and full of big words and great humor, the banter is effortless and sparks me like you wouldn't believe. So, even though I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, I am excited.
♥!!
Also, this woman that I was doing the project for, she's like my high school physics teacher - if you don't do something exactly the way she "teaches" you, it's srs bsns WRONG, even if you arrive at the same final product and your methods are faster. I literally can't even. LIKE WHO CARES HOW IT'S DONE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR PDF AT THE END.
I'm at Bruegger's, I come here every day lol. The guy who made my sandwich today is attractive in a quiet and intriguing way, but the fingernails on his thumbs are long and strange. Also I asked for a Mello Yello but he gave me a Coke. What. They're not even remotely similar. I didn't complain though, I l like Coke, whatever, and I always hate making innocent people feel like they're bad at their jobs, especially when they're nice to me. [ /lunch break ]
work;
→ I really, really need to get pricing information together because another girl came up to me at work and said their team wanted me to come and shoot them being all casual/fun on a dock for their website and they want to know what my rate is. It's so awkward, I feel so awkward taking money for photography because it's expensive and I equate earning money to pain, discomfort, frustration, etc. My mother gets these ~questions of the day~ in her email and forwards me the ones that make her think of me, one of them asked what I'd do differently as a parent. I couldn't really answer on the spot but now it's incredibly clear - I'm going to consciously condition my kids to equate earning money to joy. My current huge problem in life is that when I'm wearing my Photographer hat, I don't feel like I suffer enough to take home the kind of money I do for it. I was brought up (and not necessarily only by my parents, but by other people, school, society, etc) with the "no pain no gain" thing, to paraphrase, and I always accepted it because it helped make sense of bad times but now it's like... why? Why is that a saying?! It IS possible to gain without pain at all. I know that now but it's hard to shake that old mindset. Growing up, my time was only worth, at best, $12/hour, ringing up groceries or answering phones (synonymous with "wanting to die"). So it's no wonder that $200 seems fucking ludicrous for having fun and feeling alive, I almost feel guilty or like I'm stealing.
→ I didn't tell you guys about the fun people I met this week!! o1. When I first started, I sat at ~Emily's old desk~ but then they moved me to my own. The woman who sits there now, Kiersten - I was told before she even got there that I'd get along with her because she apparently does film things too, makes documentaries and things. I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk to her, but she came to my desk yesterday and was like, "I hear you're a photographer! Do you have a website? I'd love to see your work!" So I gave her my card and then I got an email saying that she couldn't wait to look in more detail, but that I had quite an eye and she loved my composition and she thinks we should have lunch sometime. ♥ So I said I'd love that and asked if she did photography as well; she linked me to her photo site and her film site and I poked around and she seems so interesting. So I think we're going to have lunch next week, we're going to make a plan on Monday. :) o2. This guy, Chris, came to me with a graphing project. I'd never done anything for him before, the girl who usually does his stuff was tied up and sent him over. So we talked about his thing, blah blah, and then he was like, "I've been meaning to tell you I love your pictures (I have a bunch up at my desk now), I was looking at them the other day - are you a dance teacher?" I said that no, I taught very briefly but the photos were from when I danced in high school. "I love dance, I took 9 years of ballet and 8 years of Modern, danced all over the world," he tells me. What? That is so badass! Maybe that's why I like working here so much and felt from day 1 that I fit, lots of artistic people and I didn't even know it. But it explains a lot, it explains so much of the color I feel there. My desk isn't near a window but it's always so bright.
personal;
→ Every Wednesday, my mom and grandma come over for dinner. Except last night, Jason came over after work too because he was going to make us all chicken stir fry. I was trying to help but was of course pretty useless. "*spills/fucks something up* I'm sorry! I don't know how to cook lol!" I say, and he says, "It's okay, you don't have to know how to cook - you already know how to do a lot of way more important things." And I died. Food was amazing, he impressed me not only with his cooking but with how attentive and sweet he was to everybody, even sprayed & cleaned the table afterward. We had the most amazing sex I think I have ever had, with anyone ("but what about--" yes, even him) and I will try to make a dating filter entry this weekend for it because it was the first time with him I think, that I felt like I had books to write on the subject. It was just different somehow, I don't know. Ribbons and metaphors, deep navy blue.
→ It is so beautiful outside. I can't even explain to you how happy I was on my drive home. I get those moments in my car, I remember the last time - I was in my turquoise sweater with the baggy collar, singing Fifteen by Five for Fighting, goosebumps to the max and wanting to cry just because I was so happy - but I don't remember when it was. Today was a more relaxed and confident form of the same feeling. I stepped out into the parking lot and saw the capslock "NO PARKING" painted onto the pavement near my car and I noticed it, really noticed it. I felt a pull towards my old school, I didn't know why but I hate ignoring things like that so I drove through. The reason wasn't (and still isn't) evident, but I had a really lovely time singing in my car with the windows down.
→ Trivia tonight and then I have a meeting tomorrow morning with Marc! He and Jason have been relaxedly developing a character for a series they want to do and I talk to them both so often that I've been able to follow and chime in with ideas, including my very own episode premise that they both thought was genius and want. So we're meeting tomorrow to start officially working on it, ~like for realz~. I want to do the social media/viral stuff and marketing, I kind of want to manage that aspect of it, graphics and pre-pro art direction and just pitch plot/character ideas when I have them. I'm really looking forward to it, I get along so artistically well with both of them and we all work so well together. Plus I have fun just being around them, everything is always so smart and witty and full of big words and great humor, the banter is effortless and sparks me like you wouldn't believe. So, even though I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, I am excited.
♥!!